Bill Filed For Maryland To Ban Vehicles With Testicles

[matcom]

<snip>

ANNAPOLIS - Washington County Sheriff's deputy Matthew Bragunier figures that he sees, at least once a day, fake bull genitals flopping from the hitches of pickup trucks.

They're only a toy, but they're also unpleasant to look at, said Bragunier, worried what his 2-year-old girl might think someday.

"My daughter's going to see this," he said. "She's going to ask what this is. I don't want to be put in that spot. I don't think I ever want to be in that spot."

Del. LeRoy E. Myers Jr., R-Washington/Allegany, agreed.

This week, he filed a bill for Maryland to ban the toys and others like them.

The bill prohibits any "model, sign, sticker or other item" that shows uncovered human or animal genitals, as well as human buttocks or female breasts, from motor vehicles.

Myers sees his bill as a legislative public service.

http://www.herald-mail.com/?module=displaystory&story_id=159259&format=html

[dysfunctional press]

1. what about that pesky 1st amendment thingy...?

if the neocons and religious crazies had been around at the time, you can bet that free speech NEVER would have made the final cut.

[GirlinContempt]

3. It makes me laugh

to think of the lofty 1st amendment being used to defend truck genitalia.

[dysfunctional press]

9. and yet, it's exactly the type of thing it was written for.

one person's trash talk is another person's artistic expression.

[GirlinContempt]

14. Actually if they can successfully argue it as obscenity

it's my understanding that it is not covered by the 1st amendment

[Midlodemocrat]

12. .

:rofl:

[GirlinContempt]

15. First they came for the truck genitals...

;)

[Arugula Latte]

49. Yes -- I remained silent when they took my neighbor's Chevy balls away ...

I didn't have a vehicle scrotum, so I said nothing.

Then they came for my friend's SUV booty'n'thong. That didn't concern me, I reasoned, and I said nothing.

But when they came to get my car boobies, there was no one left to speak for me. :cry:

[jakefrep]

2. Does this cover the pissing Calvin?

Those should be banned too - not least because Calvin's creator probably isn't getting any royalties from them.

[LynneSin]

4. What should be banned is those white ovals with letters in them

People will start fricking tailgating you just to figure out what the initials stand for.

I think their time has come and gone

[Omphaloskepsis]

5. Just so we know what we are talking about.

http://www.bumpernuts.com/

I am glad people don't think this shit is funny/cute where I live.

[auburngrad82]

35. I'll give up my fake truck nuts when they pry them from my cold dead hands nt

[taterguy]

6. When fake bull genitals are outlawed . . .

Only outlaws will own fake bull genitals

[Arger68]

7. I always thought about sending some of these to

Stephen Colbert. :rofl:

[Chan790]

8. This is a terrible idea...

Yeah, they're dumb...but if this flies, the next thing down the pipe will be to ban signs, posters, bumper stickers and tee-shirts which advocate positions which parents "feel uncomfortable" about the thought of someday having to explain to their children.

Sorry, truck balls are too important. (I can't believe I had to say that.)

Slippery slopes always start with unpopular cases and nuisance trivialities (as in this case) setting bad legal precedents. No judge is going to overturn a ban on truck testicles...yet it lays the groundwork for bans on bumper stickers reading "my body, my choice" and other important positions as creating a public nuisance.

Maybe I'm being silly, but I prefer eternal vigilance.

[dysfunctional press]

10. that's why the founders had the foresight to include the 1st amendment.

and this proposed ban is un-constitutional on it's face.

[GirlinContempt]

16. Uh, there are already a myriad of cases

concerning obscenity and 'speech' which set this precedent, and have for a while, and yet none of these things have happened yet.

[Chan790]

19. Yes, but this isn't going to legally-pass as obscenity.

There are a lot of rulings including ones stating that public depictions (i.e. drawings of breasts and butts and balls the such) are not obscenity in their own right, even if the real thing (i.e. live or photographic) are. I just don't think bumper nuts are going to meet the obscenity threshold here.

[GirlinContempt]

21. As long as they are shown to have some artistic merit

I think truck balls could have a harder time with that sticky add-on. Cause that's pretty integral, the artistic merits bit.
I really don't care one way or another about truck nuts. I just find it amusing.

[mikeytherat]

11. Oh, this is gonna be FUN!

"The bill prohibits any "model, sign, sticker or other item" that shows uncovered human or animal genitals, as well as human buttocks or female breasts, from motor vehicles."

Are naked lady mudflaps next on the chopping block? Let's all drive around and see what offends us, then have it removed. That said, you do have to question the "taste" of anyone with a pair of fake testicles hanging from his trailer hitch.

mikey_the_rat

[Strawman]

13. I'm shocked I haven't seen this in my neighborhood

It's full of stupidly accessorized pickup trucks.

[zanne]

17. ALWAYS carry scissors!

I wonder if they bounce.

[Chan790]

20. No

They're cast metal and then painted. I unfortunately live in the sort of place where they're popular.

[zanne]

23. Damn.

It'd be alot more fun to cut them off if they bounced.

[Chan790]

24. Bring a hacksaw. n/m

[zanne]

25. How about tin snips?

[Chan790]

28. They're cast iron or steel.

You're going to need a hacksaw, or a grinder or a reciprocating saw...unless you just want to unscrew them. They screw on or come on a plug for the tow bar. I think it'd be funny to just steal them and leave a note about how they you stole their balls and they haven't got the sack to do anything about it.

