I just lost my best friend of 22 yrs!

[laylah]

Over time she has become more right wing than I would EVER even consider being. We went through the trials and tribulations of our children (we each had 2 girls the same age), her divorce where I wrote her a "script" to say to her abusive ex, her support of me leaving mine. The big thing is, when I disagree, I am "polite", her, on the other hand, attacks. "Dumbass", "you believe that shit", the "basement" (re: my "safest home"...here"), etc.

Last evening I forwarded an e-mail regarding Gen. Fallon, Iran, and a fundraiser. My message was "I cannot afford groceries, let alone this worthy cause. If you can, please do, if you cannot, please pass on, if you disagree, please keep it to yourself, I have enough stress without battling my loved ones". As usual, she had to have the last word.

She e-mailed me to kick my ass, once again. I have had it, and told her so.

I am so sad :cry: This needed to happen, should have happened a long time ago, at least telling her what an abusive snot she is when she disagrees. However, it is a big loss for me in many ways.

Thanks for letting me share.

[NJmaverick]

1. I feel for you

I have right wing friends. My choice is to not talk politics or lose them. I opted for not talking politics. I guess I am not as brave as you.

[laylah]

4. Thanks Nomad..

I have tried forever not to send her stuff, sometimes I fail. On the other hand, she doesn't think twice about sending stuff that disses the Dem's...not very often but still hypocritic.

Thanks for responding :hug:

[NJmaverick]

8. Yeah I hear ya

We liberals are always the ones willing to bite our tongues while the righties feel free to speak their mind. Not the best situation, but unfortunately not many good alternatives.

[ceile]

2. Sorry that had to happen.

But she sounds like someone you don't need in your life. It's one thing to disagree, but it's another to tear someone down because of their beliefs. Chin up! :hug:

[laylah]

5. Thanks!

I needed that hug...and back at you :hug:

[LynzM]

3. I'm sorry, laylah

That sucks that she cannot be respectful in her disagreement. :hug:

[laylah]

6. She obviously never

learned how. I just think of the YEARS we have been friends, the times that she chastised my ex for being such a verbally abusive guy. Obviously not a clue. However, I really am sad. So many good memories, unfortunately, her verbal bs has gotten the better of them.

Thanks for responding and for the support :hug:

[4_Legs_Good]

7. Maybe a separation will do you good?

Sometimes fights like this can help you both respect each other more and better avoid these types of controversies in the future.

I'm just saying, maybe your relationship isn't over forever. Maybe she'll grow up a little, if not politically, then at least tactfully when she realizes she misses you.

Good luck!

David

[laylah]

9. ...

:hug: Thank you SO much for your input!

[4_Legs_Good]

12. =)

I have a friend from back in high school, and I avoid him like the plague during election seasons! But the rest of the time we get along pretty well.

Good luck!

David

[nomorenomore08]

10. Sorry about that. It always sucks to lose a friend, whatever the reason.

FWIW, my cousin turned rather right-wing after he got to college (he'd been more or less apolitical, though somewhat left-leaning, before) and, I suppose, had something of a culture shock upon meeting all the "radicals" at UC Berkeley. Now, this guy has always been a teller of tall tales, so to this day I don't know how much of what he told me is true, but he apparently had to deal with people who were severely biased against him for being white and/or male.

His reaction was to join the College Republicans, denounce affirmative action, and insist that *fingers in ears* "We're all equal in this country la la la..." He eventually moved back toward the center, and is now supporting Obama, but for a while I just didn't know how to deal with the guy. I mean, what can you say to somebody who thinks being an upper-middle-class white dude puts him at a DISADVANTAGE, and who blames the Left (instead of the Right) for "politicizing" homosexuality?

[laylah]

14. Well obviously I

haven't learned that lesson. I am so glad you two found the "formula". Thanks for responding, you dear :hug:

[Iris]

11. It's hard to let go.

but sometimes you just have to.

[laylah]

13. Ding! Ding! Ding!

We have a winner. I have been holding back for some time because of our history and how much she means to me. Ya know, the world beats my ass up enough, I don't need people who say they love me to do the same.

You are so right, Iris, painfully right. :hug: Thank you.

[Iris]

15. the world beats my ass up enough, I don't need people who say they love me to do the same.

Dead on. You, laylah, are the winner!

:pals:

[laylah]

25. ...

:hug: I have never, in my 56 years, been called a winner before, Iris. :cry: THANK YOU!

[Iris]

31. Well, just because you haven't been called one doesn't mean you haven't always been one!

But I really admire someone who realizes how important it is to take care of herself! Keep it up!

[laylah]

34. Thank you. nt

[DemocratInSoCal]

16. The World Would Be A Better Place Without Republics

Most of them are phony, hypocritical, self-centered bullies.

At this point, I have no real use for any republics, and if that means shutting them out as "friends," then that's the way it has to be.

Everything they stand for, IMO, is BULLSHIT. You've got the Rich republics, whose only motivation in life is to make as much $$$$$$$$$$$$ as possible, SCREW the person at the bottom, he deserves to be poor.

Then there are the bible thumpers, who think that only the republic party represents their interests. Only republics have an "IN" with the big guy upstairs. Their preacher tells them so, and thus, it's a given.

And finally, there are those like my secretary. Who said the other day..."I Like *." She makes $20K/year, is in her 50's, and Rents a 1 BR apartment. Probably doesn't have a dime saved in her name, but yet feels like * is on her side. A Fucking IDIOT. * would squash her walking by on the street, but SHE LIKES HIM.

I really have no patience for their kind anymore. They're ALWAYS right, and even when they're not right....YOU'RE STILL WRONG.

[laylah]

18. I hear AND understand your anger...

and have experienced that mindset for longer than I care to. :hug: We ARE better people, I just know it.

Thanks for your response and a belated welcome to one of the last (sans GD-P) sites on the planet America.

[DemocratInSoCal]

21. It's The Stupid Ones Which Actually Annoy Me Even More

At least the rich, upper 10% repubs, are looking out for their self interests. At least they can admit they know who butters their bread.

But it's the IGNORANT fools, like our secretary, who are just stupid, and have allowed their minds to be so altered by SPIN and RHETORIC, that sometimes I feel they've stepped out of "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers." YES MASTER.....I HEAR AND OBEY.

The saddest thing, is that no matter how much you try. No matter how many convincing arguments you speak, their feeble little minds are locked into their belief that some like King george, cares about them and their plight.

From now on, whenever one of these MORANS, complains to me about their situation, I'm just going to laugh, and walk away. No point in attempting to explain REALITY to these folks. Some people are unreachable.

Honestly, I'm beginning to realize that the 20% of this country, have ruined what America used to stand for. And yet, THEY'LL NEVER, EVER, EVER admit it. Someday, they'll probably blame it on a Democrat. Because I've yet to meet one, who accepts blame themselves.

I'll tell you another thing. I NEVER VOTED FOR KING ASSHOLE, AND I KNOW IT'S NOT MY FAULT. Yet, somehow, even though many republics voted for him Twice, it's miraculously not their fault either.

If only I was so bold as to be able to tell people, including relatives, off to their face. Someday, perhaps when my time is coming up, I'll have the courage to call these ingrates out.

[mitchum]

35. Thst's why I firmly believe that the "well meaning" and stupid are FAR...

more responsible for the world's misery than the intelligent and malevolent

[mitchum]

37. That's why I firmly believe that the "well meaning" and stupid are FAR...

more responsible for society's misery than the malevolent and intelligent

[nomorenomore08]

22. And I could imagine a Freeper writing something analogous about Democrats.

I may be to the left of Kucinich (according to the Political Compass), but that doesn't mean I think I have all the answers. Viewing those on the other side of the political spectrum as a monolithic enemy, while it may be understandable in times like these, is both arrogant and counterproductive IMO.

