An old friend of mine is crazy

[Droopy]

I recently came into contact with a couple who I used to hang out with quite a bit. A couple of years they moved 500 miles away and I lost touch with them. Around last November I got an e-mail from the female half of the couple stating that she had read an essay of mine that was on her husband's computer and she needed to talk to me. The essay included my e-mail address. It was about my struggles with a severe mental illness.

I knew that she had problems in the past with mental illness and she revealed to me that she had bipolar disorder. She was very impressed with my essay and said that she could relate to a lot of what I had to say in it. I have schizo-affective disorder which includes the symptoms of bipolar disorder as well as some symptoms of schizophrenia. I have been well for nearly 5 years now. Apparently, my old friend missed the part of the essay that said I was being successfully treated and that medication had relieved me of all of my symptoms, because when she called me to talk about it she started relating all of the horrible stuff that was happening to her instead of asking me about treatment.

I listened to her for several phone conversations with her doing most of the talking. When she calls I can count on being on the phone for an hour unless I cut her short. She doesn't like living so far away from her home town and is having difficulty making new friends. Nothing too crazy about that. But then she starts telling me about how the guy next door in their apartment complex is stalking her. She told me how she just knows the guy is after her. I ask her what he's said to her. She says she's never talked to him and has only seen him by chance when they were both leaving or coming home, but she didn't like the way he looked at her. A little red flag went up in my head, but I didn't say anything to her.

In later conversations she told me how she had a hard time holding down a job. According to her, all of the men that she works with are either verbally abusing her or stalking her. Then she told me about her male psychiatrist and how he creeped her out. She thinks he is trying to get her on date rape drugs. I told her my observation about how she is always having trouble with men and advised her that maybe she should see a female psychiatrist. That's as close as I had gotten to suggesting that maybe her troubles were with her own mind and not with other people.

She called me last week telling me about how she had quit another job stating the usual reasons about men treating her badly. She says that everywhere she goes people are treating her badly and men are stalking her. She's so paranoid that she has become afraid to leave the house. I had finally had enough. I had listened and listened and offered support and advise. I had to say something that probably wasn't going to go over too well:

"I'm not saying that there aren't rude or hateful people in the world, but I really think that much of what you are experiencing is due to your illness. And once you get that sorted out I think things will go much more smoothly for you."

I don't know if that was the right thing to do and I hadn't really planned on saying something like that to her. She hasn't talked to me since then. We'll see how it goes.

[UndertheOcean]

1. Sometimes , the truth is the best medicine

though it hurts, sometimes extremely

[Heidi]

2. Droopy, you're one of the most compassionate people in the world,

but this person isn't thinking rationally, and I would _hate_ to see you be the next person she suspects of stalking her. Please tread lightly, okay? It sounds as if this person needs more help than you can give her. :hug:

[Droopy]

3. Yeah, she either isn't taking her meds or they aren't working

I think she is taking them. She claims to be anyway. I'm pretty sure that she has not told her psychiatrist any of the stuff she has told me. If she did, he isn't worth a damn because whatever he is doing it has not helped. It's important to develop a little bit of trust with your psychiatrist so that you can tell him/her how you are really feeling. That isn't going to happen if you are paranoid about men and your psychiatrist is a man.

Don't worry about me. I know I'm not qualified to help her and that I can't fix her.

[Heidi]

4. I'm really at a loss in situations like that.

One of my best friends is now in long-term psychiatric care and recently had a severely psychotic episode. I love her so much and felt so helpless because I knew that she and I weren't seeing life through the same lens. I just kept loving her and waited for her new meds to take effect. The good thing is, she's getting the long-term care that she's needed for many, many years.

[Rosemary2205]

5. God Bless you.

You stated a truth with fact and tact both. You were not cruel, mean or belittling. What you said was actually quite understated and imho VERY supportive. Good for you.

[Droopy]

6. Thank you

I hope that she took it the right way. I know how things can get twisted around when the brain is diseased and you are detached from reality. Hopefully those words spoke to the sane part of her.

[TZ]

7. I think you did the right thing

Although it might be awhile before it gets through to her.
Boy do I feel for you though, being there with my sister, who still does not GET it, which is why I am not talking to her right now.
If she doesn't talk to you well...That might be for the best at the moment. I keep hoping that someone will get through to my sister (its not gonna be me obviously) maybe it will be you getting through to your friend. Truth is harsh, but sometimes very necessary.

[Droopy]

8. I hope so

People are delicate creatures, especially when their minds aren't working right. I will not call my friend. If she would like to talk to me still I will wait for her to call. She trusts me, or at least she did before our last conversation. I don't know how she is feeling now.