I found Jesus at the bar tonight

[SallyMander]

He was drinking a PBR...


No, but seriously, some random guy cruised through the bar tonight with a laptop on his shoulder. On the screen was a huge close-up of Jesus on the cross. He made a silent lap through the bar, then left.

*scratches head*

Not really sure what to make of that one!


Anyway, hope you're all having a less perplexing night! :D

:hi:

[IzaSparrow]

1. what's up with the white guy...

asleep on the wood?

WAKE UP! we gotz biznus to take care of.

[SallyMander]

2. One too many PBRs, maybe?

:D

[IzaSparrow]

5. no wonder his blood turned into wine...nt

[madeline_con]

30. It was water, not blood.

[IzaSparrow]

67. This is my blood, shed for you...hmm

oh well, i hate mass anyway.

[DarkTirade]

3. I find it a bit funny

that every depiction of Jesus shows him as a scrawny white guy.

I mean... the guy was not only from the middle east, I.E., not white, but he was a carpenter. Before they had power tools. Spending all his time chopping up wood with nothing but ancient axes, adzes, chisels and saws. The guy could probably bench press me with one hand.

[IzaSparrow]

4. No shit....I'll bet he looked like flvegan...

:hide:

[DarkTirade]

7. Only not white.

And with long flowing hippie-hair. And a beard. Because he was a jew in a time when they followed those little rules in Leviticus, like not cutting their hair or beard.

Y'know, the rules right next to the 'thou shalt not lie with mankind as you lie with womankind' bit that those clean-cut and clean-shaven fundies always quote.

[IzaSparrow]

15. hahahahah

:rofl: reminds me of my youth

[madeline_con]

31. The Gnostic scriptures say he made whatever Joseph

wanted just sort of happen when they worked together. :shrug:

edited to add: It didn't say he was a scrawny white guy, though.

[DarkTirade]

34. Then maybe he had a hugely mutated brain

and he did it all with telekinesis.

That's my theory at least. Telekinesis and telepathy could explain getting people drunk at a party when they're out of wine, and walking on water and all that crap. Oh, and 'driving the demons' out of that crazy 'We are legion' guy coulda been done with telepathy too.

Maybe mutant healing powers for the rising-from-the-grave schtick.

And he could cause other people to regenerate, hence the healing the sick and the Lazarus thing.

Yeah, I think I like that theory. Hugely mutated brain Jesus is so much cooler than laid-back hippie Jesus.

[madeline_con]

38. Laid back hippie with mutated brain? n/t

[DS1]

6. what a tease

he could have hooked you all up with some wine

jeez!

[SallyMander]

9. Yeah! What a bummer!

I could've gone for a nice shiraz...

:rofl:

[DarkTirade]

19. Be careful what you wish for.

He can turn water into wine... and the human body is made of mostly water.

[DS1]

20. well, it'll be a happy last 4 seconds of my life

[DarkTirade]

23. Not if he turns it into boxed wine.

Just sayin'. :P

[lizziegrace]

8. Too funny!

and confusing...

Was this at your favorite bar?? ;)

[SallyMander]

10. Is there another bar in Columbus?

:rofl:

:hug:

[Whoa_Nelly]

11. Laptop Jesus??

Ain't technology wunnerful? :rofl:

[SallyMander]

12. ...

:spray:


It's like when he miraculously appears on toast... only not quite. :rofl:

[Whoa_Nelly]

13. If you see him again ask him what his resolution is?

And just how many pixels does it take to make a graphic Jesus?

[SallyMander]

14. I really think that anything less than 1680x1050 would be blasphemous

:rofl:

[madeline_con]

32. good one

[Inchworm]

16. Sorry- was prolly just me

:hi:

[SallyMander]

17. You're the laptop Jesus guy???

:wow:

[Inchworm]

18. No- but I've turned the other cheek recently

:D

[Gonzo Gardener]

21. I saw Santa on a Hog!

He's one of my neighbors, has a long curly white beard, drives a Harley Davidson, drinks lots of beer... probably PBR tall boys, all his reindeer are stuffed heads hanging on his living room wall, and Mrs. Claus left years ago.

My night goes well! After a double session of Karate lessons I managed to make an impromptu *girlfriends only* late dinner date. It was Dos por Uno margarita night at the local Mexican restaurant!!!


I'm tipsy not perplexed! :silly:

:hug:

[SallyMander]

39. OMG! You are hilarious...

Seriously, when are we going to meet up for a margarita??? :D

:hug:

[Sugar Smack]

22. Yeah, but was it Karaoke Nite?

And if so, was "God Bless the USA" in the lineup? :rofl:

Oh, wait. I just realized I'm going straight to hell for that.

[SallyMander]

40. ...

:spray:


Here's to all the laughing we're going to do down there with our tushies on fire! :toast:

[madrchsod]

24. this guy met him in a bar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrOn6Am_opk
YouTube - Jim Lauderdale "I met Jesus In A Bar"

[SallyMander]

41. LOL

That is quite an ensemble he's got going! :rofl:

[Va Lefty]

25. If God is my Co-Pilot, is Jesus my designated driver?

WWJD (What Would Jesus Drink)
:shrug:

[SallyMander]

42. He was a carpenter, so i've gotta think he'd enjoy a cold beer

:D

[JVS]

26. What's so strange about that?

[SallyMander]

43. !

:rofl:

[Yavin4]

27. The Real Question Is Was The Laptop Mac Notebook?

Because if it wasn't, that aint Jesus because Macs are made by God. Just ask any Apple user.

[SallyMander]

44. LOL

I think it was a PC, but i didn't get a good look... maybe it wasn't Jesus after all! :shrug:

[deucemagnet]

28. Wow. You never know where that guy is going to show up.

[SallyMander]

45. OMG!

:spank:

:rofl:

[FloridaJudy]

29. I don't care if it rains or freezes

'Slong as I got my lap-top Jesus
Hangin' on my color monitor
There's bugs with Mac, and with PC
But the Messiah's virus free
Hangin' on my color monitor.

Lap top Jesus!
Lap top Jesus!
Hangin' on my color monitor

Don't need Linux
Don't need Vista
Cuz I got my "Screen Savior"
Hangin' on my color monitor...

[SallyMander]

46. Did you make that up???

I am laughing my butt off... that's awesome! :rofl:

:yourock:

[FloridaJudy]

66. Yup. Sung to the tune of

"Plastic Jesus". There are dozens of verses. Here's a few:

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

{Refrain}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say Damn
I can let all sorts of curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
For he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar


(I was corrupted by hanging out with former Southern Baptists in college)

[LynneSin]

33. Just remember, not everyone who digs Jesus is a raving lunatic right-wing nut job

I think the guy is awesome. The way he lived and the lessons he taught are something that jive with the way most progressives/liberals think.

And I drink Tequila myself

[FloridaJudy]

37. I'll bet you don't

Wander through bars flashing His image at everyone.

I've got nothing against Jesus myself, but some of his followers scare me to death.

[SallyMander]

48. Oh, i totally agree!

I wish that more of his followers payed more attention to his teachings... you know, help those less fortunate, yadda yadda. Unfortunately a lot of that gets tossed to the wayside...

:hi:

[Ava]

35. probably looking for a wireless connection

at least that would be my guess :hi:

[SallyMander]

49. LOL

You'd think the Son of God would have wireless anywhere... should be like the ultimate iPhone! :D

[Lethe]

36. Jesus is at the bar every night where i go

Jesus Martinez......great guy, he is a machinist. I think I owe him a round...

[SallyMander]

50. I have a friend named Jesus

and when his girlfriend refers to him in an email she'll say "Jesus (the mortal)"

Cracks me up every time! :rofl:

[Parche]

47. I saw jesus last night at the bar

:woohoo: :hangover: :hi:

[SallyMander]

51. You too???

Were you in Columbus? :D

[Parche]

53. no PDX

me dragging today..................:hangover: :hangover: :hangover:

got home at 2am..........

:hi:

[SallyMander]

54. Yikes! Go take a nap

and let me know if you'll ever be at CMH :D

[Parche]

56. CMH

i have good friends live in CMH actually Hilliard OH
in fact just talked to him a few minutes ago
he gets me my cell phone for $10 month unlimited, he works for sprint!!!!
:woohoo: :hi:

[SallyMander]

57. Whoa, that's a great deal!

You should introduce me :D

Actually i'm happy because i just got a good deal from Verizon on a new phone, even though i'd only had my old one for 6 months, so i wasn't really eligible for a deal. But i whined enough and now i have a new phone that i love!

And i sold my old one on craigslist for $90!!!

So i will join you in the :woohoo:

:bounce:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

52. If Jesus had really been there...

He would have told that guy to sit down, have a brew, and stop acting like a bonehead. :toast:

[SallyMander]

55. Jesus would like my favorite bar

It's a total lefty scene... tolerance, love thy neighbor, all that jazz. :D

:hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

58. Sounds like fun!

Say...Have you had any word on the zoo gig?

[SallyMander]

61. Still no news!!!

Well, i got a phone call a couple weeks ago. The VP said they were running behind in their meetings, etc, and he was going out of town the following week. But then he said they hoped to have a decision by the end of the month (February!). And i haven't heard anything since then. So i'm trying to decide if i should call/email? Or just keep waiting? I know they won't just leave me hanging... that's why Andy (VP) called me a couple weeks ago, he said he didn't want me to think they'd forgotten about me. So maybe i should just be patient. What do you think?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

62. If they called a couple of weeks ago,

I'd probably wait another week, then give a call. It could be that they've been slowed down by flu season or something. But it can't hurt for them to know you're still interested.

[SallyMander]

64. It's so hard to be patient! ;-)

I sent them another copy of my resume the week i talked to the VP, because i've submitted three manuscripts to scientific journals since my interview! So i sent it with a little note that i just wanted them to have the most current info, etc. Also attached one of my manuscripts. So if they don't know i'm interested by now, i don't know what to do! :D

[lost-in-nj]

59. Is there a country and western song here somewhere??

if so I'd like the lyrics and the youtube link...

'K?


thankz


lost

[SallyMander]

60. Yes!!! Post 24

I had no idea! :rofl:

[JoePhilly]

63. Maybe Jesus has a MySpace page too

[SallyMander]

65. Jesus was on DU for a while -- one of the funniest threads EVAH

I wish i had a link to it!