Would You Feel Sorry For Someone Who Got Injured While Cheating On Their Spouse?

[THUNDER HANDS]

I was out doing a deposition recently and the case was about a woman who was suing a guy after his dog bit her on the face and almost tore her lips and nose off.

The guy she's suing is the man she was attempting to cheat on her husband with.

When she was taken to the hospital that night, she didn't tell anyone the circumstances surrounding what happened. Then I found out that three months after the incident she got pregnant by her husband, who might have still been in the dark about how everything went down.

I'm kinda conflicted about how I should feel towards this woman. Her face was all messed up. Her lips and nose have bad scarring. She looks awful. She says she's in constant pain.

But, well, YOU WERE FUCKING CHEATING ON YOUR HUSBAND.

So, now I think I should hate her and think she got what she deserved. But I also think that's a mean outlook on things, especially since her scars are permanent.

She's still together with her husbad, but like I said before, I don't know how much he knows about the circumstances or whether he knew them when she got pregnant and if he's just staying with her because of the kid.

It was a messed up cast. I'm curious about what other people think.

Who do you feel sorry for in this instance, if you feel sorry for anyone?

[mondo joe]

1. I think the only people who can understand or judge an affair are the persons

directly involved. So I'd feel sorry for someone being injured in what sounds like a ghastly way.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. ...

:loveya:

[Lorien]

46. and I'll add a...

:loveya:

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

105. Uhm, no, screw that.

Divorce and breaking-up are very viable options in nearly ALL circumstances (with the occasional violently insane partner notwithstanding, but even then, that's why we have police). Cheating is truly the coward's way of doing things.

[LeftyMom]

2. I'm not sure what one has to do with the other?

It's quite possible to both think less of her for cheating and pity her for suffering such a disfiguring injury. She could as easily have been attacked during a completely innocent social call, or on the street. The dog didn't care about the nature of her relationship with his person. The bite was not a function or consequence of her infidelity.

Then again, I knew two people, both married, who were carrying on an affair, and during apparently rather vigorous sex he "broke" his penis (ruptured the cavernous bodies.) I got a good snicker out of that one, but that seems more like a situation where the punishment fit the 'crime.'

[THUNDER HANDS]

3. well,

she met this guy at a bar, and went back to his place, and that's where his dog bit her.

Then she didn't tell her husband about it afterwards.

So while it's not exaclty like injuring yourself in the physical process of cheating - she was about to, then got injured.

But if she didn't intend to cheat, she wouldn't have been injured.

[LeftyMom]

4. What if she'd went to his house to borrow something, or to use the phone?

Would you feel sorry for her then?

Anyhow, I'm not sure how you expected her to confess her intended infidelity right after having her lips torn off. Presumably she was kept under for some time, and rather too sore, swollen and medicated to do much of anything for a good long while after that.

[THUNDER HANDS]

7. that's completely different

of course I'd feel sorry for her then.

But -- and this is just me -- I'd think that she might have told her husband the truth sometime, possibly, before she had sex with him and made a baby.

[LeftyMom]

8. What difference is it to you?

You're not responsible for her own behavior, only your own choices. You have the option to choose compassion or not, and you're looking for any reason not to choose compassion. The poor woman got her face torn off. Whatever she was up to at the time, nobody deserves that.

[mondo joe]

21. We could get you a nice list of people killed in Iraq and you could decide which were sinners who

somehow deserved it and which were saints who didn't.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

19. How could she not tell her hubsand about being bitten in the face?

Did she tell him she stepped on a rake, or that some random dog just came out of nowhere and chewed up her face?

[THUNDER HANDS]

23. i don't know what she told him

but she didn't tell anyone the circumstances of how the dog attack happened, at least, the foreshadowing of it.

[FuzzySlippers]

35. They can break???

:wow:

[Maine-ah]

5. heh, well if her husband doesn't know, I'm sure it will come out

in the law suit.

though it is rather karma-ish.

[lost-in-nj]

6. I am the wrong person to ask this.....

pfftttt


lost

[Pushed To The Left]

9. I understand where you're coming from. Part of me wants to give the dog a treat after reading this!

I don't really think all cheaters need to have their faces ripped off, but I do get very angry when I hear about people betraying each other like that.

