Little Known Facts about Cthulhu

[Dr. Strange]

* Cthulhu is allergic to cabbage.
* Cthulhu was Prima Ballerina at the Bolshoi Ballet in the 1950s.
* Cthulhu was the 33rd president of Finland.
* Cthulhu is not, and never has been, related to Thomas P. Tabernakle.
* Cthulhu invented toast as we know it.
* Cthulhu holds a high level marketing position at Microsoft
* Some say that Cthulhu is just a gigantic halibut living in the halibut city of Atlantis. This is preposterous.
* It has been mathematically proven that Cthulhu looks damn sexy in a tube top.
* The natural enemy of Cthulhu is Vladimir Putin and his army of giant robots.
* The Albatross Alliance's main aim, other than destroying humanity, is to kill Cthulhu and eat it. That's a lot of squid there. Albatrosses like squid. You're crazy if you think an albatross is going to turn their backs on a big sweet-smelling squid like that. And a Nation of Albatross? Forget it.
* Cthulhu may also be spelled Cthulu, Ktulu, Kootoolookoolooluuloo, whatever. Nobody cares. It can't even be properly pronounced by lower-dimensional minds such as our own, much less spelled.
* Cthulhu once tried to manage a weblog, The Call of Cthulhu. His page was so luminary that it led to the abrogation of Net Neutrality. Many people who viewed his site claim that their computer's have been infected by viruses; however, they are wrong. Cthulhu used his website to lay eggs in their hard drive; the date of their hatch will be known as the apocalypse.
* Cthulhu speaks fluent Polish. Cthulhu can understand Esperanto, but can't speak it. Cthulhu can speak Klingon, but It doesn't want to.
* Cthulhu belives it's not butter.
* Cthulhu enjoys golf.
* Cthulhu automatically kills 1d4 people per round.
* Cthulhu likes tea in the morning. Cthulhu likes babies in the afternoon.
* Cthulhu invented the words oblique, exemplry, toltski, and exeplorate.
* Cthulhu is M.C escher
* Cthulhu is the second most evil being in existance, the first is Bill Gates
* Cthulhu granted Indiana Jones immortality after Jones sacrificed 72 virgins upon his altar.
* Cthulhu was on the 2.5632 trillion dollar bill but he ate them all
* Cthulhu was seen singing "Johnny B. Goode" in the legendary language on Smarch of 1983 and was missheard by Metallica and reinterpreted as the song "The Call Of Ktulu".
* Cthulhu is actually a very good dancer.
* Cthulhu most known hobby is being Santa Claus.
* Cthulhu occasionally spars with Evangelion unit 01, the only known being to ever best him in hand to hand combat, and Parcheesi.
* The Burning Crusade was created when Cthulhu reached lvl 70 in World of Whorecraft and to level the playing field, they allowed players to reach lvl 70 (however, this is useless, as Cthulhu is now lvl 1337 and is found devouring n00bs.
* Cthulhu has starred in countless hentai movies.
* Cthulhu shared his unlimited power and wisdom only with Maggie Simpson.
* Cthulhu Rocks!
* Cthulhu invented toilet paper.
* Cthulhu hates Overconfident people.
* Cthulhu have his own custom iPod.
* Cthulhu also really hates black metal and wishes those make up wearing dorks would really stop using his name in vain.
* Cthulhu created Uncyclopedia and as a response Bill Gates created wikipedia.
* Cthulhu rides a scooter.
* Cthulhu enjoys bowling.
* Cthulhu does not enjoy kittens... unless you batter and deep fry them, then serve them with a little mayonnaise and malt vinegar on the side.
* The Bible was wrong... Cthulhu is the Alpha and Omega! He's also the Lambda!
* Cthulhu made Steven Seagal a Star. This is the only bit of insanity Cthulhu regrets unleashing on the world.
* Cthulhu is best friends with the Dark Lord of all Evil, Kageryushin. Every once in the while they go clubbing, which usually causes a universe or two to implode.
* Cthulhu is beleived to be related to a giant enemy crab but this cannot be proven or disproven at this time despite Bruce Willis saying so.
* Cthulu and Bruce Campell are close friends, and he has made cameos in several of his movies.
* Despite his awesomeness, even Cthulhu can't escape being pitied or thrown helluva far by Mr. T. This is the sole reason Cthulhu avoids harming children or youth centers.
* No matter who you are or where you're from or what you say, Cthulhu WILL eat you...and your little dog too.
* "Cthulu is very similar phonetically to Zxxyxz


Special Thanks to redqueen for reminding me of the existence of the uncyclopedia.

Feel free to add your own--but please make sure your facts are correct.

No flames please.

[MrCoffee]

1. “I Cthulhu,” a long-lost story by Neil Gaiman

or What’s A Tentacle-Faced Thing Like Me Doing In A Sunken City Like This (Latitude 47 ° 9’ S, Longitude 126 ° 43’ W)?


Cthulhu, they call me. Great Cthulhu.
Nobody can pronounce it right.
Are you writing this down? Every word? Good. Where shall I start…mm?
Very well, then. The beginning. Write this down, Whateley.
I was spawned uncounted aeons ago, in the dark mists of Khhaa’yngnaiih (no, of course I don’t know how to spell it. Write it as it sounds), of nameless nightmare parents, under a gibbous moon. It wasn’t the moon of this planet, of course, it was a real moon. On some nights it filled over half the sky and as it rose you could watch the crimson blood drip and trickle down its bloated face, staining it red, until at its height it bathed the swamps and towers in a gory dead red light.


http://www.neilgaiman.com/exclusive/shortstories/chulthhustory/

[Dr. Strange]

2. Heh

It was a joke, one-head, a joke.

That Cthulhu has a way with words!

[Arkham House]

3. Cthulu wrote the original script for "Citizen Kane"...

...thus solving the ancient Welles/Mankiewicz dispute...Cthulu also was commander of the Army of the Potomac for a time in the winter of 1862-3...AND: Cthulu originated the "Kilroy was here" cartoon from World War II...

[yoyossarian]

4. K'TulHu is amongst us!

FOOLISH HUMANS!

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!

T-shirts, mugs, buttons n' cards with this or
other such lovely images at http://cafepress.com/laughcity">Laugh City

http://steponnopets.com/peo">President Evil Online has risen from the grave!