Mom leaves 10 year old son in charge of 12 year old autistic son while she goes to the bar.

[ohiosmith]

Seffner, Florida - A 31-year-old mother was arrested for leaving her 12-year-old autistic son at home while she went to a bar.

According to deputies, Angie Hawkins left her autistic son in the care of her other 10-year-old son, and then headed to a bar. The 10-year-old woke up and alerted a neighbor that he didn't know where his mother went.

Hawkins was ordered to come home after a deputy called the bar.

When she arrived around 12:45 am, Hawkins allegedly then punched the neighbor who alerted authorities in the face.

more: http://www.tampabays10.com/news/local/article.aspx?storyid=69663&s=f

[no name no slogan]

1. but would/did you hit it?

[ohiosmith]

2. pass

[Redstone]

10. Not with YOUR...uh, you know.

Redstone

[Fire Walk With Me]

3. The neighbor alerted authorities in their face(s)?

[BarenakedLady]

4. That was a really awkward sentence.

:crazy:

[underpants]

5. Well the men ain't gonna come KNOCKING AT THE DOOR

oh wait, yeah they will

[ThomCat]

6. This is all-kinds of tragic.

I can understand that a single mom raising two kids alone, one of whom is autistic, needs to get out and have a break occassionally.

Couldn't anyone babysit? Doesn't she have any friends or family that could help?

What she did is incredibly irresponsible, but I can't hate her or attack her for it. (Attacking the neighbor is a different matter.)

It just sounds like a very hard, stressed out life, and nothing good was going to come of it. Now it's going to be harder and worse for everyone. :(

[Fire Walk With Me]

7. This is a real indicator of one of the main problems in our society--

the lack of a community. Used to be, a group looked after the small children, the young boys went with the men to learn those things, etc. Now we're isolated, severely isolated. I'd imagine that taking care of an autistic child would take up the time and energy of two adults, much less one...

The "nuclear family" is killing our country.

[ThomCat]

9. I agree. I love to babysit, and I've always volunteered to help

any of my friends who have kids. It seems that very few people make that kind of offer, or make that offer more than once or twice. It's rare for parents to really have any consistent support.

Being isolated in a "nuclear family," especially when that means once adult plus kids, is an invitation for problems. Parents shouldn't be doing this alone. :(

I know a lot of people will jump on this woman. Attacking her will be very easy to do. But I just feel sorry for her and her kids.

[truedelphi]

29. As a caretaker, 1 of the first things you learn in the college classes

On caretaking, is that it is the caretaker's life that is most likely to go south.

The autistic kid, or the elderly parent with ALzheimer's will survive a great deal. But the longer you are in there providing care, the more likely that you will get high blood pressure, a stroke, or even cancer. to say nothing of depression. And of course, possibly a drug habit or alcohol to cope with the depression.

I don't mean to justify the leaving of a disabled individual alone - but I have great sympathy for this mother.

When an individual is expected to accomplish the impossible, look out for all involved.

[sniffa]

38. communes sound like a good idea

[skygazer]

11. I agree that its tragic

But I'd have a bit more sympathy if she were 22 - at 31, she should have more life experience and sense.

[ThomCat]

12. Perhaps.

But if she's been a single mother for 10 years, we don't know how much cumulative stress she's been under. We don't know how intelligent she is, or if she's got the personality to withstand constant adversity alone. Or if she's been fighting constant uphill battles to get help for her autistic son (very likely), or what else she might have been dealing with.

I agree that things "should" have been better. But that doesn't mean that they were. I doubt that it's all her fault, but she'll definitely take all the blame for it. :(

[skygazer]

13. I'm not necessarily judging

I know I'm not perfect and I made my share of mistakes with my kids. And it's just a crappy situation all around. I don't generally jump all over people I know nothing about - too much of the ol' "there but for the grace of dog go I" for the most part.

But at some point, someone has to be the responsible one and in a household with a 10 year old, a 12 year old autistic child and a 31 year old woman, I'm afraid she's elected. :shrug:

[ThomCat]

14. Yes. You're right, and that's why she'll get the punishment for this.

I won't claim that she should avoid responsibility for what she did.

But it probably could have been avoided if she had a little help. :(

[Arkansas Granny]

19. From personal experience I can tell you that being a single paren

is pretty much constant stress. While I agree that the boys are too young to be left alone, the article does not state how mild or severe the autism of the 12 yo is, so this might not be quite as horrible as it sounds at first. She made a lousy decision, but like you, I really feel sorry for all concerned.

[CreekDog]

21. i don't have much sympathy considering what she did

and my opinion on that firmed up after she returned home and punched her neighbor in the face.

i think she's a head case, frankly.

how many of you have had a bad day, perhaps following a rough life and leave your kids to go to a bar and then return home and punched your neighbor in the face for calling the police about it?

she's an outlier (or she should be). this is springer behavior, including the fighting.

[AnneD]

18. Considering the age of the kids....

I don't think she ever got the chance to be 21. Just an observation. I was able to be a single mom so long because I had already experienced 21.

Once ex hubby left-I truly had no social life unless my women friends and I did something togather with our kids. And forget any dates. They just didn't happen.

[skygazer]

35. Neither did I

I never got the chance to be 21. I've been on my own since I was 15. I had my first kid at 19. I was single. I'm bi-polar. And although I've made mistakes and done stupid things, I've never endangered my kids by it.

I know what it's like to be poor, alone, a young mother and stressed. I have compassion for that. But in the end, she's still the adult whether she wants to be or not.

[Rabrrrrrr]

8. The neighbor alerted the authorities in the face? I'd have called them.

And I'm curious where Hawkings alleged punch landed on the neighbor.

Curious.

[CreekDog]

22. apparently in that town, the main method of communication

is "in the face", so to speak.

[AnneD]

15. When I read stories like this I get incredibly angry...

not at the mom as much as the way our society holds women to such a higher standard. She was a single mom trying to have a night out. The kids were asleep-she gets arrested. Society says she's a mom, she should know better.

Dad forgets to drop baby off at day care. Goes in to work baby dies of heat in car. No charges filed.Society says he's a man what do you expect when it comes to managing kids.

The fact that one child has special needs makes it more paginate. Were was society when she maybe needed a break.

:rant: the following is a personal rant that illustrates the double standard of society

For most of my daughter's life I was a single mom. Ex never came around and I never got a break OR support during the first 4 years of her life. But I got plenty of condemnation with every news story or half baked scientific study that came along. "Children of single mom's are more likely to.....fill in the blank." I finally divorce the man(and I use THAT term loosely)and got a minuscule amount of child support. I was gracious enough to not sue for back support. It was a small amount and I never went back to get it adjusted in 10 years. If I needed more money for us, I worked extra.

Fast forward, daughter is 13 and in full blown puberty. I remarry a good man-but it is not her dad so she has a teen equivalent of a temper tantrum. Ex sues for custody on trumped up causes which were unfounded and recanted after the judges decision. In the end, current hubby was too dark and didn't make enough money for 'acceptable society'. (even my Mom commented on that).

Now my ex has lived with his mom all but 2 years of his adult life. Has only held a paying job for a little over 1 year of his life after college. He is self employed but I have had hobbies that paid more. He was 45 at the time of this case. HE GOT CUSTODY-EVEN THOUGH I HAD OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE THAT MINE WAS THE BETTER HOME. I was more disturbed that the court and society held this scum up as an acceptable male role model for my daughter-instead of the kind man that works his fingers to the bone to provide for his family-like my current hubby.

And for this privilege, the courts, society takes a full 50% of my salary-because after all I am the responsible. Hubby and I have had to work extra just to stay afloat. And did ex responsibly save any of this money to pay for daughter's college since his mom's home is paid for and he is still living at home? No, the only money my daughter has is the extra 20-30 dollars a payday that I squeezed out of the budget over the last 4+ years.

I love my daughter-but told her at the time that this decision meant that I could not save for her college (at the time 4 years ago I was saving 550 in a retirement account that I could borrow against), all I could do was pay lawyers and then child support. It didn't seem to matter then, but now that she has seen her dad close up and wants to go to a nice college-she has realized the folly of what she did. When the support ends-I will not be able to help her as I have to build my retirement. She will be on her own and she knows that. I wish her the best and will help her when I can.

I am not bitter, what has happened, happened. As I said, I am mad that this example was placed in front of my daughter. I am angry that because I had always been responsible-I got reamed in court.

The only joy I have is that ex will no longer be sponging off me (and I think daughter won't put up with it). He is up to his eyeballs in credit card debt and has no retirement and will have to live on SS. His mom will die soon and he will have to spit the estate at least 3 ways-maybe he will get even less.

Hubby and I are still together and look forward to the rest of our lives together. My daughter visits me not out of a sense of duty and respect-but because she enjoys my company (as I have always enjoyed hers). I have had to work hard these last 4 years to undo the damage that Society and the courts have done to our relationship. She has apologized to hubby for the hurt she caused him. We work hard to maintain good relations.

One thing that society should fear is women like me. I no longer give a rat's ass what 'society' thinks. I am past child bearing, I have taken some damn tough blows, and I am still here, and I am pissed at the way 'society' are treating the least among us. I could very easily be lumped with Code Pink or the grey panthers. And the numbers of women like me are growing every day. Men tend to slow down as the get older-women just get pissed off. We will have some interesting times ahead.

[Karenina]

16. I jes L-O-V-E-S me some AnneD!!!

:loveya:

[AnneD]

17. Thanks for the kind words....

I had a lot of support from a whole cadre of friends-men and women, when I went to court-and believe me it was a long drawn out process. The attorney was even a friend of mine. They were all shocked at the decision. I did some investigation and the stats in cases like this are surprisingly stack in favour of the guys (despite what is commonly believed). The support was bad enough but the judge ordered extras (purchasing an oboe, paying for lessons, health care through my work-I get the good stuff cause God forbid something happens and I have to pay out of pocket....and they will go for me because I have a real job and he doesn't) that total close to 1K a month-and I have been a school nurse for years...and we know how wealthy those folks in public education are :eyes:

There were some funny moments-like my guy friends taking me out for a beer and making me an honorary guy (ouch-that was funny). Another friend offering to call some guy named Guido to kneecap the ex. I can laugh about it because I do believe in karma and I am starting to see the wheel turn.

All you can do is the best you can...in spite of society.

[Karenina]

25. Is your daughter still playing the oboe?

I was also severely shafted in divorce proceedings...

[AnneD]

27. Yes she is...

Hope she gets a scholarship but regardless-it has opened doors for her that we never thought of. She was able to get in to one of the best high schools here (a Fame type high school) and that did wonders for her (I am a strong proponent of the fine arts in public schools). She has met a diverse group of people, stayed out of trouble because she has a strong academic workload, she has to be discipled to practice, and has set her sites good career goals. I can't ask for more than that.

I am so sorry to hear about your misfortune. You would think by this time they could have found a better way.

[Karenina]

28. I'm SO DELIGHTED!!!

If she's into expanding her repetoire beyond classical music I have 2 listening suggestions:

OREGON "Always, Never and Forever"
There's a track on it called "Aurora" Paul Mc Candless on 'bo which will likely knock her socks off and send her scrambling to recruit a rhythm section.

JOHN COLTRANE "Ballads"
That recording changed my whole concept of oboe playing.

If she's scouting out conservatories, Alan Vogel is teaching at Cal Arts and in addition to being a beautiful player, he's just the most WONDERFUL human being.

I'm sure the expense of an oboe at the time was a strain (I just spent 6K). I'm SO HAPPY it has proven to be a great investment in KidD's life!

My blessing to her, "May your cane be able."

[AnneD]

31. Actually,

she is applying to Cal Arts (her first choice), Berkley in Boston is the other. Of course money is the issue, but I think she will find a way. She has been working at an upscale fabric store for almost 2 years (they were shocked when she turned 17-they didn't know she was that young-she was just a few days past 16 when she applied there).

She also does volunteer work at the local radio station-a Pacifica station. God bless them for letting the young volunteer. She was thrilled because she has actually DJ'd several shows on world music. She does 8 hrs a week of that, in addition to her classes-she maintains good grades-top quarter. She has been saving a paycheck every other payday(she has a car and has to pay gas and insurance).

She was talking to me the other weekend and asked if it would be ok if she took some of the money from her savings account. She said that she wanted to go to bar tending school. She was talking to a friend and found out how much they make and said that she could work her way through college doing that. After a few minutes of explanation I told her that I thought that was a good idea. She was so surprised. Several of her friends had talked to their parents and they threw a hissy. I told her that it showed initiative on her part-and a fairly smart idea. Besides, she would have no trouble getting into a sorority of her choice with that type of skill:evilgrin:

edited to add, thanks for the recommendations. We'll check them out.



