Remember the person in my life who can never seem to get his

[Critters2]

shit together? Well, the starter in his car is shot, and will cost $400 to fix--which, of course, he doesn't have--and he needs his car to get to work. And now he tells me why he has no money: $20,000 in credit card debt that he's trying to pay off so they don't start garnishing his wages or taking other legal action. I'm really tempted to do what everyone else has done--tell him I can't help anymore. But he sounds so depressed that I'm afraid of what that might cause.

This is so frustrating!! Thanks for letting me write about it.

Critters
who tries not to use credit cards at all to avoid any debt

[Adsos Letter]

1. It is a very hard place you are in Critters....

...I suppose finding out whether this person really is trying to make the right life-moves should be a major factor...

Wish I could help ya' with something more satisfying...

:hug:

[Critters2]

2. I suggested months ago, before I knew how bad his debt was,

that he go to Debtors Anonymous, to get help in managing money. He assured me he would. So, tonight I ask if he has, and he says he'd like to, but now he doesn't have a car to get there. :banghead:

[Adsos Letter]

3. ...yeah...

the hardest thing about hitting bottom, is watching 'em do it. It would be easy to say "let 'em go" but I don't know nearly enough about the situation to give advice...but, somehow, individuals need to learn responsibility...but if real clinical depression is involved, then things are less cut and dried.

This is never easy, and I'm sorry you are struggling with it. :(

[Critters2]

4. I'm leaning toward a "tough love" stance,

and also must admit that I'm not made of money myself. But he does sound depressed, and he's drained everyone else dry, both emotionally and financially. Don't know what I'm going to do.

Thanks for your support :hi:

[Adsos Letter]

8. No problem Critters...

feel free to pm me if you feel the need.

:hi:

[Critters2]

9. Thanks. I'm tired and prob'ly going to bed.

But I'll keep the offer in mind for when I'm back online. Thanks! :hi:

[DS1]

5. some people sub-consciously sabotage good things

[Adsos Letter]

6. That is true, especially low self esteem folks...

done it myself on more than one occaision...

[Critters2]

7. I used to see this when I was a consumer advocate--

the people who sabotage every good thing that comes their way, and the ones who always have a reason why they can't do the things that might solve the problem. I see some of both of these here. So frustrating!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

10. Do you have a bicycle you could lend him?

I'm serious.

This is not bailing him out, but it is helping him. (And yes, people do cycle, even in Minneapolis in the winter, and Illinois is mostly flat, right?)

[Wcross]

11. A starter costs under 100 bucks at autozone.

You are getting scammed for 400 bucks. Does a man down to his last dollar take his car to a dealership for a starter????? It would cost him under 100 bucks for everything if he can turn a wrench.

[Critters2]

12. Interesting. I know not a thing about cars.

I'll let him know that this is high, and that he should consider doing it himself or finding a cheaper place.

Thanks :hi:

[Wcross]

13. It isn't too "high" for someone else to do it. Can he afford to have somebody else do it? Nope.

He needs to do it himself, it isn't rocket science nor do you risk a chance of contracting a social disease. I work on my vehicles & I have no formal training. Three bolts & a couple of electrical connections, the starter is fixed. I've done it in on the roadside twice, once when it was below freezing & snowing out. Changing a starter out is not hard. Paying four times the true cost because you don't do it yourself is hard. Heck, if he has any gear head friends they would probably put it in for the fun of it.

[Critters2]

14. I'll tell him this. He must have some gear head friend,

who could either do it or show him how. Thanks!!

[madeline_con]

15. Doesn't he have a friend who can put a starter on?

I can't believe he has to shell out so much! :banghead:

[Critters2]

16. I'm going to suggest this to him. nt

[HERVEPA]

17. I think you know this, but if you continually bail him out,

you are enabling his behaviors, which is not good for either you or him.

[ChoralScholar]

18. What kind of car does he have?

On many cars, the starter is very easy to change. Conversely, on some cars, you can't even SEE the starter, much less put a wrench on it... but he can do better than 400 dollars.