My bi-weekly visit to the nursing home

[LeftyFingerPop]

Good morning.

Some of you might be able to relate to this and get a good laugh on a Wednesday morning.

My mother is 89, and in a nursing home. She is still pretty sharp, but can't hear a damn thing without her hearing aids. I went to visit her at the home this morning.

PB = philboy
M = mom

PB...enters nursing home room which is kept at a comfortable 137 degrees F
M...is sleeping on bed, snoring, mouth open drooling
PB...shakes M's foot
M...I'm not ready to get up yet
PB...It's me
M...Who?
PB...Your son
M...What?
PB...It's your son
M...It can't be my son. He never comes to visit me.
PB...Stop it. I come to see you every few days.
M...Cackles
Male voice from down the hall...FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU!!!!
PB...Who the heck is that?
M...What?
PB...Who is that?
M...What?
PB...WHO IS THAT????
M...Who is who?
PB...There is somebody swearing down the hall.
M...It's raining?
PB...THERE IS SOMEBODY SWEARING DOWN THE HALL.
M...Oh he's an idiot. I can't stand him. He is mean. He always swears. Next time I see him, I am going to punch him in the face. "cackle".
PB...Why don't you just trip him when he is walking down the hall? You might get him to break a bone, then they will move him to the rehab floor and you won't have to deal with him anymore.
M...Don't be fresh!! "cackle".
M...I want you to wash my blanket for me. It's over there in a plastic bag.
PB...Why don't you just have them wash it here?
M...What?
PB...WHY DON'T YOU JUST HAVE THEM WASH IT HERE?
M...You got a haircut?
PB...YES MOM. WHY DON'T YOU JUST HAVE THEM WASH IT HERE?
M...Because the laundry steals my clothes.
PB...Rolls eyes. Ok mom, I will wash it.
M...Take the other plastic bag too.
PB...What's in it?
M...I wrote up the instructions on how the blanket should be washed.
PB...Why did you put them in a plastic bag?
M...What?
PB...WHY DID YOU PUT THE INSTRUCTIONS IN A PLASTIC BAG???
M...So you wouldn't lose them.
PB...I don't need the instructions mom, I'm sure I will figure it out.
M...TAKE THE INSTRUCTIONS! YOU'RE GOING TO SCREW IT UP!
PB...Ok mom.
M...Are you getting fat?
PB...No mom.
M...What?
PB...No mom, I am not getting fat.
M...Did you lose weight?
PB...Yes mom, a little.
M...You sure?
PB...Yes mom.
M...I think you look a little fat.
PB...Rolls eyes. Ok mom.
M...Get that other bag over there, against the wall. Get that thing.
PB...Looks at the 10 plastic bags she has against the wall, all full of useless crap.
M...Get it.
PB...Get what?
M...What??
PB...GET WHAT MOM????
M...That thing in the bag.
PB...What thing?
M...The mask I made, it's in the bag.
PB...Pulls out an opera mask with feathers glued to it.
M...cackles
M...I made that! Do you want it? Will you wear it.
PB...Laughs, no mom.
M...Ok, I'll give it to Sally.
PB...Who is Sally?
M...What?
PB...Who is Sally?
M...Sally who?
PB...Kisses mom goodbye.
M...Come again soon!

Mothers...gotta love 'em
:loveya: :loveya:

[zanne]

1. ROFLMAO!

Hey! Is your mom my aunt Juliette?

[LeftyFingerPop]

2. Hahaha!!.

So you know from where I speak! :rofl: :rofl:

[meegbear]

3. Sounds like that Adam Sandler joke ...

he talks about going to visit grandma and presses the buzzer at her building:

"Who is it?"
"It's your grandson"
"Charles Manson?"

[LeftyFingerPop]

4. ...

:rofl: :rofl:

The thing is, she is actually very sharp, with only a slight hint of dementia. I think she just speaks to me like this to bust my balls.

[zanne]

5. My mother (RIP)

She had Alzheimer's and we cared for her at home. At the time, we had four cats and she couldn't remember their names. I was worried about one of my cats one day because I couldn't find him.

Me: AMOS! AMOS!
Mom: What's wrong?
Me: I can't find Amos.
Mom: Goes to back door, flings it open..."ANUS"! "ANUS"!

[LeftyFingerPop]

6. You know...

My heart really goes out to you. Alzheimer's is truly devastating, and I am so sorry your family and your mom had to experience this. :hug:

That being said...Your post is damn funny! :rofl:

Oh well, I guess we have to laugh, or we would cry. :)

[luckyleftyme2]

7. my mom

my mom has been in a nursing home for 6 years,she is hard of hearing and has Alzheimer's . she no longer hears with a hearing aide,but can still read lips.
my visits are now weekly because I no longer can take her out to lunch or for a
ride by myself. (she wears depends and can't use toilet by herself)
she is 89 and getting frail. she rarely knows who I am for the whole visit which is very hard for me to cope with. SHE TAKES ME FOR her brother,her nephew,my dad the dr. etc. but most of the time at first for me.
We (MY FAMILY) are lucky that she is in a small facility that treats their patients with great respect and care. they have been very helpful in providing
great advice and avenues to take to help us.
my advice is to seek help if you need to place a relative in a nursing home. if you have the time visit different facilities in your area and talk to staff and family members who are visiting patients (esp. relatives)
there is funding help available!

[LeftyFingerPop]

8. This is excellent advice that you have given.

My mom was doing "alright" living in a senior apartment complex for many years.

Two years ago, she began to neglect taking her meds. I tried calling in a nurse to visit her several times a week, but that did not help.

She landed in the hospital 3 times.

During the 3rd hospital visit, I went to her apartment to clean it before she went back home. I moved a china cabinet to vacuum under it, and found close to 300 random pills on the floor. It was then I knew that she could not go back home.

My siblings washed their hands of the decision. I had anticipated her having to go into a home, so I did my research with about 12 different nursing homes in the area. Several months before the decision was finally made, I enrolled her into a day program at the best nursing home in the area. She would go there twice a week to do crafts, etc. This proved to be very beneficial, because since she was in this program already, she was given priority when it was decided to move her into the nursing home permanently. I was able to transfer her from the hospital directly to the home as a permanent resident.

I made it known very quickly that I would be keeping a close eye on her. I introduced myself to the entire staff on her floor. I visited her everyday, sometimes twice a day, until she became acclimated. I have had several small complaints, at which time I went directly to the president's office to get resolved. The staff is aware that I am looking out for her, and I think that is the key for a pleasant experience for her.

I ask to see her medical charts. I have the nurses explain everything to me.

One day she was in distress medically, and I demanded that she see a doctor. I was informed that the doctor would not be available until tomorrow. That's not good enough, I told them. I DEMANDED that she be seen by someone immediately, or I wasn't going to leave. Sure enough, they were able to get a doctor to her in 10 minutes.

This is the key....you have to stay on top of them. If they know there is a concerned family member, your relative will usually be treated very well.

Best wishes to you and your family.

[Gormy Cuss]

9. They do steal clothes in nursing homes.

Ask any resident.:D

Nursing home residents who aren't in a fog of dementia seem frustrated at not being able to take care of themselves and small things like writing detailed instructions on washing the blanket are just their way of exerting a little control.