Anyone else spending Christmas day / eve alone?

[MagsDem]

I've never had to do that before, and I'm kind of dreading it. I have a kid, but he is going back to spend it with his paternal grandparents in the east with his Dad (my long ago ex). So it's just me for the first time in 46 years. Kind of depressing. What do people do when they are alone on Christmas?

[Heidi]

1. I've spent Christmas day / eve all alone many times.

The first Christmas my divorce, it was _rough_ because my ex had forbidden me to see his children, whom I'd helped raise for 11 years. But after a couple of Christmases alone, I started doing stuff I enjoyed: baking Christmas cookies for the neighbors and friends, helping at the shelter, etc.

One of the most alone Christmases was my first December in Vail -- the brightly-lighted holiday refuge of the extremely rich and conservative -- but by then, I was more comfortable in my skin. I sat in front of the fireplace in my jammies with a great book (I think I was re-reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" back then), spiced wine and the view of the town. It really was kind of nice -- until my upstairs neighbors started barfing over their balcony. :rofl:

I wish you warmth, MagsDem. You'll get through this. :hug: :hug:

[MagsDem]

8. Good suggestions

I might be too depressed to drag my butt to a shelter this year. Seeing a bunch of homeless people might make me even more sure life is a bitch and then you die. But it's a good suggestion for next year, when I hope to be much more cheerful about the future. Building a fire in the fire place and reading a book sounds fun. Thanks.

[MagsDem]

12. Yeah, I guess I will have to start my own new traditions

I guess I will start this year with being my own best friend. The best bet is probably to plan things to do by myself, like you suggest here. Then I won't feel lost with nothing to do. Thanks.

[Ivan Sputnik]

2. I'm sorry you'll be alone....

I've never had to be, but occasionally had fleeting wishes to be. I think if I had to be alone, I'd go to church or a bar and be "alone" with others. In any case, the Lounge here will still be open, I believe.

[RainDog]

3. thanksgiving

my ex and I trade time with our kids for holidays so I've been alone on Thanksgiving... which isn't quite the same, but sort of.

what did I do? slept in, talked to my relatives on the phone (they all live otherwhere) and turned down offers to be with other people... that, to me, was really creepy when someone asked me to do that for Thanksgiving. Your own family crap is bad enough, but to have to do that with others... :banghead:

Or maybe that wouldn't be an issue for you. But I don't mind being alone. I like to read and watch movies that my kids wouldn't want to see and take a bubble bath and listen to music and take a walk, go to a movie, bake, help out at a food kitchen...

I got into a tradition over the last few years, tho not by trying. A friend of mine is a social worker and over the last few years I invite some of his clients to dinner...people with mental retardation or other such disabilities. Play candyland...

Someone told me the traditional Jewish Christmas feast is take-out Chinese... so I guess there's more than one way to celebrate a holiday.

Most of all, don't throw a pity party of one. You have a healthy, loving child who needs to have relationships with both sides of his family and you are doing him a good deed to encourage this.

[MagsDem]

13. No pity parties!

That will just make me feel worse. I might be too depressed this year to spend it with folks less fortunate than me. I hate to say that, but I just don't want to see any more sadness, since I can barely contain my own. Books, movies, music, a fire.... those all sound good. I will spend the week making a plan so there are NO pity parties!

[RainDog]

16. LOL

I totally understand about being too depressed. unfortunately. or anxious. life has been a rough road, in fact, so sometimes I can't relate to people who haven't had the same experiences. or I can, but it's like we speak two different languages.

why are you so sad now?

[MagsDem]

19. Loss of a partner

... and some of the things that go with that. Been a rough year.

[RainDog]

22. your ex?

sorry if I'm dense...

If so, you're still in the "my skin has been rubbed raw," seems like.

if so YES, by all means, treat yourself to something nice. Most people take some time to get perspective after such an emotional experience.

[MagsDem]

28. No, not my ex husband

We've been divorced for years. And I can't say I miss him too terribly, unfortunately, though he is a decent guy. :)

[RainDog]

34. oops. thanks

then I'm probably no help at all with that. Sometimes I think my heart broke permanantly when my ex and I ended our marriage... it wasn't the "usual" stuff for us.

I hang out with someone but I told him from the very beginning that I didn't want to have a "relationship" and as nicely as possible said I like him (as opposed to love) and that's just the way it is with me. He still refers to me as his g.f., which makes me crazy sometimes cause I've just had to finally say outright that I'm not, and I'll avoid him for months but he still calls. this has been going on for years.

I just can't imagine ever loving anyone again so much, without some emotional armor, with knowledge of things I've been through. I honestly don't know why I am like this because this certainly isn't the "modern" thing to do. I get along with my ex, and with his family even better -- they come to visit me, too -- and I guess they are still my definition of family. I've never taken my "friend" to visit my family and never will -- he's way too wild and my family would freak. But I guess that's what I like about him - because he's so wild, I know we'd never be partners. hmmmm... I wonder if that's the only reason??

I don't even spend much time with him when my kids are with me. so, I guess I'm not the best one to offer help after all.

oh yeah, and happy holidays. And I think I just made myself cry. talk about pity parties!!!!! :cry:

but you know, I really don't think normal is all it's cracked up to be.

[Omphaloskepsis]

4. I stopped going around my family on the holidays.

Everyone is stressed and it always sucks. So I tell them I have to work. Now that I don't have a real job I work for the Oregon Food Band on Thanksgiving and Christmas. This gives me a good excuse to stay away from dramaville.

[Wcross]

5. Yes, I often do.

I have six dogs & two kitty's to keep me company though. I will cook them a special meal & will buy them some gifts. We will have a great time!

[MagsDem]

15. Wow, that's a lot of pets

It's like you have your own built in family! How nice. I had a wonderful black lab that was a great friend to me, but I had to have her put down last Friday. She was only 8 but had incurable cancer, and she lasted about a year, but then was in so much pain I had to let her go. I still look for her in all the usual places she used to hang out. Hard to get used to her not being here. I used to buy her presents too. I can relate to shopping for the pets. :)

[I Have A Dream]

27. Any chance that you could get yourself a new animal friend as a Christmas...

present to yourself? That way, you'd have a new buddy with whom you could spend this (and future) holidays so that you wouldn't feel as lonely. Also, you'd have the excitement of your new buddy during Christmas.

:hug:

[Wcross]

39. I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

It's hard losing a good friend like that.

[SPKrazy]

6. Sorry you'll be alone

any friends you could get together with?

I did that at Thanksgiving

Christmas my son, my dad, and my sister will be here... of course we will share my son with his mother as well and probably even go over there to watch him open presents from Santa

:hug:

:hi:

[MagsDem]

9. No family except my kid

I don't really have any friends around here, though I am working on making some. I'm self employed, so no opportunity to meet people at work. Last night I went to this singles thing and it was fun, but making new friends takes time. Thanksgiving wasn't so bad. A little bit lonely, but I got through it. I guess Xmas will be the same.

[alphafemale]

7. Some really good movies often debut Christmas day.

Go see some movies.

Then go to a restaurant that dares to make people work Christmas Day and tip really REALLY BIG.

[Omphaloskepsis]

11. Tip the people at the theater too..

</worked at a theater for three years/>

So many people said shit like, "That sucks you have to work on Christmas." Well, enjoy your movie.

[MagsDem]

14. Ha Ha! I like that idea....

... but goodness knows, I didn't even know there were restaurants that made people work on Christmas day. Well, I guess I knew it in the abstract, but I never really thought of that.

[alphafemale]

18. Not all Restaurants are open. Mostly the Buffett style type.

So there's plenty of people that feel they don't DESERVE to be tipped.

And I agree with tipping the people at the theater too.

A $5 bill to the kid handing you the popcorn might bring a smile to their face.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

10. Probably.

[skygazer]

17. Not this year but I have in the past

Some good suggestions on this thread for coping with it. I would add that it helps to try not to dwell on it and to think of it as just another day. Not always easy but for me, a day to spend by myself is often a treat. Read a good book, cuddle up with a movie, make something you like to eat that you don't usually get to.

Also, I'm not religious at all but in past years, I worked on Christmas because I ran a dog kennel. I found that being all alone, at 5 in the morning, surrounded by animals, I could so better relate to the religious meaning of Christmas. Introspection is sometimes a good thing. :hi:

[Whoa_Nelly]

20. Sign up for dishing food at a soup kitchen

If anything, am sure you will have much to remember, and stories to share.

Sorry you'll be alone on Christmas. Have been there when I was raising my son by myself. :hug:

[hippywife]

21. No, but I hope you do find some comfort that

day in knowing you truly aren't alone. Your son might not be with you that particular day but he is still a part of your life. Plus, as someone mentioned, the Lounge here will still be open. Maybe you can start that morning by posting a thread for everyone in the same sitch to meet up on-line and keep each other company. Some great on-line parties have started out similarly.

I know depression first hand and I know it seems like it would be hard to go to a shelter and assist with meals and the like but I think you would be pleasantly surprised at the difference getting outside of yourself and serving others in need can make in one's outlook. It actually has the opposite effect. Not saying you should if you really feel you can't but maybe don't rule it out totally right now.

I hope you get to feeling better soon. :hi:

[MagsDem]

29. Thanks -- I'll think about it

It is an idea that holds a certain appeal. Just not sure I am ready to test it out this year.

[lost-in-nj]

23. I just found out only 15 minutes ago

that my sister and her 2 kids and hubby are defiantly not coming for Christmas...
My son is working, daughter has her own apartment and hubby left last year.....

So for the first time in 49 years I will be waking up alone on Christmas....
and spend the day alone. I might go to my inlaws but, we will see... seeing happy families can be worse than spending the day alone.....

We could post here!!!.... :)


lost

[MagsDem]

30. I will definitely check in on Xmas....

and see if any of you beautiful lounge lizards are about. If I was in NJ I would definitely invite you and we'd have a helluva party! Hugs to you, Lost. :)

[Madrone]

24. Yes - but for me that's more usual than not.

And for a looooooooooong time before that, I worked them.

I'm lucky I guess, in that it doesn't bother me. It's an extra day off for me - spent sleeping in, and hanging out around the house in peace and quiet. I do whatever I feel like - up to and including absolutely nothing at times.

[SarahB]

25. Christmas Eve, but not Christmas.

I have to work both days, but I'll have the kiddos after work on Christmas. The way my luck has been going at work, I'll end up with some other rich %^&*^ who just had some sort of cosmetic surgery act like a nasty primadonna toward me after I spent the whole night taking care of her and trying to make her more comfortable. :nuke:

[fudge stripe cookays]

26. Me.

I've been without reprehensor for three months. He had booked a ticket to come up for Christmas, but we got a contract on our house, and the buyers wanted to be in by Christmas. So he's packing all week because we close on Thursday.

Depending on his boss (who enjoys firing people when they do something decent like give 2 weeks notice...), he could be up right afterward (after a 2 or 3 day drive), or he could wait the 2 weeks out and be up after the new year.

I already spent Thanksgiving without him. Will definitely spend X-mas, and may have to spend New Years. I just did what I always go-- sit, watch TV, do online research, and work on my book.

Good luck. It'll get better eventually.

[Mutley]

31. I haven't had to do that yet.

But I'd probably go see a movie, and make myself a really good dinner. Or I'd rent a bunch of movies before hand. In my situation spending Christmas alone probably wouldn't be too bad. It's always drama with my family that involves trying my best to split my time between the two warring factions. x(

[CBHagman]

32. Consider taking yourself out to dinner, the theater.

In some areas there are Christmas Day performances of plays, and of course movie theaters and video stores stay open on Christmas Day. If you are comfortable with those ideas, try one or more of them out.

[From The Ashes]

33. I'll be alone...

while I won't miss HIM, I do miss my sons.

[SPKrazy]

35. I'll wake up alone

then go watch my son open presents at his mother's with my dad and sister in tow.

not totally alone Mags

but still lonely

and missing someone.

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

36. I am

I play at the 7:30 service on Christmas Eve and that's it. On my own until the 28th. My daughter's spending Christmas with her dad this year. :(

[DFW]

37. Any friends in the neighborhood in the same boat?

Never having had or been an "ex," I'm not in a position to
give a lot of advice based on experience, but:

A very good friend of ours who we have known for well over 30 years,
and is somewhat older than we are (he'll be 60 next year) was just dumped
by his wife of 30 years. When they got married, she was 20 and he was 30,
just starting a lucrative medical practice. He supported her through her
studies, and when she graduated med school, she worked her way up the ladder
of the management team of a big clinic. She had dumped another guy we also knew
for her husband to be in a way we thought was cold and calculating at the time,
and we privately thought she was "trading up," but they did stay together, so
we shut up and accepted it. Now she is about to be named "manager of the year"
in her field, and our friend is looking at retirement. She suddenly dropped
it on him out of the blue that she was leaving him, and that was that. No warning
(that he knew of). Just BOOM!

So, he is absolutely miserable. They are selling their house, which they will
lose a chunk of money on, and while her financial prospects look great, his
look dismal. He is, of course, miserable. We'll have a full house here on
Christmas already what with 2 daughters and a boyfriend or two plus mom-in-law,
but we implored our friend to come spend the day with us anyway. We'll make up
a mattress and blankets on the living room floor if we have to, but we do not
ingore friends in situations like this. When my wife was in the hospital during
her cancer treatment, he took time off to come see her. We sure as hell aren't
going to let him down now, and much to our relief, he did accept our invitation.

Here's hoping you find someone nearby as well. If not, we'll find you another
mattress and some blankets, too, if you want to drop on by, but we're in northwestern
Germany, so it may not be convenient.....

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

38. Me. Been doing it that way for years.

And it's just fine. Might go to my brother's house for a bit on Christmas day, but that would be all. It isn't an important day to me anyhow; it's just a day off work and I'll relax with the cats.

[Breeze54]

40. I did the same as you one Christmas and

I spent it with friends. My kids went back east to spend the week with their Dad
and I was all alone out west, away from all my family and old friends. So?
I spent the day with new friends.

I hope you find someone to spend that day with... or maybe go to a Veterans hospital
and spend the day there, cheering up those that are all alone on that day too.

At any rate, I'm sure I'll be checking in here that day. You won't be all alone. :hug:

[some guy]

41. YES!

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

:)