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So, I got hit in a bar tonight.
Yeah, I'm totally fine. Not even a bruise, really. I'm pretty amazed.
Was kinda weird. My wife and I were walking through an extremely bar after dinner at a pizza joint. She's flying to Illinois for a week on Sunday, and half of the dinner conversation had centered around what I would do if she died (yeah, it was real uplifting- you'd love spending dinner with the BGL's). No, actually it was pretty lighthearted.
But then when we were walking through the bar, two ladies started following us because they couldn't find a seat. We joked with each other- they asked if we “wanted to ride the mechanical bull.” Ha ha. Two rows of customers later, I'm chatting with my wife about something or other, carrying a couple of Heinekens I’d purchased, and as I'm crossing the dance floor, a bouncer passes me, left to right. So I step off the dance floor, looking the other way, of course, to my left. Suddenly, my wife says “Watch out!” And at exactly the same time, out of nowhere, I'm being punched and tossed by the bouncer who had just passed. He had stopped and reversed in response to someone else pulling out a gun ahead of me and slightly to my right.
The Heinekens went flying and landed on the dance floor. I went up into the air a bit and landed on my feet a yard or two from where I had been. The bouncer stopped immediately- I think he realized he was hitting the wrong person right before he hit me. But if he hadn't pulled his punch, there may have been a problem, because I wasn't tossed to the side. Just straight back. It was over before I even realized what had happened.
So this is where it gets kinda funny. A bartender comes over all angry like, like she's gonna give someone a whoopin'. I turn toward the bouncer, and I'm standing there looking at her, thinking, "You just hit me.” But as the bartender comes over, she starts looking at the bouncer’s hand for damage. I just stared at her in disbelief for a second or two- didn't she realize that there was like, someone who was almost just killed here? Suddenly she realizes this, and looks at me and says, “Are YOU okay?”- yes, “YOU,” as in, secondary to the bouncer’s hand. I said yeah, I'm totally fine.
Then the bouncer comes closer. I think he was in shock himself. He walked up and asked if I'm okay. I did my best to reassure him that I wasn't hurt at all. W e did the handshake-hug thing. He said it was one of his worst fears, hurting someone with his fists. He must have been scared shitless. But as my wife and I were walking away, after we picked up the Heinekens- which were more or less okay, too- I called out to him “Have a good night.” Intuitively I felt that as shaken up as I was, he must be ten times as much. I didn't want it to ruin his night.
My wife was in shock, too. I think she still might be, a bit. She had to watch this happen. She said our whole lives flashed in front of her eyes. She couldn't stop talking about it, how close I was to being dead, there, but at the same time coming out of it totally unscathed. If that guy had hit me just a fraction harder, I would have been laid out on the dance floor.
Anyway. So I'm still alive! Whoohoo!
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