My daughter was asked out on a date...

[RetroLounge]

Our fair village has an annual formal dance, dinner and silent auction to raise money for the school district. It's been a great success the past few years. The money goes toward hiring extra help in the classrooms and to keep our K4 program, since the state has lowered funding.

So my daughter brings home the flyer and tells me that Joseph told her that if she has a pretty dress he will take her to the dance.

This is the same Joseph who told their entire class out loud that he loves her more than infinity.

Did I mention that my daughter is 7 years old?

:kill me now:

RL

[bicentennial_baby]

1. Awwwww! That's adorable!

Maybe you can lend Joseph your leash... :yoiks:

[RetroLounge]

9. Oh You!

:rofl:

RL

[Oeditpus Rex]

2. Late bloomer, is she?

I was engaged when I was 6. :)

[KitchenWitch]

4. My daughter has been engaged since she was 5...

:yoiks:

[Oeditpus Rex]

Well, it's different now

With the Pill and all...









:hide:

[KitchenWitch]

8. I oughtta....

:spank:

[RetroLounge]

12. Oh Dog, don't go there...

She going to start dating guys like me.

then I'm dead...

RL

[NewJeffCT]

34. my daughter is already planning her marriage to Thomas

She turns 5 next month.

At least Thomas comes from a family of dentists, I told myself.

But, I think she has competition, a boy named Dylan wants to marry Thomas, too.

[Raven]

5. The beach lifeguard took me to a barn dance when I was 7

on the back of his bike. He must have been 16 and I had a terrible crush on him. Of course, my parents knew...everybody knew and thought it was cute. I am soooooo mortified...58 years later!

[RetroLounge]

13. and to this day, it is probably a good memory for him...

:hi:

RL

[Raven]

58. God! You're a sweetheart! You know just the right things to say! n/t

[KitchenWitch]

3. Joseph had better have a JOB!

:D

[RetroLounge]

11. You got that right...

This daughter of mine is VERY high maintenance...

He might need two jobs.

RL

[ashling]

6. And so it begins .....

mine are 26 and 21, both out of the house.
:banghead:

[RetroLounge]

14. Well, if he want her to move out

I'll start packing her stuff now...

:D

RL

[laylah]

7. Oh my!

As a "survivor" of two daughters, I can only say...you ain't seen NOTHIN' yet! :rofl: By the way, have you asked Joseph to produce a resume and references?

[RetroLounge]

10. and a valid drivers license

and he had BETTER be a registered democrat!

:D

RL

[ashling]

15. I told my girls that I needed an application to date

in triplicate including a background check and references
:rofl:

[RetroLounge]

16. Good idea!

and a drug test too...

:hi:

RL

[ashling]

17. Pee in the cup, kid!

[NewJeffCT]

35. Breathalyzer, too

while we're at it

[RetroLounge]

46. Good Point...

Ritalin is but a gateway drug...

:D

RL

[ashling]

60. Ritalin:

the Ecstasy of the elementary crowd
:rofl:

[RetroLounge]

64. OMG!

They're going to a Rave!

:rofl:

RL

[ashling]

66. Application for dating my daughter

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, medical report from your doctor, and FBI background check.

Name:________________________ Nickname/Alias:___________________
Date Of Birth:____/____/____ height:______ Weight:______ I.Q.:______
G.P.A.:________ Soc. Sec.#______-___-_______
Driver's License#____________________
Boy Scout Rank:_____________Good Standing: Yes_____No_____
Home Address:_______________________________
City/State/Zip_____________________________
Home Phone#: (___)___________ Car Phone#:_______________ Pager#:__________
Do you own
a. Van?____
b. Truck with oversized tires?____
c. Car with a trunk full of speakers?_____

Do you have any of the following:
a. An earring_____
b. nose ring______
c. belly button ring_____
or piercings on any other body parts_____
Explain:_____________________________________________________
Tattoo?______

(If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.)

In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________

In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________

Church you attend_____________________ How often______________________
Best time to interview your pastor?_______________________

Fill In The Blank. Please answer freely, all answers will be confidential.
a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want to be broken broken is: ____________________________________________________
b. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is ____________________________________________________
c. Now answer the question you filled in on B ____________________________________________________

NOTE: If you have answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (and I will find out), discontinue application. It is advised that you leave the premises quickly keeping your head low and running in serpentine fashion.

I swear that all information provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, electrocution, and/or hot pokers.

_____________________________
Signature (This means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 - 6 YEARS for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. Please do not call or write, this could cause you unexpected injury.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE.

[ashling]

68. From an old buzzard who's been there:

Always glad to help out you younger DUers:

10 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter


Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[hisownpetard]

40. Resume? Forget it! How about a urine and sputum sample??

[quip]

18. Have you cleaned your shotgun lately?

Might be a good time to get on that. :hide:

[RetroLounge]

21. Both barrels

:hi:

RL

[quip]

25. Wise man.

I've found that it helps to be actually cleaning it when the suitor comes by the house. Nothing like a little non-verbal communication communication. :hi:

[lizziegrace]

19. Hehe...

you're so dead...

