Canseco: 'Hey Guys, Who Wants To Come To My Big Steroid Party This Weekend?'

[Pale Blue Dot]

MIAMI—Former MLB star and admitted steroid user Jose Canseco extended an informal invitation Monday to over 500 current and former professional baseball players, requesting their presence at his house this coming weekend for his annual steroid party.

"Hey guys, big steroid bash at my place," Canseco said while handing out flyers at a Toronto Blue Jays spring training intrasquad game. "Nothing too fancy, just a bunch of guys, hanging out, taking steroids. Tell your friends."

The party is historically an extravagant affair, usually featuring women in bikinis carrying silver trays of various types of anabolic steroids, four VIP suites upstairs where guests can sample steroids from Canseco's personal collection, a giant 40-foot-tall ice syringe filled with Dianabol, oil paintings of steroids on the walls, a keg of steroids, a disco ball, and a punch bowl spiked with steroids.

"Let me break it down for you: food, babes, steroids," said Canseco, leaning over the outfield fence of Dunedin Stadium, to Blue Jays centerfielder Vernon Wells. "Any steroid you want. Winstrol-Stanozolol, Deca-Durabolin, Sustanon, Anadrol, you name it. I even got some exotic steroids from South America, and I might bust out my own special homemade steroid blend. Oh, and if everyone chips in $5, I might get a steroid fountain. It's gonna be sweet."

Canseco: Hey Guys

[TZ]

1. I love the Onion

They have the funniest stuff...:D

[Westegg]

2. I'll be there! Or I won't be...

...and maybe my wife will be there, or else she'll be playing golf.
With me.
But she might still be there.
Also, my kids? They might be there, or they might not.
I thought they already WERE there.
Honestly.
That's how I remember it. Or maybe not.

I am SO there, Jose. Great party!
Wait, has it happened yet?
I am so there. Except I mightn't have been, if you know what I mean.
Been there, done that.
But I didn't. I didn't do it.
But who will see me? Saw me? Can you prove it?
Nobody remembers.
It was a million years ago. The past is over.
I did nothing in the past.
I will see you there, Jose.
I will do nothing.
Wrong.

Or not. I can't remember.
All I know is, I am innocent.

It's a fact. I always were, if I hadn't been today, still back then, to be now

Pure.

As the driven snow.

Yours in faith,

Roger Clemens.

[KitchenWitch]

3. That could have only been in The Onion!

:rofl: