I am so mad I am shaking.

[LeftyMom]

LK's father just told me I am a bad mother for working and going to school.

I don't know how on earth he expects me to not work when he does not pay support, after all, the kid's got to eat somehow. Or why on earth my spending 8 hours a week at school in the hope of giving my son a better life some day is a grave imposition on LK's childhood.

[JackBeck]

1. ...

:hug:

What an idiot.

[tigereye]

2. that's absurd.

He seems to be living in the past. All moms have to work, whether at home or out in the world. Hang in there.

:hug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

3. Want me to come whip his butt ?

You know we will do it :hug:

[LeftyMom]

5. Line forms to the right.

At least he hasn't threatened kill me in a while.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

7. You do not deserve that. That kind of threat is hurtful to the soul.

F him - he is bitter and jealous that you are doing something good and WITHOUT HIM :hug:

[dropkickpa]

46. My ex and your ex should get together

and go bowling sometime :eyes:

Your ex is an asshat, and I now dub him Baron von Dickhorn.

[gemdem]

59. Sounds like an opportunity for a Lounge road trip!

Anyone wanna schedule a bus so we can all go kick LeftyMom's ex's ass? I'd do it, but I've got to work so I can take care of my four kids -- I suppose he'd have a problem with that, too. Asshole!

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

63. I've got a three day weekend.

Sounds like he is just bitter that you are doing good without him.

Go on sister ! High five.

[redwitch]

34. After you whip his butt

Skittles will KICK HIS ASS!

Seriously LeftyMom, he's just being a dick. Or maybe a douchebag???

[Starbucks Anarchist]

4. He's a jerk.

:hug:

[Kajsa]

6. Turn this around right now, LeftyMom.

Ask Mr. Know-it -all why he's
not helping you with support
for his own kid !!

That makes him a "good father"?

What a hypocritical jerk!

:grr:

[LeftyMom]

8. I did.

Something about how his girlfriend can't get a job. Apparently it's more important to support her than his child. Children, actually, he got an under the table job so I doubt he's paying up for kid #1 anymore either.

[Downtown Hound]

26. Did you ask him why he's dating a loser who can't get a job?

Doesn't sound like a good parental decision to me. He's forsaking his own child for some ditz. What a moron.

I'd threaten him with legal action to get his sorry ass to pay child support whenever he speaks to you like that. You don't have to actually go through with it, or maybe you want to. Your choice, and either way, you're in the right. I know it can't be an easy thing to send your child's father to jail, even if he is a wanker. So if you choose not to, I understand. But if nothing else, it will probably make him very uneasy. Watch him squirm.

And as others have said, don't take what he says seriously. It's obvious he's pretty whacked in the head. I'm currently going to school and working myself. It's no picnic, and I don't have a child to deal with. What you're taking on is nothing short of a Herculean task. People like you should be given a medal and paraded around on floats at Fourth of July parades for being the true heroes that you are. And anyone who puts them down should be made to wear a goofy uniform and serve fast food the rest of their life. Or in his case, an orange jumpsuit cleaning up trash on the side of the road for failure to pay child support. Either way, the message will get in.

[CC]

55. Did you know the IRS pays

a reward to those that turn in people not paying taxes and businesses that pay people under the table. :evilgrin: Oh and by law they can not divulge who tipped them off.

[BlueIris]

60. Yeah, really.

This "man" is totally useless to you.

[idgiehkt]

9. That's called Projection.

Breathe. Focus on the truth. You know it isn't true. I've had to do this a whole lot in the past few weeks, lol. When people lash out at others like this, it is almost always motivated by guilt of some kind. They know there is something wrong in their behavior, and they mistakenly believe they can 'put it on' another person and get rid of it that way. God laughs. They are so wrong, lol. But I know what it is like to be this angry and how hard it is to calm yourself, but that should be your focus. You might have some self-doubt that he knew about and that made it easier for him to hit a tender spot. The way I see it that makes him double an asshole; one for not holding up his end of the deal and two trying to put his feelings of inadequacy as a parent into your energy field and make you deal with them. It is really sad, and karma is a bitch. He won't realize how wrong he is until it is way too late and the damage has been done to his relationship with you and his child, and he won't be able to do anything but live with it.

[chknltl]

50. bookmarked because of what you say here idgiekt

Wow this is powerful stuff here....I was going to post some snarky thing or other for Leftymom to chuckle over but truth be told my ex could get me so mad that I'd be shaking too. She knew all about pushing my buttons. People who knew the two of us often asked me why I wanted to have anything to do with that a**hole of a woman! (I swear this is true). Eventually she finally remarried, a friend of mine said these words that day, "Thank God someone dove on that hand-grenade!" and yet I hurt over this in spite of all she put me through. Reading your words put my ex into a better perspective and helps me understand a bit where my ex's head was at as well as my own. I hope your words have an equal meaning for Leftymom...

Leftymom if you see this, I agree with an earlier post in this thread about our ex's getting together. That gal I was with deserves a butt-head like your ex but truth be told, karma may be a sadder mistress for both of them. For what it is worth I am no longer mad at my ex...just intensely sorry for her. Last time I bumped into her I had gone into a tavern she happened to be playing pool at. We spotted each other at the same time and I could see her claws come out. She came at me screaming "You son of a bitch" while I was heading for the door. Later I had to drive past there, (I was supposed to hook up with a friend at that tavern, this was before cell phones and I was hoping to spot his truck), and as I drove by I saw her new husband sitting on a curb in front of that tavern and he was not lookin to happy either. He is/was a nice person also, one I feel sorry for.
idgiekt is right, these kind of folks, your ex and mine, have SERIOUS issues and when your anger subsides you will feel sorry for him too. (Note I said nothing about forgive and forget here).

Here is a :hug: from chknltl Leftymom and my thanks to you idgiekt
c

[Writer]

10. Translation:

LK's father is JEALOUS that you're actually making an EFFORT to get an EDUCATION while supporting the children through school.

What a cruel, despicable thing to say to a single mother. He can suck my elbow, LeftyMom.

[InternalDialogue]

11. Only shareholders get to address the board.

He's got some nerve wanting critical input without financial input.

Sorry it's upsetting, but he's an ass for saying those things.

[jobycom]

12. Jobycom thinks you're a good mother.

For that, and for the general attitude towards parenting and life I've seen in your many posts about Little Lefty.

[LaraMN]

13. Fuck him. You know the sense in which I mean that.

He isn't even paying his child support and he thinks he can judge you?
What a piece of work.
I'm sorry you have to deal with someone who acts as idiotic as that.
Fwiw, I think you're one hell of a great Mom.
:hug:

[AlCzervik]

14. i'm glad LK lives with you.

you're great mom and role model. Looks like he's got a classic case of projection.

[Seabiscuit]

15. WTF? You don't have a child support order from the court?

Or are you simply not enforcing it against that deadbeat dad? And if so, why?

[dropkickpa]

47. Even with orders

if someone isn't working an over-the-table job, there is NOTHING the courts and collections enforcers can do. This is why I never bothered to seek support from Dropkids bio-dick. Well, that, and the fact that I want him COMPLETELY out of our lives.

[Seabiscuit]

64. If I were you, I'd still get a support order...

He's not likely to be able to work under the table forever, and people who do so to avoid support obligations eventually screw up and leave traceable sources of income. With a court order, you can always someday have it enforced by the District Attorney, with imprisonment as a penalty for noncompliance.

Meanwhile, if you want him completely out of your lives, you need to do what's necessary to prevent him from ever speaking to you again. That could include a stay-away court order, again with imprisonment as punshiment for violation. You can change your phone numbers as well.

[dropkickpa]

65. He's 39 years old, has only worked 3 jobs in his life over the table

2 while we were together because I made him get them. He works under the table because he is an extremely shady character, and his ever increasing paranoia makes him moreso. He has untreated mental health issues, bipolar and paranoid schizophrenia with a tendency to have psychotic breaks on his upswings aggravated by liberal use of recreational drugs; I actually had him involuntarily committed to a psychiatric institution when I was pregnant because he was a danger to society at large at the time, they could only keep him 3 weeks, even though he was waving a knife around on the street at random people. Stay away court orders only work on someone who is rational and willing to adhere to them, they do nothing to actually proect a person from bodily harm. When I was on welfare they actually tried to make me go after him for support (I did not want to and knew it would be a waste of time) but, because he was unlocatable and untracable, with almost no history of income, they said they couldn't do anything and dropped it (to my relief).

He has stayed away because
1. he is terrified of my brothers, especially when they found out about some of his shit
2. he avoids anything resembling responsibility, and has for his entire life
3. There are a lot of people (shady, scary people) in this town who wish him great bodily harm because of the shit he pulled with them
4. Dropkid is his only tie to this town, his family are all in other parts of the country

Right now, he would be unable to find me directly (he knows where my parents live). No one who he associated with knows where to find me, my number is unlisted, and he has left the state, last I heard, which works all the better for me. The biggest mistake I ever made in my life was putting him on Dropkids birth certificate (we were not married). Because I live in PA, I cannot sever his parental rights without first getting married to a man who wanted to adopt Dropkid, and he'd have to agree to it, and neither one of those things are ever gonna happen. This is why I am reluctant to bring the courts into our lives beyond changing Dropkids last name to mine a couple years ago.

Believe me, having no ties to him is for the best, both for me and for DK's safety. He contributed nothing financially when we were together, so it's not like I ever depended on getting anything from him, it's always been just me providing for my family, and I prefer it that way.

Sorry to go on and on, but the situation is never as simple as some people think it is.

[pokerfan]

68. Sounds like an ex BIL I never knew

My sis was married to him for like 3 months before realizing what a fucking dirtbag he was. Abusive, drugs, criminal past and future. But long enough for her to get preggers. She raised her daughter on her own before getting married again. They tracked him down once (anonymously) and asked me what I thought about going after the 16 years of back CS payments. I prefer the Socratic method so I simply simply asked them, "Do you want him in your lives?" They just recoiled. They both have good jobs and it's not like they needed the grief.

[dropkickpa]

70. Exactly!

The grief of having him in our lives would far outweigh the $20 (if that) they'd probably be able to get out of him.

[WolverineDG]

71. Actually, there's lots you can do

although you sometimes have to wait for the back child support to add up. It's amazing how much money deadbeats can come up with when they're actually tossed in jail.

dg

[deutsey]

16. Sounds like you're a great example to your child.

:thumbsup:

[bullwinkle428]

17. Along the lines of "DU Lounge Meetup", is there any way a

"DU Lounge Beatdown" might be organized? :evilgrin: :hug:

[sakabatou]

18. That... that...!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. what a prize ass!

sorry you have to deal with that. :hug:

[belladonna]

20. What a load of bullshit!!

You are a GREAT mother for working hard and going to school and he's a jealous asshole who can't handle the fact that you're actually going somewhere in life and he's obviously going nowhere. My asshole ex-husband once told me that too... this from a man who didn't pay child support for over 5 years and had to be forced by the courts into doing it when he finally did.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

21. Does not pay support? Unleash the legal wolves on him! -nt

[Telly Savalas]

22. I know this is easier said than done...

but that statement is so incredibly ridiculous, it shouldn't be taken seriously.

Would you get mad at me if I accused you of being responsible for the deaths of Americans at Pearl Harbor? My accusation has more merit than his statement.

[ThomCat]

23. That obnoxious shit!

x(

You're doing far more for LeftyKid's future than he is, so he should just SFTU about how you choose to do it.
:grr:

I'll bet he's just feeling insecure about how little he supports LK and he's taking it out on you.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

24. Shame and guilt

makes us say stupid things.

[RubyDuby in GA]

25. Did you smack him?

Because really, some people are just to stupid to try to reason with and this guy sounds like one of those people.

I think you make an excellent mother for trying to make a better life for your son. :hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

27. He's an asshole.

You're doing a great job. :hug:

Don't let other people set your agenda. (Wise words from my very wise mom)

[av8rdave]

28. He has got to be kidding!!!!!

You mean you're a bad mom for setting the example and showing your child that hard work, education and bettering oneself are admirable things?

No offense to the father of your child, but perhaps his head is where the view is keeping him from seeing the obvious.

Good Luck...

[pdx_prog]

29. The child services are always looking for deadbeat dads...

All you have to tell them is that he isn't paying his support and they will make sure that he does. If he is too far behind they will garnish his wages for the current payment plus any back payments he may owe you. Usually all you have to do is come up with an estimated amount of what he owes. If he cannot produce evidence to the contrary they will take your word for it.

:thumbsup:

[MsKandice01]

30. Coming from a mom who also works full-time and goes to school..

He's full of shit.

[Madspirit]

31. Texas Friend Here

His ass NEEDS kicking. I can get a posse of Angry Austin Hippies together.

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's an absurd statement probably stemming from his internal rage and frustration at HIMSELF.

Or as a very good PhD Psychologist friend once said about a guy who sounded much like this, "He probably suffers from APD. Asshole Personality Disorder." (He's a funny shrink.)

Keep in mind, he is wrong. You are a good and loving mother who works hard to better your life and to better your son's life.

Lastly.

Screw him.

Lee

[Left Is Write]

32. I was a bad mom too. I also worked and went to school as a single parent.

Goodness knows ONE of her parents needed to be responsible!

:hug: to you.

[uppityperson]

33. Laugh in his face.

Ask when he is going to start paying LeftyKid child support money. Sneer and walk away.

You know that if you weren't working you'd just be sponging off him and/or the system, and if you weren't going to school you'd be a lazy slut for not trying to improve things in your life AND for being a bad role model. I've heard it too, you can't win so just laugh and say "ok, pay up" then sneer and walk away.

[flvegan]

35. One can become a "good" mother, whereas "stupid asshole" is forever.

I say that completely subject to his point, which is point proven on the "stupid asshole" part.

You're a great mom, and you know it. LeftyKid knows it. Seems EVERYONE knows it...except one person.

He's just mad that when he actually DOES come off some monetary assistance, the rarity that it is, he has to tell the new chick that they have to downsize from the MegaBucket at KFC to the family sized one (for the two of them).

[LeftyMom]

43. Thank you love.

The funny thing is, he called me up a bit ago and wanted to be friendly, like there was no problem.

I'm increasingly convinced he's bipolar.

[jonnyblitz]

36. what an ass. he must be a closet gay. nt

[GoddessOfGuinness]

37. I hope you don't value his opinion.

Because his opinion isn't worth your spit.

It's good that you don't speak ill of him in front of LK. But that doesn't mean you need to think highly of him.

You are doing the right thing, LM... Besides, your son benefits from the time you spend unschooling him. :hug:

[Kali]

38. WHY would you let such an asshole get a rise out of you?

[SeattleGirl]

39. What an ass!

You aren't even married to him any more, and he thinks he can still foist his opinion on you? You aren't doing anything wrong, and like you said, you are doing this to give your son a better life. I'll tell you something. Parents who don't do anything for themselves, whose every waking moment is geared only toward their children, are not, in my opinion and observation, the best of parents.

I applaude you for what you are doing, LM. You are doing something good for yourself, AND you are setting a good example for your son.

[Ms_Dem_Meanor]

40. Can you say...

"DOUCHEBAG!":mad:

You do your thing, girl. LK will see that ass for what HE really is as he gets older and will appreciate you a hell of a lot more. :)

[SPKrazy]

Sounds As If You Need To Consider The Source

he's not wanting you to make things better for some reason.

maybe that means to him that you are succeeding in your life without him.

Do what you need to do, take deep breaths my friend and go on!


:hug:

[Courtesy Flush]

41. I say this all the time

If you want to make an enemy for life... make a baby with someone.

[I Have A Dream]

42. I think that you should just laugh at him. You're the person who's acting...

like an adult in this situation. Don't even give what he said another thought. He knows that calling you a bad mother is just about the biggest insult that he could give you; he's pushing your buttons. Don't give him that power. Stay in balance in confidence that you are making wise long-term decisions in your life for your family.

This thread says it all:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6200485&mesg_id=6200485

[Nicole]

44. What an asshole

You're doing more for LK than he is. He's jealous & stupid.

[Cheney Killed Bambi]

45. That's ridiculous

You are doing everything and he is doing nothing. The nerve of some people!!!

Don't worry, we here at the lounge know you are a GREAT mother!

[Generic Brad]

48. You have my respect and admiration

You are definitely doing what is best for you and LK. Don't let anyone tell you different. I hope my daughter grows up to be as responsible as you are.

[Gold Metal Flake]

49. You rock, LeftyMom.

And you know it, too!

:toast:

[The Traveler]

51. That does it

I am so freakin' tired of dudes who do not pay child support and then moralize to the custodial mom.

These momma's boys disgrace my entire gender. I pay child support. He can pay child support.

I say nuke the sonofabitch.

:nuke: :nuke: :nuke:

/end rant

[Radio_Lady]

52. Do not sweat it. My kids were in all day daycare and all night "daycare" when I had a radio shift

from 11 PM to 5 AM. I spent $8,000 on child care that year (1971) out of my total $11,000 salary.

My ex-husband (now dead) endlessly told me what a rotten mother I was. I had to work because I had our $200 monthly mortgage payment. I lucked out with the radio job (when Larry King was arrested) that paid me $50.00 a night. Prior to that, I was an escort (no sex involved) with a Miami Beach company that provided platonic paid dates for men who were visiting the area. It had the cutest name: Rent-A-Bird. I also did telephone and in-person surveying.

So, I didn't spend a lot time with my two small children, ages 1 1/2 and 2 1/2. I had to deal with the dog, too! Nevertheless, when my ex walked out on me, he walked into the home of a woman who had divorced a really rich fellow. Her house even had a WATERFALL. He never wanted for anything. She had two kids, ages seven and nine.

More than thirty years later, my kids are fine -- grown up with children of their own -- and they did manage to spend seven years living with their father and stepmother, because I had a medical problem. He wouldn't take them until I felt better, only if he had "full custody" and I paid him child support. I was the only woman in the Framingham court district that was paying support, and I never missed a payment.

Now their biological father is gone, the gory result of his endless cigarette and pipe smoking. The guy I married in 1973 is their "real" father, day to day, and the step-grandfather of our four grand children.

Just remember... your ex can say awful things about you. You don't have to believe him. In your mind (or if you want to, in a loud voice) just say, "Stuff it, Mister." Worked for me.....

[Katherine Brengle]

53. Tell him to STFU. Someone has to put food on the table.

What an asshole.

:puke:

[bridgit]

54. hubby's youngest just popped out of college last year, she's been a single mom...

for 13 years, she has student loans but also an advanced degree in design & business admin, worked/interned for a firm here in town performing design/project/proposal services for a structural engineering firm then to Seattle; just moved right out of SacTown with her degree (she's allot like her father), was up there in a weekend, and sat down making 45K at the entry level, and she did it all on her own, had her own place didn't live with mother or father; a true single mom...tell your bullshit X he may well expire alone & lonely with whatever secret he thinks he knows for sure

what is your major/minor?

[northofdenali]

56. You, LeftyMom, are a FABULOUS mother.

He can kiss ass, and not a human one. Hell, I'll grab my trusty 30-06 and scare him off a cliff! What a prick!!!

You will do very, very well by that beautiful child of yours - it shines through in your attitude and words every time you mention him.

:hug::hug::hug::pals::hug::hug::hug:

[wildhorses]

57. since he brought it up==

what makes him such a fantastic father?

[Vidar]

58. Pretty ignorant of him.

[BlueIris]

61. Hey, LeftyMom? Cut this guy loose.

This is not shit you (or your child) need. At all. He serves no purpose in your lives.

[leftofthedial]

62. I'll kick his ass

...uh, how big is he?

[noamnety]

66. at times like this

it's good to sit back and appreciate what a fine thing it is that you are no longer with that guy.

[NMMNG]

67. And what the $#@! has he done for LK lately?

:shrug:

[Rhiannon12866]

69. Going back to school is one of the best things you can do.

And you need to work, we all do... He's obviously just envious. Hang in there, my friend. You're doing the best thing for both yourself and LK. And you know that, or you wouldn't have made that choice... You know what is best and are doing it. Hang in there, my friend...

Rhiannon:hug:

[philosophie_en_rose]

72. Consider the source!

The deadbeat sounds incredibly jealous of you.

You're a great example to you son!