[zanne]

29. I'm picturing a guy running after me saying...

"Hey! You stole my balls"!

[eyepaddle]

31. If they are cast iron, that's pretty brittle, you could hit em with

a hammer and they might shatter.

Thus giving whole new meaning to the term "busting balls." ;)

[hunter]

42. "...cast iron...screw on or come on..."

:yoiks:

[Orrex]

18. Can we ban Jesus Fish, too?

The ones showing "Truth" devouring "Darwin" are far more offensive than bumpernuts IMO.

[Chan790]

22. They are offensive, but sadly no.

That one is an even clearer freedom of speech and expression claim. They have a right, annoying as it may be, to express that the fine, caramelly Jesusy truth is stronger than the dark, evil nougat of Darwinism.

Everything is better when the world is viewed as one giant candy bar.

[Orrex]

27. Can there ever be true harmony between caramel and nougat?

That would be a perfect world.

[Chan790]

30. In the reckoning when the holy Snickers

descends from on-high there will be peace in the land and caramel and nougat shall frolick in the meadow with peanuts. (Heath. 6:2-7)

Geez, haven't you ever read the Gospel of Heathbar?

[Orrex]

33. Are you mad? I'm a prophet of the faith!

See here for some intense theological discussion along these lines, paying particular attention to Holy Reply 32.

[eyepaddle]

32. Is that how "nougat" is spelled?

And for the record what the HELL is nougat anyway?

I'm mean aside from delicous!

[Orrex]

34. Consult the Holy debate mentioned in my reply above

Your very soul may be at stake.

[eyepaddle]

36. I'm on it Padre nt

[eyepaddle]

38. Well, I found it;

Nougat is the essence of happiness, the stuff of dreams. It's the first light of sun that warms your cheek and the gentle breeze that cools your brow. It is the comfort of truth in a harsh and uncaring world, and it is the force of the moon upon the waves.


For the record, I'm with you on the Snicker's topic as well.

100 grand bars, and Nestle's Crunch are pretty Rock Star, but not enough to make Snickers worry.

[Chan790]

37. It went through spellcheck.

Nougat is:

According to my trusty Joy of Cooking, previous edition, nougat is a combination of sugar, corn syrup, egg whites, butter and nuts. Joy claims that France and Italy are famous for their honey-flavored nougats, then cravenly declines to give a recipe for one claiming that more careful storage of honey-containing candy is needed due to atmospheric moisture. Whatever that's supposed to mean. It's not like a plate full of homemade candy is going to sit around for a week or two. (The Straight Dope, quoting The Joy of Cooking)

or

The "nougat" used as an ingredient in many modern candy bars is not similar to traditional recipes, but is a mixture of sucrose and corn syrup aerated with a whipping agent such as egg white or hydrolyzed soya protein. It may also have vegetable fats and milk powder added, and is typically combined with nuts, caramel, and/or chocolate, and so forth. In contrast, European confections feature nougat as the primary component, rather than one of several ingredients. Milky Way, Snickers, 3 Musketeers, and Baby Ruth all have different types of "nougat". (Wikipedia)

Nougat is Love!!!!

[Fleshdancer]

26. what about the CHILDREN???!!!?!?!

:eyes:

So his daughter might ask someday and therefore the stupid car balls need to be outlawed because he's such a piss poor politician that he can't even effectively lie to a small child on the spot? Riiiight. It's obvious he's lying to a large number of adults right now and just doesn't have the courage to say "I think they're gross and I don't want to look at them" so I recommend he stop hiding behind his 2 yr old daughter and own up to his real reason for needless legislation.

[gbate]

39. I heard an interview with this nutjob on the radio this morning.

He's just helping his constituents. Right.

[PVnRT]

40. I oppose this

Allowing the rednecks to put these on their trucks allows us to recognize them immediately for comedic purposes.

[Maraya1969]

41. Here's a picture of them

[Spider Jerusalem]

43. Does that apply to horses, too?

If this passes, will it be illegal to ride a male horse that isn't a gelding in Maryland?

[redqueen]

44. I was about to say... what about dogs? What about real live actual bulls?

Should they be required to wear underwear now?


:crazy:

[seemunkee]

45. Dog thongs

Damn they exist

[redqueen]

46. *sigh*

I'd say "unbelievable"... but really it's not.

Bet they don't make 'em for bulls, though!

[El Fuego]

47. Hmmm...perhaps all non-OEM ornamentation should be banned.

It's fine with me if they ban oversized auto genitalia, but I think these people will file lawsuits on the basis of discrimination against the pathetically un-endowed. The law is clearly discriminatory since it applies only to individuals without any balls. They have the right to compensate to display on the vehicles for what the good lord neglected to give them.

[Crabby Appleton]

48. I'm not sure, but I think the cops can shoot you for it in my small

town; it will at least buy you a little taze time.

[jobycom]

50. Disgusting items, i wouldn't miss them, but I would miss my right to display them

if I turn out to be a sick, tasteless, ignorant fuck who wants to display them.

As for the sheriff never wanting to have to explain to his daughter what testicles are, I think he should grow up. She'll learn by the time she is ten, at the latest, no matter where she learns it from.