I fixed collard greens tonight, and they tasted like crap.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

Somebody tell me how to cook these things! :puke:

[Robeson]

1. I wish I could help you, GoddessOfGuinness.....

...but I never bought into the collard greens thing. I've grown up in the South all my life, and I still hate 'em. Grand Ma tried to push them, and Mom tried to push them. I still don't like them.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

4. Maybe they needed a good recipe too...

I just can't believe that something so many people consume is supposed to taste this awful.

[gmoney]

2. I remember when I worked at a grocery...

we carried "White Villa" products (sort of like Kroger brand) and the canned collard greens, okra, kale, and spinach all had the exact same picture on them, and it was this kind of disgusting green mass... guess you've seen one green mass, you've seen them all. It's amazing we ever sold any of it.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

6. I've fixed kale that was quite good, when I added some onion

and potatoes.

[Radio_Lady]

11. I have a good recipe for that. Cook the potatoes and onions, but leave out the kale.

:rofl:

Sorry, I had to do that.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

14. ...

:rofl:

[Chovexani]

3. Did you cook them with a ham hock?

That's the way to do it. :)

[Robeson]

5. Hey Granny, is that you!....

...channeling from the grave?!...:hi:

[Chovexani]

8. LOL, just channeling my Gramma

That woman put pork in everything. It's a down home thang. :hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

7. I didn't...

Thanks for the tip!

Do you boil them or steam them?

[Chovexani]

9. Boil them

A tiny bit of sugar can cut down on the bitterness, too.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

12. I was surprised that they didn't shrink

the other greens do...

Thanks so much for your suggestions!

[Radio_Lady]

10. I ate them once. They tasted like crap.

Maybe it's an acquired taste. I also hate OKRA... and I was raised in the South!

But I do like grits!!!!!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

13. I love okra...

but not by itself. I like it in stews or with tomatoes.

[Robeson]

15. Hey, I love okra, but hate grits....

...and have lived in the South all my life! Just goes to show, stereotypes never work...;-)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. We grew okra in our garden a few years...

It's such a lovely plant. :hi:

[Radio_Lady]

21. Some THYME I'll have to check that crop out...

Does it look like cannabis?

:hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

23. It looks like a hibiscus:

http://cache.eb.com/eb/image?id=37910&rendTypeId=4

:hi:

[Radio_Lady]

33. Pretty flower! I still hate okra. And I don't like anchovies... do we agree on that one?

:hug:

[BOSSHOG]

37. You can grow Okra as an ornamental

the blooms are great and you don't have to eat the pods. But the pods themselves also make a nice visual.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

41. I'm afraid I do occasionally like anchovies on my pizza...

and they're an essential ingredient in my Swedish meatballs! :9

[Radio_Lady]

20. HOLY JESUS! Blessed be the DIFFERENCES, but THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN!

:rofl: with tears in my ears!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gormy Cuss]

16. How many days did you cook them?

:+

Okay, seriously now. Don't steam collards --that just doesn't work. You can cook them Southern style with a ham hock for a couple of hours and they'll be fine. Alternatively, you can boil them for about 10 minutes, drain and then finish cooking by sauteing in a little oil. If you saute garlic or onions until cooked and then add the boiled greens, cook for a couple of minutes more then serve.

p.s. best cookbook for greens of all sorts is "Greens, Glorious Greens" (Albi and Walthers)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

22. So THAT's why they were chewy!

It was like munching on rubber bands!

I tried microwaving them with garlic salt and pepper. I won't do that again!

[petronius]

17. Sounds like you didn't "fix" them, then, it sounds like you broke them!

:)

(That's all I've got - collard greens do not appear in my cooking repertoire. Good luck...)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. Broke seems inadequate, somehow...

"Annihilated" is a better description, I think...

[yewberry]

18. I don't do the traditional variety, but I make them pretty often.

(Most traditional recipes use hamhocks...and then cook the greens for 45 minutes!)

You have to remove larger spines (you can leave them in the smaller leaves) and they need a lot of rinsing.

I start to saute some white or yellow onion, and give the greens a (fairly long) blanch. Then add the wet greens to the saute along with a little lemon juice, salt, and pepper flake. Saute (adding blanch water as needed) until just tender--I hate mushy greens.

I don't tend to add sugar, though if I'm cooking mustard greens I do.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

25. Ooo...I did something right!

I did remove the spines. I stuck them in the fridge to use for veggie soup stock. :D

[yewberry]

26. Yay!

Soup is good food, I hear.

(You know, you could always go with a nice rainbow chard instead of collards...less effort, good flavor & nutrition, and no spines!)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. I love Swiss chard...

I like to steam it with salmon. MMmmmmm!

[Quantess]

28. Combination of frying & steaming.

Get a saucepan with a lid & turn on the heat. Throw in a little oil, a little balsamic vinegar or wine, add the chopped collard greens, and put the lid on. Lower the heat to pretty low. Add a few tablespoons of water now and then, and stir occasionally.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

42. That sounds interesting...

How long do you let them cook?

[RushIsRot]

29. Nobody seems to take my suggestions, BUT...

http://www.cooks.com/rec/search?q=collard+greens

70 tried and true ways to cook collards and get them into some edible state. Look at a few. Eventually, they start to repeat, but you'll get the gist of how they're supposed to be prepared and then you can strike out on your own.

I also prefer kale, and once - long ago - my next door neighbor raised it and allowed me to harvest some when I wished. I only picked the youngest, most tender sprigs. Gosh, they were delicious!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

43. Thanks for the link!

I'm bookmarking it for future reference!

Back when I was a diligent gardener, I'd grow ornamental kale in the winter, and cook those tender sprigs. Yummmmmmm!

[Erva]

30. My Grandmother says

you have to freeze them before you cook them. She says it takes out the bitterness. She also cooks them with ham and sometimes onion. Hers are superb. I agree that kale is tastier though. good luck.

[Gormy Cuss]

35. Your grandmother may be on to something

Freezing them would break them down, similar to the way boiling them for a long time.

Many of the cool season brassica and cole crops do taste sweeter if they've been kissed by frost out in the field.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

45. That's interesting!

I'll have to try that. Thanks! :thumbsup:

[crim son]

31. I went to a barbeque this summer and a southerner brought

collard greens as a side dish. I LOVED them! but now I can't remember what made them palatable. Maybe ham and a bit of vinegar?

[mainegreen]

32. Sautee in extra virgin olive oil for 5 minutes, then steam in red wine vinegar for another 5.

Mmmmmmmm.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

46. Sounds like Quantessd's suggestion...

Have you tried freezing them first?

[mainegreen]

60. Ung. Freezing them destroys the flavor IMHO.

[Inchworm]

34. More vinegar!

hehe

:hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

47. Vinegar = North Carolina's cure-all

:rofl:

I have a friend who says the reason Carolinians put vinegar in their bbq sauce is that it masks the flavor of the rotting meat...

[DarkTirade]

36. I tried them once at a restaurant.

Tasted like crap then too.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

49. I've rarely found a restaurant that knew how to cook veggies...

except for vegetarian restaurants, of course. :)

[DarkTirade]

65. Wait... they're veggies?

Well that explains why they were green... :P

[GoddessOfGuinness]

67. Either that or there's a fungus amongus

[ceile]

38. Did you boil them?

You have to boil them (med heat) for 30 mins or so. You can then saute then with onions and garlic. Sometimes instead of oil, I'll use a tiny bit of bacon grease for sauteing since I don't like boiling them with ham hocks.

[Shakespeare]

39. I saute them all the time without boiling, and they're never chewy.

In fact, it's become my preferred way to eat them (and I'm from the south, where I grew up eating them cooked/boiled for a LONG time).

I saute some sliced shallots in bacon fat or olive oil until they just begin to caramelize, toss in the greens (diced into strips), then add a few tablespoons of white balsamic vinegar after they've wilted to about half their volume; saute for a few more minutes, and they're done. Fan-freaking-tastic.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

51. I thought I could just wilt them in the microwave...

That's what I like to do with spinach. Collards, obviously, are quite different... :blush:

[youthere]

40. Maybe you cooked them right and they are SUPPOSED to taste like crap.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

52. ...

