A series question for teh men.

[BeachBaby]

I was reading another board I belong to, and a bunch of people got into a big discussion over the Spitzer fiasco. Things got a bit heated, and some of the women freaked out on the men who were posting.

I RARELY freak out on what men have to say, as long as they're honest with me. And so, I would like to ask you this:

Let's assume that you're happily married, with a wonderful family and a wife who is great in bed. She still looks good, and makes it known that she cares about what you think of her looks/figure.

Do you ever entertain the thought of having a one-night stand with another woman? And if you do, why do you think it's crossed your mind?

I know that may sound incredibly naive of me, but from what I saw on the other board, it seemed like the men's responses were all over the place, and getting nowhere FAST. :)

[quip]

1. Never.

(in 24 years)

[MrCoffee]

2. Sure, I've thought it

I'd never ever do it, but I've thought it.


As to why, it's probably because I'm a bastard coated bastard with bastard filling.

[quip]

4. I think she means would you ever actually *do* it given the opportunity.

But maybe I read it wrong.

[MrCoffee]

6. I answered the "entertain the thought" part.

[Withywindle]

66. As a woman, I certainly entertain the thought.

In fact, I host elaborate dinner parties for the thought regularly. With open bar. Sometimes I even hire a magician. :evilgrin:

[Rabrrrrrr]

7. No, judging by the way she wrote it, she is aksing only if we would entertain the thought

[quip]

10. It's vague, but I think she is wondering if a happily married man would ever be tempted to

have a one night stand. I don't think it's just a question of what men fantasize about.

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. Being tempted is very different than acting, though.

She's not asking about acting.

If she is, she needs to reword her question.

[MrCoffee]

18. I'm happily married, and I've been tempted more times than I can count

I've never cheated on MrsCoffee, and I never would. I can very confidently say that based on one very particular incident.

[quip]

30. And I would venture to bet that it was a time when a woman came on to you

Now, your reaction is either:

A. I'm flattered, but there is no way I'm going through with it (gris for bunk)

2. Should I? No, that would be stupid.

Reaction 2 actually considers acting upon the situation; reaction A doesn't. These are 2 very big distinctions in my mind.

[MrCoffee]

32. I'm very happily married, I don't approach women that way

My reaction was A. Thanks but no thanks.

[quip]

37. So the woman came on to you not knowing that you were married?

Some woman like to tease men whom they believe would never take up their offers. And some women, I suppose, like to corrupt happily married men....

Woman. :shrug:

[TZ]

40. and some of us

Don't know that someone we are flirting with are married sometimes. Some men don't wear their wedding rings...Just sayin...FYI, all I have to hear is the word "girlfriend" and I make like a tree and leave...;-)

[Deep13]

51. She said "entertain the thought," you say "tempted" ...

... both of which fall short of acting on those thoughts or temptations.

[BeachBaby]

14. No, babe....

let's say you're in a bar after a bad day from work. Wife and kids are away for the weekend, and after the day you've had, you REALLY need some.
Woman walks into the bar. VERY attractive. She sits up at the counter next to you, orders and drink, and before you know it, you're both venting about corporate politics in the workplace. Again - she's attractive. Available. And makes sure that you know that.

Not asking if you would actually do anything about it, but would the idea cross your mind?

[Rabrrrrrr]

16. More than likely, I entertained the thought the moment I first saw her.

Just being honest.

[MrCoffee]

17. I don't believe anyone who says the idea WOULDN'T cross their mind.

[IndianaJones]

19. a eunuch. nt.

[quip]

23. Well, see in that case, it doesn't even need to be that specific. Men fantasize about sex all of

the time. The fact that the women in question is AVAILABLE is irrelevant. A conversation with her isn't even necessary.

And BTW, the fantasy would come later, not in the moment, but on the bunk. ;)

[IndianaJones]

3. entertain the thought, sure. in my nature I guess. I go to confession and all is forgiven. nt.

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. Entertain the thought? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Why does it cross my mind? Because, you know, sex is fun.

Other than maybe 0.5% of the male population - and probably the same amount of female population - to say that one has never fantasized about someone other than one's SO is, in my opinion, a total fucking dishonest lie.

Would I ever actually have a one-night stand? Highly unlikely. It's never been my cup of tea, even before meeting my SO, and I would feel awful if I cheated on her.

I think about it, though. That's just natural.

[Oeditpus Rex]

31. Not just fun — it's flattering

The thought that someone desires us other than he or she to whom we're committed is very good for the ego, and such a boost in confidence can lead to Very Nice Things within the boundaries of said commitment.

Summary: Flirting beats Viagra any day. :thumbsup:









Note: This summary is but a metaphor and is not intended to dismiss those who legitimately suffer from erectile dysfunction.

[Orsino]

8. I do not entertain the thought.

I am not exempt from such ideas, but they get no play from me. I've got it way too good to be dissastisfied.

I assume that biology wants me to be polyamorous, at least to some extent that maximizes the number and survival of my offspring. I don't have any serious interest in such things.

[flvegan]

9. "entertain the thought"? Sure.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I entertain the thought of jumping Michelle McCool after I've watched the WWE, or Valerie Waugaman having clicked through Gladiators.

Would I actually do it? Hell no. Would I try to plan it if I thought I could pull it off or even get away with it? No.

I think I answered your question outside of it's intended context, but I really wanted to say "jumping Michelle McCool".

On edit:

As to why? Cuz they're hot and I'm a pig.

[IndianaJones]

11. is that the diva that sings crappy? nt.

[flvegan]

21. Heavens, no.

She's a much more fit, toned, tight, less fake parted diva.

[IndianaJones]

24. Raw or Smackdown? My favs were Trish Stratus and Torrie Wilson. nt.

[flvegan]

26. Smackdown, I think.

[Merrick]

20. delete

[texas1928]

12. You look but don't touch...

And what he did was not a spur of the moment thing. He phoned, set up the date, and paid for it. I would for one never pay for it.

[Burma Jones]

15. Well, I don't know about taking the thought out for dinner and a show......

but perhaps a passing glance maybe......but well short of fully entertaining the thought

Maybe you should ask Hugh Grant this question, I mean, he had the exquisite Elizabeth Hurley available and sought hookers..........

[Merrick]

22. Not worth it - I know I'd get busted somehow

just my luck, the woman would turn out to be a lonely loony bird like jessica huston in crimes and misdemeanors, and the next thing I know I'd be paying a swarthy hungarian guy 10 G's to throw her out a tall window. And even if I did get away with it, the preoccupation I'd be experiencing while carrying out the deed would half ruin what's kind of overrated in reality anyway.

[PVnRT]

25. Sure, I fantasize about it

See a hot woman, fantasize for a few seconds, move on with your life. It doesn't mean I'm going to act on it, and, frankly, I think a lot of women do the same thing.

[YankeyMCC]

27. Yes nt

In case you ignore the nt and look here I had a whole thing written out about the strength of the instinct sometimes and speculation about how we all might experience something similar but maybe with respect to different human drives.

But it's all speculation all I can really give is my answer for my own experience and that is Yes and sometimes it was very strong.

[BeachBaby]

28. Okay then.....

(and I'm asking this because of what the reactions on the other board were)

If men constantly fantasize about sex, and when they see a hot woman, they fantasize about having sex with her, then why do men get married, promising to be faithful to that one woman for the rest of their lives? I understand that there is a huge difference between fantasy and reality, but isn't fantasizing, in and of itself, entertaining a thought you wish to be real?

Men are sexual creatures who are very visual in nature, yes? That being the case, why would a man place himself in a position (no pun intended) where one of his most primal instincts is being restricted?

As frowned upon as polygamy is, I can't say that I don't understand the concept. If men prefer more than one woman, polygamy actually makes more scientific sense.

Thanks in advance, guys. I appreciate the honest feedback. :)

[IndianaJones]

29. we need someone to cook, clean and have our children...as well as offer some tax advantages. nt.

[petronius]

65. Exactly - the women in my fantasies are much too 'busy' to vacuum the living room!

;)

[flvegan]

38. Because it's just sex, not love.

If I'm happily married, there's a lot more to it than sex. And, from your original question, my wife is really great in bed, so I'm not really being restricted in my activity.

[Greyskye]

39. Agree completely.

Google "polyamory". You might be surprised at the hits you get. :hi:

[skygazer]

43. False premise

"...isn't fantasizing, in and of itself, entertaining a thought you wish to be real?"

No, its not. Fantasizing is entertaining a thought that's fun to have. Sometimes its a thought you wish to be real but quite often its not. You've never fantasized about a guy who wasn't your SO? If you have done that, did you really wish you were with a guy who wasn't your SO? See how it works?

I often fantasize about fantastic things, things that I know could never happen and that I wouldn't actually want to happen anyway - like fighting zombies, or going back in time.

So when you characterize fantasy as something you wish was real, you're starting your entire train of thought with a false premise. :hi:

[quip]

44. Correct.

[Pierre.Suave]

47. reading this post, I couldnt help but...

think of a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon... :rofl:

now back to the subject at hand...

[MrCoffee]

55. I knew there was something strange about that...you nailed it.

:applause:

[kwassa]

45. because trying to screw every woman in sight is not a great long-term strategy

there is basic lust, and then there are all the other satsifactions that come from relationships. Lust can be incredibly destructive, too.

I think that the constant fantasies are more prevalent in the teenagers, and gradually cool to virtually constant over age and time.

[XemaSab]

52. You don't think promising to be faithful for the rest of your life is a fantasy?

More people get divorced, cheat, or are widowed and remarry than people who are 100% faithful forever. :shrug:

[quip]

53. That is completely false, sadly cynical, and probably self-fulfilling in its premise.

(all three)

[XemaSab]

54. Probably

:(

[BeachBaby]

59. Awwww, Xema.....

sounds like you've been burned, but good. Am I correct?

I, too, am a victim of the cheating spouse. It was a long time ago, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever trust fully again. Something keeps stopping me - defense mechanism, I guess.

:hug:

[Withywindle]

58. Why is this all about MEN only?

Geez, I'm a woman, and my brain totally works like this. See a hot guy on the CTA and in my mind, I've had him nine kinds of ways before I get to my stop. It stays in my mind, that's the 'faithful' part.

Isn't that one of the fun things minds are FOR? :shrug:

[Greyskye]

33. Married, not dead

And I'm forbidden from 'cheating' unless I bring her home to share. :evilgrin: Works for me.

[IndianaJones]

34. you are god. nt.

[Greyskye]

36. That's what she says.

:evilgrin:

[Oeditpus Rex]

35. Brother, you can't go to jail for what you're thinking

Or for the "Woo!" look in your eye
You're only standing on the corner
Watching all the girls
Watching all the girls
Watching all the girls
Go by

[edbermac]

41. I'm sure both men and women think about it.

The fact that you might be doing something you shouldn't be doing is a powerfully erotic feeling.

[av8rdave]

42. I would imagine it crosses most men's mind at one time or another

The issue isn't whether it crosses one's mind...it's whether or not he acts on it. Big difference, IMO.

[Guava Jelly]

46. I probably would go for it if I was in that situation

If I could get away with it that is..
Just being honest here..I am a human male with fantasies..
And there is something kind of exciting about the danger.
Although honestly I would probably feel a great remorse afterwards.

[Deep13]

48. Entertain the thought? Sure. Act on it? No.

Why entertain the thought? Because I am still breathing.

[Fox Mulder]

49. Yes.

But it doesn't mean I would act on it.

[Recursion]

50. I've had a series of nightly one-night-stands...

...with the same woman for a couple of years now. I hope that doesn't stop :)

[laconicsax]

56. No.

[trof]

57. Given just the right circumstances (adult beverages possibly involved),

And the moon in the right phase, and the planets in perfect alignment, and the perfect mood and ambiance, I'm afraid many of us would have a hard time resisting.

And some of us don't need all that stuff at all.
I have a friend in his mid 70s who is the biggest letch in the world. Everybody knows it, and nobody takes him seriously, but he's SERIOUS!
;-)

[minnesota_liberal]

60. I only see one question

If by "thought about" you mean "seriously considered," my answer is no. Such a betrayal of trust would haunt me every waking moment.

If you mean "wondered what it would be like," hell yes. It's not all that different from seeing a nice car and wondering what it would be like to drive it.

[triguy46]

61. Nope. Been married 31 years. The last thing I need in my life is another woman.

She's the love of my life. My only other lustful thoughts are for a Porsche and a Boston Whaler.

[no name no slogan]

62. I never cheated when I was married

although, in retrospect, I'm pretty sure my ex-wife was cheating on me by the time we split up.

I just don't see the appeal in cheating. Even if I knew I wouldn't get caught, the guilt would kill me.

Maybe I'm just too loyal, or old-fashioned, but when you commit to someone, you commit to someone. That means you don't fool around on her/him.

[Chan790]

63. Seeing as I don't really buy into monogamy as good...

if I were happily married, I would be married so someone who shares my POV on extramarital extracurricular activities. If I were married to someone who didn't share that POV, I'd be faithful until the divorce was final.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

64. Fantasy About It Is Perfectly Fine. Those That Do It While Commited Or Married, Do So In An

unacceptable manner. My caveat would be that the non violating person be under the impression that things are hunky dory or that the commitment is still one of trust. If that's the case, it is never acceptable to actually cheat. It's an act of betrayal, and betrayal is always wrong to do to one who is an innocent.

[Bennyboy]

67. Even if she was lousy in bed, fat and unnatractive....

would I buy a hooker or cheat on her. I may not make love to her very often, but to me cheating is the end of it all.