What's the worst your toddler has ever done?

[Patiod]

This weekend, we were babysitting for friends who have 4 kids age 4 and under (why yes, they did do IVF...)

Dad is a lawyer, and was working on some home finance stuff, including his quarterly taxes and his "to-do" file at his desk, which is in the basement with the children's playroom. He was shredding some mail, and went upstairs to get a drink.

He's pouring his soda when he hears the shredder running. He looks down the stairs, and there's the 4-year old "helping out" by shredding everything else in his file. Tickets to "Wicked", all his tax documents, legal stuff -- who knows what else (actually, they have no idea what the kid shredded, but they know the "Wicked" tickets are missing, as are most of the tax documents).

/I told the wife how to get duplicate tickets, but still....

What's the worst that your little one has done?

[Gormy Cuss]

1. What a helpful child.

:rofl:

I had a friend whose toddler helped out by flushing her soiled underwear down the toilet -- that's what you're supposed to do with poop, isn't it?

[reyd reid reed]

2. Awwwww....

well, the tickets *were* Wicked, after all...

One of mine spray-painted the bathroom with Testors.

One of mine stripped out of his clothes (in the car) and shoved his underwear out the window. Where they landed on the windshield of a police car in the next lane.

One of mine brought a sprinkler (running, of course) into the basement.

One of mine flushed a comb down the toilet...along with about a half-roll of TP (I discovered this when water started pouring out all the vents downstairs).


Give me a minute and I'll come up with more.

(Incidentally, three of those four incidents were perpetrated by the same child)

:eyes:

[Patiod]

3. It's a good thing they're so cute

It was funny to see 4 little faces smiling up at us from the tub -- Dad washes them all at once, shampoos their little heads, then washes little bodies and little bottoms, then rinses them all off at once with the hand-held shower head.

Then each of us got one squirmy little boy to diaper and dress (well, the oldest is finally out of diapers, but the 12-month-old twins and the 2 year old still need diapers).

[AlCzervik]

4. my daughter emptied my wallet off out balcony, she managed to take everything out

and throw it over the railing including clearing the baby proof lexan sheets we installed to enclose all the spindles. We lived on the 3rd floor.

[Patiod]

70. Yikes!

Did you recover any of it?

[AlCzervik]

81. all of the credit cards, my license but the cash disappeared along with my library card.

Damn kids---get offamah balcony! Shakes fist in air!

[youthere]

5. Let's see...

My son flushed the keys to my husband's car down the toilet...we bought the car used and only had one set of keys.
My oldest daughter went through a particularly nasty biting phase and bit through almost every power cord in the house. Lamps, appliances, extension cords...how she managed not to get electrocuted is beyond me. She was really sneaky about it too, I swear we watched that kid like a hawk, and made sure the cords were taped up and out of reach and she'd still manage to get to them.

My youngest though...when she was potty training she took off her pants and pooped on the landing right outside the upstairs bathroom (she didn't quite make it obviously). She attempted to "hide" what she had done and tried to rub it into the floor. Problem was (besides the obvious smeary mess), it was an older hard wood floor. All she managed to do was pack all the grooves and gaps in the wood solidly with poop. It took three days on my hands and knees with toothpicks and a lot of pine-sol to get it all cleaned up, and even then, for about six months, on hot days the upstairs smelled faintly of poo.

I could probably think of some more, but those are the ones that come immediately to mind.

[soleft]

6. My son once put a high powered magnet on the TV Screen

There was a blue dot there for 2 days.

[Karenina]

7. Thanx! I needed a gut busting laugh right about now

and your post provided it! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

I was participating in a Quintet Master Class standing on the professor's belly as he played L-O-N-G phrases on his flute, to demonstrate muscle control, when suddenly we all hear BOFF, BOFF, BOFF!! in the next room. His toddler had gotten to his prized (priceless) gold flute and was busily playing swordfight against any solid object at arm level.

My oldest had the normal obsession for keys. I MADE A KEYRING for him but he always wanted MINE. Once he swiped them and decided to stash them in the laundry basket. Ask me HOW LONG it took me to find them. On another occasion he was doing his "KEY. CAR." routine as we were about to leave and I mindlessly handed them to him. (WHAT WAS I THINKING?) Damned if the rugrat didn't scramble into the front seat and turn on the ignition. In like 5 seconds. Manual shift. Stall. He KNEW exactly which key it was...

[redwitch]

8. My oldest locked his dad in attic crawlspace.

Took my husband quite a bit of time to break out. He was alone in the house with 2 yr old and was totally panicked about what son was up to out there!

Same child drew all over my brand new couch with a ball point pen. He was so proud of his artwork!

[momophile]

9. omg. I'm gonna have an anxiety attack reading these

is this what I have to look forward to? Mine is only 18 mos. old right now so her trouble is only just beginning. How do any kids survive? Are they all this... this... this... creative?

