Valentines Day Poem...Read it and tell me what you think

[AutumnMist]

I know this may not be posted in the right place, but its how I felt this morning. I submitted this poem and its under review right now on a poetry board. Let me know what you think. Any and all comments will be appreciated. Happy sunday morning DU! Thanks in advance.

Just Say No

The salt of your skin against my lips is like a poison that I want to drink
Whispered promises spoken against the heat of my neck
The bend of my back
The soft skin of my thighs..
I know the sound of my boots on the floor rings through your mind

Yes, I feel you
But do I want you?

Take me and conquer what you feel is left standing
I have been a women on a mission for a long time and I want to find a new scout
We can discover the last great unknown together

Surrender..

I have lost myself in you and I am buying the ticket to find the connecting flight
Please dear God don’t let there be a layover.
My frequent flier miles have been wasted and I want to fly first class
Baby after this I want some pretzels………..

Your words melt through my mind like a hot summer day and homemade ice cream
Its dripping all over my skin but I still feel the need to clean it up
Your hands make me sing songs that I never thought possible….
Am I the back up or the main attraction?

Be careful what you ask of me……My heart is in your hands
and I am afraid that the embrace will turn into a vice. No one likes to be bruised.

I know you want to love me, I can hear it in the hard pitches of passion,
The beautiful words spoken behind closed doors and the open window of
trust
I don’t want to draw the curtains, please don’t ask to make this bright light dim

Give yourself to me, I want to share more then last names and skeletons in the closet

I want to kiss your mouth and know that you are still my new harvest
I don’t care what the cost of overhead is.

As it sinks in while I watch you sleep it rings through my mind….No…..I cannot deny you……and yes I will always be here. Maybe we should have learned the word “No”.

[Annces]

1. Well since I like giving my opinion, here goes

A poem is very delicate, so I wouldn't want to say anything too strong about it. Generally, I read it as a person about to get into a relationship which could be trouble. I would say from my own point of view, that you always need to have some security for yourself, so another person doesn't hurt you. You can't just give over you life to someone else. Some people have an agenda to wreck things, and you can't just play into that.

Also as a pure poem, I would say it would be good to try to get more to the essence of what you are trying to say. The airplane imagery is kind of out of place with the rest of the poem IMO.

I have been reading more poetry of late myself, and trying to work on my own skills in that area.

[AutumnMist]

2. Absolutely

This really isn't a bio poem, its more of a reflection on being in that frame of mind when you cannot say no to someone and what that means. The plane thing is very personal, not so much because I have had to suffer through plane rides, but that I travel often and leave my other half behind. And yes, there are times that I do equate what I feel in those terms. But I thank you for your thoughts. Its not a nice poem in terms of delicate terminology.....it was more a raw outpouring of emotion. I write constantly. And I do appreciate someone like yourself who reads poetry to give your feedback. Thank you. Anything that you can say about it is fine by me. I know I am not the best and thats fine. We all need to grow in many areas. Myself included. Have a wonderful Sunday!

[The Straight Story]

3. Kick - I loved it hun, thanks for writing it

:loveya: :yourock: :applause: