Valentine's Day etiquette question for females...

[LanternWaste]

If you received a valentine's card from someone you don't know very well and it read something to the effect of, "because Valentine's Day is about the only time I can get away with calling you 'the prettiest and classiest girl in the office", would you feel creeped out by it?

Half of me thinks it would creep her out-- the whole stalking, night-vision-goggles kind of thing. The other half of me thinks that it may, at the very least brighten up her day a little bit.

No-- it's not written on a romantic card-- the actual printed copy goes something like, "someone farted in the card shop so I grabbed this card and got out of there as soon as I could!". Trying my best to keep it a bit whimiscal and light-hearted.



Can I just say that I hate being single (again) and that finding that perfect balance between being charming and goofy is much more difficult than I remember... :grr:

[KitchenWitch]

1. As a female, that would ook me out.

[LanternWaste]

4. Crap. Thanks.

Crap. Thanks. Maybe I'll just wish her a happy valetine's day and leave it at that. :)

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

2. I'm Not A Female, But I Can Most Certainly Tell You That Would Be Creepy For Most.

[Runcible Spoon]

3. as long as there is no overtly or sexually themed behavior she might find offensive to go with it..

I'd take it as a nice flattering compliment. But then again I'm not one of those people who takes being called attractive sexist :shrug:

[LanternWaste]

6. Damn these mixed signals!

Damn these mixed signals! There really ought to be an either/or rule in these situations... :) thanks.

[redqueen]

5. I wouldn't.

I would think it was sweet.

:shrug:

[LanternWaste]

11. But you're already privvy to how inxcredibly sweet I can be when I pretend to be.

But you're already privvy to how inxcredibly sweet I can be when I pretend to be. :evilgrin:

Thanks, Red. I guess I won't know if I give her the card until Thurs-- til then, it's all in the realm of the hypothetical...

[Bunny]

7. I'd be creeped out. Unless you have an underlying relationship with this woman,

it would be really inappropriate to send this, especially in the workplace.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

8. Actually, Few Questions:

1. How often do you speak?

2. Around how old is she?

3. Have you ever even come close to flirting?

4. Do you ever share laughs together?

[redqueen]

10. Very good questions!

:thumbsup:

[LanternWaste]

14. 1. four or five times a week

1. four or five times a week. Hard to get into a convo with her as she's the receptionist and I usually take off as soon as she gets a call

2. Pretty young-- which is why I feel like it could creep her out.

3. She called me "pretty" (??) on one occasion, and "man-of-the-hour" on another. Is that flirting?

4. I've told her some of the worst jokes known to man and she's shareda couple with me.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

23. Sounds Like A Good Start. Remember, Laughter Is Always Key:

Maybe approach her and say "Got a riddle for ya: What did the fool say to the prettiest girl in the land?" and when she says what, say "happy valentines day" and hand her the card. I dunno, something cheesy and light, which might come off as less creepy. Might come off cheesy, but cheesy is better than creepy. Especially if you flash a big smile and confident chuckle afterwards.

[VenusRising]

9. It could be a very nice thing, BUT

please don't say "it's about the only time I can get away with calling you..." That sounds like you are only saying that to her on Valentine's Day and all the other days you think something entirely horrible. Try "there aren't enough opportunities to tell you...".

I think it's a sweet gesture, and as long as she doesn't have a spouse or SO, then I think it's cool.

Good luck.

[LanternWaste]

15. Ooohhh... Nice tip!!!

Ooohhh... Nice tip!!!

I'll name my first born after you for that one!! lol

[VenusRising]

16. Well, then I hope it's a girl.

Because a boy named Erica would be weird. :P

[LanternWaste]

18. I was going to name it (boy or girl) VenusRising

I was going to name it (boy or girl) VenusRising :)

[VenusRising]

21. Oh, well. That's not weird at all.

:rofl:

[DS1]

12. Do it, if it's a big enough office

There only one woman in our office, so "prettiest in the office" wouldn't quite say much

[GirlinContempt]

13. I wouldn't find it creepy.

[LanternWaste]

17. Well...

Well... it;s no secret that it's you, y'know! :evilgrin:


Thanks for the opnion. Sometimes I wish women came with a user manual...

[JVS]

31. Shit! There goes my valentine's surprise for you, right down the crapper!

:banghead:

[GirlinContempt]

32. You'll have to do better, comrade

But, I already know you want to hit it.

[JVS]

34. Well then I need say nothing.

[GirlinContempt]

35. A little romance never hurt

Roses are red
violets are blue
first you'll get fed
then i'll stick it in you

[JVS]

36. A beautiful poem.

This is a lovely restaurant
you can order anything you want
but if you get the lobster, dear
I get to stick it in your rear

[GirlinContempt]

37. See? Gorgeous!

[pokerfan]

38. And the card should be handmade

(preferably cut out of words from a newspaper)

[GirlinContempt]

40. good call

[PVnRT]

51. How about this card?

I found another on Cracked, but I'm not trying to get the thread locked. Yet.

[JoePhilly]

19. Grow a set an ask her out to LUNCH.

Lunch is a safe meal. No long term committments. Then, if it goes well, ask her on a date.

The intent of the card is nice, but it IS creepy.

The reason is that it tells her you are interested, but it gives little indication of how normal that interest is.

My wife (before we were married)had a guy who left a rose on her car. He thought it was nice ... but it creeped her out. She'd already been stalked once.

And then he rose guy started stalking her.

Every women has at least one story like this, or knows another woman with the same basic story.

Ask her to lunch.

[LanternWaste]

22. Different lunch hours

Different lunch hours or I would have already. And they're quite grown, thank you very much :)

[JoePhilly]

24. Bummer dude ...

Glad to hear they are fully grown ...

But the card is still creepy.

What about getting a group from work to go out? That's actually how I pursued my wife. Via Happy hour.

And we also had a work co-ed softball league ... main goal was "drink beer, meet women."

Valentine's day has so many romantic connotations ... makes it more risky ....

You might ask her what her V-day plans are ... if she has none, and you have none ... "hey, better than eating alone, right?"

If she has plans, that tells you something too ...

[LanternWaste]

20. Logging off for now

Logging off for now. Thanks for the suggestions and opinions. I'll check back in the morrow to see if I've missed anything other words of womanly wisdom.

Really-- thanks everyone!

[Book Lover]

25. Rule #1. Actually this is the rule *before* rule #1

Do not ever, ever, ever mix passing gas and valentine's day. Let me repeat this, because it is possible you may think I am not 100% serious. Do. Not. Ever. Mix. Farts. And. Valentine's. Day. Ever.

Now, yes, your suggested message is creepy I am sorry to tell you. "Get away with"? Bad choice of language. Say something about how she brightens your day every day instead. Please.

[hippywife]

26. Oh go ahead and do it

and go with VenusRising's rephrasing. I think the mixture of humor and the compliment balance each other out, thereby eliminating the creep factor. I so totally think that is an hysterical card!

[Pacifist Patriot]

27. Totally depends upon previous interaction.

I can recall co-workers that would have sent me into a gale of laughter and I'd have thought it was goofy enough to be a sweet come-on. I can recall co-workers that would have sent me running for information on restraining orders.

I definitely sympathize. I personally love a combination of charming and goofy and I can only imagine how difficult it must be.

Here's my advice. Be Yourself!

If that card is calling to you and reflects what you would write yourself, give it.

Psstt...my husband is the epitome of charming and goofy. If he'd been too sweet and charming or too goofy and weird he'd have lost me. I'll ask him how he managed it.

[S n o w b a l l]

28. Yeah, I'd agree with others on the farting...

The farting part would creep me out much more that the other part. I would think the other was pretty sweet and take it as a compliment. But, you're basically saying, no, you're not the prettiest or classiest girl but, something stinky made me just grab it, so here it is. Totally discounts any compliment that it was trying to convey.

I go for being honest and quit being so shy & cryptic. If you like her, let her know. Most women would appreciate that, I think.

[MissMillie]

29. I think if she's not already your sweetie

you don't give a co-worker a valentine

[RFKHumphreyObama]

30. From a male perspective

I realize that you have nothing but the best of intentions. However, I would not send the card in its proposed form

Sending a card stating that you are doing so "because Valentine's Day is about the only time I can get away with calling you 'the prettiest and classiest girl in the office" sounds slightly weird to me -it has stalker-ish overtones. Again, I know that was the furthest possible from your intentions but I'd be careful with this one. OTOH, you obviously know this woman and I don't so perhaps you know better how she would react to it

I'd actually ditch the card as well -bodily functions and romance don't mix and it may have the effect of grossing her out in addition and that will make her even less attractive. I'd only give a person that type of card if I really, really, really was confident that they enjoyed/appreciated that type of toilet humor and even then I'd have deep reservations about it.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

41. Oops

The first sentence of the third paragraph should read
I'd actually ditch the card as well -bodily functions and romance don't mix and it may have the effect of grossing her out in addition and that will make her less attracted to you

[RFKHumphreyObama]

42. Oops

The first sentence of the third paragraph should read
I'd actually ditch the card as well -bodily functions and romance don't mix and it may have the effect of grossing her out in addition and that will make her less attracted to you

[Old Hickory Fan]

33. Dump the Card

Wait until the day AFTER Valentine's day. Walk up and ask her about her Valentines Day and what she got. If she says not much (my dog got me something) or nothing, then that can be your moment! Look shocked! Tell her that you want to fix that as she is such a sweetie and deserved to have gotten something. Then go get one pink rose (NOT RED) in a single vase and bring it to her from lunch with no card on it and present it to her. I bet it would work like a charm and is non-threatening and doesn't commit anything and hopefully would not disturb the workplace.

Here is what you accomplish.....

You find out if she has a SO and how serious the relationship is or isn't

You let her know you think highly of her and recognize her

You become her secret hero?

It is a small sweet start anyway

[redwitch]

39. Perfect!

:thumbsup:

[Dangerously Amused]

43. Best idea yet!

[suninvited]

45. Great advice

How could that go wrong?

