My High School Psychology Teacher Said The Most Profound Thing In My Mind I've Ever Heard

[SPKrazy]

"the person with the least interest in a relationship, controls the relationship"

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Southpawkicker...

And that is really true, unfortunately...

I am so sorry, sweetie...

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

3. yup

just seems like I'm the one who is always on the more interest side

:hug:

[fizzgig]

2. it's an incredibly hurtful and difficult truth

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

4. Indeed it is

more insightful than anything I learned in college or grad school for that matter.

human nature... we all want to be loved

:hug:

[lutefisk]

5. This sounds suspiciously like another Clinton thread!...n/t

[SPKrazy]

6. LOL

hadn't thought of that one

[Fire Walk With Me]

7. The same with the White House/Citizenry dynamic.

It's especially true regarding the televangelists who don't actually believe in God.

[SPKrazy]

8. it's prolly true about most things

less interest= less emotional investment= much easier to let go of the shit

[Fire Walk With Me]

9. Yes, but also less capacity and chance for anything deep and meaningful

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

11. that is also true

:hug:

thanks

[Mythsaje]

10. Wow. I actually came up with that realization on my own about eight years ago...

Right after my ex and I broke up. It blew my mind.

[SPKrazy]

12. heh, i just wanna know

why i'm always the one with the most interest?

if this is true anyway

oh, btw, sent you an add request on myspace

[Mythsaje]

13. Heck if I know...

Why do some people fall harder in love than others? Why do some people have what amounts to a switch they can turn on and off and walk away without looking back? Why do some people become stalkers rather than knowing when to just stand where they were left, that nothing they can do will make a difference.

It's like being a playa in a way. Someone like that gets the guys or women because he or she doesn't CARE about any particular one. Members of the opposite sex are like trains--there will be another one along any minute. The most successful of these, on the other hand, can seem infinitely interested in one person AT THAT MOMENT, but, if rejected, can move on to the next without missing a beat.

I have no doubt that the one with the least interest holds the most power in a relationship. And that most relationships go through a period of struggle between the partners to determine who has dominance. The successful ones achieve a balance. The others...well, we all know what happens to them.

[SPKrazy]

14. hmm....

good points

a lot to think about too.

[dorkulon]

15. So true.

One of the great tragedies of life is that the more desperately you want someone's attention, the less likely they are to give it to you, and the less you give a crap whether they like you or not, the more they like you.

[SPKrazy]

16. yeah

the irony of life

[conscious evolution]

17. So true

I had been chasing a young lady earlier this year with little success.When I gave up on her all of a sudden she changed her tune and started pursueing me.
Go figure.

[dorkulon]

49. Once you figure it out, it gets a lot easier.

My strategy for picking up women: do nothing. It's the most attractive thing you can do.

[conscious evolution]

57. Yep.It drives them crazy.

[raccoon]

18. Dr. Joy Brown said that too, but I don't know if it was original with her.

Anyway, it is so true.

Edited to add 2nd paragraph.

[ThomCat]

19. That's a very old, common understanding.

"The one who loves less is in control."

and, it's a power dynamic that sets one person up for a very nasty separation. You give and give and give, thinking you're giving to the relationship. But instead you're just appeasing someone to keep him/her there. When it falls apart, it hurts all that much more.
:(

[SPKrazy]

20. yeah

I guess, hell I don't even know

[LostinVA]

21. That is TOTALLY true

[SPKrazy]

23. its been the story of my life

[crim son]

22. Wow, that's a strange statement though I can see how it would apply.

It's going to bother me all day.

[SPKrazy]

24. it's haunted me for nearly 30 years now

but its true

[LynneSin]

25. That is so absol-fucking-lutely true

I've been in both positions and trust me - I'd rather be the one with the least interest because there was just so much less heartache involved.

[SPKrazy]

34. hmmm....

well I have not

mebbe its time

[quip]

26. This is the theory behind playing hard to get.

Also with buying a car-- do not go into a dealership with your heart set on a particular make/model. You will be eaten alive by the salesmen.

Hang in there, buddy! :hug: :hi:

[SPKrazy]

33. yeah cars

I've been there both ways

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

27. Can I quote Newt Gingrich with getting flamed?

He once said (and I'm paraphrasing) "It's amazing how much you can get accomplished when the other side knows that you're ready to walk away from the table."

He's a jerk, but an insightful jerk.

[SPKrazy]

32. no doubt true

[keithjx]

28. Regardless of its truth, who wants control anyway?

Fundamental to loving someone (and being loved by them) is respecting their independence and NOT controlling them. The power struggle that so dominates many relationships is a clear sign of lack of respect, which manifests itself in all kinds of problematic ways in the relationship. (This is of course between consenting adults - parenting is different depending on the child's age.)

I agree that there's always some jockeying to figure out the lay of the land, but abused authority is toxic to a relationship. Those that habitually seek control and thereby remain emotional disinterested ultimately won't fully love someone and won't be capable of recognizing if they are being fully loved.

Yes it hurts more, but it's because you are capable of loving and feeling loved. Considering the alternative, don't go changing!!!

:hug:
KJ

[SPKrazy]

30. not even considering it

thanks

:hug:

[DarkTirade]

29. That is often very true.

:\

[SPKrazy]

31. oh well

:hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

35. that is both true and untrue. its true in a committed relationship, but arguably

if you are perservering someone who isnt interested in you, its not all that true.

[SPKrazy]

39. well when someone

tells you they love you

then that they don't want to hear from you again

all in the same day

that kinda messes with your head ya know?

and yeah, i thought until last night that they were interested in me

[La Lioness Priyanka]

45. no i didnt mean that specifically but people have accused me of leading them on and taking

the power away from them.

well regardless of how one cuts it, if you know you care about me more than i care about you, and you still stay, really whose fault is that?

or

power can be given and taken willingly is my point i guess.

[SPKrazy]

46. ok

only the heart (in my case) gives itself too freely I guess

[La Lioness Priyanka]

48. well i dont want to turn this into a personal issue. i am not sure about your case

i was really talking about my life experiences.

some times one is a victim, sometimes one wants to play a victim.

sometimes we need to take ownership of our feelings.

i have been on both sides of this equation.


:shrug:

[SPKrazy]

53. okay

then lets not turn it into one

:hi:

[alarimer]

36. I've certainly been there

on any number of occasions it seems I was always the more interested one.

If only I realized the truth of this earlier and ended it myself, I would have saved myself a lot of grief.

[SPKrazy]

41. I suppose I realized it

earlier

but deluded myself into believing it would be otherwise

[sasquatch]

37. Well how does one get into a relationship and then dominate?

[DarkTirade]

38. With whips and chains?

:shrug:

[SPKrazy]

43. I'm not talking so much about that

although I'm sure that takes place too

[FloridaJudy]

40. Wow.

That is so true.

Story of my life.

{sigh}

[SPKrazy]

42. mine too Judy

mine too

[redqueen]

44. Ouch. Yeah...

*sigh*

:hi:

[SPKrazy]

47. ouch

is right

:hug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

50. The French say

"L'un aime, l'autre se laisse aimer."

One loves, the other lets him (or her) self be loved.

[SPKrazy]

51. interesting

hadn't heard that before

[Rabrrrrrr]

52. Absolutely true - just like "A war isn't finished until the loser decides it's finished"

That's the problem with trying to have power over other people - it never really works, and is all an illusion.

[SPKrazy]

54. true enough

power and control are illusions

[supernova]

55. It is true

and it's abusive if you think about it.

I really don't want a relationship like that, based on one who has more interest that the other. It means someone is debasing the other and that is a complete turn off to me.

I've only been out with the man I'm seeing a couple of times, it was fun and we have gotten along pretty well, but I'm about to end it because it could wind up to be one of those exact situations.

I would definitely much rather be alone than pine for something that won't ever happen.

Whatever happened to mutual caring and equality?

*Sigh*

[SPKrazy]

56. I've asked that for several years

haven't felt it

thought i felt it recently in a relationship but i guess i was wrong

*sigh* is right

sucks

sorry about your situation

[supernova]

58. Oh, I'm alright

At least I can recognize it now and stop it before it gets out of hand.

I have several meetup groups that I belong to and I intend to be very busy with those. There are plenty of interesting and caring men who would be glad to spend time with me; I just have to find them. :-)

You too, SPK.

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

59. I'm sure there are

men who who are interesting and caring and would be glad to spend time with you

:hug:

thanks