Ah ha! Time again for Bucky's patented "How to Get the Babes" advice

[Bucky]

So, young man, you're looking to "score" with the "ladies." Well, say no more. You're in for the best advice of your "life."

1. Finding quality women is the first step to any attempt to woo the fairer sex. Ideal locations include beaches, supermakets, retirement homes, cheerleader camps, and gym lockerrooms--anywhere you're likely to find a favorable male-to-female ratio. Make sure you bring along a pair of binoculars so that you know the right one to "pick out."
   
   
2. Once on the date, call her "babe" a lot. This has the ancillary effect of preventing you from calling her the wrong name (e.g. "mommy")
   
   
3. Gold chains. LOTS of gold chains. Best if you leave your shirt unbuttoned to the navel so they can see the whole chain
   
   
4. Collapsing beer cans against the forehead. This assures the ladies that you can protect them in case you're suddenly attacked by flying clown ninjas. (Note to HypnoToad: it's better if you use your own forehead instead of the lady's)
   
   
5. Let her know you appreciate her appearance. Say things like "You're hot" and "Check out them hooters" and "Woooohoooo!" frequently.
   
   
6. Remove the price tag from the flowers. I highly recommend plastic flowers as they never go bad.
   
   
7. "Accidentally" leave the price tag on the jewelry you buy her. She knows you love her, but she deserves to know exactly how much you love her.
   
   
8. Women want to be know that you'll stay with them for the long run. Reassure her by letting her know that her mother has a "sweet ass."
   
   
9. If her sister has a sweet ass, keep it yourself. I won't tell you how I learned this lesson, so you'll just have to trust me on this one.
   
   
10. Women love a man who knows how to cook. When you make a beer run to the grocery store, stop by the frozen food section and stock up.
    
    
11. When she's sharing her deepest feelings, nod frequently and make sure your ear with the MicroWalkman in it is turned away from her. (Note to HypnoToad: keep the volume turned down too!)
    
    
12. Serenade her. Pick a timeless classic so that she feels like you think she's a classic. I suggest "Every Breath You Take" by the Police as stalking lends that extra spice to any relationship. Don't forget the winking and making little finger-pointy hand pistols at them once they're locked in the car. Drives 'em wild.
    
    
13. More suggestions courtesy "Donating Member" Satasuspect (and I think you know what I mean by Donating Member) (and if you don't know what I mean, I mean "penis"):
    
    • Women like it when you order their food for them, it shows them you are decisive and strong enough to know what is good for them.
      
      
    • Women really love braggadocio: starting fights with strangers who look cock-eyed at you while you are out with your lady is sure to win points, same goes for verbal altercations: it shows you are strong enough to protect them.
      
      
    • Everyone knows that women are silly creatures whose purpose is to please a man, so being boorish and demanding just brings out that feminine urge to nurture even more.
      
      
    • Women "adore" cutesy names: jiggles, sweetypants, funbags, etc. are sure to warm their tender hearts.
    
    

[flvegan]

1. Good advice, but I disagree with #9

If her sister has a sweet ass, I make a point of it. I also ask if there's any chance for a three way. They'd know I was thinking it anyway. Might as well get it out there in the open.

:rofl:

[Bucky]

2. Good correction

But proceed with caution. Be prepared to just tap it on the side.

[LeftyMom]

3. I was going to point out that certain DUers need to read #9,

but... :sigh:

[youthere]

4. #14 Learn to belch her name.

Not only will this reveal your more sensitve side, but it shows commitment AND creativity. She'll practically fall over with her legs in the air.

[Bucky]

6. Ah, to woo a lady with poetry.

"Belgian" is as good as French (specially when she can smell the garlic).

[youthere]

7. Dirty Limericks are almost as good as the belching...

especially when you can incorporate her name.

[Bucky]

11. extra especially when her name...

... is Delores.

[matcom]

5. I'd like to add one

when introducing your lady to others out in public, let people know how you two met. I recommend starting off by saying, "I scored this piece of ass at the...."

It really lets people know that you made a concerted effort to woo your catch.

[CGowen]

8. There is a lot of stuff missing between 1 and 2. No pick-up lines ? n/t

[Bucky]

9. The moderators don't let me post that any more.

That's because in my patented, proven system of "Gettin' the Babes," instead
of using pick up lines, I recommend chloroform and an unmarked getaway van.

[xchrom]

10. you said ''funbags''!

:rofl: i LOVE ''funbags''.

[mikeytherat]

12. Two more (from the Zapp Brannigan book of romance):

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you take off your pants and dance around a little?"

"I've always found that the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."

mikey_the_rat