Luke Skywalker is sort of an asshole

[DerekG]

I really dig these flicks, but one thing that's always bothered me is that nothing seems to faze ol' Luke. Think about it. In the original film, he loses his surrogate mother and father, his mentor, and his best friend Biggs in the span of two or three days. Pretty traumatic stuff, but you wouldn't know it, what with the goofy grin that kid's always wearing. Rolls right off the back; just part of the adventure. Really, the only instance where he exudes vulnerability is when he gets The Big News. It's gloriously melodramatic, but an aberration--because in the next one, he wants to give his mommy-strangling, sister-torturing, mass-murdering Daddy a big hug!

WTF is this "I feel the good in you" crap? Had I been Luke, I'd of spent the ESB/ROTJ interim plotting Vader's gruesome death. Episode VI would have been rated R, with the tagline "It's Father's Day...in a galaxy far, far away!"

Compare this detached little buddha to his Dad. Fans complain about Anakin, but in a perverse way, he's more sympathetic. When a family member of his is killed, he has a freak-out, wipes out the whole village, and cools off by wedding and bedding Natalie Portman. See, there's someone who takes things to heart.

[democracyindanger]

1. Dude, he got a lightsaber and an X-wing.

My entire family could be eaten alive by rabid squirrels, and if I got a lightsaber and an X-wing I'd be pretty psyched.

[Frank Cannon]

7. And he thought he was doomed to a miserable existence...

on a shit planet. And his uncle was kind of a dick.

He'd waited his whole life for the experiences he gets in Episode 4. I'm sure that after the smoke cleared from the Death Star attack, he was a little sad about his aunt and uncle. A little.

[DerekG]

25. Owen seemed like an alright guy to me

He managed a farm and raised the spawn of a Sith Lord. In my book, that's way more heroic than being a space monk.

[Frank Cannon]

32. But he wouldn't let Luke go into Toshi Station...

to pick up some power convertors.

That kid worked his ass off on that moisture farm. He certainly earned a little rec time now and then.

[laconicsax]

34. The REAL Tosche Station

http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episodeID=8a25c392132b05a201132ba023bc0073

[redwitch]

15. Plus, then you could exact revenge on those troublesome squirrels!

Although they too are pretty handy with lightsabers...

[petronius]

2. I never thought of it that way; kind of funny...

I guess I always assumed that it was more than a few days - that the flight from Tatooine to Alderaan was longer than depicted, and the gap between the Death Star escape and X-wing battle was also longer. Also, he was pretty emotional on the flight away from the DS...

[leeroysphitz]

35. Nope. Star Wars is the literal word of Lucas.

If it took five minutes in the movie than it takes five minutes in reality.

If the movie says Vader, as a child, got a wild hair up his ass and, just for kicks, decided to slap together a protocol droid out of old Roomba parts then THAT is how it happened. Period.

[Donk Yore]

3. He's not an asshole

he may be a blackhole, but not an asshole.

It's a science thing.

[Bicoastal]

4. I think a night with Natalie Portman would be well worth any and all future troubles.

Just my opinion.

[Donk Yore]

5. May baby jeebus damn you to somewhere not so special

I love Natalie, and will now have to dream about her off and on all night, not getting much sleep, and be tired all day tomorrow.

Come to think of it, it will be worth it.

Thanks!

[Sock Puppet]

11. How very Oedipal of you

Natalie Portman is his mom.

[deucemagnet]

6. But Uncle O-o-o-o-o-w-e-n-n-n-n-n-n!!1 n/t

[WilliamPitt]

8. Give 'im a break. That Hoth ice beast took off his upper lip

...and the best he did after Tatooine (aside from self-mockery on The Simpsons) was "Corvette Summer."

Um. Yeah.

I'd be bitter too.

:)

[sarge43]

9. You forgot to mention the poor dweeb never got laid.

That didn't seem to bother him either. Most teenagers could not deal with that.

[Iggo]

19. And it's a good thing he never got laid.

'Cause that was his sister!

Damn, that boy was mixed up. I don't think he's an asshole as much as I think he's just "not-all-there."

[sarge43]

22. True enough

However, think of the rich texture that would have added to the narrative.

[JVS]

10. luke is one cold blooded fuck

[FormerDittoHead]

38. And Superman's a dick, too (see link)...

http://www.superdickery.com/dick/1.html

[Dr. Strange]

12. When asked about it, Ridley Scott said that it was because Luke is a replicant.

This must be in the upcoming "Super Special Edition."

[DS1]

13. I'm trying to find a video where the pilot he disses with these lines

"It's not impossible. I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home, they're not much bigger than two meters. "

and takes him aside and calls him a punk

[Rabrrrrrr]

16. Here -

it's at 1:06 or so. And that is Mark Hamill playing Luke.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJqFlQrvz1o

:rofl:

[DS1]

17. thanks

and Hamill does a lot of parodies of himself, he's cool like that

[laconicsax]

26. Better clip IMO

http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episodeID=8a25c39215a3b3d40115a47bd65b003a

[Rabrrrrrr]

14. We all mourn in our own way - some of us cry, some coldbloodedly murder millions

by blowing up their home, and then later hitting on his sister.

We all respond differently.

[krispos42]

29. And don't forget all the independent contractors he wiped out...

...in Return of the Jedi.

:cry:

[Rabrrrrrr]

31. No, Lando Calrissian took care of them. Luke killed only a couple Stormtroopers

in the speeder bike chase in that movie. Otherwise, he was murder free.

[laconicsax]

33. Murder free except for

the first Death Star.

[stuntcat]

18. hey, yeah..

Well I never trusted Luke 100% anyway.. but it didn't think about it this way when I was a kid, I guess the scene with the sad music and him looking at the burned up home was enough, then.

[edbermac]

20. He's sort of a perv actually. He was warm for his sister's form.

Talk about gross...

[DS1]

21. um

yea


no comment

[DinahMoeHum]

24. except he didn't know then that they were fraternal twins.

n/t

[laconicsax]

27. George Lucas did. (nt)

[Strawman]

23. Mark Hamil is kinda douchey looking

Probably mmore his acting than his looks I guess. Never warmed to the Luke character.

[AngryAmish]

28. Do you think he is , umm, compensating, with the lightsabre and X-wing

You know if a guy has to have a spaceship he lacks something in the pants.

[robertpaulsen]

30. I think Luke is trying to prove he's got Joementum.

There were times in Lieberman's defense of all things neocon that I could almost hear him saying, "I feel the good in Dubya".

[yoyossarian]

36. Sort of?

He's such a dipshit throughout all three films... I was
always suprprised that by the third one, even though he's a
Jedi then, he's dippier than ever!

And if I was Obi Wan's ghost, I oulda just stuck to my original story:
"No way, he's not your dad! He's just lying, dum-dum! The Sith are
liars! They lie like a sack of shit! Look, who you gonna believe,
Darth Fuckin' Vader or ME???"

And if I was Liam Neeson, I would never gambled the fate of the
entire rebel alliance on a desert roadster race when the pilot is like
what, 7 years old? And I wouldn't have left Annakin's mom behind.
Why didn't he just kill the disgusting bug-dude and rescue Annakin
AND his ma from slavery? What's the problem, Liam? Would that be too
HEROIC, for Jedis to stand four-square AGAINST slavery?

PLUS, Vader tells Luke that Obi-Wan had taught him well like 4 TIMES!
It's all he ever says! "Obii-Wan has taught you well, young Skywalker!"
Again and again! What the hell?

Who's dad is that nice to 'em anyway? Who?

Yeah, come to think of it, they ALL sucked!

And I'm out!

T-shirts, mugs, buttons n' cards at http://cafepress.com/laughcity">Laugh City

http://steponnopets.com/peo">President Evil Online has risen from the grave!

[laconicsax]

37. They couldn't do anything that St. George the Dumb didn't write. nt