:spray:

[texas1928]

44. Tabasco and ketchup.

that will fix it.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

53. Tabasco might be interesting...

I'm trying to avoid products containing corn syrup, though. :hi:

[texas1928]

57. Well, then they are just Ruined....

Absolutely RUINED!!!!


I HOPE YOUR ARE HAPPY!!!


SHEEEEESH!!!

:P

[Orsino]

48. They're supposed to taste like crap, apparently.

It's a shame for a good Southern boy to admit, but I've never been able to abide the smell or taste.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

54. There are few foods that I can't endure in some shape or form...

I suppose it's possible that collards are one of them. Still, I feel compelled to try...especially at 69 cents a pound.

[Orsino]

56. I can only recommend spinach instead...

...which, perversely, I love.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

63. I love spinach too...

It's just that we eat so much of it...
It's nice to have something different. :-)

[NorthernSpy]

50. first, get a ham hock -- or some kind of smoked/cured meat, scraps from a roast, etc...

... and put the meat on to simmer in some water (not too much water). Simmer to a good broth and reduce it as much as you want. Test the broth for saltiness before you use it.


Put some fat in another pot, an add a little onion and cook until it becomes a bit translucent, and then add a little garlic, and some black pepper.


Add the fresh greens and stir til they wilt. Add the meat, and then ladle in as much broth as you want. You probably won't need to add salt. People differ in how soupy or dry they like their greens. Let the greens cook until they reach the texture you prefer.


Serve over rice with hot peppers/hot sauce/vinegar -- whatever you like dressing them with. If you cook vinegar (or any other acid) in with the greens, they turn an unappealing color.


Alternatively, you can serve the greens in bowls and offer cornbread instead of rice.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

55. Thanks for the tips!

I love the cornbread/rice idea!

[NMDemDist2]

58. here's how I do it

first you need to wash them and them wash them some more (nothing worse than gritty greens) then boil em for 15 minutes or so and drain

take some EVOO and garlic and saute it up then add the chopped greens and cook until well heated

sprinkle with Parmesan or Romano cheese, toss and serve immediately

:hi:

[texas1928]

59. YUMMOOOOO

:hide:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

61. Mmmm...

Sounds yummy!

[vademocrat]

62. Here's a vegetarian recipe that's been a hit for me twice now -

It calls for cooking them in a slow cooker but I used a le creuset dutch oven and cooked them on the stove for about 45 minutes. I'd never cooked collard greens before New Year's 2007 and was intimidated by their massiveness! They did cook down and even the hard-core "I can't eat collard greens without ham" loved them. One friend asked for the recipe the next day and couldn't believe they were vegetarian...

I used the cider vinegar at the end and really enjoyed it. Although I was surprised to find out that liquid smoke doesn't have HFCS in it. Hope this helps...



“Messa” Collards – (from “Fresh from the Vegetarian Slow Cooker” by Robin Robertson)
Collard greens are popular in the southern states, where they are often cooked for hours on top of the stove. A slow cooker is just the thing to cook a “messa” collards without standing over the pot. Wash the collards well to remove all traces of sand and grit. Liquid Smoke, available in supermarkets, adds a nice depth of flavor to the collards.

Slow Cooker Size: 3 ½ quart to 4 quart
Cook Time: 6 hours
Setting: Low
Serves 4

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 small yellow onion, chopped
1 large garlic clove, minced
1 pound fresh collard greens, trimmed of heavy stems, well washed, and coarsely chopped
1 cup vegetable stock or water
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 ½ tablespoons cider vinegar or 1 teaspoon Liquid Smoke
1. Pour the oil into a 3 ½ to 4-quart slow cooker. Set the heat on High, add the onion and garlic, cover, and cook while you prep the remaining ingredients.
2. Once prepped, add the collards and stock to the slow cooker and season with salt and pepper. Change the heat setting to Low, cover, and cook for 6 hours, until the collards are tender.
3. Just before serving, stir in the vinegar or Liquid Smoke.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

64. That sounds delicious!

Nice to have some alternatives to hamhocks. Thanks!:hi:

[vademocrat]

66. It is yummy - downright scrumptious for 68 cents a lb!

:hi:
btw, I do use vegetable stock, not water. Haven't tried it yet with liquid smoke - that may add more of a "meaty" flavor. I think I'll cook up a pot this weekend...