[WritingIsMyReligion]

12. Yes, we are.

:evilgrin:

[jobycom]

15. Don't panic. I can't really think of anything drastic my kids did/do.

The normal misbehaving, of course, and scribbling on walls. Spilling stuff. Hiding keys (Bosses get tired of hearing "She threw them in the trash and it took me an hour to find them," but it is frequently true. Watch, anticipate ("Hey, that bright, shiny thing is just the right height for kiddo to spill).

I guess the worst thing my kid did was sneak out of the house. She woke up before I did, unlocked a lock she wasn't supposed to be able to, and wandered around our small country subdivision for half an hour before I woke up and realized she was gone. She took Fey, our Chow dog, with her. A neighbor said he saw her out, tried to approach her, and was chased away by Fey. After that, he watched her from a distance until I figured out where she had gone. Fey was good dog. She died recently, sadly.

[youthere]

20. All three of mine were "midnight wanderers"..

but luckily they never went out of the house. They would just wander around the house and find the oddest places to curl up at and fall asleep-behind the couch, in the laundry room, inside cupboards. It was always terrifying going to their bedrooms and finding them empty. I can't imagine how horrified you must have been to find your's wandering outside.

[LynzM]

21. Nope, not all kids.

The "worst" ours has ever done is decorate some of her room with a purple crayon, and that was only once, and 95% of it came right off. :hug:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

10. When I was 2, I flat-out refused to nap. (Interesting story enclosed).

(Sleeping bored me, and still does :P)

My mom still brought me up to my bed-thing every day, saying that if I wouldn't nap, I had to at least sit quietly for a while, play with my stuffed animals, read, whatever--so that Mommy could rest, of course. :D

Anyhow, I have only the vaguest memories of doing this, but I know it happened. The way my mom tells it, she was sitting reading downstairs for awhile, while listening to the baby monitor to keep an eye (ear, whatever :P) on me. I usually babbled to myself or to my stuffed animals while playing with them or "reading" from my little picture books. Apparently, after a few minutes my mom realized that I was making no sound whatsoever, not even snoring/heavy breathing as I would when sleeping. Suspicious, my mom went upstairs to check on me.

I couldn't get out of my "bed" (which, though not technically a crib, still had high railings around it to keep me inside), but when standing up inside it I could reach the wall. I vaguely remember the actual de-wallpapering of my wall, which began by, while bored out of my mind, pulling on a loose bit of wallpaper and watching as it ripped down in a nice little strip. By the time my mom came upstairs, I had torn the wallpaper off all the wall within my reach and was attempting to climb the sides to reach more. The damage was great enough that later my dad just painted the entire room, rather than fixing the torn section.

Man oh man, were my parents pissed off. But--I never napped again.

:evilgrin:

[youthere]

14. OMG! Too funny!

My mom used to put me on her bed for naps. Apparently when I was about two she had put me down for a nap, forgetting about the bag of cosmetics she had just gotten from her AVON order. Instead of sleeping I found the bag, ate a cake of foundations powder, two eyeshadow compacts and half a tube of lipstick...the other half I used (along with three bottles of nail polish) to decorate the bedspread, the wall and the carpet. What didn't go there went in my nose.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

16. Shit, that's funny.

You ATE makeup?

:rofl::rofl:

[youthere]

22. Oh yeah.

Apparently I ate a jar of vaseline once too. The makeup probably looked colorful and tasty to me, but Vaseline?
Guess what..I ate paste in Kindergarten too...big shock, huh?

[WritingIsMyReligion]

24. I used to eat raw onions on purpose.

I used to cut my cat's whiskers because "they were too long!" :rofl:

:D

[youthere]

25. LOL!

Poor cat!

[WritingIsMyReligion]

31. I was kind of disturbed as a young'un.

I used to pluck feathers from my bird's head, too, because they were really cool-looking little half-scallop things. :eyes:

[youthere]

33. OMG...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I bet your parents were glad when you went to school!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

76. Hey, I eat raw onions NOW! With a liberal amount of cream cheese between slices of bread.

Day-yum. :9

Not recommended before social events.

[youthere]

80. The onions are good with a little brauschweiger and cream cheese too..

Especially on a warm kaiser roll. MMM!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

83. OK. Brauschweiger is a kind of sausage and kaiser roll is a kind of bread, right?

Gotta make a mental note of that for future reference. I doubt Brazil has the same kinds of sausages and breads, but I can improvise.

[youthere]

89. Yes..the braunschweiger is like a liver sausage (liverwurst)...

and the kaiser is the bread...but any good chewy bread would do...I know you can get good bread in Brazil! :bounce:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

90. Mmmmmmmmm LIVER! I love liver!

Never saw a liver sausage being sold at this neck of the woods, tho'.

[AngryAmish]

28. That is why makeup is tested on animals

[Arugula Latte]

51. Smart kid! I never saw any wallpaper I liked.

:rofl:

[youthere]

62. LOL!

[youthere]

11. I just thought of another one!

My son decided to "toast" some of my husband's CD's one time. That smelled nice (not). Made a pretty good mess in the toaster. I also remember one time when my son was about three or four I was in the dining room doing something and he was in the living room. He was awfully quiet but I could hear this scratching noise. I called in to him and asked what he was doing to which he replied "Shovin'. "
I went in the living room and discovered "shovin'" meant shoving things into the slot on the VCR. Crayons, toy cars, legos, half a graham cracker...whatever. He had that thing absolutely packed and was running the remote control over the slot trying to force all that stuff in there deeper.

[Patiod]

71. The kid who shredded daddy's documents did that

when he was younger

Pushed all the change in the van into the CD player while the younger ones were being strapped into their car seats.....

[trof]

13. @#*&%#@ BRAT!

Had houseguests one Christmas.
At 5 a.m. Christmas morning their 5 year old thought it would be fun to see how much toilet paper he could flush down the guest bath toilet.
I woke up with his mom shaking me "Come quick! The toilet's overflowing!"

I got it unclogged and the water sucked up (carpeted floor). Then pasted on a smile while we opened presents and wished everybody a Merry Christmas (you little bastard).
:grr:

When the day finally came for them to leave we decided to start for the airport a few hours early so they could see our local battleship.
The little shit slipped his mother's hand going up the gangplank and disappeared into a hatch. When we ran inside he was gone.
Do you have any idea how many places there are for a little kid to hide on a battleship?

The security guards and some tourist volunteers turned out for a full blown search party and we finally snagged him.
I was NEVER so glad to put a kid on an airplane.

Your shredder story is priceless.
I'm glad I didn't have one, or I might have fed him into it.

[kath]

85. All that at FIVE?!!!

Jeebus H. Christ, at 5 a child should *definitely* know better than to pull any of that crap, unless there is some major psychopathology. Were the parents the type who are utterly incapable of disciplining their kids?

[jobycom]

17. Shredders are horrifyingly dangerous, by the way.

Take my word for it, or read this if you don't. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself.

http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/shredder.asp

[AirmensMom]

34. Thanks.

I was about to post the same thing.

[Patiod]

72. Thanks - I'll have to let them know

Lucky it was the relatively smart and well-coordinated 4-yo, and not one of the babies.

[haf216]

18. When I was about three,

my mom told me that that baby powder was to keep my little sister soft. My sister and I shared a room at the time. Well one day when I could not sleep at nap time, I decided that everything needed to be "softer" and preceded to use two large bottles of baby power on everything in the room. It is a wonder that my sister and I did not suffocate from the powder in the air. It's also a wonder that I'm still alive, that was the first time I remember seeing my mother mad.

[LaraMN]

19. Once, NoelMN climbed inside a kid-sized ant hill exhibit at the Science Museum,

and came out with no pants on.
We had to send my friend's small daughter into the hill to find them.

[youthere]

23. ...

:spray:
I just pictured bare baby heinie pressed against the ant hill viewing glass! ROFLMAO!

[LaraMN]

26. The whole place smelled of pee.

That was BEFORE he went in there, mind you.
It was a little bit gross.

[MiniMandaRuth]

27. Well, a certain little toddler, not saying who,

and DEFINITELY no the one who is posting this, locked her parents out of the house when she was a wee little one, and flooded it.

[jobycom]

36. How did this unnamed child flood the house?

If you have that information, of course... ;)

[MiniMandaRuth]

68. A little birdie told me that she turned on all the sinks to full blast.

[trof]

29. Oh yeah, my buddy and I played "Fireman".

We were around 4 or 5 and to this day I do not know what possessed us.
We were in his room on the second floor.
It was summer and the window was open.
No screen.

We decided to pretend that the room was on fire and we had to 'save' everything in it.
We tossed everything that we were able to pick up out the window.

His mother happened to glance out a downstairs window and that brought the game to an end.
I think we were grounded for a week.

[MsKandice01]

87. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Sounds like something I would have done at that age.

[xmas74]

30. Cut her hair,

thrown my keys in the toilet, licked the crockpot while it was on, drank an entire bottle of tabasco, tore up my birth certificate (of course, I was born out of state and had quite a waiting period to get a copy).

Lots more stuff.

[youthere]

35. "...licked the crockpot while it was on.."

:spray: :rofl:

[xmas74]

49. My mother lost her mind when she saw that.

Her little tongue was burned and there was a red mark on her face that took a few weeks to fade.

I had her down for a nap and I thought she was asleep. I decided that, since she was asleep, I could take a shower. Little did I know she was wide awake and had figured out how to climb onto the cabinets without the use of a chair or step stool.

My family threatened to call family services on me for that stunt.

[youthere]

54. They threatened to report you ?

I know it's not something EVERY kid does (the licking of the crock pot) but they were going to actually turn you in?!:wow:

[xmas74]

59. Warped family dynamics.

"Dysfunctional" was a term invented to describe my family.

[Patiod]

73. My friends daughter cut her own hair with grass clippers

her mother was hysterical.

Dad, who had already raised 3 kids, was nonplussed.

[xmas74]

94. I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

I was working for a police department at the time. I'd heard so many nasty things that kids could do at work. Cutting her hair was nothing.

[BreweryYardRat]

32. Man, I wish there was a way to transfer adult knowledge directly to a kid's brain.

So they won't fuck things up through ignorance.

Jeez, this makes me nervous/temperamental...and I'm not even planning on having kids until I'm 30-odd.

[LibertyLover]

37. My then 3 year old daughter

took one of her allegedly "washable" markers and drew all over one wall in the dining room. It was red. The wall is a pale green. We don't use the dining room a great deal (ok, we've eaten in it once in the 6 and a half years we've been in the house but it's a lovely room to look at) so we had no idea how long the marker had been on the wall. Our best guess was 3 days. Naturally it didn't wash off. My husband had to go out and buy Kilz and a quart of the wall color, paint the wall with Killz, and then repaint the entire wall. He was not a happy camper. Said daughter is now 4. Recently she used about half a roll of toilet paper to wipe the poop off her rear ("but mama, I had POOP on me"). Naturally the toilet clogged, but fortunately did not overflow. We had company coming in roughly an hour and I have to tell you, we spend about 45 minutes with the snake and plunger getting it unclogged. Oh, yeah, the POOP - 2 small solid pieces that could have belonged to a rabbit. Also recently, daughter decided that one of the guinea pigs needed to be introduced to the whippet - you know, the whippet whose ancestors were used frequently as ratters and rabbit catchers in the north of England. Fortunately, the whippet was nine-tenths asleep when darling child carefully and loveingly placed the guinea pig on its side. Also fortunately mommy was two steps behind darling child and snatched up the guinea pig to safety as the whippet opened an eye to see what was happening and why there was something going WHHEEEE, WHHEEEE on its side.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

38. My older stepson thought the fish in the saltwater tank would enjoy some chocolate milk...

Poor fish.

My older son loved taking round Christmas ornaments off the tree and chucking them through the cat door, watching them shatter on the basement steps, then laughing with positively demonic glee. I think he found it funny that they didn't bounce.

My youngest used to enjoy sticking things in the vcr. Oddly enough, he never actually broke it. Though once, when I was taking it to be repaired, a marble fell out. I took the machine back inside, plugged it in, and it worked just fine...

[youthere]

39. The Christmas ornament thing...

that totally sounds like something I would do...now.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

40. I was close to doing that a little over a week ago...

But then Mr GoG took the tree down. :rofl:

[youthere]

42. I'm just thinking of how satisfying that "pop!"would be when they hit the pavement.

Makes me want to go buy a LOT of glass ornaments.

[Arugula Latte]

55. thrift stores usually have plenty

have at it! :evilgrin:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

100. A week ago!?

Oh sweetie...It's FEBRUARY. You left it up this long, why didn't you just leave it? LOL
Duckie

[GoddessOfGuinness]

102. It starts seriously affecting my psyche after a month...

We always have a huge tree, and space is not at a premium in our house. :-)

[crim son]

41. My kids were remarkably good, except for the youngest and

he was still not too bad. I remember one time when he was barely toddling. I was sitting at my piano and playing with great concentration. In the back of my mind I noticed little Henry appearing beside me, then disappearing, then reappearing, but it was all rather subconscious. Finally I finished playing and returned to the real world, where I discovered that Henry had been digging the soil out from my potted palm and bringing it into the livingroom, handful by handful, and depositing it on the piano bench beside me. :rofl: There was potting soil everywhere. He also spread Vick's Vaporub over all the master bedroom furniture one morning.

The worst thing I can think of was when my nephew went under the table where his father used the skilsaw. Daddy was using the saw at the time and sawed the top of Dylan's head. LUCKILY it was only through the scalp, but it was horrible, horrible. My niece, from a different sister, opened a drawer next to her playpen, found a full-sized lightbulb, and ate it. Ate it! She started to cry and when my sister picked her up she vomited blood. Miraculously she turned out to be okay.

[youthere]

43. Oh my gosh!

The saw and the lightbulb! My heart nearly stopped just reading that! Thank goodness they were okay!

[crim son]

45. Pretty incredible, isn't it?

Dylan, who was sawed, is always in trouble because he has no fear of anything & he's lucky to be alive. He takes after his father. Brianne is a sweet little girl who just happened to open the wrong drawer. Both these incidents make me feel pretty good about Henry's small disasters.

[youthere]

48. Amazing that they both were okay..

and BTW..the potting soil thing is HILARIOUS!

[Patiod]

74. This is making the shredding of documents

pale by comparison...

[IronLionZion]

44. What a buddy of mine did to keep his toddlers from doing stuff

was to take them around all over the house and let them touch and look at every single thing they wanted. His rationality was that toddlers do stuff because they are curious. But if they get to touch everything while under close supervision, then they won't be so curious when left to their own devices. Sure enough his kids never broke anything, and he has a lot of cool stuff.

I hope I never have kids. I'll adopt children who are maybe 5 or 6 and then send them away to military school when they are teenagers. (I'm kidding of course)

So many parents have told me this is the good stuff, but I want to skip all of this and have mature well-behaved children. If anyone figures that out, let me know. Meanwhile I'll just be the cool uncle who takes other people's kids out, spoils them, then returns them at the end of the day.

[xmas74]

50. I have a six year old.

After the day she had at school I wish she were still a toddler.

(She was better-behaved and more respectable when she was a toddler. Right now she's in her room. I'm trying to calm down and decide how long she'll be grounded.)

[youthere]

52. Oh xmas74..

:hug:
I'm sorry. Days like that suck.

[xmas74]

56. Snuck gum to school.

Lied to the teacher about chewing said gum in class. Spit it out in the trash and claimed there was no gum.

She then lied to me when the teacher sent a note home about it, stating the teacher never saw her with the gum.

She also threw her pencil across the room when I informed her that she needed to do two pages of her homework. She screamed at me and informed me that she didn't have to do anything that I told her to do. (The joy of a sucky economy-single moms end up moving back home, their kids see their grandparents treat their mothers like three year olds and decide they can do the same.)

She also let me know that "Chicken parmesan tastes like shit!"
(First time she's ever used that word. She said that all the other kids use it and that I'm being a bad mom when I say no.)

[Arugula Latte]

58. Oh boy. That's hard.

However, I must admit that the "Chicken parmesan tastes like shit!" line cracked me up! :rofl:

Okay. Sorry. :hug:

[xmas74]

60. It used to be one of her favorite meals.

This is the first time she's ever said that.

Methinks it's too many damn nuggets and corn dogs served in the school cafeteria-now that's all she wants to eat.

It's warming up now so I think it'll soon be time to go back to a sack lunch.

[dropkickpa]

106. ITA on the cafeteria food

Dropkid is always mad at me because I won't let her buy lunch everyday. Last week, 4 out of 5 days it was some sort of variation on chicken nuggets (chicken nuggets, hip dipper chicken patty, chicken tender salad, spicy chicken dippers). It's ridiculous.

[youthere]

61. Oh man..

I'm sorry xmas74.

:hug:

the fact that you didn't smack the snot out of her is a testament to your patience..hang in there hon. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[xmas74]

63. My hand itched

and my eye twitched-neither is a good sign.

I've noticed a big difference recently in kids. I've noticed some really nasty attitudes that didn't use to be there-things that, if I had even thought of doing, I wouldn't have been able to sit on my butt until I was a legal adult. I wonder why they think they can get away with so much of it?

[youthere]

77. What do you think is bringing it on?

[xmas74]

95. Not enough family time.

When I'm logged on my kid is at school, playing w/ a friend or (right now), reading a book. Too many kids are plopped in front of a tv because parents are frazzled and not ready to deal w/ them after a long day of work.

When a kid's role models are smart-mouthed brats on tv they tend to act the same way.

[youthere]

96. I think so too...

parents seem to overindulge their kids to appease their own guilt. They know they should spend more time with the kid but instead they buy them crap and they won't discipline them. Pretty soon it turns into a vicious cycle...Work long hours to buy the kid crap...
because you feel guilty you work long hours....
to buy the kid crap because you feel guilty....
you work long hours...etc....etc...etc...

[xmas74]

99. I work overtime

but I don't spend the money on extras for her-too many other bills to pay.

Right now she's in her room because of what she did today. Normally we'd snuggle down and watch tv or play a board game together at this time of the night. If more families shut off the tv and the video games at night and did things together as a family maybe things would be a bit better. (and I'm not saying nonstop-just a night or two a week w/ no tv. We play Sorry, Monopoly or Scrabble since it helps w/ her spelling or we read together or we do jigsaw puzzles together. And we eat at the dining room table together every night, instead of in different rooms or in front of a television.)

[RubyDuby in GA]

113. Shit was my favorite word when I was 6 too - until I got my mouth washed out with soap

Put it on a wash rag and stick it in her mouth. Don't let her back away. It leaves a lasting impression (pink lifeboy soap on a green washrag - see?). I didn't cuss in front of my mother again (or very much at all for that matter) until she gave me permission to when I was in college.

[Xithras]

46. My son got very creative with my floor. Like father, like son :)

Sadly, I have to take partial responsibility for this. During our home remodel, we got a little lax with our youngest when it came to keeping the house clean, and even with things as fundamental as drawing on walls and floors. They were going to be ripped out and replaced anyway, so we let him be creative just before demolition started. It turned out that he REALLY loved the white linoleum floor in our kitchen and dining room. He whipped his crayons out and literally spent days turning it into a huge collection of art that only a two year old could love. Fast forward three weeks. The renovation in the dining room was completed. The walls were fully painted, the molding was in, and the awful linoleum had been pulled out and replaced with a prefinished solid oak floor stained a deep chocolate brown.

Two days after the room was finished, my son was home with the babysitter, who was unfortunately preoccupied with the TV. My son, being without direct oversight for an hour, decided to get creative with the floor again. He quickly discovered that the crayons didn't show well on the dark wood, and even the ballpoint and permanent markers left barely recognizeable lines. So what does this bright young boy do? He wanders into the kitchen in the next room, still unfinished and under construction, and picks up a NAIL. He quickly figured out that he could scratch through the stain, and that the light oak below the stain made for some very visible marks. By the time the babysitter discovered what he was doing, he'd drawn circles and patterns all the way around the table, and had just started carving on the walls. The babysitter was fired, and the "art" ended up costing us nearly $1500 to repair.

My mom just laughed when I told her about it. She reminded me that when I was three, I decided that the bathtub wasn't a big enough play area for my boats. Using towels and playdoh, I dammed up every doorway in our hallway, and proceeded to flood the whole thing with two inches of water. I apparently had it flooded for nearly an hour before the "dam" to the living room broke, and my own babysitter (also engrossed in the TV) was alerted to my creativity by the flood of water that hit her feet. As she explained it, the entire floor and subfloor had to be replaced, and the walls had to be re-sheetrocked and repainted.

[youthere]

47. Which just proves...

toddlers aren't the problem...it's babysitters. LOL!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

86. (Slaps forehead) Why didn't I think of damming? (See #78)

I would have been SO much more effective! (Correction: post 78, not 76)

[Xithras]

91. LOL! So I'm not the only one!

Yeah, I had one of those huge 1 gallon tubs of PlayDoh when I was a kid, and the idea seemed perfectly reasonable to my three year old mind. The PlayDoh sealed well against our hardwood floors, and two lumps in the bathroom sink solved my water source issues.

It got a bit more than a few harsh words though. The "Lake Hall" incident probably garnered me the first real spanking I'd had in my life. The damage to the house was extensive.

At least I didn't copy my brother and try to burn our house down at eight years old (he went through a nasty firebug stage).

[Burma Jones]

53. Our two year old Daughter drew all over our two month old tan leather sofa

with a ball point pen, five years later, you can't see any evidence.......

[crim son]

57. One of my kids etched a snowman into ours when it was new.

It's still there.

[smoogatz]

64. No permanent damage so far.

He did take a Sharpie to the wooden door-frame upstairs a few weeks ago (wife and I had our backs turned for--literally--twelve seconds), but that's no big deal. And he spilled my glass of Cabernet all over our wheat-colored couch (bought pre-kid) Sunday night--but we got right on it with soap and water and you can't even tell. So we're lucky, I guess. And he did kind of break our TV cabinet (Restoration Hardware--muy expensivo), but he's cute so we forgive him. The cat is actually on much thinner ice; he's basically destroyed my favorite leather chair. Every time I look at that chair I hate the fucking cat a little bit more. Cats are cheap. Good leather chairs ain't.

[MichiganVote]

65. Mixed new boxes of cereal with the kitty litter...hose in the family room...

threw rocks at our new car...drew a fleet of whales on a full scale wall...shut down the check out line of about 20 cash registers / don't ask me how...the list goes on...

[grace0418]

66. I'm sorry, I know you said not to, but I *have* to ask how your little one shut down

the check out line of 20 cash registers.

[MichiganVote]

69. I honestly don't know and neither did the store for about 30 minutes

He was sitting in the cart seat, you know how they are sitting up high and the next thing I know I'm paying and the rest of the store, store employees and customers in the other lines (it was a Meijers-lots of lines)were muttering and sputtering. Since my register was the only unaffected machine the store figured he had messed with the machine next to mine somehow. He was able to reach the buttons and believe me, he would. So as we stood by, customers grumbling, they shut down all the lines to reset the system.

We sort of slunk out the door...if you know what I mean. :)

[Taverner]

67. Stuck his hand in his diaper, grabbed a big wad of poo, threw it and

Then smeared it in my mouth.

Yuk

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

75. My oldest one once woke up before both of us and swallowed two BC pills

which she diligently found in mom's purse. She was 2. We took her scrambling to the medic who told us to not be afraid, the only side effect would be her hair would grow faster for a while.

She's almost 11 now and hasn't had her first period yet. Completely healthy.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

78. And one from MY own toddlerhood

I was 2. I was taking a bath in the bathtub when the sudden thought occurred to me: "wouldn't it be cool if the ENTIRE bathroom was filled with water like the tub?" Then I proceeded to use a little plastic bowl to throw all the water out of the tub on the floor. Did that for a LONG time until I was noticed (probably by the water spilling into the corridor).

I was taken out of the bath, dried, anmd heard a lot of angry words I don't remember. I DO remember, though, my older sister saying "take it easy, he doesn't know what he's doing." That annoyed me, because I DID know what I was doing! I had a plan, a goal, and a course of action! What does she think I am, a baby?

[youthere]

79. ..

:rofl: :rofl:

This whole thread just has me in stitches!

[deadparrot]

82. I was at a wedding reception with my parents when I was about three,

and apparently I was being bad and Dad was looking irritated, so I screamed "Don't hit me, Daddy!" in front of everyone.

Mind you, aside from the occasional spanking, my parents didn't do the physical punishment thing. Still trying to figure out where that one came from. :shrug:

[MsKandice01]

84. We've had to replace our toilet and 3 DVD players...

Due to things that he's placed in there that didn't belong.

Oh...and one time I went to the bathroom and came out to him grabbing the Christmas ornaments off the tree one by one and smashing them to pieces with his plastic bat. Luckily, there was no injury but we're only doing the unbreakable ornaments from now on.

[MsKandice01]

88. This thread is reminding me of something I did as a kid...

My best friend and I were left in the house alone when we were about 5 or 6 years old for HOURS while my brother disappeared down the street to his friend's house. We went apeshit. We decided to climb ON TOP of my canopy bed (which had very flimsy wires) and of course, the entire thing came crashing down. Then we used permanent markers and drew ALL OVER this white plastic table that I had in my bedroom. We also wrote some great curse words, if I remember correctly. Then we got some scissors and made every doll that I had in my room completely bald.

My brother got in trouble for it though because he was supposed to be watching it..

[GenDem]

92. 26 years ago, my two toddler boys

conspired and flushed a sippy cup down the toilet. We had to buy and install a new toilet.

[Ilsa]

93. Toddlers can't compare. My 10 year old autistic son shit on the bathroom floor today and

used it to dance and slide around in it. The only good thing was that he was naked and that means there was one less thing for me to do before putting him in the shower. He had sit everywhere. Floor, walls, side of tub. And this was while I was trying to cook. Timers were going off while I was trying to make him clean himself up, which basically means smearing more shit around. After awhile, I have to ask him to stop and I have to start or we'll be up all night smearing shit.

A while ago, he shook up a can of coke and sprayed my kitchen. It took two towels to wipe down the cabinets and my floors.

My husband is out of town. I can't even get drunk to forget about it until Saturday night.

[Connonym]

97. Not really naughty but embarassing as HELL

I was adamant that my daughters learn the correct names for their genitalia. Can you imagine the looks my ex received when our then 3-year old, in line at Target, loudly exclaimed "My vulva is itchy!"

[WritingIsMyReligion]

101. Holy shit.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

That was GOOD.

:rofl:

[Left Is Write]

98. Jar of vaseline. Hair. Clothes. Living room furniture.

All in the span of about 60 seconds.

She was two at the time.

[Redneck Socialist]

103. Miner 49'er: My Claim to Fame

No kids of my own, but here's my claim demented childhood fame. It takes a little build up but but bear with me.

I grew up in an old house with a full basement. There was a center wall that ran the length of the basement. This wall supported a great deal of the house's weight and was constructed of fieldstones bound together with cement.

On day I decided to play miner, as in gold miner, as in excavating rock. I had me a hammer, I had me a screwdriver as my chisel, all I need was some rock to mine. Hmmmm there's lots of rock in the basement, yes there is! So off I go, hammer and improvised chisel in hand to mine me some gold. I head down into the basement and proceeded to chip away the cement that was holding the rocks holding the house up. I managed to get quite a few of the rocks out of the wall before my parents clued in as to what I was up to. Must have been the tapping that gave me away. I have no idea how much I weakened that center wall, but it certainly could have been spectacularly bad had I managed to keep going. My parents were, well, to say extremely pissed would be the mother of all understatements.

They never did find out about the time I nearly set the garage on fire while constructing torches out of long sticks, oil soaked rags and wire. Hey what good's a torch if you don't light it? :shrug:

[njdemocrat106]

104. I don't have kids, but I'll tell you the worst thing I did:

My brother and I were sitting on the floor watching cartoons on TV, and on the floor was a heavy beef bone for the dogs to chew on. For no reason, during a really funny part of the cartoon, when we were laughing really hard, I picked up the bone and threw it at my brother. It hit him right next to his right eye, and it was quite a bloody mess. Thankfully it didn't hit him in the eye. To this day, he still has a scar by his eye where I hit him, and the dogs were never given heavy bones again.

[clyrc]

105. My youngest loved unbuttoning my shirt when I was holding her

i can't tell you how many times i felt a breeze and realized I was unbuttoned. She was about a year old when she would do this, and eventually I started wearing more t-shirts. Then she loved to reach her hand into my shirt and grab my breast. "Plump!" she would exclaim happily, at about 2. I don't know where she picked up that word, because it's one I never use.

[Patiod]

109. That's actually kind of cute -- "Plump!"

My one girlfriend grew up as a flat-chested gymnast, and she never got in the habit of wearing anything but flimsy little bras. Once she started having kids, she was leaking all the time, and her bras weren't absorbing anything.

She tells about one time she was in the supermarket when a baby started crying, and she had to grab two packs of pork chops and hold them to her chest to get out of the store without scaring anyone

[Pacifist Patriot]

107. Two of my three were so bad I've blocked it out with Mommy Amnesia

Otherwise they never would have made it out of toddlerhood. My husband used to laugh his ass off, but I remember days I'd be in absolute tears by noon.