[Quantess]

49. It would work on me!

:thumbsup:

Suave.

[huskerlaw]

50. Brilliant!!!

That's perfect in more ways than one. If a guy did that to me, I'd...well... :blush:

[MrCoffee]

58. That's as cool as the other side of the pillow...

:applause:

[billyskank]

44. I think it's a real shame

that you feel it would be creepy to tell a girl that you think she's pretty and classy.

I hate the fact that we're made to feel apologetic about liking somebody. That fucking sucks, and I think it shows that our world is sick.

[Quantess]

46. I disagree.

The OP wants to tell her he likes her, but the way he had planned to do it was awkward.
He needs to find a better way to let her know, that's all. We don't want OP to lose points with her.

[Rabrrrrrr]

47. It's definitely creepy if she's a girl. If she's a woman, call her a woman.

I like the advice that others have given - some great stuff in there! Stuff I would never think of, never having been good at flirting or getting women to shag me in the janitor's closet.

Perhaps just say "To the prettiest and classiest woman in the office" and skip, as others suggested, the "seems to be the only time I can say this" stuff.

[Phillycat]

48. First of all, don't call her a girl, unless you're in jr high school together.

Second, otherwise, I would think it was cute, except I'm married, so, no. If you're not sure if she's single, I wouldn't do it. I like the day-after-Valentine's day approach above.

[northzax]

52. too boring

I think you would be much more effective if you simply gave her a skimpy negligee and the key card to a hotel room with "take a long lunch" on the card.

much more straighforward.

[NMDemDist2]

53. i like the humorous card angle, but i think i'd go a bit lighter on the written text

more something along the lines of "you brighten every day, Happy Valentine's"

a little lighter but still heartfelt and will be more likely to get a hmmmm? (aka what is he saying? does he like me??) than a ?wtf? response....

'pretty and classy' would me me think "geez what a sexist asshole, hope he isn't a stalker" :evilgrin:


I agree with the fart joke is a no no and the day after scenario is the best one yet!

[NMDemDist2]

54. dupe

stupid servers......

[pitohui]

55. women don't like fart jokes, sorry

i can't comment on the rest, because i can't get past the idea that you grabbed a "someone farted" card and think it's a good idea to send this to anybody female

if you want romance, be romantic, please don't be imaginative, hearts, chocolate, flowers, champagne, not a fart joke card with one "romantic" comment scribbled in it

if you don't really have a relationship with this woman, which sounds like it may be the case, i'd forget the whole valentine's day thing altogether, ask her out another time and see if she's interested

vd is for couples, this is too much pressure for a new relationship in my humble opinion

but fart jokes are never in style

[Old Hickory Fan]

56. LanternWaste - Keep us posted

Have you decided yet?

[MilesColtrane]

57. Send it anonymously...

...then make a little extra eye contact with her a couple of times after she's received it.

I think women dig a little intrigue.

(Also, I'd ditch the funny card, make it a plain/friendly card, not too gross or too lovey dovey.)

[RoadRage]

59. What kinds of signals have you gotten from her? Is she single?

If she somewhat flirts with you as well, and you know she's totally single - you are ok.

If you do not know if she's single, and if she's never said anything more then "Hello" or "Goodbye" to you, then no.. it's not time for that kind of card yet. You need to break the ice.. flirt a bit in person, then do a card down the road. Just my Opinion.

[Old Hickory Fan]

60. KICK

[Raejeanowl]

61. K.I.S.S. Her

As in keep it simple, stupid. The harder you try to be charming or cute, the worse it will come out. Mentioning farts is definitely out of the question.

Leave her a single rose (preferably yellow or pink, not red or white), or a very small (4-piece) box of candy or a small stuffed animal on her desk. Just walk up to her desk, lay it there, smile, and say "Happy Valentine's Day" while looking into her eyes. Then get the hell out of there and leave her to think about it.

DON'T OVERDO IT. It's understated, thoughtful, simple and classy. And not over the top for the office.

I haven't been single since...nevermind. But that would work VERY well for getting my positive attention, if there were any hope of reciprocity.

[Old Hickory Fan]

62. LanternWaste - Any Updates?

[amitten]

63. Fart jokes are never good.

Maybe with your buddies. Not with a girl.

Unless you've known her a looooooong time...or unless she's already used similar humor in your presence.

In fact, that's a little nugget of wisdom you should keep with you through all your dating experiences. Trust me--you'll be a lot more likely to succeed.

[defendandprotect]

64. Not good . . . creepy -- especially if you work with her -- -- . . . . . . . .

If you do work with her, why not try to look for an opportunity to have a drink with her --
maybe even a lunch time tea/coffee thing --- or after work.
Also, if you know someone who works with her,
maybe you can make a threesome to start---???

AND --- avoid the fart card -- and any card at all ---

A "Hey, Happy Valentine's Day" if you see her should be sufficient ---

And, practice a relaxed attitude ---
a sweaty, nervous approach isn't good ---

work on it ---