;)


:hug:

[RetroLounge]

20. You are enjoying my pain way too much...

:D

RL

[lizziegrace]

22. Yep

'cause I've been there...

;)


:hug:

You'll get through it. A little battered and a little more gray hair, but you'll survive.

After all, your parents survived you. ;)


:pals:

[RetroLounge]

23. Survived?

You haven't met my parents...

:rofl:

RL

[lizziegrace]

24. Unless those people were actors...

I saw photos. ;)

[RetroLounge]

26. Sure, they look pretty normal...

but they still whimper in the night thinking I may have to move back in with them someday...

RL

[lizziegrace]

27. Secretly

I think my parents do the same. Oh yeah, they *say* they want me to move west, but really, they're terrified I just might do it. ;)

[alphafemale]

28. "If she has a pretty dress?"

The boy will take her to the dance?

:rofl:

I think you are being "worked" Mommy.

time to go shopping...eh? :D

[hisownpetard]

41. Yeah, I thought the same thing. What guy (even at his age) would care what she's wearing?

P.S. Did he mention if he wants her to show some cleavage?

[Guava Jelly]

29. Man....

Just :hug: You do realize you may have to purchase a shotgun

[ThomCat]

30. And a shovel. Don't forget the shovel!

:P

[ThomCat]

31. Delete

wrong place

[Guava Jelly]

33. Of course a shovel :o)

[ThomCat]

32. And so it begins!

Have you asked your doctor for a Valium prescription yet? :P

:hi:

[xchrom]

36. so -- are you gonna ask him in the house and give him

the Grilling when he comes to pick up your daughter?

that should be interesting at 7.

[RetroLounge]

45. Need to determine his intentions...

:hi:

RL

[Cabcere]

37. Aww...

:hug: That's adorable! :loveya: (Of course, I'm sure that as the parent you feel differently, but still...too cute! :)) I got my first marriage proposal when I was five, lol, although at the time I didn't really understand what it was all about. (To be fair, he probably didn't either, since he was five, too.) :shrug: I hope your daughter has a good time, and that Joseph behaves himself - which I'm sure he will, or there'll be hell to pay from Papa RL! :hug: Good luck. :hi:

[tigereye]

38. woah - that's a little young, eh?

but kind of cute.

:hi:

My son just had to dress up for a Bar Mitzvah of a school friend, and I was shocked at how grown-up he looked. It kind of blew me out of the water. But he's almost 12.

[RetroLounge]

51. It all starts with the ear pirceing

then makeup. Last night she was walking around the house in high heels...

:mad:

RL

[hisownpetard]

39. Joseph should be arrested. I'm calling Chris Hansen and reporting the pev...

[HughBeaumont]

42. Up until about a year ago, my kid didn't like girls.

Now there's this one who sits next to him in two classes that he just can't get out of his head.

He's 12.

I remember liking girls when I was 5. I don't know, as an adult you're just not prepared for the whole "crush" thing when it happens to your kid.

[hisownpetard]

43. By the time I was 7, I had been married and divorced 3 times. Had 4 kids

from 5 different guys, 16 rescue dogs and 33 cats that I fed by hand, individually, while fryin' up some bacon
in the pan and dusting my bookshelves containing 4,003 books, all of which I'd read and underlined.

Ask me anything.

[RetroLounge]

47. Are you single and available?

:hi:

RL

[hisownpetard]

55. Yes, Yes. And Yes.

[JVS]

44. Will you invite the kid over and give him the third degree about if he has honorable intentions?

Maybe you'll freak him out.

[RetroLounge]

50. Actually, I'm hoping he has a cute single mom

:hide:

RL

[RevolutionaryActs]

48. That is soooooooooooooo cute.

Nawwwwwwwww.

[RetroLounge]

49. Sure, laugh now while you're childless...

Someday, you'll get yours...

:9

RL

[RevolutionaryActs]

52. In order for that to happen

I would need for someone to at least ask me out on a date. :P

[RetroLounge]

61. Maybe Joseph has an older brother?

:D

RL

[flvegan]

53. "more than infinity"

:rofl:

Nice.

[RetroLounge]

63. Feel free to use that line on LeftyMom...

:hi:

RL

[Adsos Letter]

54. I have raised two daughters...

...your fun is just begining... :D

[RetroLounge]

65. yeah...

I know...

:cry:

RL

[Ellen Forradalom]

56. During my son's dad's teen years, girls called him all the time

He used to ask his mother to tell them he wasn't home.

I'm hoping my son turns out the same way :-)

[GreenPartyVoter]

57. *blink blink* My boys think girls are yucky. No wait, there was Kindergarten when my firstborn was

married to one of his classmates. But then he came home one day and told me that he'd "quit that". :P

[NMDemDist2]

59. that is soooo cute!

we want pics :bounce:

[RetroLounge]

62. DON'T ENCOURAGE THEM!!!

:rofl:

RL

[lizziegrace]

67. ....

:popcorn:


Much better than television. ;)

[RetroLounge]

69. Oh, you are a bad influence...

I should have known the minute I met you...

:spank:

RL

[lizziegrace]

70. hehe...

that's one of the things you like about me. :evilgrin: