I am a pitiful person that needs someone to tell me I'm ok.

[Maraya1969]

I posted the following thread in the lounge the other day. I got several nasty responses and then I realized that I had not told enough of the story to make my point. Well my other point is no one said that I am not the super bitch/ass that I was told I was in the first round of postings.

:cry:


I am neurotic, obsessive and sorely lacking is self esteem lately. And I know that when I post my thoughts go all over the place and can be really disjointed.

I just want someone to say that I'm not a jerk. And about the dead guy DOES ANYONE BELIEVE ME? I can probably find the newspaper article somewhere and scan it in. I swear I am not lying. That night when my mother came over, (I called her) she looked me straight in the eye and said: "Only you. This could only happen to you." My sister in law reiterated that thought later.

Maybe because I am bipolar and have had a lot of manic times but my life has been filled with strange and hard to believe situations.

Anyway I am fucking pitiful right now. I haven't even posted here much in the last few days because I am upset about the other thread. :crazy: I can't even blame it on PMS because that was gone years ago.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7496519

[reformedrepub]

1. I gotcha back

hang in there..

[Maraya1969]

5. Thanks reformedrepub. I'm feeling better all ready

:hug:

[Quantess]

2. I did not read your other posts/threads but....

I don't think you're a jerk. :hug:

[Maraya1969]

6. Thank quantessd. It's nice to feel you are OK by friends.

:hug:

[Madrone]

3. Don't sweat it, hon.

I mean seriously - have you SEEN the things people bitch about around here? You're allowed a rant for the sake of ranting JUST like everyone else around here. The first part of your post really wasn't *that* detailed about your living situation - but when I read it I figured it for what it was - a RANT. Rants don't usually include every minute detail.

I totally feel your pain on roommate/housemates - and as for the dead guy - :scared: It's actually so freaky it makes me laugh, as I can ALSO relate to the "it could ONLY happen to YOU" concept. I get a lot of that in my own life as well. ;)

[Maraya1969]

7. You're not the only one who laughed. It sounds like a scene in a movie.

:hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

4. You are ok.

Do not let anyone judge you.

No one has a right to judge you, especially in here.

You are ok, and you will be ok.

The fact that you worry about how you are viewed shows that you are a sensitive person, and therefore a caring person.

Do not be so hard on yourself.

We sometimes magnify our own guilt, unreasonably. :hug:

[Maraya1969]

10. Oh philboy that was so sweet. You are right that I can be an overly sensitive

person at times. I try real hard to get over it. And you are right, we both...all of us....have a right to be here.

:hug:

[ThatsMyBarack]

8. You're OK by me.

:hi:

[Maraya1969]

13. Thanks danagsk8. It feels good.

:hug:

[Breeze54]

9. Maraya1969 is just alright with me!! Mayra is just alright!!!

www.lyricsfreak.com/d/doobie+brothers/jesus+is+just+alright_20042470.html

Doobie Brothers - Jesus Is Just Alright With Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnLHCS4ztbo

:toast:

:hug:

[Maraya1969]

20. LOL Breeze. And thank you.

:toast: :hug:

[SPKrazy]

11. Like I've Always heard

joke 'em if they can't take a f*ck

I read the thread. It seemed that people jumped on you pretty hard.

I think that there is some posting randomness there, but so what

you got a right to post things and to not have to splain yourself

[Maraya1969]

22. Thanks for saying that SPP.

I've known I can count on you for a long time now. :hug:

[SPKrazy]

33. course you can and you aren't pitiful

just sad

:hug:

[MrScorpio]

12. Get real, YOU'RE A DYNAMITE PERSON!

And you're loved!

:hug:

[Maraya1969]

23. MrScorpio

Right back at ya.

:hug:

[emilyg]

14. You're A-OK. Hug.

[Maraya1969]

24. Emily that you so much

:hug:

[Shine]

15. Here is a great affirmation for you:

Every day I remember more of who I am. Opportunities present themselves to me just because. I walk around the Universe aware that the Good that I seek is seeking me. I free my possibility from expectations. I am willing to entertain talents that I never considered. I strengthen skills that I never knew that I had. I love more than I ever imagined. I understand more than I comprehend. The future is clear even when I don't see the way. My faith is unshakeable and my trust ever apparent. "Yes" is a rhythmic mantra of my soul.

:hug:

[Maraya1969]

25. Wow I really like that one Shine. I'm going to copy that an put it

on my desktop! :hug:

[Generic Brad]

16. I suspected there was a lot more to it than you were expressing

You established parameters with the housemate and they are being ignored. You know what bothers you and and stated it up front. The insensitivity the other person is showing to your feelings is distressing.