[badgerpup]

10. How you feel is how you feel.

and you're absolutely entitled to it.

HOWEVER:
unless you are directly involved (aside from the deposition) then you've no reason to get involved on either side.

You weren't the one cheating or being cheated on...it wasn't your dog, so you're out of it.

MHO is all the above is...I try to tell myself this when it looks as though the Karma Fairy doing her stuff...when it might just as easily been the Shit Happens fairy.
Sometimes they look an awful lot alike...:shrug:

[siligut]

34. You are a wise pup! nt

[badgerpup]

43. Awwww....

Thanks! :pals:
this pup's learned a few things the hard way...hate to see other people having to do the same is all.

[Lady Freedom]

97. Totally agree!

But the story does make you think about Karma and "the rule of three"

[SeattleGirl]

11. I can't believe some people think it's okay or that she "deserved"

such an attack.

Have your judgments about whether cheating was right or wrong, but good lord, does that mean she deserves no compassion for the injuries she sustained? :eyes:

[Lady Freedom]

99. It's not about if she deserved it or not.

It is a case of "make ya think". I don't know about any of you, but I have done bad things and had bad thing happen to me in the process. And then again it could be , as another poster put it the "Shit Happens Fairy" came a calling!

[WinkyDink]

12. As far as I know, we don't physically punish adulterers in this country. So yes, you're harsh; she's

been "punished" enough.

[Deja Q]

14. Emotional scars are far more reaching and far longer lasting...

Except for herpes, but there's the exception to every rule...

The OP was not being too harsh, IMHO.

[WinkyDink]

87. The OP states he doesn't know if the husband is aware; thus, might not be any

"emotional scars".

And this isn't the Middle East, last time I checked.

P.S. Is this also what you'd recommend for Bill Clinton? "his dog bit...on the face and almost tore ... lips and nose off"??

[Deja Q]

13. Could be worse.

Instead of dog scars, there'd be herpes scars and her hubby would get the herp too and everybody would be ill.

Quite. Maybe the dog knew the score? I know, God told the dog to bite her? (Just imagine when poochy goes after the man she fiddled with...)

Cheaters never win, which is why they're called LOSERS.

[skygazer]

75. What is your obsession with herpes?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. yes i do have compassion. gloating is not my thing.

and i think people who gloat when painful things happen to others are pretty despicable

[auntAgonist]

18. ........

:thumbsup:

[Lorien]

48. I wish there were more like you in the world

:hug:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

16. Everybody. But isn't it the insurance company that would pay up, anyhow?

[auntAgonist]

17. I think Mondo Joe says it well. I agree.

I wonder if you judge every person that you depose or every circumstance.

No one deserves to be hurt physically or emotionally. Let the people involved deal with it.

:shrug:

aA

[THUNDER HANDS]

22. I'm hardly in a position to judge anyone

I'm no saint - though I can say i've never cheated on anyone (been cheated on, yes).


I'm not saying she deserved it. But I found myself sitting there with conflicting emotions. One one hand I felt sorry for her about what happened, and on the other I felt anger at this woman for cheating, and then doubly angry when I found out she didn't tell her husband and got pregnant as soon as she could afterwards.

So, I'm still kinda conflicted.


Not that my opinion matters, but it's not about my opinion, just my personal emotions - which also, frankly, don't matter.

[auntAgonist]

24. Your feelings and emotions do matter...

It's a complex situation. And, who knows, .. maybe she has told him maybe she hasn't. I just hope she recovers and that her marriage survives and that they have a healthy happy baby.

:)

aA

[mondo joe]

26. Why angry with her for not telling her husband, or for getting pregnant?

Isn't that all between them??

[THUNDER HANDS]

31. of course

however, she did bring a lawsuit, which sends it to court, which is payed for by our taxdollars. So in a roundabout way, her cheating is costing me money.

:D

[mondo joe]

32. I try to eschew that sort of puritanical judgment sort of thing.

It's the sort of thinking that blames gay people for AIDS as if it's a punishment.

If she has a legitimate claim, it has nothing to do with her cheating.

And that doesn't answer why you're angry with her for getting pregnant.

[Lex]

25. Compassion for people extends beyond the temporary circumstances

that they are in.

It sounds horrible what happened to that lady and the rest of it is just being a judgmental ass.

[BreweryYardRat]

27. Hmm.

Cheating is a really heinous thing to do, but massive facial scarring is a bit overkill in terms of acceptable punishment.

I probably feel sorrier for the husband, but the wife deserves some sympathy too, even though she was being a schmuck.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

28. I'd feel bad she got her face bitten

The rest of it is none of my business.

How does any of it affect you?

:wtf:

[rug]

29. Well, she just wanted to fuck him, not have her face chewed off.

I'd give her some sympathy for that.

What's your role in this?

[Midlodemocrat]

30. Sounds to me like that punishment doesn't fit the crime.

I despise cheaters, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

[MrSlayer]

33. That she was cheating is immaterial to the case.

The question is whether or not the guy was negligent in some way because of the dog's actions.

[Redstone]

36. You cannot, in your professional capacity, judge.

And you'd be better off, on a personal level, to refrain from doing so as well.

We can, none of us, understand the lives of others. Given that, who are we to judge or assign blame?

Redstone

[BarenakedLady]

37. Of course I would feel sorry for them.

What a silly question.

[wain]

38. Are you a lawyer?

What is the purpose of the public display of such information?

[PeaceNikki]

41. I wondered that, too.

What if husband or someone they know stumble upon this thread?

[Richardo]

58. I can't believe there was a legal action afoot and her husband did not know about it

Especially if all this information came out in a deposition. How could he not know?

[PeaceNikki]

66. Even at the hospital...

Hubby: WHAT HAPPENED?!

Wife: A dog ate my lips!

Hubby: What dog? Where?

Wife: This dude's house?

Hubby: What dude? Where? Why were you there and was there bacon hanging from your nose?

Come on... something somewhere had to have sparked the conversation of who the guy is and/or why she was there. RIght?

[THUNDER HANDS]

77. no, not the lawyer, the court reporter

and I didn't give any specifics of the case, just generalities.

I posted it because I was conflicted in how I felt.

btw, the woman isn't mangled. She has some scarring, but it's been two years since the incident happened and most of her scars you'd have to look really close to see.

[Haole Girl]

39. I try not to judge people. I've learned, the hard way, in life...

..as soon as I judge people harshly for something, I almost invariably learn the hard way how easily it is to fall into something wrong... or make the wrong choice(s). Often, later, I remember thinking to myself, "I wish I'd been more sympathetic about that when I was younger."

Just some food for thought.

On the other hand, I can't help but say: Karma bites! ;-)

[FloridaJudy]

40. I t depends on how bad the injuries were

If it were something minor - say like a broken toe or a lacerated finger - I'd probably laugh my butt off and remark "Karma can be a bitch, right?"

Anything worse, particularly something painful, disabling or disfiguring, I probably would feel sorry for him or her. We don't stone adulterers in this country any more, thank the gods. Nor should we approve of someone who beats the crap out of an unfaithful spouse. I think that messy divorces are punishment enough, and I say that as one who was cheated on.

Me, I feel most sorry for the kid: truly an innocent victim. And for the husband, assuming he's not a Grade A Jerk. And yes, for the wife as well. She's going to remember how badly she messed up for the rest of her life whenever she looks at her face in a mirror. Nobody deserves that.

[NaturalHigh]

42. I think it's possible to have some sympathy for her...

and still recognize that she's a scumbag for what she did to her husband.

[Skittles]

44. sounds irrelevant to me

really

[barb162]

45. I feel sorry for her for her injuries and for her husband for being

dicked around by this woman. She didn't deserve to be mutilated by the dog, right? What she deserved was a divorce from her husband. But I will tell you something else, and that is, how do you know she wasn't fooling around on the husband because he has been fooling around on her for a long time? Maybe neither of them are saints for a long time. Who knows?

[Lorien]

47. You'll never know the whole story

why did she want to cheat? Midlife crisis? Loveless marriage? Cheating husband? Sexual addiction? Had she fallen in love with the other man? Was she abused? You can never know, so why judge? None of us are without weaknesses or faults.

[asteroid2003QQ47]

50. Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her!

Lorien, Blasphemer against God and the American Way of Life, i.e., all that is good!
Burn her! Burn her! That we may continue unimpeded on our shallow judgmental ways unimpeded! Burn her! Burn her! She dares shine light into our comfortable DU tunnel of "Puritan Reality" Burn her! Burn her!

(I think I love you , Lorien.)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

52. ----

:thumbsup:

[Lorien]

71. ....

:* :hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

49. Yes, I would feel sorry for her.

If it was my husband who had been attacked by the dog, I'd feel sorry for him too.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

53. i agree. if lisa was cheating on me and got bitten by a dog, i would be very upset for her too

[mondo joe]

56. Agreed. Though I have to admit if it was someone cheating on my daughter I might

gloat some. But that would still be wrong, if understandably so.

I just can't believe people are deciding that a bad thing happening to someone is some sort of deserved cosmic justice.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

57. i find "karma" to be a very fucking lame excuse people use when really they should say "vengeance"

vengeance was served not karma. karma is far more intricate than a tit for tat situation which a lot of people seem to understand karma as.

[mondo joe]

61. Agreed. Karma isn't the universe spanking you. It's more like doing ill it its own

punishment, as doing good is its own reward.

This is too much like the Right Winger creepy thinking that the universe a moralizing busybody punishing people with disease and other disasters.

Turn this OP into "A guy had his faced ripped off by a dog as he was going to visit his boyfriend - just shows what God thinks of homosexuality" and it could as easily be a FR post.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

62. did you see the herpes comments upthread. totally delightful,

[mondo joe]

63. Missed it, thankfully. But I lived through enough of AIDS IS GOD'S PUNISHMENT that I

don't need to see any more dark ages thinking about disease as punishment.

[Deep13]

51. No one deserves to be maimed.

The state of her marriage is irrelevent to the controversy. I guess I don't share your tribal values to that extent. Having no idea what is going on in her personal life, I am not included to cast judgment.

[MrsBrady]

54. instant karma is a bitch, but that doesn't mean she doesn't...

have a right to sue because the "other man" was negligent with his dog.

It seems to me it's none of your business weather her husband knows or not.

Having a disfigured face is a horrible thing to have to deal with.
Cut her some slack. I'm sure she probably learned her lesson, even if it had to be in a really hard way.

[mondo joe]

55. I;m still rejecting the notion that this is payment. NO ONE knows what is involved here

except the people involved.

This sense that she is being punished for actions reeks too much of the sort of thinking that led to people saying AIDS was a punishment for being gay.

[MrsBrady]

64. actions do have consequenses, and if you read my entire post...

i did say to "cut her some slack"

[mondo joe]

65. Maybe we could visit a hospital ER and you could let me know which immoral action each

took to get this as a punishment. :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

68. most actions dont have consequences actually. look at bush, 1000's killed

yet no harm to him.

we like to think actions have consequences just to make sense of the randomness of the world.

[IndianaJones]

59. death penalty appears to be in order. nt.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

60. burning. stonethrowing. are all in order.

[asteroid2003QQ47]

76. Any "Right Thinking Normal Person" would...

happily stone to death all non-monogamous deviants. Praise Jesus!

:sarcasm:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

67. Two parts to that question...

1). I find it impossible to wish harm on people. Whatever you believe in...God, "The Universe," Karma, whatever...I believe there is always an eventual payback for the good and bad we bring to those around us, and I'm not the payroll clerk, ya know? I just think that if I wished harm on someone else I'd be inviting it upon myself. You get back what you put out. Yeah, there's no shortage of people in the world who suck and who do bad, hurtful things to others, and only the village idiot is going to walk around chanting "Life Is Fair." It's not. But I can only be responsible for my actions, not the actions of others.

2). Adults make adult decisions. Sometimes they're good decisions, sometimes they're unbelievably bad decisions, but relationships between consenting adults need to remain just that..."between consenting adults."

:toast:

[Sock Puppet]

69. How do you know she is cheating, and her husband doesn't know?

Also, are you certain her husband doesn't know?

[THUNDER HANDS]

78. he didn't know at the time

and the way they tried to avoid any mention of the affair on the record makes me believe they don't want the husband to find out, if he hasn't already.

[youthere]

70. assuming the dog was female...you could say karma really is a bitch.

[Bake]

72. What about the guy (i.e., the owner of the dog)?

Was he married and cheating also? What does he deserve to get as retribution?

As a lawyer, if you represent the injured woman, you absolutely must put aside your personal feelings about the "background" of the incident and represent her interests to the fullest, which means not doing anything to torpedo her case even if you think she deserved it. If it's something she told you about in the course of your representation of her, you must keep that secret sacrosanct.

If you represent the dog owner, it gets more interesting. You can legitimately ask her in a deposition all the circumstances surrounding the event - where she met the defendant, why she was at his house, had she ever been there before, etc., and just see what she says in response. If she lies, and you can prove it, basically she's screwed her own credibility and probably her case as well. All that testimony gets taken down verbatim and is part of the public record.

Wheeeeeee! What a tangled web we weave ...

Bake

[THUNDER HANDS]

79. that's exactly what happened

i'm the court reporter and it was the dog owner's lawyer doing the questioning and she denied having an affiar. But it was so obvious she was going to.

First she claimed she was meeing a friend at the bar, then she said her friend never showed up and the lawyer asked if she called the friend to find out where she was, the woman said no.

Then she said she thought she was going back to this guy's house to hang out with him and some friends. But when they got to his house nobody else was there.

But she still went inside anyway. Or tried to. The incident happened in the vestibule.

[skygazer]

80. Why is that so unbelievable?

And even if it is, why does it matter to you? You're the court reporter, not judge and jury. Sheesh.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

73. Somebody, somewhere, decided to have "illicit sex" right now and escaped death because of it. -nt

[skygazer]

74. I think you're spending way too much time thinking about it

"So, now I think I should hate her and think she got what she deserved." :wtf:

Why do you feel you have any stake in this at all? If you are a legal representative, your job is not to decide the moral implications of all this, but the legal ramifications and conduct the best case for your client that you can. If you are a court reporter, your job is to take down the depos accurately. The rest of it is between her and her husband.

As for who I feel sorry for, I kinda feel sorry for you.

[THUNDER HANDS]

81. sorry, thought it would be something interesting to talk about

I don't see what the harm is in talking about it. It's not like I published the woman's name and address or anything.

and I don't feel I have a stake in it. I just found it to be one of the more interesting cases I've gone on recently.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

82. It is interesting to talk about...

...and to think about.

When I responded last night, I tried placing myself in the shoes of the one who'd been cheated on by the person who was attacked.

It hadn't really occurred to me that it could be MY dog attacking a person who was arranging a romantic tryst with my spouse. I find that I would still feel sorry for the person who was attacked. However, the thought of my dog's life being put in jeopardy by someone who was going to screw my husband is gut-wrenching. I definitely would feel less sorry for such a person, especially since it's quite possible that the dog interpreted the person's sexual overtures as an attack on his owner.

Interesting...

[skygazer]

86. The harm is not in talking about it

The harm is in harshly judging people you do not know about circumstances you were not a part of. How would you feel in a similar situation? Someone who knows nothing about you beyond the facts pertaining to this case deciding that they "should hate" you?

That's what I find offensive.

[PeaceNikki]

90. But don't you think the specifics of the case that you posted are specific enough to ID her...

If an acquaintance of one of the parties read this, they might think something like... "Hey, Sally got mauled by a dog and then got pregnant shortly after. And she is suing the guy... HOLY SHIT, she was trying to CHEAT on Bob when it happened!"

[Critters2]

83. I just try not to judge. Yeah, I'm unimpressed with people who cheat,

and wouldn't enter into any kind of relationship with 'em (friendship, even business, because they've demonstrated poor judgment and a lack of trustworthiness), but I don't wish 'em continued ill will. I try to live in the moment, taking people as I find them right now, in front of me. HOw they behaved yesterday or might behave tomorrow is not of any concern at this moment. This is how I try to live, and I tend to be fairly successful at it. Mostly because it makes my life less stressful.

Besides, this woman has enough to deal with, some brought on by her unfaithfulness, without the added burden of you disliking her. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, due to her cheating, and now she's dealing with some pretty nasty consequences. Jesus said we reap what we sow. The Buddha called it karma. Call it what you will, this poor woman is living with it in spades. Your disliking her only affects you. So, ask yourself what purpose it would serve for you. Do what's best for you.

And try not to snicker during the depositions :hi:

[asteroid2003QQ47]

84. Black and White

Your admission of "cheating" being a qualifier for you causes me to wonder how you define cheating as it relates to the parties directly involved?
You would allow that two or more individuals are needed for there to be a "cheater" yet you "try not to judge?"
Do you assign Cheater #1 more blame than Cheater #2 (seldom is it a black and white issue) due to timing or severity of 'offense' and how exactly do you achieve that without being judgmental?

[Critters2]

85. What are you, a lawyer? I try not to judge. period.

I'm not going to be baited into any argument. Have a nice day!

[asteroid2003QQ47]

89. Bait?

It was an honest question that I am totally comfortable asking
and you, it turns out, are uncomfortable answering.

[Chovexani]

88. Clearly the dirty whore deserved it.

Jesus. :eyes:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

104. ...

:thumbsup:

[ThomCat]

91. The one has nothing to do with the other.

She didn't "deserve" to get hurt. x(

[Lady Freedom]

92. I just chalk it up to Karma.

Sometimes it's justice is harsh.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

96. lets hope that if you ever get hurt in life, you can declare yourself sinless and not deserving it.

:eyes:

[Lady Freedom]

100. Somewhere along the line I might very well be deserving.

Then again maybe not. You know that the "Shit Happens Fairy" ( I like that description) dose make rounds too.

[mondo joe]

107. Do you think everyone in the ER is there because they did soimething wrong? The homeless - are they

being punished as a matter of justice?

[LeftyFingerPop]

93. God damnit....the answer is quite simple...

No one deserves to have their lip and nose almost torn off. Are we living in some middle eastern country that punishes women physically for cheating?

What if her husband beats the shit out of her?

What if her husband gave her reason to cheat?

Karma?

What the fuck is wrong with some of you people?

[asteroid2003QQ47]

94. I totally concur!

It can't be said any better than that, philboy.

"What the fuck is wrong with some of you people?"

[La Lioness Priyanka]

95. the whore had it coming.

seriously i think people here are just as patheticly judgmental and heartless as freepers.

[LeftyFingerPop]

98. I hate to say it...

but I agree with your statement.

We can't jump into other people's life's based on a few written words.

We have no idea what goes on in their lives.

The best we can do, especially on the internet, is to try to keep an open mind about what we read.

Ohhhh, I have so much to say about this issue...

I am an agnostic, but the following statement has some merit..."There but for the grace of god go I"

Good morning Pri. :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

101. thats the best we can do in life too. remember that people are flawed

and that by and large even flawed people deserve compassion, love and kindness.

[Lady Freedom]

103. Maybe, Maybe not.

Not my dog, not my relationship, not involving my job, not my concern. I think all involved should thank their lucky stars that she survived.

[skygazer]

106. Nicely stated

Thank you. :thumbsup:

[Blue Diadem]

102. I think there are many emotions/feelings involved. I knew someone who died

while cheating and I felt anger,compassion and sadness. All I could feel for my dear friend & her two kids was extreme sadness that they lost their husband/father. I didn't know him that well, he was always gone from home, working, so he said..but I felt sorrow for him that he lost his life and yet anger at him for putting himself & his family in the situation. I even remember feeling sorry for the woman who was with him..how awful for her that she had to watch him die and was helpless to save him.

I'd have to question why you feel you should hate, especially in a situation where you really don't know the person.