Middle school issues ban on intentional flatulence

[Maine-ah]

CAMDEN (Feb 1): The Merriam Webster Dictionary definition for flatulence is brief: "flatus expelled through the anus." And while it's a natural bodily function, it seems some Camden-Rockport Middle School eighth-grade boys are taking it to new heights and making a game of seeing who can expel the loudest and grossest flatus.

According to this week's Fire Cracker school newsletter though, the joke's on the boys as the penalty for "intentional farting" is now a detention.

"Strange, but true, thanks to a bunch of 8th grade boys, intentional farting has been banned from CRMS," the newsletter said. "It started out as a funny joke and eventually turned into a game. This is the first rule at CRMS that prevents the use of natural bodily functions. The penalty for intentional farting is a detention, so keep it to yourself!"

According to a group of seventh-grade students milling around downtown following Friday's storm-related early release, the eighth-graders' escapades are well known in the school.


http://knox.villagesoup.com/Community/story.cfm?storyID=108448




:hide:

[One_Life_To_Give]

1. Detentions going to be ripe!

[Maine-ah]

3. oh, hell that's a DUzy if I've ever seen one!

:spray:

[krispos42]

2. Ah, so they're going to ban voluntary digestion.

Yeah, that's gonna work out well.

[sarge43]

14. Especially on the days when they serve beans in the school cafeteria.

Throw in a side of sliced cukes and those boys will do the Anvil Chorus sans lyrics.

[DS1]

4. So Premeditated Farting is punishable, but ass- slaughter is okay

because you didn't mean it

[mainegreen]

5. Bwahahaha!

Maine news is such a gas.

:D

[Maine-ah]

7. roflmao!

:rofl: :hi:

[LeftyFingerPop]

6. It's about time.

I've been wanting a ban on this for years.

I'm glad someone finally took a stand.

[From The Ashes]

8. How will they tell....

if it's intentional or not? :shrug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

9. Special sensors...

strategically located.

[Maine-ah]

11. I knew someone here would have the answer!

new seats for every classroom with specialized sensors!

[LeftyFingerPop]

12. Similar to...

the sensors they use on lie detectors.

They hook the subject up the the sensing machine at the beginning of the school year, and have him/her perform the offending act.

This establishes a "baseline".

[Maine-ah]

15. .

:rofl:

but wouldn't they then have to make the student perform on purpose? Or will they just wait until after school lunch has been served?

[LeftyFingerPop]

17. Yes, they would have to make the student do it on purpose...

Poor kid would be sitting there all hooked up, and then the "Gas Master" would stand over him and yell "STRAIN!!!! STRAIN!!!! HARDER!!!! WE NEED A BASELINE FOR YOUR PERMANENT RECORD!!!!!"

[Maine-ah]

18. "gas master"

d00d....:rofl:

[sarge43]

27. Will the "Gas Master" score duration, intensity, toxicity, noise level, etc?

Farts are not all equal.

Plus, will these boys start bragging about the quantity and quality of their baseline? "Hey, Randy blew that machine right outta the room. Kewl."

[Maine-ah]

10. dunno.

[LeftyFingerPop]

21. Dear Ms. Smith,

We have suspended your son Billy from school for a period of three days. This action was required due to the fact that Billy refused to push hard enough during his yearly baseline establishment. Please contact our Gas Master if you require further details.

Sincerely,

Ibin Farteen
School Administrator

[Deja Q]

13. Where do they pick up these ideas from?

Thank God nobody did that back in the less civilized times of the 1980s, back when high school kids named their pet rock bands things like "Laceration"... :crazy:

[RoadRage]

16. Ahh.. i can not wait to see how they en"force" this one...

Wow... just.. wow.

[av8rdave]

19. On who does the burden of proof rest to prove intention?

Inquiring not-so-sharp legal minds want to know!

[texas1928]

20. When I was in 6th grade english class...

One day a kid let out the loudest, longest farts I have ever heard. Mrs. Akins (Baptist Preachers wife) stopped class and made him stand up and apologize for farting. It was hilarious.


But man they are taking the fun out of everything. What else do little boys have to do but torment girls and fart.

[Maraya1969]

22. Aren't most farts intentional? I mean if you are sitting on your couch

and you feel some intestinal gas moving don't you usually move a bit to allow it to escape? And to that end if you do not want to fart you tighten your buttocks so as not to allow the gas to escape?

The only unintentional farts happen when you are sleeping or maybe when you are walking and one or more sneaks out.

[Maine-ah]

23. laughing hard always gets me.

they certainly are going to make the kids feel paranoid about passing gas when it's a perfectly natural thing to do.

[LeftyFingerPop]

24. It most certainly is NOT natural...

and quite honestly, I've never done it.

On second thought, perhaps that is why my lounge posts are so hosed up. :)

[TommyO]

25. I used to pride myself on the fact that I never farted

Until my ex informed me that I had "fluttered his thighs" whilst he was spooning me in bed one night.

[Maine-ah]

26. roflmao!

sound like my Mom. "I don't fart!" It's your father! (when I was a kid) :rofl:

[Maraya1969]

28. Yea, farts are supposed to be FUN! Now they are going to end up as just

another cause of neurosis. :)

[Fire Walk With Me]

29. I left my Diet Pepsi open and it went flatus.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

30. How will they know who did the Silent But Deadly variety?

Are they tracing both the audio and the olfactory aspects of these offenses?

[Maine-ah]

32. they must go with the

you smelt it you dealt it theory.



hey, is this smilie appropriate or what?


:hurts:

[rug]

31. "following Friday's storm-related early release"

No wonder!

:rofl: