Beer is NOT Morally Superior to Weed!

[WilliamPitt]

I don't drink anymore, I don't do drugs anymore, either, than, I'd say the average touring funk band. I had to add it up. No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs, I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth-

I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry.

Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day. Sorry. Now, where's my commercial? Why don't I get a commercial? Why is it always that other guy that gets the commercial? "I lost my job, then my car, then my house, then my kids. Don't do drugs." Well, I'm definitely not doing them with you, fuck! Man, you're bumming me out, get him out of here! Who invited Mr. Doom over, get that guy out of here! That guy by the dip, he's bumming everyone out! He hasn't stopped talking, I wish he'd lose his fucking voice!

I mean, I've lost my car before, okay. Found it the next day, you know, no biggie. I don't think that warranted a commercial. "I lost my car and uh... oh, there it is by that dumpster! Forget it! See you tomorrow! Honk, honk!" You know, I've lost stuff, I'm not saying that. I knew we were in trouble with that damn egg commercial, that guy. I knew that was the government's take on drugs, we're fucked, you know. "Here's your brain." I've seen a lot of weird shit on drugs, I have never ever ever ever ever looked at an egg and thought it was a fucking brain, not once, all right? I have seen UFO's split the sky like a sheet, but I have never ever ever looked at an egg and thought it was a fucking brain, not once.

I have had seven balls of light come off of a UFO, lead me onto their ship, explain to me telepathically that we are all one and there is no such thing as death, but I have never ever ever ever ever looked at an egg, and thought it was a fucking brain. Now. Maybe I wasn't getting good shit. I admit it, I see that commercial, I feel cheated. Hey, where's the stuff that makes eggs look like brains? That sounds neat.

Did I quit too soon? What is that, CIA stash? You see the guy in that commercial, that guy's got a beer gut- "All right, this is it. Look up, man. This is your brain. I ain't doing this again. That's your - " The guy's drunk and doing this fucking commercial. "Here's your brain." That's an egg! That's a frying pan, that's a stove, you're an alcoholic, dude, I'm tripping right now, and I still see that is a fucking egg, all right?

I see the UFO's around it, but that is a goddamn egg in the middle. There's a hobbit eating it, but, goddamn it, that hobbit is eating a fucking egg. He's on a unicorn, but that dam-up-nup-oh-hop, that's a fucking egg, yeah. How dare you have a wino tell me not to do drugs. (From the audience) "Why did you quit?" Why did I quit? Because after you've been taken aboard a UFO, it's kind of hard to top that, all right. They have Alcoholics Anonymous, they don't have Alien Anonymous. I tell you what, though, going to AA meetings, which I have to do, but going there and hearing people talking about their fucking booze stories, you know. "You know, I love the taste of gin, it's so good, tastes-" Fuck you, I've been on a UFO, fuck off! I went drinking with aliens, you fucker, shut up! "I lost my wife-" I lost an alien culture who wanted to take me to the planet Arcturus, fuck you!

I mean, I don't know if I've got the resentment, you know, forgiveness part down in the book, but... (singing) "One day at a time . . ."

I just cannot, you know, believe in a war against drugs when they've got anti-drug commercials on TV all day long, followed by, "This Bud's for you." I got news for you, folks. A-1, alcohol is a drug, and B-2, and here's the real one, alcohol kills more people than crack, coke and heroin ... combined each year. So, thanks for inviting me to your little alcoholic/drug den here tonight. You fine, upstanding citizens, you, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Now. You know what, if I was going to have a drug be legal, it would not be alcohol, you know why? There's better drugs and better drugs for you. That's a fact, so you can stop your internal dialogue. Wait a minute, Bill, alcohol is an accepted form of social interaction which for thousands of years has been the norm under which human beings have congregated in the form of social events and... Shut the fuck up. Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you. Pot is a better drug than alcohol - fact, and I'll prove it.

You're at a ballgame, you're at a concert, someone's really violent, aggressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot? (Audience) Drunk! The one and only correct answer, tell them what they've won, Johnny.

