What are the best lines to make fundies heads explode?

[rhino47]

I usually say I can not talk right now I am on my way to go have an abortion.Mean but effective.

[YDogg]

1. That'd send my next door neighbor into orbit.

I like it.

[Blue-Jay]

2. "Stop fellating me."

[rhino47]

3. LMFAO okay u owe me a moniter.

I just spewed chia tea all over.Tea through a rhino`s nose is not pretty.

[Maine-ah]

21. is that tea made from chia pets?

:P :rofl:

[rhino47]

22. Lmao !

Ohhhh that baby you have is way too cute.

[Maine-ah]

25. why thankyou!

:hi:

[rhino47]

12. What if they then ask me to start blue ?

I wouldnt put that past some of the freaky christofascists that show up on my front door.

[Blue-Jay]

24. Follow your instincts, young padawan.

[nonconformist]

51. ......

:spray:

[deucemagnet]

4. Speaker Pelosi.

[Poiuyt]

29. Or President Hillary

Whenever someone says that Bush needs all these wiretapping and torture powers, I just say "Fine. When Hillary becomes president, she'll use them on you." That really scares them because they know there's a good chance Hillary could become president.

[AlCzervik]

5. Ask me about my gay marriage.

[rhino47]

6. Is that a guinea pig chimp? eom

[AlCzervik]

8. tis.

[rhino47]

10. Its soooooooooooooo cute !!

I have a cream and white female named piggymongus.

[AlCzervik]

13. i would love to see a pic.

:hi:

[rhino47]

15. Here she is

oops wrong pic lmao .Those are the mini horses.

[AlCzervik]

17. Tease!

although those are pretty darn cute too.

[rhino47]

19. This is what she looks like.For real this time lol.

I only have one.My cage is not really big enough for two.Its only 4 by 6`.She is out of the cage a lot though.

[AlCzervik]

23. omg sooooo cute!!!!!!

[calico1]

7. Inject the phrase"Jesus Fucking Christ" often

into the conversation.

[rhino47]

11. I do that already without thinking about it lol

I am an self admitted potty mouth.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

9. You don't need to act macho, you're not fooling anybody.

It seems rather innocuous, but I'm exploded more heads with that one word "macho" than any other one liner.

[xchrom]

14. jesus was/is gay and his lover was/is john.

identified by him self and others as his beloved.

[rhino47]

16. Yep that would do it.

That and there are gay relationships in the bible . Ruth and Naomi, David and Jonathan and Daniel and Ashpenaz.

[xchrom]

20. indeed.

[Initech]

18. Four simple words: "Yeah? And so what?"

Guaranteed to win any argument with a right-wing religious fundamentalist nut.

[Chan790]

26. "Jesus was a socialist who hung around with terrorists."

1.) The Sermon On The Mount...if that's not communism he's preaching, I don't know what is.
2.) The number of Jesus' followers who were Zealots? 2. Simon the Zealot and Judas Iscariot (Iscariot means "of the Zealots") So what's a Zealot? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zealotry

They hate it because they have to think too hard and actually understand their religion in order to argue the premise. They can't.

[Richard Steele]

36. Even worse: He was a JEWISH socialist!

[KamaAina]

65. "Jesus was a feminist! Jesus was a feminist!"

to the singsong playground tune of "NAA naa naa naa NAA naa!"

The anti's heads didn't actually explode; then again, not much would have come out if they had, besides maybe cobwebs :P

[Aristus]

69. "Iscariot" doesn't mean "of the Zealots". It means "of Kerioth".

Judas' hometown. Other than that, I agree with you about Jesus associating with people whom we would call terrorists today. It would make the fundies' heads explode trying to figure that "terrorism" has more than one meaning.

[Chan790]

71. Does it really?

I always figured that priest that taught my college theology class was full of crap. Now I know. He said there was significant debate over what the name meant. I figured it couldn't be that much debate considering all the stuff we do know...what is interesting though is that of the 100's of fundamental Christians I've told this to, not one has known that.

[Aristus]

80. The proper nickname for a member of the Zealotes was "Zealotes".

Pronounced "zell-OH'-tuss".

Simon the Zealot was also referred to as Simon Zealotes.

[guitar man]

27. a religion

...based on a human sacrifice? Ewwwwww, how barbaric!!!

or:

You know Jesus was a union carpenter, right?

:nuke:

[joneschick]

28. we will pray for you....

guaranteed. no come back. I have used this many times. When I was a participating member of a congregation, I would always make a point to bring them up at prayer time. :hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

78. Excellent idea!

:thumbsup:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

30. from their own bible

"Judge not, lest ye be judged."

"As you did it unto the least of them, so also you did it unto me."

"Blessed are the peacemakers."

[Arugula Latte]

31. ""So if Adam and Eve were the first people, and they only had sons,

where did the rest of the people come from? Is your religion saying incest is best?"

:rofl:

[SKKY]

77. Wait, Wait, so if they only had sons, that means that in order to populate...

...the human race one, or even two of Eve's sons...must have...huh?...Awwww Damn! That's some fucked up shit! Dipping into Mom like that! But, then again, knowing that Adam and Eve were freaky like that, perhaps the whole Adam and Steve thing is more of a possibility than people realize.

[Arugula Latte]

79. And even if they'd had a daughter, it would still imply sibling incest.

Love them rightwing Christian family values!

[driver8]

32. "Bush wipes his ass with the Constitution."

This sends them into a fit of rage...it is so much fun to watch!

[LeftyMom]

33. Go pray in your closet. Your savior had a thing or two to say about people who made a show of piety.

Ask them whether jesus talked more about poverty or abortion. Then ask why they aren't voting god's priorities.

[Whoa_Nelly]

34. This sign at my front door works "miracles"

[rhino47]

39. lol Do you mind if I use that?

[Whoa_Nelly]

46. Feel Free

It's one I designed several years ago. Sometimes the "witnesses" leave a tract at the door still, but they aren't ringing my doorbell ;)

[graywarrior]

35. I asked one time why Jesus hung out with 12 guys and man, did they get pissed.

[Lethe]

37. there was no Original Sin because.....

Because if eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge gave them knowledge of good/evil and right/wrong, then obviously they didn't have it when they made the decision to eat the fruit.....

So how can God punish them if they had no idea what they were doing was wrong?

[Pierre.Suave]

38. god told them not to

eat the fruit from that tree.

[hyphenate]

40. I learned a couple

from hanging out with my ex-best friend.

Simply saying "goddammit" a lot works wonders.

She also took offense when I referred to her and the scum of the earth as "fucking fundies."

These two were quite effective.

Mentioning the "Gnostic Bible" (aka "Gnostic Gospels") works well, and telling her that Kent Hovind (Dr. Dino) was arrested for income tax evasion was a good one.

Telling her that "secret societies" did not found America made her far more insistent that they did--the whole "Skull and Bones" and Freemasonry stuff especially.

While she saw DaVinci Code with me (last movie we saw together), she couldn't read the book--she found it uncomfortable to read. Faced with any book that requires pragmatic common sense made her launch into a long dissertation on the bible's inerrancy. (They don't like to be challenged that way.)

Talking about the Separation of Church and State made her cringe--she used to be a teacher and always ranted over the state of the "secular" schools. Every time she used the word "secular" it was a pejorative.

But yet, I couldn't talk about my beliefs--always had to be hers.

[Egalitarian]

41. To me, we are both atheists. I just reject one more god than you.

[Orsino]

42. "Love thy neighbor as thyself."

Drives 'em bug bugfuck.

[Beer Snob-50]

43. Clinton/Carter were probably the best presidents

in my lifetime.

That always does the trick in my book.

[Redbear]

44. America invented the separation of church and state ...

Why do you hate America?

[NewJeffCT]

45. If you're on the phone...

I'd take a line from Danny DeVito in "Ruthless People" when somebody dialed a wrong number -

"<name> can't come to the phone right now, my dick's down her throat."

Or, if they ask for a guy, just change it to "his" throat.

