Gimme a joke! I need a zinger.

[LynnTheDem]

Just that kinda day, we need a joke making the rounds of the office today.

Anyone got a goodie?

[no name no slogan]

1. Here's a funny one

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

:hide:

[LSK]

3. thats a good one

[VenusRising]

2. One a friend sent me the other day.

The virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come

over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."

* * * * * * * * *

[Connonym]

4. not a joke per se

I've been contracting with a small company for almost 10 years now and talk to one of the co-owners practically every day. They're being audited and the other day I got a letter from the state requesting information about my work. The letter was addressed to Colleen Connonym. But my name is Connie Connonym. I contact the "boss" and tell her I got this letter addressed to Colleen and should we contact them to get one with the right name on it. Her reply? "I didn't know you changed your name. What is it now?"

After 10 years. :banghead:

[Adsos Letter]

5. are blonde jokes OK?

[LeftyFingerPop]

6. A tractor trailer driver...

was driving down the highway in a refrigerated truck, carrying a load of penguins.

He hit a nasty bump in the road, and momentarily lost control of the truck. He wrestled the truck to the side of the road, despite having 3 flat tires. The force of the bump caused the back of the truck to fly open, and the penguins were jumping out of the back and milling about on the highway.

A helpful citizen driving a pickup truck saw the semi driver's predicament, stopped his pickup and offered to help.

The semi driver said..."I don't know what the hell I am going to do....I need to have these penguins at the zoo in 30 minutes".

The pickup driver kindly offered to take the penguins, much to the relief of the semi driver. So he loaded the penguins into the pick-up, and off they went.

The semi-driver was able to get his truck repaired quickly, and he sped off down the road to his next assignment.

He happened to look off into the distance, and in a shopping center parking lot, he saw the guy with the pickup truck, and all of the penguins were waddling around in the parking lot.

He drove up to the guy and said...."What the hell are you doing? You were supposed to take these penguins to the zoo!"

The pick-up driver said "I know I know...relax....I already took them to the zoo. Now I am taking them out to see a movie and get some ice cream".

[Merrick]

7. Why did the girl stop to sit on the bench?

Because she was tired.

I just made that one up.

[LeftyFingerPop]

8. A quick one:

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fish.

[Parche]

9. The Biggest Joke I Know

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :hi:

[Deja Q]

10. I wish I saw your OP earlier... here's my entry:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6633770