How to Shower

[SallyMander]

A friend just sent me this... :rofl:


Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, make mental note to do: more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

6. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

7. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

8. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

9. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

10. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

11. Rinse conditioner off hair.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

14. Get out of shower.

15. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom.

3. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.

4. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

5. Get in the shower.

6. Wash your face.

7. Wash your armpits.

8. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.

9. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

10. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

12. Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off - Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

19. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

20. Throw wet towel on her pillow.

[LaurenG]

1. LOL

:rofl: :hi: :loveya:

[SallyMander]

2. Hey, you!

Iza's in the shower right now... i'm just waiting for the fart followed by giggling... :rofl:

:hug:

:loveya:

[Redstone]

3. There's a damn funny video on Youtube about that.

Redstone

[SallyMander]

5. This one?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qehxjub5lyo


That's good! :D

[Redstone]

8. Yeah, that one. And though I've never really favored blonde women, there's just

SOMETHING about the woman in that video that's, well, alluring. Short hair and all.

Redstone

[LadyoftheRabbits]

4. To be quite honest...

minus the whole "weiner" and bodily functions bit, I'm leaning more toward the male side on this one. :P

[SallyMander]

6. LOL -- yeah, i'm definitely lacking some of the products

:D

:hi:

[Oeditpus Rex]

7. Great

Another icon dashed. x(

[LadyoftheRabbits]

9. *snorts*

Wait, what icon? I'm so confused. :crazy: :P

[Oeditpus Rex]

11. Well, every time I've imagined you in the sho...

Shit. I'm toast.



:yoiks:

[LadyoftheRabbits]

12. AHAHAHA!

Ohhhh, Oedi... :P

[fizzgig]

10. i wish i could make a shampoo mohawk

:(

i never get tired of that list :rofl:

[SallyMander]

15. Me too!

Mine would be like 3 feet high! :D

:hi:

[DarkTirade]

19. Me too!

:P

[CaliforniaPeggy]

13. My dear SallyMander!

LOL!

I routinely walk stark naked through the bedroom to the BR...

This is hysterical!

Thank you!

:yourock:

:rofl: :rofl:

[SallyMander]

16. Glad you liked it Peggy!

I am swamped in work and it cracked me up... so i figured it was worth sharing! :hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

14. I can SOrelate to the wet towel thing...

Only it's not merely the pillow, it's my whole fucking side of the bed.

[SallyMander]

17. Maybe you should replace it

with a hand towel... then it couldn't do so much damage. :rofl:

:hi:

[DarkTirade]

18. I have to take issue with a few of these.

First off...

11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. - some of us use that body wash stuff instead of bar soap, so that's not an issue there. :P

12. Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk. - In my case, the shower isn't tall enough, nor do I have anything strong enough to make a mohawk with my hair. I think we have some wood glue in the basement, but it would never be able to dry properly in the shower.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again. - This time of year it's usually rather chilly outside. So the minute you step outside of the warm shower and into the cold outside... can we say shrinkage?

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. - We leave the light and fan on to... umm... help dry out the wet floor and mat? :shrug:

:P

And of course, for the woman's side...
6. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

7. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

8. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Hey, some of us guys have to be willing to work a bit at keeping our hair pretty too. :P

[SallyMander]

20. I love your additions!

:rofl:


"Shrinkage" always reminds me of that Seinfeld episode... hahaha.


:hi:

[DarkTirade]

21. Why do you think most men are afraid of wearing speedos?

It's not the size of their bellies that they're trying to hide.

[SallyMander]

29. ...

:spray:

[DarkTirade]

22. Oh, and the butt scratching doesn't usually happen while in front of the mirror.

Just FYI. :P

[youthere]

24. It shrinks?

[DarkTirade]

25. Unless one pops a viagra, yes.

[GreenPartyVoter]

23. That is SO true!

[SallyMander]

28. I wonder how many women thought that

versus how many men. :D

[GreenPartyVoter]

30. I read it to hubby. He didn't even blink at the woman stuff, but he laughed and looked

embarrassed about the man stuff! LOL

[SallyMander]

31. At least he had the decency to look embarassed

My guy looked proud of himself! :rofl:

[GreenPartyVoter]

32. There was some pride mixed in there with mine, too. LOL

[triguy46]

26. Thank you so much, my first LOL in many days. I needed this.

[SallyMander]

27. Glad you liked it

I usually barely smile at email forwards, but this was a good one! :D

:hi: