For those of you with elderly and/or sick parents

[LeftyFingerPop]

:hug: :hug:

So my phone rings at 4 AM yesterday morning and it is the nursing home saying my mom is having trouble breathing and they are bringing her to the ER. I throw on some clothes and beat the ambulance there.

She's struggling for air, her lips are tinged blue, she getting nebulizers, IV's, injections, etc. An hour later, she is much better.

She has COPD and heart failure. She gets these bronchial spasms every few months and they have to send her to the hospital.

As I am standing by her holding her hand and trying to keep my shit together, I just kept wondering "Is this going to be the one"?

It's so damn hard watching, and trying to breathe FOR her.

She always bounces back though, she's so amazing.

Oh well...no response required here...just something for you to read, and for me to get off my chest. :)

[Connonym]

1. ...

Been there and done that so many times and it never stops being terrifying. :hug: It's really, really hard to watch your parents become frail. I hope your mom keeps bouncing back, as hard as that is to deal with it beats the alternative.

[LeftyFingerPop]

5. Thank you...

and for you....:hug:

Makes you wish you could be born old, and grow younger everyday, doesn't it?

[KitchenWitch]

2. I cannot imagine.

But it has been less than a month since my daughter has been in the ER with her lips tinged blue, struggling for breath, and they did the whole neb/steroid IV thing with her. She has asthma. Because she has asthma she is more prone to get pneumonia, which is what she had.

:scared:

:hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

3. I'm sorry to hear this KW

:hug:

Does it take her long to bounce back after the treatments?

Best wishes to your daughter and yourself.

[KitchenWitch]

4. It took her longer this time because of the pneumonia

She was in the ER on a Saturday, and back in school the next Wednesday. Sunday was a dicey day.

[SeattleGirl]

6. I know so well how you're feeling, phillboy.

I went through that so many times with my mom.

As you know, she passed away last month, but she fought her illness bravely and strongly. At some point, we must all let go of our physical existence, but for those of us left behind, it is painful and difficult.

I truly hope your mom gets better, and that you have many more years with her. :hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

7. Hello SG...it is nice to see you...

and thank you for your reply.

It is truly amazing how strong a person can be when they are ill, isn't it?. :hug:

She's 89 SG, and she's failing...but she's been failing for years.

She looks at me today and tells me that she will be happy as long as I don't die before she does.

I mean, Jesus, all this emotion...

I think I use "craziness" as an escape.

So nice to see you :hug:

[Inchworm]

8. I'm drunk but

nebulizer sounds magic.

:hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

9. ...

It works magic :hug:

[femmocrat]

10. Just a hug, philboy.

We went through this with our elderly parents, too. It is very, very difficult.

:hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

11. Thank you femmocrat...

and a hug for you also. :hug:

I know you understand, and I appreciate it.

Nothing can make a person cry like their mother, father, or children.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. hugs

[LeftyFingerPop]

13. Thank you Pri...

:hug:

[Javaman]

14. Man, that's tough. Thoughts are with you.

My mom has Alzheimer's. It's tough watching her drift away.

[LeftyFingerPop]

15. I'm so sorry about your mom Javaman...

:hug:

Thank you for your kind words, and best wishes to your mom, and to you also.

[triguy46]

16. We are no longer going to do any heroics for my mom....

she's ready to go, stated years ago she did not want to be where she is now. She has crummy bone marrow and is slowly losing hemoglobin resulting in the future into a life limiting/ending anemia. We've transfused her before, but don't see the point in repeating that just so she can vegetate in the nursing home. Sad, but ultimately, ending without heroics was her wish and its my responsibility to fulfill that.

[LeftyFingerPop]

17. I am very sorry to hear this triguy...

and you are a good son by adhering to your mom's wishes. :hug:

[triguy46]

27. I'm fortunate that my 3 sisters are all in agreement...

The lesson here, IMHO, is that when a parent says something when they are aging and still competent, and that is consistent with their legal directives, then that is what you do.

She is in the same nursing home that her mother was in, and she told everyone she knew that she did not want that.

Thanks for the kind words. best wishes.

[DarkTirade]

18. I'm right there with you.

:hug:

My grandpa keeps bouncing back. Doesn't seem to matter what hits him, he just isn't letting go so easily anytime soon.

[LeftyFingerPop]

20. I think that people of that generation...

are made of sterner stuff. May your grandpa keep bouncing back for years to come. :hug:

[applegrove]

19. I'm so sorry about your mother. Don't they have new drugs for COPD?

Must be tough to worry so much about her.

[LeftyFingerPop]

21. Thank you applegrove...

Well, she is on an inhaler, as well as Prednisone, and a water pill. and a slew of other stuff.

The Prednisone turns her into a mad woman, but it does help the COPD.

These spasms that she gets every few months...no one can really give me a good answer except that "it's part of the disease".

Thank you for your kind words applegrove. :)

[Parche]

22. i feel your pain

its only time now
both of mine are struggling........:cry: :cry: :cry:

:hug:

:hi:

[LeftyFingerPop]

23. I'm so sorry Parche

:hug: :hug:

[Akoto]

24. I know how scary that can be.

My mom had a heart attack in her early fifties. Things were already hard at the time, but that was easily the scariest experience of my life. We were very fortunate that she received swift and proper care at the hospital.

[LeftyFingerPop]

25. That is scary Akoto.

I hope that your mom is doing just fine now. :)

[Akoto]

26. She's doing much better, but it's still hard for her,.

She lost her job and a lot of other things in the time after the attack. The medications she was placed on, which were supposed to improve her quality of life, hit her with a lot of nasty side-effects. Some of them, she's been unable to get off of at all.

Still, I'm glad that she's here. With the things I'm going through in my own health, I don't know how I'd get by without her.

[astonamous]

28. I watched as my father slowly starved to death...

He had MS and refused to have a feeding tube. The doctors and nurses did what they could, we mashed up his food and added a thickening agent to his liquids so that he wouldn't aspirate.

It was tough but we did have a few laughs along the way. He loved his candy bars and I always snuck him in something on my daily visits. We went from Butterfingers and Almond Joys to plane chocolate that he could suck on and finally pudding.

When I did get that middle of the night/morning call, I was able to be there and hold his hand, give him drinks of water and tell stories. I don't know if he knew I was there, but I felt he did.

My father was only in a nursing home (next door to where I worked) for a short time, but it took me a long time to get out of the routine of visiting the place. I literally would walk over on my lunch break and then remember as I was opening the door that he wasn't there any more.

When the time comes, you will be stronger than you thought you could be and being there during all the close calls doing exactly what you have been doing, will comfort them now and you later.

[Mike03]

29. Thanks for writing this.

This is really my nightmare right now.

My dad is terminally ill, and my mother is trying to be the primary caretaker, but I'm just terrified for both of them. I want to be there for both of them all the time, constantly, but... I can't explain it. I suddenly realized that my parents are going to die, that they are not immortal. For some reason, other people do fine with this, but I'm just falling to pieces lately. And I don't know where to turn for help.

[TexasBushwhacker]

30. Contact your local hospice

They often have support groups for caregivers and other family members. You generally don't have to have a family member at the hospice. It's just something that they offer as a public service, since most are not-for-profit. It can be a real comfort to be with people who are going through the same anxiety and grief that you are.

[lost-in-nj]

31. I will hope for the best for you...

but this hits to close to home.....

:hug:

stay strong phillboy......
we are here.....
I'm here

you have my number....

lost