That said, though, I certainly think you have a right to your anger and frustration, and I really pity people like your secretary who honestly think * and his ilk give two shits about them. Squash them like a bug on the street is right.

[DemocratInSoCal]

24. Democrats DON'T Have All The Answers

But, at least from my point of view, Democrats try and reason. Try and hear both sides of the story. Try to give credence to the other side's opinion.

Seriously....I can't think of one republic, either in government or my personal life, who has an open mind where politics are concerned.

It's their way, or the highway.

THAT, more than anything, is the cause for my anger. JUST ONCE, I'd like to hear someone who voted for *, to say...."YEAH, IT'S MY FAULT. I VOTED FOR HIM TWICE, AND HE'S AN ASSHOLE. I'M PARTLY TO BLAME FOR THE MESS THIS COUNTRY IS IN."

Instead, it's nothing but excuses. How they didn't realize. How they didn't this, and they didn't that. But most of all, it's not their fault. It might be HIS fault, but as republics who voted him into office, it's not theirs.

I feel guilty typecasting people, but it's gotten to the point where I can do so pretty easily. And I know when I encounter a Democrat, it's someone I can usually talk to and reason with. While with a repub, they will NEVER give in, and admit flaws in reasoning. IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM SOMETIMES, which is why I've learned, that I have to shut them out completely.

The only way to deal with them, is by saying...."YEP, You're Right, And I'm Wrong." Because I've yet to hear a repub recite those words.

[nomorenomore08]

27. Maybe it's partly a regional thing.

I'm from the SF Bay Area, where conservative Repubs are distinctly a minority. I figure the ones where you live are probably a more vicious sub-species. :P

[DemocratInSoCal]

28. Orange County, CA

I have to watch what I say down here, or they'll run me over in one of their Hummers.

Sometimes I wish I were somewhere like San Fran, with more of "my kind." Unfortunately, my home, job, family & friends are all here.

But someday, I see myself living outside the U.S. If they win again in November, that might be the final impetus I need to take a drastic change in my life, before it's too late.

[Brigid]

32. Can I come too?

If they win again this time around, almost anyplace will look good. I hear Canada is lovely.

[KitchenWitch]

49. Where in Orange County

I am in MasterPlanistan (AKA Irvine)

[hippywife]

39. You know exactly who is to blame for

that mindset, don't you? Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, Michelle Malkin, et al. They are making alot of money buy shifting reasonable conversation to verbal warfare. Never used to be this way until these people started earning their pay to twist and lie and insert malice into the mix.

[laylah]

52. Yes! I agree!

Doesn't make it feel any better but I know you are absolutely right. She never wanted to read, with an open mind, whatever I provided her with. Only immediately put it down. *sigh*

:hug: Thanks so much.

[Brigid]

33. I know the type too.

And talking to them is a waste of breath. It's not worth it to get your blood pressure up over them. I've lost friends the same way.

[lightningandsnow]

17. So sorry.

:hug:

Sucks to lose a friend. It might be the best thing to move on, though.

Best of luck to you!

[laylah]

19. I have read your stories sweetie...

and I wish you peace. :hug: Thanks for the response!

[KitchenWitch]

20. Something similar happened to me back in August.

I still have not spoken to her. She got verbally abusive with me when she had come out here to visit, and never apologized. The last time I spoke to her was the day she left.

It has been hard. I went through the fires here, and freaking out about that without her.

:hug:

I wish I knew what to tell you.

[laylah]

23. Dear sweet (naked) Kitchy...

I very much appreciate your response. I remember your fire fear and dilemma. If anyone ever needed a "special" friend...The good news is, you had us.

Thank you so much for taking the time to acknowledge me and my pain. NOW, I'll show mine if you will show yours :evilgrin:

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

43. LOL

:hug:

I was so grateful to have DU during the fires. I was able to vent my fears, no matter what hour of day it was. It really helped.

[DemocratInSoCal]

26. Steven Weber Sums Up How I Feel

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-weber/loyal-to-the-corps_b_92177.html

This is why we'll always lose to them, it seems. No Matter What, They're ALWAYS LOYAL, even if they're FULL OF SHIT, they still salute Der Fuhrer.

Remind you of any country in the late 1930's perhaps?

[GreenPartyVoter]

46. Is that Brian from WINGS? OMG! I love him even more now!!!11elevens!111

[hyphenate]

29. Hoo. boy

I know exactly what you're going through, even to the number of years we've been friends. She turned (over time) into a rabid fundie, and got so whacked out, she moved to Kentucky, where she (sight unseen, mind you) married a prison guard who had his own perfect little "ministry." Keep in mind this was a well educated high school teacher at one point, and a special needs coordinator as well.

I got tired of the discussions about those wicked "secular humanists" and after her little quickie marriage, it was time to cut it quits.

I miss her terribly--we had plenty of adventures together,, but in the end I realized she thought she was better than me, and that was the final straw.

If you need some hugs, PM me--we can commiserate together. ;)

[laylah]

30. Public hugs are also welcome

Final straws hurt, don't they? I will pm you, in the meantime, I shall wallow in my public pain :silly: Thank you so much for your heartfelt response :hug:

[DemocratInSoCal]

44. She's Probably Divorced & Penniless

I'm surprised she hasn't called you for a loan.

She probably put all her money behind the "ministry." But I'm sure, if you still knew her, she would say that she'd do it all over again.

Just like the 25% who would still vote for King george.

Repubs NEVER admit a mistake. NEVER EVER.

[laylah]

50. No, Far from it.

but thanks for the input.

[Fire Walk With Me]

36. Change is constant.

[laylah]

38. I learned a long time ago

that the ONLY thing that is constant is change. Thanks for reminding me :hug:

[Mezzo]

40. Stand your Ground.

and when you guys start talking again, be polite, but firm.

Sounds like your friend needs to take a big girl pill.

[laylah]

51. I will...it has taken me some

time. Why I have given her the power to speak so to me is a mystery.

:hug: Thanks for the support.

[pitohui]

41. sorry to hear that

don't know what else to say but :hug:

[laylah]

53. Thanks

pitohui :hug:

[applegrove]

42. We may loose some friends along the way but part of them always stays with us.

[laylah]

54. Absolutely!

We have made many good memories over the years. However, her abusive temper has invalidated so much.
:hug: She will always be a part of me but I cannot take her lack of being able to disagree in a respectful fashion any longer.

[GreenPartyVoter]

45. I am so sorry *hugs*

[laylah]

56. Me too.

Thanks! :hug:

[SPKrazy]

47. Well sorry to hear that Laylah

if she is an abusive snot, she may not have been a very good friend.

Not to minimize it in any way... I'm sorry for this and hope you land on your feet as I'm sure you will.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[laylah]

57. Thanks SPK.

Oh, she was a VERY good friend and hasn't always been this way. It has just gotten worse over the years, especially since I left Colorado for Illinois. I will be fine, just sad. We shared A LOT during all those years. I'll miss her but not her inability to argue respectfully. Thanks :hug:

[MorningGlow]

48. Right there with you, Laylah

I lost my two oldest, best friends (and covenmates/sisters) a few months ago. One I knew for THIRTY years (since we were 12), the other for 15. It wasn't over politics, but it was because we'd all changed and grew apart.

It does hurt, but it's also necessary sometimes. Doesn't make the pain go away any faster, though, does it? Hang in there. :hug:

[laylah]

55. I guess as long as I

can feel pain, I know I am still alive:P Thank you for your response and kind words :hug:

[raccoon]

58. Because of that alone, even if she were as progressive as they come,

"what an abusive snot she is when she disagrees"--I think you're better off without her.

Some people, when they get angry, they get abusive. I used to have a friend like that.

I know it still grieves you. :hug: