If you had control over network and cable programming....

[Joe Fields]

which specific shows would you immediately cancel?

Personally, I would cancel roughly 99% of them and put on the indian test pattern and do some shrooms. That, and many more reasons, is why I am not a programming exec.

One specific show I would immediately cancel is that reality one with Gene Simmons.

[AllegroRondo]

1. any and all "reality TV"

except for Iron Chef, of course.

[Joe Fields]

2. Iron Chef is cool. In fact, a lot of shows on the food network are okay.

[AllegroRondo]

3. I do like their pastry and cake decorating competitions

some of those chocolate sculptures are just amazing.

[Joe Fields]

4. I watch those from time to time. I also like to watch the shows that

deal with the history of food, like the history of ice cream, potato chips, etc...

[TommyO]

35. How about Top Chef and Hell's Kitchen?

[Joe Fields]

36. Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, too?

[TommyO]

40. The UK version, please.

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. There would be no sports, and the news would never report on sports.

[Joe Fields]

15. or anything having to do with celebrities who get drunk and crash their car.

[ThomCat]

26. Please, please, please!

It would be nice to have actual news reported on the news.

[Rabrrrrrr]

29. Absolutely! And the news would carry real news, from ALL the world

It wouldn't be seven minutes of blowing ourselves Rah Rah America bullshit news with no actual depth and then one minute of world news, squeezed in to make time for 22 minutes of sports bullshit.

30 minutes of actual news, prepared, written, and presented by educated, literate people who might not be the best to look at, but who fucking cares? They're smart as hell and know what they're talking about.

[hippywife]

33. I'm on board for that...

all except that 30 minute time limit. I seriously don't believe news from ALL over the world could be done justice in only half an hour.

[MissMillie]

6. two in particular would be cut immediately

The Real Housewives of Orange County


and the Janice Dickinson Modelling Agency.



Survivor would not be long for this world either....

[Joe Fields]

9. What is up with that Janice Dickinson modeling agency?

I swear, on a rare day that I spent more than an hour in front of the t.v., it seemed that every time I flipped channels, and it didn't matter what time of day it was, that damned show was on. It must have been a Janice Dickinson marathon or something. What a waste of time and money.

[Deep13]

12. Survivor wouldn't survive?

I wanted to make more jokes about TV show names, but I can't even think of what is on anymore.

[CGowen]

7. Reminds me of playing Mad TV for Amiga, the good old days

[Deep13]

8. I would put all TV ads at the end of the show.

I don't know about the shows. There's a lot of crap for sure, put I would not want to impose my own values on the whole country. I agree that sports is not news. Neither is gossip. Neither are routine entertainment releases like movies or music albums. Neither is common crime. On the other hand, science and state politics are news.

[Joe Fields]

13. Agree, but one caveat would certainly be to get rid of all paid

political pundits, like Pat Buchannon, and political shows that portray people like him who do nothing but shout over each other to drive their talking points home.

[Deep13]

18. And Foxperts.

Non experts who pretent to be experts on Fox.

[Deep13]

20. wrong place delete

[DarkTirade]

10. First the obvious... 99.99999% of reality TV.

And MTV would be sued for false advertising if they didn't start actually doing music and music related programs for a certain percentage of their air time.

[DS1]

11. I'd start a telethon and one lucky caller will get to dial a number

which will activate the wood chipper the spawn of Gotti are dangling over on live television.

[Joe Fields]

25. As new programming director, I would claim that right.

[madinmaryland]

14. I would cancel the Fox Noise Channel. n/t

[MissMillie]

16. you're hired!

good work!

[Joe Fields]

17. But leave me the Simpsons, okay?

[madinmaryland]

27. Just Fox Noise, not the entertainment division.

Oops, isn't that the same thing?

I'll leave the Simpson alone!

[hyphenate]

39. Only if House

can be relocated to another network.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

19. I DO have control over it.

It's called an OFF switch. :evilgrin:

(Actually, I don't even own a TV- anything I want to watch I can easily download via bittorrent.)

[DarkTirade]

21. That, and some channels are nice enough to let you legally watch shows online

's how I kept up with Heroes after I moved out of my apartment and didn't have a TV anymore. :)

[TZ]

22. Can I cancel a network?

Anything on MTV..YUCK! That whole Tila Tequila show all those rich teenager sleep with all shows...blah....:puke:

[Joe Fields]

24. Of course you can! You're the programming exec.

[Deep13]

23. New game show: ...

Who's Greasing Your Congressman?

[Javaman]

28. I would put nothing but test patterns on for ever and ever. nt

[SKKY]

30. I would replace all Reality TV shows with "The Selma Hayek Channel"...

...all Selma, all day, all the time.

[Joe Fields]

34. You're my kind of programmer!

:toast:

[baldguy]

31. Monday, Wednesday & Friday would be liberal shows only.

Tuesday & Thursday would be conservative shows only.

Saturday & Sunday would be Talk Show Pundit Deathmatch!

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

32. Why is there no George Bush comedy hour?

They really need to find an actor who sounds and looks like George Bush and write weekly comedic adventures about his latest fuck-ups. I think it could be a big hit, with the more cruel and biting humor about him and his ridiculous friends the better. There would somehow be some strange satisfaction in seeing the George Bush character spending twenty minutes trying to learn a new word before giving a speech or taking a pratfall on national TV. Or his temper tantrums in closed door meetings with his staff would be priceless. They could call it Chimpfeld or maybe Curb Your Chimp.

[stuntcat]

42. ..

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[ThatsMyBarack]

37. I cancel anything that said the word VA-JAY-JAY!!!!

C'mon, that's not funny, it's disgusting. Also, I'd eliminate pop-up ads and credit crunches from all programming!

[hyphenate]

38. I've thought about this one WAY too much

If I were in charge, 90% of the comedies in the world would go the way of the dodo bird, anything with corny, melodramatic music scores, like all Lifetime programming and soap operas would be outta here, sports would only be played on weekends--golf and tennis would be banned completely, and reality shows would be shown in a single programming block to keep good stuff on other nights.

I would turn the Neilsens upside down--any show that was number 1 would be cancelled, and shows at the other end of the ratings would be kept--we know only too well that the mass audiences are stupid as shit, so we would aim for the more intellectual audiences who would be watching the least watched stuff. We would make sure that the most violent stuff was shown in the family hour, because the truth is (according to the religious right) kids can watch violence, but they can't handle sex, so that would be shown later.

In addition, kids shows that star teenagers whose fathers are trying to revive their own flagging careers would be dropped like a squealer with cement shoes into the East River. Cartoons with insipid characters would be dropped in favor of the classic cartoons like Bugs Bunny, Top Cat, Duck Dodgers and Daffy Duck.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

43. I like your attitude, but I'm even more radical

I'd cancel all the reality shows that give brainless exhibitionists their 15 minutes of fame (e.g. "Survivor"). I'd replace the vapid wannabes on "American Idol" with original talents, preferably people who could both sing (really sing, not just whine into a microphone) and write their own songs.

A&E would return to its original mission of showing the best of British, Canadian, and Australian television.

Instead of showing the same old musical numbers by has-beens and the same advice programs during its pledge drives, PBS would show the finest of its past programs, including the best of Nova, the best of Frontline, the best of Masterpiece Theatre, etc.

For each sports channel, there would be a performing arts channel. The Golf Channel would be matched by a String Quartet Channel. (Just kidding, but a String Quartet Channel makes as much sense as a Golf Channel.)

The following sitcom clichés would be forbidden:

1. The plot device in which Our Hero/ine has two dates for the same event and runs back and forth between them.

2. The plot about the nerdy, bookish kid being "saved" from his horrible fate of intellectualism by learning to play team sports.

3. Bad stage blocking: Four characters standing in a row in front of the couch shouting at each other

4. Nasty-mouthed little kids

BBC America would be forbidden to show any more Benny Hill reruns or DIY shows. It would show two nights of mysteries and the latest British films.

The History Channel could show anything except documentaries about World War II or religious topics (because they're incapable of treating them sensibly).

There would be a Foreign Film Channel.

[Joe Fields]

44. I vaguely remember a Disney movie starring Kurt Russell, where a

chimpanzee picked the programming for a television network, and the ratings went through the roof. The name of the movie escapes me.

[Hayabusa]

41. No cancellations, save one.

Doesn't matter which one on Fox. I'd put Firefly back on the air.

[Ahpook]

45. I would leave them all as they stand

The Fox News type garbage, the shopping channels, crappy sitcoms, a music station that does not play music, etc. Then... add another 70 channels of just the opposite:)


This way people have a real choice instead of force fed bullshit creeping in.

Oh and get rid of those fucking commercials once and for all:)

[Generic Brad]

46. Religious channels and home shopping wil be the first to go

And they will not be able to pray or buy their way back into the line up.