Valentines Day elements explained:

[Deja Q]

1. Chocolate. Okay, what doesn't say "I love you, let's have lots of tender sex!" than a big box filled with pieces of chocolate?

Anybody look at the nutritional label of chocolate?

Do you know how much sex has to be accomplished to burn off all those calories and fat grams being consumed in the form of the chocolate?


2. Roses. Okay, what doesn't say "I love you, let's have lots of tender sex!" than a big box filled with bright red flowers with their stems and leaves?

Well, the roses get that red color from all the blood that poured out of the poor sod who had to pick the roses from the garden.

The fertilizer-fresh garden.

Roses grown in lots of feces because feces has nutritional value to plants.

Anybody else feel romantic right now?

3. A card. Awww. What doesn't say "I love you, let's have lots of tender sex!" than a big fold-out piece of paper with a poem inscribed in it?

A poorly prosed poem, may I add. In any given card shop, only one out of 50,000 cards has any expression worth more than a dime. Yet the average card costs $4.79.

And who came up with this day? Hallmark Incorporated?!

4. A cozy, darkly lit restaurant. What doesn't say "I love you, let's have lots of tender sex!" than being in a big building with freshly prepared food?

Notice the price of the food? Who needs to go to hospital for priapism, when looking at the bill would turn the most horny into the most flaccid in 2 seconds flat?

5. A ring. So what doesn't say "I love you, let's have lots of tender sex!" than a small box containing pretty, reflective and refractive stones?

Simple. A small box containing polished rare earth elements (in other words, ROCKS) with a price that would make that flaccid-inducing restaurant bill seem insignificant by comparison... That TV commercial claims "What 2 months' salary will buy you." Hmmm, is that advert suggesting the whole romance biz is pimping prostitution?! Good grief.

6. A hotel. So what doesn't say "I love you, let's have lots of tender sex!" than a cozy room you're renting for a weekend, or even up to a fortnight?

Well, look at the bill. How many HUNDREDS of dollars spent on a room, that you're not even getting to keep... and don't try to take those soap and towel samples - they'll throw you in jail! Yes, somebody has to clean up the mess the pair, triad, or gaggle of you just made a few hours ago, but you'll also often notice some needless things like jewelry, watches, and money being cleaned along with the stained bedsheets... What's wrong with buying some candles, a match, and lighting them at home?

7. A lawyer. Best of all, what doesn't say "I love you, let's have lots of tender sex!" than a dude wearing a sharp suit?

Duh. That's for the divorce after all the inane squabbling over the amount of money spent (and weight gained!) over the previous six elements.

Comments, anyone?

[sarge43]

1. Well, that pretty much puts Valentine's Day in the dumper. n/t

[Deja Q]

9. It does?

:cry:

[AirmensMom]

2. Don't forget those obnoxious Jared's commercials.

:puke: Oh yeah, they would go under number 5.

Now, to comment on them all ...

1. Only consume the chocolate if it's truly excellent. (MissHC can help you with that one. :9) And you don't have to eat it in one sitting. I'll gladly work it off.

2. Roses from hot houses don't even smell good. And they last just a few days after someone has spent a fortune for them. Harleydad solved that problem by buying the whole bush, for a fraction of the cost. Then we get fresh roses all the time.

3. Homemade cards rock. That's what we do.

4. It's more fun to cook a meal together at home with our own choice of music and lighting. Now THAT says "I love you, let's have lots of tender sex!"

5. See my comment about the Jared's commercial. I like shiny rocks, but not enough to sacrifice all the things I need that the money could buy ... if I had that much money.

6. I'd rather go camping. Nothing says "I love you, let's have lots of tender sex!" than skinny dipping in a wilderness stream and sleeping under the stars.

7. Only needed one to collect my disability benefits ... never met any others (that I know of).


OK, so I'm weird. But I've had a lot of Valentine's Days with harleydad and we know what works for us. It just isn't necessary to spend the mortgage money to say "I love you!"

:hi:

[Deja Q]

3. To answer your answers:

1. I'd be honored if MissHC would help me! :9

2. Brilliant!

3. Or spending the time to find just the *right* card as I do. That's how I know that so precious few are worth anything... :D

4. Just like what Mr Burns was made to say: "Oh, you're quite good at turning me on!!!"

5. I'd settle for my rocks being shined... :hide:

6. See my response to #4.

7. Logical. :D

I do dig your answers. My mind is too... sterile to appreciate the pleasantries of human existence. :) Which is ironic if you saw my art...

[AirmensMom]

8. I like your art.

:applause: :thumbsup: :yourock:

And as for the cards -- harleydad used to spend hours looking for the right card. Then he came to the conclusion that no mass-produced card could say what he wanted to say. So he got out the construction paper and color pencils and a tradition was born. I still have them from many years ago.

Oh, and thanks ... I'm glad you dig my answers. :bounce:

[Left Is Write]

5. Jared and Kay ought to get together, ride off into the sunset -

and leave the rest of us the hell alone.

[AirmensMom]

7. I can't argue with that!

You have a guy ready to announce his engagement and all anyone can say is, "He went to Jared's!" :puke:

Every time one of those commercials comes on, I tell harleydad he'd better not get me anything from either one of them. Then he breathes a sigh of relief. :rofl:

[wildhorses]

12. i like the way you think--

:hi:now if i could just find the man:rofl:

good to see you:hug:

[Left Is Write]

4. I'm only addressing #1.

Chocolate actually stimulates pleasure endorphins, thus increasing the chances that the chocolate-giver will get lucky. It's always worth a try.

Let it be noted that I prefer 60-70% dark chocolate myself.

[Deja Q]

6. Dark chocolate rules!

It's better on the heart as well. (the blood pumping thing, not the emotional euphemism...)

[TimeChaser]

10. I got a box of dark chocolate

And a silk rose

[zanne]

11. Valentine's day for men and women

For women; Loving, romantic, celebrating love.
For men; sex

[Robb]

13. "Do you know how much sex has to be accomplished to burn off all those calories?"

Er, yes. Methinks HypnoToad has rather missed the whole point here. :D

[Deja Q]

16. "HypnoToad has rather missed the whole point here."

Well, if I had the point I'd be getting laid! :spray:

[Pierre.Suave]

14. I have a comment

you need to get laid.

[Deja Q]

15. Like this?

[Pierre.Suave]

18. no

[Deja Q]

22. Okay... I'm out of ideas. Care to adumbrate, elaborate, or demonstrate?

:shrug:

[Pierre.Suave]

24. google it

I am not going to get banned...

[Deja Q]

26. Wouldn't it be easier if you

just put me on 'ignore' instead, if you have nothing to say instead of smarmy one-liners?

Or do you find it more fun engaging in the whole course of events you initiated?

(I did make the OP, but your initial response plus the subsequent responses to all involved speak for themselves.)

[Ann Arbor Dem]

17. wow.

You're kind of a jerk.

[Pierre.Suave]

19. Perhaps, but

all my threads and responses are not about my need for sex. Honestly, its pathetic.

[Deja Q]

21. My lack of sex life, or my sense of humor?

They are two entirely different things, I must say...

You could ask me outright instead of commenting to other peoples' comments. I do exist, you know...

[Pierre.Suave]

23. My original reply

was to you, I am positive you exist. But I can't carry a conversation with someone else by talking to you now can I?

Someone responded to me, I reply back, thats how it goes.

You reply to me, I reply back to you. see?

[Deja Q]

25. My point is, if you have a problem with my comments or me in general,

why not ask me directly instead of making some oddball throwaway comment and then letting someone else say "What a jerk" for you to respond your concerns to them?

Now does that make sense?

[Pierre.Suave]

27. so,

you want me to send you a PM next time I want to tell you that you need to get laid?

Cause my first reply in this thread was to you...

or, are you stating that because we are both in MN that I should come find you and tell you directly?

[Deja Q]

20. His comment didn't bother me... (before I saw your response)

I often hear the phrase he spoke of; and (in real life) I don't make nearly as many silly double entendres... I'm quite prudish, actually...

Still, I always like to retort that people love to make advice but do nothing whatsoever about helping a person achieve the goals they think are needed.

It's like our President telling us all to get trained in something else because of the offshoring going on... he says it nonchalantly, thinks he's oh-so-cool for doing so, and then buggers off to go back to what he was doing before...


Edited: Clarification/error on my part.