DU Parents: Co-sleeping....yes or no?

[malta blue]

Do you, or did you allow your child(ren) to sleep with you? At what age does it seem inappropriate? Is there a gender difference?

I need some opinions. Little MB has always slept in her own bed in my house, but her dad has always allowed her to sleep with him at his house. She is now 8 years old and I found this to be inappropriate at this age - NOT because I think he is some sort of pervert but because of the stigma attached to it, someone might call CPS on him.

She said she does not sleep in his bed with him anymore, but every Friday night that she is with him, they still open up the sofabed and sleep in it.

Any thoughts?

[redqueen]

1. I didn't, but I did allow my kids to.

And still do, if it's not a school night.

I don't know about age appropriateness for opposite gender kids... I have two daughters. But I wouldn't think it would be much of an issue until the kid got older.

[malta blue]

2. I let her sleep with me if Mr MB is away on business,

even if it is a school night - but only once on each trip. It is a treat for her, even though I get pounded by her kicks. I am just worried that because of the gender difference, it will cause problems for her if a teacher or counselor found out.

[Tektonik]

3. It's a touchy subject

and I think you're right to wonder if it is appropriate or not, but imo having the family watching late night TV/movies then falling asleep is always appropriate.

[malta blue]

5. Thanks for the input...

I remember my mom always carried me to my bed after I fell asleep watching movies - and I know that sleeping on a sofabed is murder on my ex-husband, but he still does it.

[IndianaJones]

4. huh? I crate my kids at night. keeps the rooms clean and the beds made. nt.

[malta blue]

6. ...

:spray:

:rofl: :rofl:

Thanks...

[cobalt1999]

7. Shoot my daughters are 12 and 9 and they sometimes

crawl into bed with my wife and I and spend the night.

I figure they'll stop when they aren't comfortable, but we haven't made a big deal about it....well, my youngest snores!

[malta blue]

12. Thanks.

Little MB snores too.:rofl:

[BarenakedLady]

8. Mine all slept with me

Eventually they outgrew it. I personally see no issue with it.

[malta blue]

13. So eventually she will outgrow this....

Her dad does make her sleep in her bed on all the other nights she is there, the friday night thing is just that, friday night.

[Connonym]

18. After my divorce my daughters liked to sleep in my bed

they were 4 and 7 at the time and I figured they'd outgrow it, no big deal and they did. However, currently, until we get a place of our own, the three of us share the same bedroom and my 11 year old sleeps in the same bed as me. The lack of privacy is irksome sometimes but you do what you have to do. If they were boys I'd be very uncomfortable with it though.

[malta blue]

24. The gender issue is probably what will turn this into

a flamefest, although it is not my intention.

I just think that because little MB is a girl, she is going to say something and a teacher is going to report exMB to CPS. Then we all have to deal with CRAP.

[Connonym]

29. yeah

I hope it doesn't turn into a flamefest. I agree with you that the issue is more about how it looks rather than whether it is, in fact, weird. Your daughter is still young enough that I personally think it's fine but, as you say, others may not agree and that is where it gets to be a problem.

[malta blue]

33. Thanks for understanding, It's not really me.

It's almost the "what will the neighbors think?" attitude, and most of the time I couldn't care less what they thought, but if it messes with my freedom to do as I please, then perhaps....well you get the idea.

Thanks

[tigereye]

47. we never did the co-sleeping thing

since it was impossible to sleep with a fidgety toddler - he always slept in his own bed unless he was sick and now that he's older, he always sleeps in his own bed.

I think folks have to make that decision for themselves, but when kids start to enter puberty, that's probably a good idea to stop... unless it's just an occasional falling asleep while watching tv thing. JMO.

I think kids also let you know when they are uncomfortable with it.

I always wonder, since there are so many cultures where folks are lucky to have one room in their houses, it's funny how we fuss about this in our culture - we with multiple rooms and big houses!

[RubyDuby in GA]

9. I let my little one sleep with me

He's 16 months old and has always slept with me. Mr. Rubyduby works nights and its easier for me to keep an eye on him.

We're going to have problems though getting him to sleep in his own bed. He won't go to sleep unless Mommy is there.

[malta blue]

17. Makes perfect sense to me....

Plus, it saves you the trip in the middle of night if he is right there with you.

[tigereye]

49. that's why I never did that

I've seen too many folks who had to Ferberize, etc. I remember when he got the toddler bed and would sneak into our room and say boo! ;) We had to eventually put the baby gate on his room so we could get some sleep!


I like the bed being for grown-ups, myself.

[LeftyMom]

10. My son still sleeps with me when he's sick or a bit scared.

He's six.

I wouldn't worry about it.

He coslept full time when he was a baby and went straight to a toddler bed from there.

[malta blue]

15. The sick part is totally understandable

and I would surely accept it if she were sick - no problem.

She did not cosleep as an infant, this started when her dad and I got divorced, and it seemed fine when she was 2, but at 8, I was thinking that others (like I said, I know he's not a pervert) would find it inappropriate and report him to CPS.

[midlife_mo_Jo]

38. My son is older than that

and when we are the only two at home, he will still sleep in my room ocasionally. We might spend some time reading in bed, and then he moves to a sleeping bag on the floor. It's great quality time, but you are right to be worried about some suspecting person calling CPS.

[Midlodemocrat]

11. I don't think it is an issue. BabyMidlo sleeps with me sometimes.

Like the last two nights because she has strep throat. My other two slept with us occasionally as well and outgrew it.

I wouldn't be overly concerned.

[malta blue]

14. Thanks Midlo.

I appreciate your opinion :hi:

[mike_c]

16. I don't think it's inappropriate at all....

My daughter is grown and frankly, I can't remember when she stopped sleeping with me (or showering/bathing with me, for that matter), but there is nothing at all inappropriate about SLEEPING together, or BATHING together, and so on. There are inappropriate things-- indeed criminal things-- but if they don't apply in this situation, then there's no worries at all, IMO.

[malta blue]

20. Thanks mike_c

I appreciate your input and your candor on the subject.

Like I said in the OP, I know there is nothing inappropriate in it, it just seems to me that I would rather not be in a position where others may deem it inappropriate and thereby wreak havoc on his/our lives.

[tigereye]

50. let's hope people have better things to do...

life's too short to worry all the time.


One of the funniest things I ever saw on tv were kids who slept under the X-mas tree at Christmas time. It was really cute.

[Inchworm]

19. My daughter was allowed to sleep with me

She only did when she felt bad or scared though. It was her choice. Then one day she just stopped doing it all together.

:hi:

[malta blue]

23. Seems completely reasonable to me.

So do you think that her sleeping with Daddy on the sofabed 2 nights a month is okay?

:hi:

[Inchworm]

28. I see nothing wrong with it

Let them be kids is how I think.

One day they won't want to do it any longer. Then, they'll graduate high school, move off, get married, have bebbes and all that.

You will remember these little things when you think back then get all warm and fuzzy inside.

:hug:

[malta blue]

32. aww shucks...

you are so right on that!

:hug:

Thanks

[Debbi801]

21. I'm a co-sleeper....

My 5 yr old sleeps with us every night. My younger two did it also, although they had outgrown it by now.

We're working on getting him out of our bed and into his now. Mainly for the stigma attached now that he is in school.

If she's comfortable and happy, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[malta blue]

25. The school stigma....

that is the core issue for me, because I know exMB would never do anything inappopriate.

[AlCzervik]

22. my daughter used to sleep with us until she was six, we moved to a different

state and the first room in our new house i got ready was her bedroom and that was it, she wanted to sleep in her room only. I was surprised but thats what she wanted plus she used to sleep diagonally and totally kick all the covers off the bed so in the end i guess it worked out well.

[malta blue]

26. I was hoping that when he redecorated her room this summer,

that would be then end of it, and for the most part it was. Now it is just the two nights a month.

[Blue_In_AK]

27. My kids all slept with me

for at least part of the night. When they were little and I was nursing them, it was just easier. As they got older, I'd put them to bed in their own bed, but they'd usually end up with me at some point during the night. They finally all grew out of it.

[malta blue]

34. I'm sure she'll grow out of it....

perhaps Daddy should start hogging up the bed like she does....
:rofl:

[Lyric]

45. Oops! Replied in the wrong place.

sorry :)

[laylah]

30. Both of my daughters,

now 26 and 23, slept with their dad and I whenever they wanted. The younger one outgrew it pretty quickly while my sweet Kaghime continued until she left home. Let me clarify that. After about 11, she only did if she had a bad dream. We never made a big deal out of it and I see/saw no problem with it whatsoever.

[malta blue]

31. Thanks - perhaps I am creating a mountain

out of a molehill on this one.
:hi:

[Burma Jones]

35. No

We kept each of them in our room, in their Cradle, until they were 6 months old, then a crib in their own room. Our kids are confident and age-appropriately independent. Before their bedtimes and in the morning, we lie down and talk and snuggle with the kids, but for sleeping they have their own space. On trips we will occasionally share a bed or when my wife went on a business trip and my MIL was staying in my son's room, he shared a King Sized bed with me, but it's rare.

[fight4my3sons]

36. My oldest always co-slept

He has his own bed that he goes back and forth to. Right nwo I think Halloween is freaking him out a bit and he sneaks in to our bed at night. He has been sleeping in his own bed because he "is five now." My twins usually sleep on their own, but lately have also been sneaking into the bed. I guess they want to feel like they got an opportunity to share in the family bed too. They are three. My husband and I don't see a problem with it. They are little boys and if they are having trouble sleeping and need to feel close to us, that if fine.

[Sweet Freedom]

37. My daughter always sleeps with me

She's 9 and has slept with me since her dad and I separated last year. I actually prefer it; she seems to sleep better and I know I sleep more soundly knowing she is right by me if (heaven forbid) something happened and I needed to protect or help her.

I think eventually, your daughter will think sleeping with dad is totally gross and she'll stop when she's ready. :hi:

[NewJeffCT]

39. My daughter does it on occasion

She's 4 1/2 and I don't think it's a big deal, other than she takes up an inordinate amount of room for somebody that is 43" tall! She also moves around quite a bit - enough where I sometimes leave and sleep in the spare bedroom that we have so I can get some peace. My wife could sleep in the middle of a war zone, so it doesn't really bother her that much...

[kwassa]

40. No

We have a six month plus baby we adopted who was already accustomed to a crib by her foster mother, and we keep the crib in the nursery next to our master bedroom (just the way the house was designed way back when). We bring her into our bed in the early morning on days we want to sleep in, after we feed her, or if she is unusually fussy and needs attention. Right now she is teething, so I did it last night, when my wife was out of town on business.

The baby is happy, well-adjusted, outgoing, healthy.

[rbnyc]

41. Big struggle with us.

First, when I was much younger, my baby niece died in bed with her parents. My Aunt Peggy was overweight and she suffocated her in her sleep. Truly horrible.

I am overweight and my husband sleeps like he's in a comma, so when Garrison was a little baby, we felt it was a safety issue and he slept in a bassinet near our bed.

As he got older, he desired very much to sleep with us, and would wake up crying several times in the night, and wouldn't sleep soundly until we let him come to bed with us.

This became a problem because my husband and I are both very busy and don't have very much alone-time. We really needed to reclaim our bed.

Just a couple weeks ago we bought Garrison a new bed and a special stuffed animal to be his bedtime buddy. We made a huge event out of it, and it worked. He sleeps in his own bed now.

My husband is thrilled, but now I can't sleep. I get up and check on him constantly. I find myself so restless now.

Can't win.

[Xithras]

42. My kids slept with us until they hit two or three.

And the decision to leave was theirs...aided by some well placed suggestive comments: "Big boys/girls sleep in their own bed". The only one we really have had any sort of issues with is our youngest (3 now). He'll go to sleep in his own bed, but he wakes up two or three times a week and wants to climb into bed with us. We generally don't let him do so.

[guitar man]

43. well

since my little girl is only 21 months old, she still takes a nap on Daddy on the couch on Saturday and Sunday afternoons....Daddy usually gets a nap then too :)

I'm going to miss all that when she gets too big.....:(

[Deja Q]

44. I'd say, by age 25, it'd be a bit too old...

:hide:

[Lyric]

46. I'm starting to think that I'm the odd one out

but I never let Brendan sleep with us--not even when he was a baby. When he was newborn and I was still nursing him, his crib was in our room, but we moved it to the smaller bedroom adjoined to ours when he was about 10 months old and that was that. He's slept by himself ever since.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

48. My son co-slept with us from birth to 6 months..

At 6 months he started sleeping all stretched out and he was taking up too much space in our bed, so we started him sleeping in his own crib. Co-sleeping worked well with breast feeding because my son could feed and I could sleep at the same time. I don't think co-sleeping is inappropriate at any age or with any gender, but I do think it is better for the child to learn to sleep on their own and it is good for the parents to have some time away from their kids (privacy).