Post a Valentine's message to your ex.

[LostInAnomie]

I'll start:

Fuck you, you slut. I hope you get an STD and are miserable for the rest of your life. Eat shit!

Sincerely,
Ryan

[eyesroll]

1. Hi Hedges!

:hi:

The second half of your text message was really unnecessary. :thumbsup:

[originalpckelly]

2. Weirdly enough, my ex-girlfriend contacted me today.

I'll continue:

"I'm gay, leave me alone you stupid broad. I bet you do want me after that asshole you cheated on me with dumped your sorry ass, now don't ya?"

Although, I wussed out and played all nice and shit. Not a word about the gay! I hate me.

[Ptah]

3. Thank you.

[BarenakedLady]

69. Awww

I hear ya.

:loveya:

[fizzgig]

4. have you been looking through my email?

:P

[SPKrazy]

5. i have

[fizzgig]

10. bastid!

:)

[Bennyboy]

6. A picture is worth a thousand words.....

[originalpckelly]

7. HAHA!

:rofl:

[Oeditpus Rex]

8. Dear Chery:

For the rest of my life, I shall regret not being a better partner to you, and I'll love you until the day I die.



~Dave

[hisownpetard]

65. Oh, jeez - chills, up and down my arms. What beautiful, heart-felt words.

If only my ex had said them to me, to dilute the bitter taste in my mouth.

[BarenakedLady]

70. ...

:hug:

[DarkTirade]

9. I already gave my ex a good valentinish poem a while back...

it was actually attached to her christmas present. :P Long story, but we kept breaking up or getting seperated by distance or something so I'd bought a christmas present for her the first year we were together, and I still hadn't given it to her by the time we broke up for the last time. :P So I put it, and the few things she'd left at my apartment together and wrapped them up nicely and attached the following note.

"I couldn't think of anything that rhymes with 'dirty whore', so this is the best I could do.

Voilets are blue
Roses are scarlet
this present's for you
you dirty harlot."


She loved it. :P She said it was the best bitter ex present ever.

Yeah, I make a habit of dating people with a good sense of humor.

[VenusRising]

12. You have the best sense of humor!

You kill me! How often do you get to use the word harlot in everyday conversation. Now, if her name would have been Charlotte, it would have been universe-coming-into-alignment perfect.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[DarkTirade]

14. Alas, her name does not rhyme with anything fancy like that.

In fact, her name is very much a cheerleader-ish name, complete with a y at the end. Which is ironic because she hates cheerleaders with every fiber of her being. :P

[FloridaJudy]

46. An Oscar Brand fan!

How many of us remember him:

"Charlotte, the harlot, the girl we adore,
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore.

Way down on the prairie where cowflop is thick
Where women are women and cowboys come quick
There lived pretty Charlotte, the girl we adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore..."

(I'll get this locked fast if I post the whole song, but the rest of the lyrics are available online: Google knows all)

[Scarlett17]

17. I feel like I should somehow be offended by that.

Edit: I should really proofread before I post.

[DarkTirade]

18. Hey, it's not my fault if your name rhymes with harlot...

:P

[liberaltrucker]

11. My dearest Eve....

Take your court order and shove it!

I had a good lawyer at the time.

:evilgrin: :hippie:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

13. Dear Joe, I'm so glad things didn't work out for us.

I'm so glad you cheated on me when we went together so many years ago.

And by the way, your pic on the state child sex-offenders' list is really ugly.

Sincerely,
GoG

[flvegan]

15. To my last ex...

Hey, (ex)! Hope all is well.

Your pup sent me a message asking me to send you an e-card wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day, but I couldn't find anything good. So, here's a more "close to home" message:

I love you mom, and thanks for taking me in! Let's go play!!!!!!!

That said:

Hope you're doing fantastic, and from your last e-mail it seems we'll be talking soon. Looking forward to it.

Let's get together for beers and vegan num-nums soon.

BTW, you're buying.

Narf!

[derby378]

16. You know who you are...

You're a truly wonderful person who helped me reach out and develop confidence in myself. And yes, it felt so good to hold you in my arms. But you and I just weren't meant to be together. We had totally different lives, and deep down, I think we both knew better.

I'm married to a woman who is beautiful inside and outside, and I truly love her. And I hope that you have found true love as well. I wish you all that is good in life - you deserve it.