We were lucky and got an Italian hand made oboe that her teacher was able to get. The patriarch of the family was a good friend of hers and shortly after the instruments were shipped he passes away. We couldn't touch it today. It has such a distinctive sound-I can pick it out in the orchestra. She advanced to the woodwind ensemble. In her sophomore year she was in a band and later formed her own band (played and composed). She does keyboard, guitar, sax, clarinet, and a few of the brass instruments. She has a talent for makeup and has done several production at HSPVA. She was offered a really nice makeup job-almost 1K, but it was for a fur show. She turned it down on principle(that's my baby:loveya: ).

I know she will find a way because I taught her well and have given her the tools she needs. At some point you have to trust them.

[BreweryYardRat]

20. Your ex reminds me of my mother.

Some serious similarities there. (But Jesus, 50% of your salary? I'm beginning to see why my dad just paid mother dearest 20% and kept it out of court.)

[ThomCat]

24. I'm sorry that sexist bullshit causes so many problems.

I hear guys complain that women get all the breaks in family court, but I've never once seen that to be true.

I'm sure it probably happens, but it seems far, far more common that women get screwed.

I'm glad you have a positive relationship with your daughter. I hope she gets through a good college and gets a good job that she enjoys, that will pay enough to cover the student loans. I hope you and your husband are able to have that good retirement.

[AnneD]

26. Thanks for the well wishes....

Thomcat. I think things will work out just fine.

One of my guy friend wryly told me that, at least this problem has an expiration date. Every time my ex or my daughter started acting like a butt...I would think of that expiration date and smile. It's the little things........;)

A single dad garners far more sympathy that a single mom....and the job requires the same amount of work and women generally do it on less money. As a society, we under value the work because we don't have to pay for it and yet it is the glue that holds humanity together. I also think that men-real men are not valued and respected as much as they should be. Real men that take care of their family are as important as the women that nurture their families. Two parents are alway better than one, but when there is only one...society needs to step up to the plate.

[tigereye]

42. it's sad that she didn't have supports to watch em,

so she could have a night out or some relief from constant care of the kids...


I agree with you. Society is so quick to blame and punish. Maybe she will get some help now and things will work out.

[KamaAina]

23. My mom left me at home all the time when I was that age

and I'm an only child! "According to deputies, Mrs. KamaAina left her autistic son in the care of her 3-year-old orange tabby..."

Of course, it is highly likely that I am higher-functioning than this boy, being a Yale grad and all, but where does one draw the line? You can only go out if your child's IQ is over 80? 100? :shrug:

[LeftyMom]

30. And how does it matter that he's autistic if he's sleeping?

Since when was leaving a ten and twelve year old home alone for a few hours a problem? Most kids that age are fine without a sitter.

But OMG, she went to a bar. The horror!

People have no sense of perspective. I swear.

[otherlander]

34. I agree.

Just because someone's autistic doesn't mean they necesarilly need to be babysat at an age when most children would be okay alone for a few hours. Autism doesn't automatically make people unable to take care of themselves.

[Sequoia]

32. Florida....as usual.

Poor lady though. If you've even seen the Beaver on TV Land the parents rush off to a BBQ where you know drinks will be served and sometimes Beaver is home alone and he's like 9 years old 'cause Wally and Eddie are at a ball game or something. Back in the old days it was no big deal to leave chidlren alone while the parents went out to work. Latchkey kids ring a bell by any chance?

I'm thinking the she and the neighbor may not have been on good terms before this. Some good neighbor...calling the cops like that when he/she could've helped out. Now the children will go into foster care, no fun, no Christmas for fun for that family.

[Kajsa]

33. This is a problem.

"The 10-year-old woke up and alerted a neighbor that he didn't know where his mother went."

It's a big problem.

That's very scary to a kid.

[Javaman]

36. What I don't get is: how did they know the mom was at that particular bar?

did the kid know? and if so, that is the real horror.

[ThomCat]

41. No. The kid went to the neighbor because he didn't know

where she was. The neighbor apparently knew which bar she went to.

[CreekDog]

37. was she with the priest and the rabbi?

:spray:

[Bucky]

39. Shit. From the subject line, I thought you had new version of the Brazillion joke.

[Bucky]

40. But seriously... I'd hit it....

... if only in self defense.