Is 15 to young?

[Saphire]

Hubby want's to go on an overnight stay and says our 15 yo daughter and 13 yo son will be fine staying alone at home. Both are honor students at school, and are very mature for their age. They all agree that I'm being over protective, but that's my job as mom. I am not worried about anything they may do, and we have great neighbors in case there is any problem. We would only be about 45 minutes away from home. So I ask, should I stay or should I go?

[VenusRising]

1. I think you should go and have fun.

I think your kids are smart enough to know not to burn the house down. They are probably going to sit around eating junk food, watching tv, being on the internet, and talking on the phone. Just talk to your neighbors and tell them you are leaving the kids alone and make sure they have all the necessary phone numbers. It's only overnight and it shows them that you trust them enough to be on their own. It may not seem like a big thing, but to a teenager it's huge.

Good luck and have a super time if you decide to go!!
:hug:

[zanne]

2. Not too young.

You have to let go sometime, mama. I know you'll be worried, but the 15-year old should be mature enough to handle things. You know your kids best, though.:hi:

[johnnie]

3. My parents left my brother and me home when I was 15 he was 13

They came home to a house that was still standing. I won't go into specifics because you would just freak out and not have any fun if you decide to leave them home. :)

I think they will be fine and it would give them a boost of a feeling of responsibility. I say go for it, have a good time and get a vacation.

[Bucky]

56. So did my folks. My big sister would immediately get drunk and beat the crap out of me.

Actually that's not true. But it makes a good story.

[Katina]

4. IMO, yes, it's too young

having raised a couple of good teens, I can tell you that while your teens may be good, the pressure from their friends, not to mention how the word spreads around school that mom and dad are gone for the night, leaves your two vulnerable to an unexpected event. Kids show up and demand entry. Teens are unwilling to call for help for fear of being labeled at school as a snitch or worse. Do your teens a favor and hire someone over the age of 21 to stay overnight. It has nothing to do with trusting your teens, it has everything to do with protecting them.

[lizziegrace]

5. My thoughts exactly

Find someone just to come over to spend the night. Maybe give them the evening to themselves.

[Scooter24]

50. I disagree here in part...

the OP stated that they do have wonderful neighbors who will be there for the kids should they need help.

I say, put some trust in them. From the sound of the original post, it looks like they have earned that trust. If it would make you feel better, ask a neighbor to pop in and check up on them a few times.

It's only one night :)

Relax! And have fun! :hi:

[Katina]

60. been there, done that

the neighbors didn't even notice that their own daughter had gone to my house until the police arrived.

and my teen was a good honors student 15 year old, the majority of the kids who came were 17 & 18, very intimidating to a 15 year old. I'm just glad that the police arrived long before my house was trashed.

[wildhorses]

6. too young--just my opinion

and for the same reasons already mentioned

[emmajane67]

7. Fine.

Maybe have both of them invite a friend over for the night. A friend who has parents that you know, who could maybe drop by with a DVD or a 'forgotten toothbrush' about 9pm.

[Nickster]

8. I don't think it's too young. Since you say that you have great neighbors, why not ask them to just

drop by and check on them. Leave them (neighbors) your numbers just in case they need to call. You're only going to be 45 minutes away, so you can crash any party fairly quickly if need be.

[mcscajun]

9. Too Young.

One of my friend's girls was about the same age and left to her own devices (along with the care of her two younger siblings.) This was a mature, sensible, intelligent girl; top of her class, LTTE printed in the local paper, you name it.

The party that ensued left her barricaded in her room while her schoolmates and some older "friends" trashed the place, and yes, the police wound up there.

Get a responsible over-21 friend of the family to spend the night.

[Katina]

10. that's exactly what I mean

this happens way too often and the good kids end up getting busted because the kids who crashed the house bring in beer or worse. It's more important right now to protect your kids from that kind of problem.

[Chan790]

19. Ha...it was the babysitter that crashed the house and threw the party in my case.

Afterwards, my mom conceded that she figured he was going to but since he was a firefighter at least the house would still be standing.

[Scarlett17]

11. I'm sure your kids are responsible for themselves, but it's everyone else you have to worry about.

Once when I was 16 my parents left me home alone. My friend was going to spend the night and she mentioned it in class the day before. A boy in her class overheard her and, being the industrious delinquent that he was, drew a map to my house, copied it, and distributed it all over our 2,400-student school the day we were to be alone at home. By 9pm, kids were arriving in droves. I tried to keep them out of the house, but they were in the street, the driveway, and the yard. I was completely freaked out. I ended up calling the police myself to clear everybody out. Everything ended up okay, no one hurt and nothing broken, but it was definitely a stress I would have preferred to live without. Not to mention the talk about it at school for months afterward. I spent the rest of the year as "The Narc" because I called the cops. Not fun.

[Midlodemocrat]

12. Don't do it. Even if your own kids are trustworthy, good chance

that some of their friends aren't. Don't do it.

[bigwillq]

13. Go

but have someone check in on them from time to time and call them constantly.

I think in the long run this trip could be a good way to judge your kids responsibility and judgment.

If all goes well, then you really do know how mature and responsible they are.

If things don't go so well, i.e. they throw a party, then you know they really are too young and they still need some time to mature.

Think of this as a test. But you won't know the results until you actually give them a chance.

They may surprise you.

[Lowell]

14. Probably too young

but then I'm probably too old. I know I left home when I was 16, so 15 might not be too immature. It's hard to remember that long ago.

[michreject]

15. Too young

If something happens, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Not worth the gamble.

[XemaSab]

30. The odds that one of them will be injured

or irreperable damage will be done to the house are very small. The odds that they will have fun and learn something about responsibility are much greater.

[michreject]

40. Not acceptable to me

Slim to none is to great a risk at 15 yrs. In two yrs., fine. Both will be older.

[XemaSab]

47. I would take the opposite approach

Right now they're too young to get into real trouble... in two years they will be fully involved in sex, drugs, and alcohol. :scared:

[xchrom]

16. depends on the individual teens.

you and your hubby know your kids better than any one else.

some are too young some aren't.

there's no hard and fast rule.

hmmm -- i wasn't at all helpfull.

somebody ask me a fashion question.

[Chan790]

21. Is it still wrong to wear patterns with patterns

and brown shoes to a job interview?

The place is really avant-garde fashionable and if I wear the traditional monkey suit with the red tie and black loafers I won't get the job...OTOH the job is in development so I'll be expected to wear a shirt and tie to work and a coat or tux to events.

[xchrom]

27. oh no you can wear patterns with patterns.

strips and florals or diagonal patterns with something organic, curvey.

brown shoes would depend on the outfit -- there are so MANY cool shoes out now.

and i'm not big on teh traditional suit look anyway -- one should be able to do better than that today.

[Chan790]

28. Thanks.

You've helped. A lot. :yourock:

[Chan790]

17. No.

The times my parents left me alone at 15 were the ones where we got into the least trouble. It was the times when my parents left us with the twenty-somethings that we got into trouble. Ten minutes after they're out the door, Jay (the babysitter) and I would be rolling the keg in the door.

[JVS]

18. KEGGER!

[SteppingRazor]

20. If your kids really are mature for their ages, I'd say go for it, but make sure to tell them...

that they're being left alone in the future is entirely dependent on them not fucking up tonight.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

22. Well, this is a good opportunity to show them your trust.

And it's a good opportunity to prove their trustworthiness. If you're genuine about thinking they're very mature, you shouldn't have to give a second thought to leaving them alone for a night. After all, it's only one night we're talking here.

[aspencer]

23. No, not too young

Although I'd pay a neighbor to keep an eye on things.

[Gormy Cuss]

24. If you trust your kids, and they understand the ground rules, go.

I agree with the recommendation to alert the neighbors and to be sure that your children know that the neighbors are available as a resource. Set ground rules including that no friends can be told that they're home alone and that you will call them to check in during the evening.

At 15 I spent weekends alone with two younger sibs on a regular basis. Nothing bad ever happened. I had neighbors to rely on should an adult be needed and I never did, but then I had been babysitting for pay since I was 12 and was prepared for structuring time without adults around.

[Rising Phoenix]

25. My parents left us alone at around that age....

I was a good kid, honor student and all. We drank the whiskey though. And my little brother got arrested. Kids do surprise you.

[jobycom]

26. Depends on the kids. All these horror stories are freaking me out

They sound like the PSAs on Air America. "Watch your kids. Don't let them out of your sight. Make them ask for permission to breath! You can't trust their friends, all teenagers except yours are hoodlums!"

Some kids can handle it, some can't. You're the only one who can judge that. Will your kid plan a party? Can your kid tell her friends to beat it if they show up uninvited (this sounds like a really weird and rare possibility to me, but others on the thread seem to swear it's happened to them--though I have my suspicions about how "uninvited" some of these guests were)? Does your kid handle peer pressure well? Can they figure out who to call in an emergency? Are they smart enough to not tell anyone they will be alone (not just friends you have to worry about)?

You say you have good neighbors you trust. If you can tell them what's going on, they can keep an eye out for parties, and give your kid an adult to run to in an emergency. They won't be really alone, especially if you take both kids to your neighbors' houses as you tell your neighbors the ground rules. That way there's no misunderstanding.

You are the only one of us who knows your kids, their friends, how they behave together (my kids would be more likely to hurt each other than to cause any other trouble), the neighborhood. You decide. But don't be bullied into it if you are uncomfortable. That hesitation might be the little voice in your head, and that little voice is always smarter than the voice that comes out of our mouths, in my experience.

The short answer is no, it's not too young in every case, but it is in many cases.

[XemaSab]

29. They'll be fine

Go. Enjoy yourself. :D

[ThomCat]

31. My suggestion: Get an adult to pop in to check on them.

Trust them, but verify everything's okay. And tell them in advance that you're going to have someone check on them. That gives them an excuse they can tell their friends so that they can't get pressured into opening your door for a party.

[Deep13]

32. Oh for Christ sake!

The 13 yr. old is old enough to be a baby sitter.

[InvisibleTouch]

33. Hell, I was left alone much younger than that.

It really depends on the individual kids. Just be sure to emphasize they can't have friends over while you're not there.

[Beer Snob-50]

34. Go and have a great time

I think if they are mature and you are that close to home as well as good neighbors you should be all set.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

35. If it's one night, you'll be fine. If it were more than 1 however, I would wait until

one has a drivers license and a car.

[m_welby]

36. Overnight it should be fine.

I'd call and check on them (or have a neighbor check on them if necessary). The 2 of them should be fine. I don't think I'd leave them alone much more than overnight at that age, but they should be able to handle an evening without incident.

[haele]

37. How about this - first, talk about what should happen if you decided to go out -

Develop a no party, how many friends can come over type plan with them straight off, and include the "neighbors keeping an eye on the house", food, bedtime, TV/Computer/Stereo rules, phone numbers, calling to check in (minimum of two that night, one early, and one before bedtime - if you think they're going to break bedtime, an "unannounced" quick two or three ring call 15 minutes to a half hour after bedtime is a sneaky way to check on them. Make sure the check-in calls are not "scheduled" - keep the kids on their toes.

You also need to set down how much notice they should get before you two take off - just as you would expect from them. We give the kidlet a "24 hour notice" rule if she wants to have friends over or if she wants to go out somewhere with friends or to a party - so perhaps you should impose a similar blanket "24 hour notice" rule for any family invites or time outside the house.

Make sure the kids understand - NO PARTIES - and perhaps only one or two TRUSTED friends can come over for a set amount of time - and this between the two of them; one friend each or one of them with two friends. Make it clear that at least two trusted neighbors are going to keep an eye on the place, and have no problems 1) calling you or 2) calling the police if they get stupid, invite a bunch of friends and friends of friends, and things (inevitably) get out of hand.

And make sure they know beforehand and are forced to agree to the fact that there will be serious consequences if they break these rules. And I mean serious - heavy duty monetary-based punishing (a $50 fine per person at the house over the limit or pushing back the purchase of a desired non-critical item a week for every half hour up over the bedtime curfew) or a harsh version of the ever popular grounding.

Remember that if you discuss the ramifications and set down rules beforehand, afterwards, you'll be talking about a serious breaking of trust and respect if they "screw up" because you aren't there to keep order in the house. Make sure they understand that breaking the rules in a situation like this is not like a little tantrum or a stupid, "forgetful" kid mistake.

We know we can't trust our 15 year old home alone. But then, we know the kid has issues and will "forget" and have a party, break curfews, and/or trash the house even if the rules are posted in every room in the house, on every phone, on every mirror that she uses for "her makeup", and audibly announced every 15 minutes from every alarm device in the house, as well as us calling every hour.
You might be lucky enough able to trust your kids to keep to the rules you set as "a carrot", even "without the stick" of punishments should they break the rules.

Good luck.

Haele

[LibertyLover]

38. My parents left me alone when I was 12 to visit family

in Maryland. At the time we lived in New Jersey, so it was just an overnight trip for them. I was fine. 15 and 13 should be just fine.

[Shine]

39. Too young, imo.

It's just not worth the worry. I think you should hire somebody to come hang out with them.

[bleedingheart]

41. I was left home all day at 13 during the summer and had to make dinner

for my younger brother..

I think they sound like good kids and you will be able to leave without much worry.

[Broken_Hero]

42. nah, not to young

just be sure to take all copies of your car keys...I was always tempted to go out crusing when my parents left for a day or two...and my parents were very good in taking all the copies of their keyz, so my tom foolery wouldn't take root.

on edit:to turn too, into two.

[Kali]

43. Go.

What could happen? A party? Tell the neighbors to call the cops/you if anything is out of order.

Geez. The only house I know of that got trashed back in my teen party days was one where the folks left for something like two weeks and in the care of a 20 year old, not even their kid. That was fun. Oh and most of the fun happened during the day, not over night.


I did most of my naughty teen things while I was supposed to be at school. And had decent grades. Trouble doesn't all happen after dark when parents are gone.

[mopinko]

44. only if you have spies.

not just someone to run to, but someone who will watch a little, and stomp on them if they get out of line.
but, overnight and close by? i would do it.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

45. If I leave for less than 2 hours with no other adult home, I leave the 11yo taking care of the 6yo

And check them out by phone in mid-errand. When they're 15 & 10, I think it'll be all right to leave them for the night. I'll check by phone often, of course.

[Karenina]

46. Look, YOU KNOW YOUR KIDS

better than anyone replying to your post. Do YOU trust them ??? If not, WHY NOT? You say you have "great neighbors" who upon being notified that you're away will certainly be hypervigilant. What is YOUR projection?

Our kids do NOT "belong" to us. They are each unique individuals who must learn how to make their own choices. If never given the opportunity, how will they ever learn it????????????

[BreweryYardRat]

48. Let them stay home.

Being over-protective will make your kids resent you, and anything over 12 or so is more than capable of staying home alone without getting themselves killed through stupidity. If this is something relatively soon, they can't plan a party. That takes at least a week's notice, maybe more. And honor students wouldn't be stupid enough to throw a party (which takes a solid day to do clean-up work on) when their parents will be back the next day.

And ironically, I'm listening to the Clash right now.

[ThatsMyBarack]

49. Well, then....

....for cryin' out loud, woman, GO!!!!! :thumbsup:

I think I was about that age when I was left home alone for the first time and, 20+ years later, I've turned out fine! (knock wood)

[GOPisEvil]

51. I was left alone starting at 13.

But you know your kids better than anyone.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

52. I think it's too young--certainly not to be alone during the day, but overnight?

If something happens, neither one can drive, for one thing.

I'm fifteen myself, and I wouldn't want to be alone, at least until I have usage of a car, to get me places, since I live where there's no public transport. When the 'rents go out of town, my grandparents, who live on the other side of town, take me in for a few days, just to keep me fed, though I can do that myself, and to get me to/from school and my piddling activities.

:hi:

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

53. Go. Have fun.

That said, don't think that just because they're honor students and mature that they won't raise hell. They will, but that's natural.

That feeling that you need to be over protective is also natural. Don't worry about that either.

You'll worry anyway, like you did the first time you left them out of your sight, but don't worry about worrying.

[ikojo]

54. My mom and her second husband left

me and my younger brother alone for a week while they went on their honeymoon. I was a senior in high school and my brother was 16 and a junior. Believe it or not we did not fight at all that week. Of course one of our sisters lived nearby and was only a phone call away.

[crim son]

55. My two older kids are the same age. They are excellent students,

they do their chores, they are polite, responsible and kind. No way would I leave them alone. But I'm also an overprotective Mom.

[kath]

57. My girls (16 and 14) would probably be too spooked at the thought of

being alone in the house all night long. They don't like it if we stay out too late at night - too many spooky noises, etc. I don't think they'd like being alone at 2 a.m, 4 a.m., etc.

They don't watch much in the way of scary shows or movies, and we live in a safe neighborhood. I guess they just have over-active imaginations...

[Bucky]

58. Maybe if you know a couple of ministers...

Just make sure you send the boy to the Protestant and the girl to the Catholic.

[HEyHEY]

59. nah, my folks did it all the time when I was even younger

And we all turned out fine.

[LostInAnomie]

61. If you think you can trust 'em, then go ahead.

My parents left me at home when I was around 10.