You most likely feel the situation has gotten out of your control and it bothers you immensely, if I am understanding it correctly.

It's ok to feel that way. You are not alone. Most of us have gone through similar situations.

[Maraya1969]

26. That's exactly right GB. I locked that door since then and I feel so much

better. I feel like I have my house back again and your right, I'm not worried about someone barging through here. It had gotten to the point where I had no privacy except for in my bedroom and that is not the way I originally set things up.

My mother suggested that I only mention that I need the privacy and not to accuse her of anything. Also she suggested that I tell her to let me know when she wants to do laundry and I can open the garage door and she can go back and forth from her side to there. I wonder if she will make less trips?

Anyway I wanted to wait until I was calm so I would not blow up and say something I was sorry for.

Thanks. :hug:

[Breeze54]

17. Hey, Mayra?

My life has also been filled with strange and hard to believe situations.

I was blamed for a lot of stuff that wasn't my fault at all and that hurt.

A lot.

You are ok, honey. Not all bad things that happen are your fault.

Sometimes (a lot of times) bad things really do happen to good people.

:hug:

A 'must' read!!!

When Bad Things Happen to Good People: Twentieth Anniversary Edition, with a New Preface by the Author
http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/0805241930

Read an excerpt :

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0805241930/ref=sib_fs_top/104-6847075-1088750?ie=UTF8&p=S00U&checkSum=54xF4S1SaHXj2BW7MgDawJF6w2qbQ1nekx5OFQxO%2FHM%3D#reader-link

:hug:

[stuntcat]

18. (hey)

I'm kind of an outsider/nobody here and it's all because I've been so put off by the ugly attitudes of a few loudmouths that I'm afraid to post anything. I spend hours here every day reading posts and never saying anything (or especially starting a THREAD :scared:) because I'm afraid of what assholes people are here.
YOU are on the normal/sane side,. *I say so, for whatever that means.

"and have had a lot of manic times but my life has been filled with strange and hard to believe situations." .. I feel that every day, I mean everything big and dramatic seems to happen to me. All I know lately is my disgust for certain people is not MY mental problem.. lots of them are just delusional pigs.
So I guess the thing to remember about her is what mental troubles she might have.

[Breeze54]

19. We're all 'outsiders' here....

That's the beauty of DU! ;)

It's just that there are/were some that like to make others think
they were/are the 'cool crowd' but I think they were tomb stoned. :P

We all thought they were assholes anyway. ;) Good riddance!

We are all equal here, despite what other blow hards try to make you believe.

Don't believe the hype. That's all it is.

I hope you will post your first OP (Original Post) soon!!

:hug:

[stuntcat]

32. (ty!)

most everyone here really is good, it's just impossible for me to forgive/forget episodes of assholeyness, but if I let pitiful internet warriors worry me then it's MY problem.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Maraya1969]

28. I would never say anything mean to you stuntcat. You are right though.

I have seen such meanness here that sometimes I can't believe it - especially lately. It is mostly in GD and GDP though and I was kind of shocked to see it in the lounge. You can PM me if you post of even if you decide to start a thread and I'll have your back, (as was so nicely told to me earlier in the thread)

I never thought about her having mental problems. I really don't know her all that well and that is fine with me.

Thanks a lot :hug:

[Cabcere]

21. Hey Maraya...I think you're pretty cool.

:hug: You seem like a nice person to me, and I'm sorry about the housemate difficulties you've been having. :pals: Hope everything works out for you! :hi:

[Maraya1969]

29. Aw geeze Cabere. Thanks for the nice thoughts.

:hug: Things are starting to get better now since I've taken hold of the situation.

[lligrd]

27. Remember You Left Out Some Important Points In Your First

post. You said it was a roommate but clarified it later. I don't think any of us meant to upset you. I just suggested that you didn't seem to need a roommate. Finding a guy dead anywhere is enough to upset anyone and nobody questioned your truthfulness.

You are not pitiful just upset. Good move on locking the door. I hope it helps.

[Maraya1969]

30. You are right lligrd in me leaving out important points in my original

post. I wasn't really thinking because I was so upset. And thanks for clarifying that you don't question my truthfulness.

:hug:

[lligrd]

31. No Problem, I Really Hope Things Work Out Ok

for you. And whenever you are upset, the lounge is a great place to check in and get some honest advice. Take care.