[ripmolly]

108. My cat was trying to get into the fish tank

We have wonderful goldfish and mollies (tee hee) and lots of zebra fish. My daughter saw the cat trying to climb up and get in. She helped her.


AAARRRRGGGG!!!

[Neoma]

110. My fondest memory...

I was around 2-3 years old and we were at a zoo looking at a bunch of animals. My parents were looking down at the tiger pit and I couldn't see any of them. I kept asking my dad if he could pick me up and he didn't because he didn't want to drop me in the tiger pit or anything on accident. So what do I do? I stick my head into the zoo bars and get stuck. It took about 5-10 minutes to get my head out, they were close to calling the zoo people to help out.

[QMPMom]

111. It was a Saturday morning. All was quiet......

THAT should have been the first clue to the mischief.

My husband and I were hanging out in the living room while the kids, ages 2 and 3 at the time, were playing in our daughter's bedroom.

The kids came out of the bedroom and my daughter (age 3) came over to me holding out her right arm. She was wearing a heavy sweatshirt that was a bit too big for her. It looked kind of funny and I started to pull up the sleeve.....

.....and was met by her forearm in the shape of an "s".

"She's broken her arm!" I said to my husband.

"Oh, she has not. Quit over-reacting to everything." He replied, not looking up from his newspaper.

"Well, then what do you call this?" I replied, making him look at her arm.

The kids refused to tell us how it happened and we still don't know and it's been 17 years. I think that moment was the fastest I have ever seen my husband move. We made it to the hospital in about 5 minutes flat.

[AlienGirl]

112. Hid a Tupperware container of his own pee, to see what would grow on it

I spent months looking for the source of the pee smell. When I finally found the container, my kid gleefully announced, "Oh good! You found my experiment!" :eyes:

Tucker

[naturalselection]

114. Let's see,

my boy is now 6, but when he was younger I thought he would be the death of me.

I noticed one day that the fish in our fish tank were dying, one by one. I opened the tank and found the water was extremely hot! Apparently, my son had somehow reached the tank heater and turned it all the way up! Naturally, there were no survivors (fish that is).

One time my mother in law was babysitting him when he was about 3. She wanted him to take a bath and he flat out refused (which was not like him, but he loves the power struggles). So as she tried to round him up, he took off all his clothes and ran outside. Apparently, it was quite a sight.

When he was about 2, I woke up one morning and he was not in bed. Thinking that he was downstairs, I went down there, but he wasn't there. I thought, where the hell is he? After a frantic search at 6AM, he had gone outside in his pjs and was playing in his sandbox. The sun wasn't even up yet.

He also began "climbing" out of the crib when he was about 15 months old. He has been in a bed ever since.

He had one episode of horrible nightmares in which he was screaming bloody murder (when he was about 1). My wife and I had no idea what was happening. She naturally picked him up but he was staring off into space. It scared the hell out of both of us. Apparently, he was asleep the whole time but with his eyes open. Very freaky.

I am sure there are more.

[RubyDuby in GA]

115. This is known as night terrors

You can't wake them up, but when they finally wake up on their own, they don't remember it. My brother had them when he was young and now apparently my 9 month old has them too. See if anyone else in your family has a history of something like that.

http://www.nightterrors.org/

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

116. My oldest daughter had those until she was 7 or so!

Now it seems to be over. It was hell seeing her like that and able to do nothing. She'd scream, "Mommy! Mommy!" and her mommy would hold her gently, saying "mommy's here" but she wouldn't hear it. Then she'd go back to bed, fall asleep (or whatever) and she never remembered anything.

[RubyDuby in GA]

119. It's terrifying for me because my little one is only 9 months old and he can't

communicate anything to me but piercing screams.

My brother had them until he was about 7 also. I vividly remember going into his room after waking up to his screams (and as a child, I could have slept through a hurricane). He was literally trying to climb the walls. My parents would try to pull him back and hold him and he would hit, punch or kick anyone that tried. He would scream No! Please leave me alone! and other things.

Mind you, this was my bratty little brother, but it broke my heart to see him that way. I pray that my little one doesn't get like that.

[Patiod]

117. We were warned about night terrors in one of the 5 kids in the OP

I told the mom I knew what to do, since I had them myself until I was about 24, and sleep-walked until about 10 years ago (the mom still sleep-walks herself)

[RubyDuby in GA]

120. I never realized how common an occurence these are

My brother's scared the crap out of me!

[mentalsolstice]

118. No toddler, but my dog...

...chewed up my husband's hearing aid like it was a piece of gum. He had left on his nightstand. He was in the shower when I walked into our bedroom and found her eating it. I took the very mangled pieces of it into the bathroom, knocked on the shower door, and showed it to him. Then I put the dog in the car, and she and I rode around for a couple of hours, until I was sure he was ready to see the humor of the situation.