[av8rdave]

52. And here I thought that line originated on "Sesame Street"

"Miss Piggy can't talk right now. She has a frog in her throat."

[Paladin]

47. We live in a democracy, not a republic."

n/t

[Fire Walk With Me]

48. 9/11 was Bush's biggest failure.

[underpants]

49. God made the dinosaurs gay

:bounce:

[nonconformist]

50. "Does the word "batshit" mean anything to you?" nt

[NewJeffCT]

53. I have told Jehovah's Witnesses that I'm an atheist

and then close the door...

[Deep13]

59. So have I. Maybe they were Mormons. Didn't ask.

[SKKY]

76. Two Jehova's Witnesses asked me once, "Are you interested in the Jehova's Witnesses?"

And I replied, "Sorry dude. I didn't see the accident. Can't help you."

[darkstar]

54. Freedom isn't free. When's our next tax cut rebate check coming?

That's mine, anyway.....

[NoGOPZone]

55. Ask them the correct spelling of their name

And when they ask you why tell them you want to make sure you got it right on the donation you made to Greenpeace.

[William Bloode]

56. Heres a good one.

When a christian fundie starts harping on god, tell them "well fuck god" "why should i worship a hate mongering, jealous punk mutha fucker like that".

Oh that really gets them. They get all stuttery, and blanche in color. It's the bomb for sure!

[Burma Jones]

57. Do you REALLY tithe??????

Taxes don't count.....

[Deep13]

58. I'm a gay, Muslim, socialist working for a single world government.

[Maccagirl]

60. Just call any one of their "patriots"

Chickenhawks. They have no answer for the truth.

[sarge43]

61. Could you call back or come back later?

We found the only virgin in the county and we're preparing the sacrificial alter.

Psst, your taxes pay Bill Clinton's pension and Hillary's Clinton salary. Think about it.

God must like abortions. One third of all pregnancies end by spontaneous abortion.

You know, Hitler was a choir boy and Stalin studied to be a priest.

(A personal detonator, but I do enjoy it)I served in the military for 21 years. How long were you in? OK, 'other priorities'. So, you wanna run that "I don't know diddums about the military 'cause I'm a girl" thing by me again?

[TallahasseeGrannie]

62. What's your sign?

[bluescribbler]

63. Here are two I used

When I saw a JW walking up my front walk, I said, "You're trespassing."

When talking with a Freeper, I said, "Typical Republican. You're proud of your ignorance."

[fla nocount]

64. Anything that makes their opinion insignificant

On a good hearted dummie Republication, " I know that we disagree, but are you willing to love me as I love you?"

On a black hearted neo-con reptilian, "I know that we disagree, but I'd have to start off with giving a rat's ass about what you think"

Go with the force Padawan, let be your guide.

[Shakespeare]

66. SPEAKER Pelosi. MAJORITY leader Hoyer. MAJORITY leader Reid.

That's right, we own your sorry asses now. Get over it.

[Rambis]

67. Can't talk now I have to go pick up my friend

the quadriplegic muslim lesbian from France. We are going to murder some pints in the church parking lot/women's clinic down the street. You should join us.




No offense intended-

[jakefrep]

68. "So, when are your kids joining the Army?...

....I mean, they love the War on Terror (TM) so much...."

[Deep13]

70. Why can't you accept God's word as it is revealed to the Pope?

He's the successor of St. Peter and Christ, right? Upon this rock, I build my church, right? So why don't you accept his priests and bishops?

(Fundies are anti-Catholic and insist that they don't follow the word of God--meaning the canonical Bible--because Catholics believe in the authority of apostolic succession rather than biblical authority.)

[SOteric]

72. Tell them you're on your way to worship Satan and offer to let them come along.

If it looks like they might, you can add, gleefully, that your 'coven' was looking for a human sacrifice and it looks like now you'll have that covered.

[Madspirit]

73. Can I date your daughter?

Lesbian here.

It also might get you shot. I do live in Texas.

Lee

[Brewman_Jax]

74. I've said...

"God told you? She didn't say anything to me."

or

"Praise the gods! They are great!"

:rofl:

[LSK]

75. Find WMD yet?