[Radio_Lady]

19. Derby, that is a beautiful and sensitive post. Thanks for sharing.

:hi:

Mine would be something like this:

Dear Peter,

Thanks for being in my life for eleven years. You befriended me in college, before I met and married Richard in a whirlwind romance. You wrote to me during a difficult first pregnancy that ended with a stillbirth. I still have all your letters from that time.

When we married after you served in the Army, I truly loved you and tried my best to be your wife and best friend for all of our eight years together. I've forgiven you for your affair with a British girl six weeks after we were married. She was a photographer and I used to remember her name. I was jealous of the other women you were with during the decline and fall of our union. The end of our relationship was ugly and I'm sorry for any pain I caused. I'm glad you found your second wife and she was kind to accept you into her home. She loved you and supported you through your career change in ways that I could not do.

Now that you are gone, I still miss you and feel guilty that I didn't try harder to get you to stop smoking. Lung cancer is hellish, I guess. Our kids are wonderful and I wish you had lived longer to get to know our grandchildren. You are missed by your second wife Alayne and her two children, whom you lovingly raised. I want you to know that Steven helped David so he could fly in for your funeral. My third husband Al has been kind and generous to all our "extended family" children for so long. Now it is even more important that he carry on as Dad Al and Grandpa Al to his stepkids and stepgrandkids, as well as his own son and grandson, both named Michael.

Peter, I hope you are in a special place where there are sports and laughter -- dancing and Irish Setters! Maybe you and Caley have met up and are romping in sylvan fields. I hope so.

Fondly,

Ellen Starr

[ThomCat]

20. Hi Miri-yum-yum! See you soon!

I bought this really cool gift I think your mom will love. I know you hate shopping so I'm holding it for you so you can give it to her at Passover. You're welcome." :hug:

[Ariana Celeste]

21. You told me you loved me.

I could really use your support right now. For all I know at this point, it may be 2 of us that need your support. But I guess your other girlfriend needs you more. I hope you two had a wonderful Valentine's day, because mine was spent in my room alone.

[ThomCat]

22. I'm sorry that he's being as ass.

:hug:

I hope you're not alone.

[Ariana Celeste]

24. Thank you

:hug:

I've got my family and a handful of friends who are there for me, but he should be too. He hasn't spoken a word to me since we split up. I don't think he even has any idea. I've had a very lonely day, even with my siblings and nephew and niece right here with me.

You're a sweetheart, thank you. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

33. ...

:hug: :loveya:

[liberaltrucker]

23. To Suzanne, Carbon Hill High School class of 1971

I loved you then, I think of you now. Maybe I still love you, I don't know.
I realize you're likely not on DU, since you were (are) rather conservative.

Every time I see a woman who resembles you, my mind goes back in time.
Even though I'm 54 now, when I think of you, I'm 20 at heart.

If by a slim chance you see this, your house has a heart-of-pine main beam.

Happy Valentine's Day. :cry:

[LeftyMom]

25. See a shrink, you sick fuck! -LM

[liberaltrucker]

27. Good one!

May I borrow it, for future use?

;-)

[LeftyMom]

29. Go right ahead.

Sadly, I've got a lot more where that came from. *sigh*

[liberaltrucker]

31. As do I

Ah, well, It's all part of the human experience, I suppose.

:)

[fizzgig]

26. christopher

there has never been an end so definite and yet so indefinite

you had the courage to do what i was never able to do

but remember, her matzah ball soup will never be like mine

[laylah]

45. ...

:hug:

[UndertheOcean]

28. ok:

Hi,

Fuck you

sincerely,
UnderTheOcean


(I believe in simplicity)

[amitten]

30. Dear Ex:

You need to come out of the freakin' closet already. At 37, it's damn well time. Grow up and be who you are instead of hooking up with women like me (who might actually care for you) to serve as camouflage for the real you.

Thanks for making me feel like a wretched ugly untouchable heathen every time I tried to be sexual with you...that did LOADS for my self-esteem at the time. So sorry I'm not a dude. They're out there for the taking, y'know.

I really liked you but prefer honesty thanks,
Me

PS--And yes, the turquoise snake skin loafers ARE making your friends wonder. :hi:

[ThomCat]

42. Damn. Not a good situation for either one of you.

:(

[amitten]

71. Um...no. And I was ardently pursued by this guy.

Gay guys ought not to ardently pursue straight women, IMHO. Kind of gives us the wrong idea.

[last_texas_dem]

32. Hello ex,

There is nothing left for me to say to you about what we had that hasn't been said. I poured everything inside of me out for you; I talked it all out and cried it all out, but none of those things ever made a difference for you when you have your mind made up.

We definitely had one of those relationships that few ever find; I just wish I could have known from the beginning how much of a different value two people can put on such a relationship. I wish I hadn't tried so long to hold together something that you had your mind made up had to end, and I wish I hadn't believed you when you wouldn't completely shut the door on the possibility of the two of us being together again. It would have saved me years of having the hope inside of me drained out slowly and painfully as I pined for another chance for us to try our relationship together again and not just be "best friends."

But all of the pain that I put myself through trying to extend the life of something that was already, for all practical purposes, dead did at least allow me to finally learn more about who you were than I had ever known when we were dating. I was finally able to grasp that the two of us place vastly different values on different things in life. And while I may be the overly emotional, unrealistic one who will never find happiness, I don't think you, forever running from yourself and anything permanent in some vain search to find out who you really are, are likely to find that happiness, either.

I'm not wishing any ill on you, though. You broke my heart several times, and in ways I didn't know it could be broken. But, you know, I know you didn't do the hurtful things you did to me intentionally. You didn't really know any better, because you didn't and don't really know (or at least want to accept) who you are. And by staying friends with you, I've been able to witness the same cycle of hurt that your uncertainty and fear of accepting who you really are has caused with every man you have been with since me.

But, as I've said to you before, I know that you long ago closed your mind to any advice that I give you about relationships, so there's really no point in this anymore. If there's one thing I know about you, it's that once you've decided to close your mind or your heart to something there is no way to ever truly convince you otherwise.

R

[WildEyedLiberal]

34. Dear asshole,

You were so kind and gentle, you won my heart with such sweet words and meaningful gestures, and you told me you loved me. You were my first love and you meant so much to me. I fell utterly in love with you. Little did I know - or maybe I did know it at the time, but chose to ignore the warning signs - that you cared little to nothing for me, that you used me while you were having fun with the relationship, but once you wanted out, you dropped me like last week's trash - and treated me about as nicely. You were cruel, dismissive, and callous, and I realized that everything - everything - you told me was a lie. You broke my heart as casually as most people flick the ashes of a cigarette into an ashtray, and then had the audacity to act like a martyr for not doing it via email. You moved on to some other poor, unsuspecting victim not two weeks after dumping me, and I wish I could warn her exactly what a cruel, calculating, horrible person you are - but even if I could, she wouldn't listen to me, just as I wouldn't have listened had someone tried to warn me. You are a truly terrible human being and I hope you get everything that is coming to you and tenfold, in this life or the next. Rot in hell, you miserable sack of shit.

[Maraya1969]

35. Dear X

You're a fucking bore.

Sincerely,

Me

[Hobarticus]

36. Dear Ex....you lost, she won. Go 'way.

[ordinaryaveragegirl]

37. Dear Ex...

I know it's been a long time, and I sincerely hope you're still rotting somewhere in the bowels of hickville. My husband is intelligent and thoughtful, and such a gentleman - he makes you look like a right reeking dung pile. You don't know what you missed, you jackass. Have a nice life. :puke:

-Lainie

(That felt great, BTW!) :rofl:

[mikeytherat]

38. How about "Unhappy Birthday" wishes?

Unhappy Birthday - The Smiths

I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
(But I won't cry)

Loved and lost
And some may say
When usually it's Nothing
Surely you're happy
It should be this way ?
I say "No, I'm gonna kill my dog"
And : "May the lines sag, may the lines sag heavy and deep tonight"


I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
(But I won't cry)


Loved and lost
And some may say
When usually it's Nothing
Surely you're happy
It should be this way ?
I said "No"
And then I shot myself
So, drink, drink, drink
And be ill tonight


From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind

mikey_the_rat

[SKKY]

39. My Dearest Sylvia,

I bet you feel, like, 30 or 40 different kinds of stupid right now. But seeing
as how things have turned out, I would like to thank you so very much for what you
did. Take care.

All my best,

Scott

Background Info: I actually ran into her about 6 months ago. She looks like
she's been rode hard and put up wet, her soon-to-be ex-husband looks the same (he is about
10 years her senior), and they're in Spain finalizing the divorce. My life is
a stark contrast to hers.

[Breeze54]

40. Cool thread! LOL... I'll follow your lead, LostInAnomie

I wish I had seen this topic sooner...

------------

Eat shit and die!! You lowlife, user of a scumbag wife raper! You piece of shit con-artist, controlling, LIAR with lack of self esteem puke! You thought treating me like a prisoner and isolating me made you 'The Man' but all it did was make you a fiasco and all your friends knew it and that's why they beat the crap out of you that night because you didn't know how to treat a lady, like a lady and you are so shallow and sly and deceiving and immature and you just were not worthy of my affections anymore
or my tears!! :grr: You held on so tight... I slipped away. (Ran like hell!)Just leave me alone. No more!


His version: The police - Every breath you take
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnejNGprm3I

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


My version: phil collins - I don't Care Anymore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G12KmnFxGw8

I really don't but my son's ask questions and it's just so hard even now.

[Pacifist Patriot]

41. Dear Ex. Thank you for not being the one. After your...

snide comments about me needing five mile sprints (at 5'9" and a size 8), asking me why I couldn't be as funny as______, as sexy as ______ or whatever other stupid comparison you decided to make, I met a real man!

What a breath of fresh air to fall in love with someone who loves me unconditionally, supports my decisions and thinks I'm funny, sexy and just fine the way I am. We have 15 years of wedded bliss, three beautiful children and a fabulous future ahead of us.

Hope you aren't psychologically abusing that poor wretch you married.

[NMDemDist2]

43. I like all my exes

I loved them and moved on. They were great guys and I still love them all just not like I used to.

My dearest ex died a few years ago and I miss him still. He was a sweet, smart guy and a wonderful friend, the world is poorer with out him.

so my valentine to my exes would be something like this

Happy Valentines Day to someone special, hope your life is going great!

[Dukkha]

44. enjoy your grave of loneliness you dug for yourself

you callous self absorbed clueless bitch
your deserve nothing but to endure the remaining years of your worthless life knowing what you threw away and seeing me enjoy my vindication with my perfect soul mate. now you're lost in a haze of alcohol soft middle age.

[LynneSin]

47. Sean - the greatest valentines day gift you can give me every single year

is stay the fuck out of my life!

Other than that - I wish you all the happiness in the world

[Phillycat]

48. He's not worth the bytes or the effort.

[redqueen]

49. What's the point of that?

Carrying that stuff around with you hurts you, not them.

[Phillycat]

51. "Resentment is like holding a hot coal in your hand and hoping it burns

the other person".

I learn so much good stuff from AA. :)

[redqueen]

56. Hah... that's a nice way to put it.

Ever read Infinite Jest?

[Phillycat]

57. Slogged through most of it...

about 3/4 of the way through, I thought to myself, "This is all time I won't get back at the end of my life" and threw it away, actually literally threw the book away, which I've never done before and probably won't ever do again. :D

[Orrex]

58. If you REALLY want to throw a book away

May I suggest Hawk by Ted Bell? Heartily recommended to me by a friend, it was without question the worst thing I've ever read in my adult life.

Read it and try not to throw it in the incinerator thereafter. I dare you.

[redqueen]

62. Wow!

I loved it! :rofl:

[hisownpetard]

68. Great quote. Thanks!

:hi:

[DS1]

50. Hello

:hi:

sorry, no drama here, folks

[LostinVA]

52. Sorry Haruka wouldn't let me watch "Lost" with you

She's mean.

[GirlinContempt]

53. Dear S

I miss your Mum. She was great.

-Aly

[HERVEPA]

54. Linda, I hope you find peace and happiness in your life

[Orrex]

55. Dear Ex:

I've read some of your paper on the subject of Native American culture in modern American literature, and even though I have comparatively limited exposure to that culture, I found your insights to be compelling and original.

What do you think? Too snarky?

[Th1onein]

59. Hi Rob! Did you ever get that penis enhancement you needed?

n/t

[NewWaveChick1981]

60. A day late, but here goes....

To my ex: Look what you could have had! :P

Love, NWC

[Orrex]

61. That post is useless without pictures!

:P

[Bunny]

63. I know it was you, Brian. You broke my heart.

*kiss of death*

[Tuesday Afternoon]

64. Good luck to you, where ever you are.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

66. hey t, we should get a drink soon, love p

[Tyler Durden]

67. THANK FUCKING GOD OUR YOUNGEST WILL BE 17 IN 2 WEEKS.

Fuck you for trying to torture me since the birth of our first child, 23 years ago.
Fuck you for taking off for six months, just to see what being a professional prostitute would be like.
Fuck you for trying to make me feel guilty for taking care of the three kids where you would not.
Fuck you for poisoning our youngest's mind against my wife of 8 years and me.
Fuck you for STILL MAKING THINGS DIFFICULT TO SATISFY THE SICK NEED FOR REVENGE IN YOUR UN MEDICATED BIPOLAR MIND AND UNTREATED BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

As I have said to so many people about you: why don't you just have the common decency to fall under a speeding gas truck, die tasking your own blood, and be burnt to ashes in the fire so we don't even have to worry about your corpse poisoning the ground we'd have to bury it in?

May I outlive you, if only long enough to be told that you are dead so I may relish the thought of living in a world without your presence.

FUCK that felt good.

[Coyote_Bandit]

72. Dear Dick

I miss your parents. They were kind, caring and fun. They were good people and I learned a lot from them. I wish you treated them better.

I wish you well but I have no intent of ever again communicating with you. You used me and you manipulated everyone around you. That is unacceptable behavior and I will not tolerate it. I deserve better. No, I don't expect an appology. I believe you are incapable of recognizing the harm you did to me and accepting responsibility for it.

I understand that after a long series of failed relationships that you are now married to your seventh wife. Perhaps you should consider that the one thing all these failed relationships had in common was YOU. I hope you get the help you need.

[crim son]

73. Dear Asshole,

My condolences on the return of your impotence. I hope that this VD Day brings both of you everything you deserve.- Lisa

[Inchworm]

74. Die whore slut pox on humanity

that is all.

[Cessna Invesco Palin]

75. Dear ex,

Thank you for the e-mail link, sent without comment, to the Zappa LP for sale on eBay. I'd almost managed to forget about you before you sent that. I'm sure you believe that by sending this to me you're communicating, "Hey! I'm being really nice and thinking of you, even though we've broken up! It hasn't affected me at all."

No.

What this communicates is that you're quite happy to disregarded my wish never to have any contact with you again under any circumstances in order to make yourself feel better.

Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you don't spend as much time blabbing to your current boyfriend about me as you did blabbing to me about your previous ex.

[Fire Walk With Me]

76. Hi, I hope that things are well.

:shrug:

[EnviroBat]

77. Dearest Marianna,

I fell into a darkness that even your beautiful light couldn't shine me out of. I wish I'd been a better man to you. I will regret it always. I'm glad we still talk.

Batman.

[TK421]

78. I hope you are doing well and think of you often. We may have had our

differences, but I still remember the good times. There was the time when you got home from work and found your cat dead on the sofa, and I was there to console you....and we ended up talking the whole night eating pizza and drinking beer. I know how close that cat was to you, and I hope you have found somebody who will be there for you in your times of need. Have a Happy Valentines Day and hope to hear from you soon.


Please tell your Dad I said hello...although he was a bit of a hard-ass at times, I understand now why he was so overprotective of you. Please give him my regards

















P.S- I was the one who poisoned your cat

[LanternWaste]

79. Dear heart-wrenching harpy...

Dear heart-wrenching harpy,

You're right... it wasn't me at all-- it really *was* you. Anyways, life is good-- I won the lottery three days after you walked out, and started dating your daughter not long after that. I still feel bad about putting Cayenne pepper in your mascara, sorry about that-- but it did let me know that you are actually capable of shedding tears.

All my wind,
Lantern Waste

[sakabatou]

80. I actually have nothing bad to say...

:S

[BarenakedLady]

81. Which one?

:evilgrin:

[Boudica the Lyoness]

82. Dear ex husband

It's just as well you never remarried because your pretty worthless.
By the way I believe you did rob that liquor store and shoot that cop. Too bad you got off.