I have never seen people on pot get in a fight because it is fucking impossible! Hey, buddy. Hey, what? End of argument. Say you get in a car accident, and you've been smoking pot. You're only going four miles an hour. Vroom... CRASH. Shit, we hit something. Forgot to open the garage door, man. We got to get the garage door open so Domino's knows we're home! But I'll tell you the truth, I have never heard one reason that rang true why marijuana is against the law.

That rang true, now, I'm not talking about the reasons the government tells us, because I hope you know this, I think you do, all governments are lying cocksuckers. I hope you know that. Good.

I mean, marijuana grows everywhere, it serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive, to make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a mistake, you know what I mean? It's like God, on the seventh day, looked down on his creation and said, "There it is. My creation. Perfect and holy in all ways. Now, I can rest... Oh my me. I left fucking pot everywhere. I should never have smoked that joint on the third day. Shit. If I leave pot everywhere, that's gonna give people the impression they're supposed to use it. Shit. Now I have to create Republicans."

- Bill Hicks

http://www.gavinsblog.com/rel.htm

[redqueen]

1. Is that Stevie Ray Vaughan?

[WilliamPitt]

2. Nope.

[redqueen]

3. Heh... I knew that...

Was only joking.

:hi:

[WilliamPitt]

4. I know.

:P

[redwitch]

5. you scared me for a minute.

I read the first two paragraphs and thought you'd gotten a brain injury of some sort. :-)

[DS1]

6. One mushroom trip was better than all the drunken times I've had put together

slight exaggeration, but still

[redqueen]

11. And even Amsterdam has made them illegal.

*sigh*

[DS1]

13. I thought it was a waiting period

*hopes*

[redqueen]

14. Fraid not.

:(

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/12/AR2007101202239.html

[DS1]

15. NOOOOOOOOO !

One kid can't handle it, and it's ruined for the rest of us ( not like I have money to jet-set off across the pond for a good toke and trip )

[redqueen]

16. Indeed it is. Isn't that always the way?

Did you see in the article who're the worst offenders of freaking out?

Brits!

[DS1]

17. limey bastards!

:nuke:

[Capn Sunshine]

18. nevermind- I thought you were talking about pot. <whew>

My SIL is traveling there right now and looking forward to the coffee shops!

[redqueen]

19. Weed, yes... but no more shrooms, no.

:(

[SOteric]

7. Beer is the mindkiller.

Beer is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my beer. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. When the beer is gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

[DS1]

8. Pass over you?

Something like..


a wet beer t-shirt contest?

[Dr. Strange]

12. I was thinking that beer would usually "pass THROUGH you"

But I like your wet beer t-shirt contest much better!

[CrownPrinceBandar]

21. Bravo!...............

You must be the Bene Gesserit of Beer! Reverend Mother SOteric!

[catmandu57]

9. Reefer reefer reefer

I never puked my guts up or got in a fight smoking the herb.

[porphyrian]

10. That makes me want to do some drugs.

Bill Hicks was great. So was Sam Kineson.

[nomorenomore08]

20. Amen to all 3 of those sentences!

nt

[porphyrian]

22. "See I think drugs have done some good things for us..."

"...If you don't think drugs have done good things for us then do me a favor. Go home tonight and take all of your records, tapes and all your CD's and burn them. Because, you know all those musicians who made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreal fucking high on drugs, man."

- Bill Hicks

[LynzM]

23. Bwahahahaha - awesome. Got a song for you.

:rofl: Have you ever heard the song "The Irony of it All?" by a group called The Streets? If not, you should:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUqX07JX_3c

[NC_Nurse]

24. I love that rant.

RIP, Bill. Miss you.

[DinahMoeHum]

25. Man made beer. G*d made weed. Whom do YOU trust ???

* ducking *

:evilgrin:

[sniffa]

26. dude

i was gonna say why are we going to bukowskis then? and i guess i'LL Leave the bLunt at home.

[WilliamPitt]

27. Don't do that!

Jesus...

:)