23% of couples sleep apart...

[ScreamingMeemie]

http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20060228/news_1c28sleepy2.html

snip-


A 2006 survey of more than 1,500 adults by The National Sleep Foundation shows that 23 percent of U.S. couples sleep apart because of snoring and other sleep-related problems. And for the other 77 percent, their noisy bedmate robs them of 49 minutes of sleep.

“I study the science of sleep,” says Pete Bils, senior director of sleep innovation at Select Comfort, the creators of an adjustable bed. “We knew the number was high where people sleep on different beds for different schedules and horrible conflicting habits. . . . A survey 10 years ago from the Better Sleep Council said almost 1 in 4 would sleep better if they were in different beds. Now 10 years later we see the stats.”


-snip


This makes me really sad. True Story: When I was growing up (until about 10) I thought it was normal for couples to sleep apart. My grandparents had separate bedrooms, my father slept in the living room while my mother slept in the bedroom, and that's just the way it was.
One of the things that makes me happy (if happy could be had) is that I never spent a night not in bed next to MrG. Forget the snoring like a buzzsaw, or the wife-as-body-pillow phenomenon, all was right with the world and I felt safe and loved-even if we had been arguing. Sometimes I came to bed late (thanks DU) but always to the same bed, with the same person. I think it is why I can't sleep anymore. When I do sleep it is fitful and frightening.

How sad that so many have one to cuddle with and yet they don't.

[RetroLounge]

1. and some of us in different states.

just saying...

:hug:

RL

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. I hope that changes for you RL...

I would give anything to be able to drive to somwhere...just to see him again. :hug:

[RetroLounge]

5. I know you would. And I would too for you...

:hug:

RL

[Ellen Forradalom]

Or different countries

As the case may be.

[ScreamingMeemie]

18. Still better than not on this earth at all.

[harmonicon]

46. yep, that's my situation

Except now I'm at my girlfriend's place in France (Awesome! France rules!). The last time I was here I spent a few nights on the couch and she got really upset, but it can just be a lot easier some times. Two people and a 50 pound dog in one bad can be pretty cramped, and since I usually go to bed after her, sometimes I don't have the heart to push her over if she's sound asleep. The dog on the other hand will sleep where I tell it to sleep :)

[Lyric]

3. I know that some people aren't comfortable sleeping with someone else, but

I have an involuntary "Ick" reaction to hearing things like that. I don't think they're bad people, but I just cannot even comprehend sleeping apart from someone that I love and desire. I require a LOT of physical touching and contact, and I would be depressed, lonely, and utterly miserable all alone in a bed.

[Midlodemocrat]

4. I envy you that. After Mr. M's surgery

it is often impossible to get any sleep with him. The meds make him sweat and he is very, very restless.

[MichiganVote]

6. If you still have one G, put one of Mr. G's shirts over one of the pillows on your bed

:hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

17. I don't sleep in our bed anymore.

Can't do it. His clothes (the ones that weren't laundered) are tied up in a bag so I won't lose all of him.

[MichiganVote]

36. :( Once I had a friend, a very, very good friend, who made jewelry...

She gave or made me many pieces. When she died, I could not wear any of it. I put it all away, out of sight. And I don't remember when I began to wear first once piece and then another...but it was a long time. I did it when I could remember her without it hurting so much. I did it because I liked being reminded of her and what she meant to me more than what her death had done to me.

I think that all things we think or feel in grief are normal.

[Droopy]

7. If I had a mate I would have to sleep in a different bed

I'm a "violent" sleeper and I have been my whole life. I toss and turn and snore and take up the whole bed. I've hit people in my sleep before. Good thing is that I don't sleep walk anymore.

[MissMillie]

50. I've always felt that way too

I think for me a successful marriage will mean a bedroom big enough for 2 queen-sized beds.

My legs go a mile a minute when I sleep. Not to mention at this time in my life, I spend have the night trying to roll onto the "cool spot"

[JanMichael]

8. Agreed. No matter how aggravated with each other

we sleep in the same bed. Sleeping apart just feels weird.

[Roon]

9. I hate sharing my bed

I just sleep better when I sleep alone. Even when I am living with a lover I always had my separate room.

[GreenPartyVoter]

10. My hubby snores. I elbow him to get him to stop. And if he's not snoring I elbow him

to make sure he's still breathing. (I used to wake the babies up too, if I couldn't tell if they were breathing. Not with my elbows, though.)

[Missy Vixen]

11. GPV, IMHO, but please take your husband to a sleep specialist

If he has periods of not breathing while he's asleep, he may have sleep apnea, and he could die from it.

There are a host of other unpleasant symptoms as well.

I was diagnosed two years ago, a year after DH was. Let's just say that it's a relief to know that I don't wake up over and over during the night because I knew he wasn't breathing.

Julie

[GreenPartyVoter]

12. I'll try, but the man hasn't been to a doctor in about 20 years. He's phobic of medical precoedures

[Missy Vixen]

43. Tell him one of the known side effects of sleep apnea is impotence

I'll bet he's more than happy to make an appointment then... :scared:

Julie

[Longhorn]

13. I had to kick my husband out for a few months because I just wasn't getting any sleep!

Then we got a white noise machine and it has really helped. He'll still wake me up when he's really loud but that's usually just a couple of times a week rather than half a dozen times per night! Now I can't sleep without the machine! :)

[GreenPartyVoter]

15. We don't like sleeping apart, so we're just gonna have to live with the noise. And he says

I snore too! (Not surprised. My mom did. :) )

[LeftyMom]

14. Wish we could.

But obviously, that's not something that's happening right now.

*sigh*

I like resting my head on his arm. Not exactly comfortable (imagine something a bit like resting one's head on a rock, only more so) but nice.

[NC_Nurse]

16. I'd be really bummed out without my husband in my bed, even when he

snores I find it endearing....he's not all that loud. My dad used to snore VERY loudly, but
my parents still slept together. He finally had the UPP surgery and it helped some. He's not
as loud, but he still snores. :-)

[Danger Mouse]

19. i use a rock for my pillow.

and it gives me a stiff neck.

[triguy46]

20. At least once a week I sleep on the couch...

because of restless leg syndrome waking the wife. Usually if she gets to sleep before me its not a problem. I hate it. Then around 1:30 I'll wake up and go back to bed.

[momophile]

21. seems like once a week

one of us is on the couch too. either because of my husband's sinus problems or my back hurting. sucks.

[lost-in-nj]

22. sweety

he snored.... we stayed in the same bed

oh god....
i forget what a "cuddle" feels like

lost


















lucky fucking sons of bitches

[ScreamingMeemie]

26. Me too... On the widow board they call it "skin hunger"...

I just miss him though. The snores, the "hey,I'm too tired to take a shower"...I'd put up with it all again. Gladly.

[Lex]

23. I think if that's what they want, then it's perfectly fine.

I don't think it's sad if that's what they want. There are probably lots of couples who are very close emotionally who don't sleep well together, and lots of couples in terrible relationships who sleep in the same bed.

Seems like very personal issue within the couple's relationship.

[ScreamingMeemie]

25. This is my personal opinion, based on my experiences...

outlined in the OP.

[Lex]

29. Right. I was just giving my personal opinion

about it too. Sorry.

[ScreamingMeemie]

30. No need to be sorry.

I used it as a lead in for how crappy I feel about all of this basically. Life sucks. And having no one to cuddle through it with sucks even worse.

[murielm99]

44. I understand.

My first husband died young. I could not sleep for the longest time. Often, it was better to sleep on the couch, or in another room. I redecorated the entire bedroom, including the carpet. That helped me get back into a better sleep pattern.

I hope you find something that works for you.

[SPKrazy]

24. Cuddles

my kingdom for some cuddles :(

[ScreamingMeemie]

27. I'm sorry SP...

:(

[SPKrazy]

32. I'm Sorry M. Grumpy

:(

:hug:

[bikebloke]

28. Oh that's it. I'm not single.

My partner is just sleeping in another bed...whoever she is.:7

[ScreamingMeemie]

31. That is an optimistic way of looking at it.

:) I hope she wakes up for you soon.

[skygazer]

33. I love knowing I can reach out and find him there

When I was single, I slept with my dogs - five of them, four Boxers and a Beagle and we all piled up like puppies and slept together. Now I sleep with my husband. I like having that companionship. It's very comforting.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

34. I could not share a bed with someone

on a regular basis now even if I had someone. One an occassional basis I can manage to share a bed, but if I had to do it every night it would aggravate a whole lot of my pains. :(

So the next time I date someone, after all the cuddling is done, one of us will be going to another bed.

Which totally sucks because I really used to enjoy waking up next to someone.

[ScreamingMeemie]

35. It was worth the trade off for me ThomCat.

After having this for 15 years, knowing MrG was there was soothing. Probably not soothing for him, but definitely for me. He promised he would always be there. It supercedes the pain of my RA.

[ThomCat]

37. I am very glad you had that.

:hug:

My last girlfriend and I only broke up within the past year, and towards the end I rarely got more than an hour of sleep when she stayed over. I tried. I really tried to be able to share a bed. And I think that was one of the issues that drove us apart. :(

[ScreamingMeemie]

38. I am sorry Thom...

I hope you find someone who understands and can be there for you. Take care.

[UTUSN]

39. Love is one-bed. Thanks, Mrs G n/t

[cbayer]

40. I am sorry.

I can't even let myself think about not sleeping with mr. cbayer. It's my favorite thing in the whole world.

He snores terrible and talks in his sleep.

But sleeping without him? I can't imagine.

[Skittles]

41. I absolutely prefer sleeping alone

many of us do

[MilesColtrane]

42. That's the main reason I never understood Rob Petrie.

You'd have to pry ME away from those Capri pants!

[riverdeep]

45. Whatever gets you through the night.

If sleeping alone lets you actually sleep, instead of tossing and turning, good for you for finding a solution. If it's not worth it because you miss something intangible, that's fine too. I don't think it means the couples sleeping alone are automatically having problems.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

47. My parents sleep in the same bed, but with a stack of pillows between them.

My mom just DIES (burns up) if anyone touches her. She also sleeps with earplugs in because my father snores. :7 I think whatever couples want to do is fine--plenty of people who just can't sleep with anyone else, even lovers.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

48. I know how lonely it is sleeping alone MrsGrumpy

It's been that way all my life and I want so much for that to change but that's not likely to happen

I'm sorry MrsG. I'll still keep you in my thoughts and prayers:hug:

[Fleshdancer]

49. I'll sleep in another room when I have insomnia

and there are times when either my husband or I snore and the other one has to go to the other room. It's not a reflection of our love for one another, it's just that we need quality sleep and sometimes that means being in separate rooms.