Please, help me settle an argument?!??!!

[JuniperLea]

If someone tells you they are going to do something, and the don't do it, do you consider that going back on one's word?

Or, does a person have to say magic words like "I promise" or "I give you my word" before not following through is going back on one's word?

[JuniperLea]

1. Please?

[suninvited]

2. Guilty !

I have done that, but I will usually let the person know (stammering) "I know I said I would do this, but at the time I said that I really thought when the time came to do this, I would be up to it. But, now that the time is here, I really am tired (or whatever the reason is)".

Then I will try to reschedule the task, whatever it was. In fact I did it last weekend, when I told my step-mother I would climb up in the attic to help her find some papers, and then after I worked all day I just wasnt up to climbing up a ladder and searching through boxes, so I promised to do it this coming up weekend.

However, I originally went back on my word.

[JuniperLea]

3. That's an honest answer if ever I saw one!

Thank you!

I believe that when I say I'll do something, I've automatically given my word to that person... and giving my word is a promise. I don't have to say "I promise" or "I give my word". Merely saying I'll do something IS giving my word... it IS making a promise, and I take that very seriously.

I've backed out before too... and the last time I can think of was because I was too tired after a long day at work. But it's ok, my boyfriend has had sushi about 10 times since the time I let him down:)

[yawnmaster]

4. I agree

I also agree, saying I will do something (or not do something) is giving ones word.
The I promise, or I give my word might be used to try to convince the other that you mean it, but it should be unnecessary.
That said, I've broken my word, mainly from forgetfulness, rarely, if ever, by design.

If one is forgetful, or there is a chance that you won't accomplish what you've said, then one should make that known at the time...
sorta adding a probability of completion. Saying the I give my word makes it 100% probability, for instance.

I might say, "When I get home from work, if I'm not dead tired, I will do so and so".

Again, that said, I've not been 100% successful with that either, but thats what I try.

Backing out is okay, as long as when the word is given, it is known to be one of the options (I'm < 100% here too, but trying to work towards it).

[JuniperLea]

5. Well said...

Thanks for this. I was beginning to think I was from another planet! LOL!!

[Lil Missy]

6. Depends.

Did they just forget, or have something else come up? Or did they just blow you off.

If I tell someone I am going to do something, I mean it even if I don't say "I promise". If I didn't follow through, that would not be an excuse, but sounds more like some ridiculous game of jumping through hoops.

If something comes up or there is a change of heart or mind, I think an explanation is owed as opposed to just leaving the other person hanging.

[JuniperLea]

9. Leaving the other hanging is the issue...

That, and saying that since no magic words were spoken like "I promise" or "I give you my word" this person feels they are not going back on their word or breaking promises when they don't follow through on what they say they will do.

I'm not talking once in a while here, I'm talking daily, weekly, and monthly... I can count far more things that weren't followed through on than were.

[Lil Missy]

12. Well, then I would say that your frustration and anger is justified.

And if this is a pattern with this person, time to find a new friend.

[Fire Walk With Me]

7. I consider that to be typical human behaviour. At least in regard to doing nice things.

The exceptions to this rule are what amaze me.

[laconicsax]

8. The last one of these had pictures.

Just sayin.

[JuniperLea]

10. hahaha!

Hmmm... wish I could think of a witty picture... I'm just not feeling up to it right now I guess. Sorry to disappoint!


:hi:

[suninvited]

11. I think the biggest issue is

not to win the fight. Not to be able to say: "You wen't back on your word".

The biggest issue is, why didn't you do what you said?

That being said.

Nobody is perfect. Let it go. You let me down, but I still love you. Enough said.

[marcellobarrios]

13. depends on the reasons for not doing it

Things happen that can keep someone from doing something.