Need advice on a touchy subject

[bif]

Friends invited us out for dinner to celebrate on of their birthdays. Technically, they should pay. But how do you ask tactfully if they are paying or we're going Dutch? If I wasn't "underemplyed" it wouldn't be such an issue.

[BlueIris]

1. "So, not to be weird, but--are you paying or are we going Dutch?"

Just relax. If they were strangers or acquaintances, maybe it would be awkward, but since they're your friends, they shouldn't mind your asking.

[Lars39]

2. If unsure,

and they don't have a history of treating their guests,I'd decline.

[Bunny]

3. Will your answer be different depending on their response?

In other words, if they say "Dutch", will you still be able to go? Or will you ask them to select another (cheaper) restaurant?

On edit - I'm not sure my point was clear. If they are VERY good friends and are familiar with your monetary situation, then you could probably just ask them straight-up. Anything less than that, you should probably just decline, if you're not sure you can afford it. I tend to think that bringing money up with anyone except the very closest friends/family is a little tacky.

[bif]

6. They're not close friends

We see them maybe once a year. And we pretty much already accepted. But we'd probably steer them to a cheaper restaurant if we knew we were going Dutch.

[Kali]

8. oh - that makes it a bit more awkward

what about calling to postpone due to financial problems - "We really want to get together and celebrate but something has come up, can we reschedule for when our money situation is a little more flexible?"

[lildreamer316]

4. !!Approach it to them with the assuption that you are having to pay for yourself.

Say "Look; I really would love to /we really would love to go; but I don't have a job and we are BROKE!" making kind of a joke about it. This gives them the opportunity to be 'generous' and tell you they are treating; or lets them know that you are in a situation. This is the way to be the least insulting about it.

[Kali]

7. that is how I would do it

"oh man we'd love to go, but things are just too tight with money right now"

[Gormy Cuss]

5. If they're close friends,

say something like "We'd love to join you but our budget is rather tight this month. Perhaps another time." This provides you with a way of asking the question without assuming that they intended to pay. If the friends aren't close enough for you to feel comfortable admitting that there's a financial issue, then politely decline the invitation.