I've noticed a few comments about late-in-life divorces on DU of late

[KansDem]

Poll question: I've noticed a few comments about late-in-life divorces on DU of late

I'm curious to know if you or someone you know divorced late in their marriage and why. I know a few who married relatively young (ie, 20s), stayed married for a couple of years then divorced. They usually had no mortgage or kids (I believe these are called "starter marriages"), but although these are tragic in and of themselves, the couple can usually walk away and start life anew. However, I think it's particularly sad and difficult when a middle-aged (or older) couple divorces after being married for a long time.

There are so many factors to consider:
1) Children (Did you or someone you know divorce after the children were grown and out of the house? Were there significant differences in how the children were to be raised that contributed to the divorce?)
2) Home mortgage (Did you or someone you know wait until the house was paid for then split the proceeds from the sale. How did the new living arrangements work out? Did you or they move into an apartment? Buy another house?)
3) Re-marriage (Did you or someone you know get involved in another relationship? Did you or they marry again? Or did you or they just want to be single?)
4) Finances (Did you or someone you know have trouble with the spouse concerning finances?)
5) New career (Did you or someone you know decide to take a better job elsewhere while the spouse wanted to stay put?)
6) Abuse (Did you or someone you know just have enough of abuse from the spouse?)
7) Retirement (How has retirement factored into a late-in-life divorce? Did divorce make retirement more difficult? Or easier?)
8) Falling "out of love" (Did you or someone you know wake up one day and wonder about the person lying next to you?)
9) Changes in interests (Were you or someone you know no longer compatible with the spouse?)
10) Affair?

edited to add "Affair?"

How long did your, or someone you know, marriage last before you, or they, divorced, and why?

[Midlodemocrat]

1. You left one out. - Affair.

Friends of mine are splitting after 30 years, two kids because he couldn't keep his pants zipped.

[KansDem]

2. Thanks!

I added that option...:hi:

[LynzM]

3. My parents divorced after 22 years.

I'm not sure my dad ever really wanted to be married in the first place. I was 17 and my brother was 12 when they finally split. Sucked when they were together, all the fighting, and sucked when they were apart. x(

[Burma Jones]

4. My Folks were married 17 years

My Mom had an affair. Seeing that my Dad resented her and basically froze her out, I can understand. This was in the mid '70s, my two brothers and I decided to live with our Father - it was rare in those days that a Dad would step up (or be a desirable custodial parent) and take custody, also we were living in the DC area and Mom wanted to move to Houston, and none of us wanted to live in Houston. Also, my Mom was a Drug Addict and my Dad was a Captain in the Public Health Service, so we kind of knew who was going to be a better parent.

My Folks were married some seven months before I was born.........My Dad's Mother apparently tried to get my Mom to abort me, but that wasn't done back in the late 50s you know. I have to say, once I was born, my grandma was nothing but sweet, kind and generous to me - but she really wanted to see my Dad go to Medical School and a Wife and Kids put the kibosh on that. My Mom remarried twice, My Dad remarried once and had two more sons, so I am the eldest of five Brothers. My Dad and Stepmom have been married 31 years now - my Stepmom is one of the greatest people I have ever known and she saved my ass - even though I fought her all the way - I owe her more than I could repay. My Mom and her third husband have been married for 18 years now.

[KansDem]

5. Thanks for this story!

To be married 17 years, then divorce and go on to happier a marriage of 31 years is an inspiration to any of us thinking about untying the knot and wondering about what happens next...
:hi:

[supernova]

6. Divorced after nine years

of emotional and financial abuse. No kids and no assets to speak of (that you would think.)

At the end, he started to accuse me of cheating on him, (part of his problems). But I wonder sometimes if HE wasn't cheating on me.

Oh well, doesn't matter now. I am blissfully free of that particular pain. :-)

[Lydia Leftcoast]

7. I've seen three long-term (15+ years) marriages break up because

one spouse was closeted gay or lesbian and left the marriage when they fell madly in love with a same-sex partner.

The other break-up was due to adultery and emotional abuse. Ironically, it was the unfaithful, abusive spouse who initiated the divorce.

[KansDem]

10. Shame?

Ironically, it was the unfaithful, abusive spouse who initiated the divorce.

I could see this happening if the abusive, unfaithful spouse realized his/her transgressions as hurtful to the other and not proud of it.

[KitchenWitch]

8. One of my aunts got divorced after 42 years of marriage

He had carried on affairs throughout the marriage and she finally got fed up. They are/were well off financially so they did a 50-50 split.

[SOteric]

9. A close friend of our family's divorced after 14 years.

Her husband was always an odd duck, brooding and noncommunicative. He up and asked her for a divorce after she'd been diagnosed with some fairly serious health problems. Never said another word about his whys or whatnots and then up and left the state as soon as the ink was dry on the decree. He quite frankly left her in a pretty bad way financially. We have our speculations as to the demise of the marriage, but that's all we've got.