So, HEyHEY is heading to Korea to meet a girl's parents and stuff.

[HEyHEY]

Bought my ticket on Thursday. I've posted about this before, but here's background; In august I met and dated a girl from Seoul. She had to go back :-( she was SUPPOSED to come shortly after to study english. But, that didn't happen. I think, without her telling me, that her parents were like, "You ain't going anywhere until we meet this guy." So, Off I go.

Now, I am going to go and need any advice you folks may have for dealing with parents off a different culture... any insight into Korean manners that westerners commonly fuck-up would be appreciated too.

[MonkeyFunk]

1. It's considered polite to

offer them money for their daughter. $12 is standard.

[HEyHEY]

2. What? I was going to demand a dowry

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear MonkeyFunk!

:spank:

[puerco-bellies]

4. .

:wow:

[petronius]

5. Remember also that it's rude to seem to eager

he should demand to see all their daughters before making his choice. Bargaining is also common courtesy...

[Bucky]

24. "choice"?

In Korean society, girls are considered a burden. The more you can take off the parents' hands, the happier they'll be... even if your offer's just good for an evening. Trust me, the sooner HeyHey makes his intentions known in this regard, the smoother things will go.

[Lethe]

6. if they demand you take off your shoes, do it

:D

[IndianaJones]

7. hope it turns out better for you than it did for my dad back in the 60's. nt.

[MonkeyFunk]

11. Feh

MY Dad was there in the 50s and they shot at him!

[IndianaJones]

18. tell me about it...my moms one of 'em. nt.

[MilesColtrane]

8. My limited experience:

Nam Sam Ni Da= Thank You

Older male honorific=adashea

Older female honorific=anjima

And the one that got me some play in Seoul: Tong Shi Nen I Doom Nee Da=You are very pretty.

If they offer you Soju, politely decline.

[HEyHEY]

15. I gotta be careful with that one.

Last thing I need is to get walked in on.

[HEyHEY]

16. I gotta be careful with that one.

Last thing I need is to get walked in on.

[KG]

9. cool.

maybe you could hook a brother up with Seoul sister. :)

[crispini]

10. You might want to get one of the "Culture Shock" series of books.

It's probably called "Culture Shock: Korea" or some such. They'll give you the scoop on the society, etc.

You'll get bonus points for any effort you make to read up on Korean news, learn a word or two, and fit in to their society, because (in general) people from other countries are used to Americans not knowing a lot about their country.

If you've never had Korean food before I'd get to a Korean restaurant right away and start chowing down. You get a lot of goodwill if you can eat pretty much whatever you're offered. :D

[kwassa]

12. Good ideas, all.

There are large immigrant Korean communities in the US in many cities. I worked with a group of young men from Korea about 20 years ago, and they were sending back to Korea for brides. A sister or other relative would usually come over to check them out. Almost the arranged marriage thing.

If you do some research and make the effort to learn some things, that will probably go over well with the parents.

Korean food is very intersting, too.

[Tikki]

13. Be sure to compliment the mother....

on her kimchi (gimchi, kimchee).



Tikki

[Schema Thing]

14. They're going to want to check your penis

be sure to practice good hygiene and don't be afraid to bring it up first; just to let them know you have nothing to hide.


Good luck!


:P

[KitchenWitch]

17. ...

:spank:

[Nickster]

19. Bring American stuff with you. My MIL and SIL went there to visit family a few years ago and they

went nuts for Chicago Bulls stuff, hats, shirts, etc. Karaoke is also very popular.

[Robb]

20. Koreans love hockey

Start up a conversation on the two-line pass, they'll be putty in yer hands.

[grantcart]

21. I spent 20 years in SE Asia but never in Korea

Asians generally have a very poor opinion of westerners they meet because in their eyes they are sloppy in their appearance.

If you want to make a good impression dress nicely with clean clothes in a neat appearance. Speak modestly. Take your shoes off before you enter a house.

Asians can be very sensitive about different kinds of physical contact Thais are extremely sensitive, for example, if anyone touches their head or points their feet at them. Ask your friend about this and she will tell you.

Smile a lot. You should bring a lot of inexpensive little gifts from Canada that you can give to each relative as you meet them. I am talking about $ 2 trinkets a small Canadian flag or a postcard for example. Its just the idea that you were smart enough to think of them. Something for every little nephew or niece. This will make a great first impression. bring 30 or 40 because you will keep meeting people.

When you exchange something make it important. If you receive something - even a business card - recieve it with both hands and look at it and admire it. When you give something tell them its totally worthless and your are embarassed not to give them something more significant but when you give it, give it with both hands and show respect.

Be sincere, relax. They are also nervous about meeting you.


Best of luck.

[Evoman]

22. My ex-girlfriend was chinese. Her parents were HORRIBLE.

She had 3 sisters. I heard all the horror stories before I met them. First of all, they disliked non-chinese people. Whereas they just plain ol' didn't like white suitors, my ex was scared as hell they would find out I'm latino. They really didn't like "mexicans". Lol..not that I'm mexican, but it's all the same to them.

Second of all, they demanded gifts when you first met them, and they judged you by them. The more expensive, the better. Sentimentality didn't count for anything. One of her sister's bf brought them a nice framed picture of their daughter...after he left, they told her, "What the hell is this stupid thing. Why we need a picture of you?".

The funny thing is that all the daughters were *extremely* liberal, if you catch my drift. Anyhow, I'm a pretty fucking charming guy and it took everything I had to make them not hate me. And they still hated me on principle.

My advice to you...forget everything you know about parents from your culture. Even my Canadianized latin family isn't anything like the families here. Ask your girlfriend specifically how she wants you to act, and what sort of gift you should bring (if any).

Lastly...don't worry too much. The more the parents hate you, the more the girl likes you. ;)


on edit: no flames please...I'm not saying all chinese are like this. I'm sure her parents were unique. And sociopathic.

[Bucky]

23. Mastering the Korean "social kiss" is difficult (much more so than the French 'air kiss')

Grab the father by the shoulders--as the guest in the house, you'll be expected to make the first move. Get a good grip, to show that you're a confident suitor for his daughter. If he starts to pull back from your embrace, it's a welcoming sign, as if escorting you further into their household... and into their hearts! This is your cue to insert your tongue...

Go luck!!

[AllegroRondo]

25. My limited experience

from a year there with the Army

Talk to the man of the house first, do not talk to his wife until after you are introduced.
It is polite to bring a small gift, like wine or chocolate. American whiskey like Johnny Walker is expensive there and very nice too.
take off your shoes when entering the house
eating - it is polite to make some noise while you eat. everyone may share from community bowls of side dishes. eat a lot, but not everything on your plate, that implies that they did not provide enough food.

if you buy something at a shop, it is polite to hand your money directly to the cashier, with both hands.

[HEyHEY]

26. Ha, I remember watchign Yeon Jae do that a few times

She stopped eventually, but she, once or twice, handed money with both hands.