Advice/opinions please

[Mind_your_head]

I want to send my daughter to a private/parochial high school.....partly/mostly b/c she will get a broader/better education (not perfect) than in the local hs <------- please don't focus on this aspect, just please work with this part as a 'given' (the focus is not to debate the "truthiness" of this statement)

ANYWAY, my ex (who is asked to share the costs) offered my daughter to buy her a car when she turns 16 if she opts not to go to the private hs. She's tempted.

Lots of 'wiggle room' on the ex's part.....and he's often not 'delivered as promised' in the past.

What's a mom to do?/Guide her daughter?

TIA

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. You might gently point out to your daughter

The history of her father in not always coming through with promised items...

I think you'd better not count on him to pay his share in any case...

Good luck!

[elleng]

2. SO SORRY

that you/your daughter suffer from the 'bribery' crap!

Both daughters went to private/parochial schools, as public in DC not good.

How old is she now? How much time between now and 16/car promise? When can she get license? when can she get FULL license (that is, how long before she can make full use of car?) How many%kids have cars at age 16?

All my questions intended as matters to discuss with her, possibly persuade to 'wait' for car and get better education.

[Mind_your_head]

3. She's 14 (soon to graduate from 8th grade) and enter into hs - hence the 'decision'

It just pisses me off.

A good education doesn't get old, rusty, can't be stolen or traded. A car is such a tantalizing "nothing" to dangle in front of a 14 year old.

I hate dads who don't think of/want the best for their children and only think of the fiat dollars!

:cry:

[elleng]

7. In our experience,

dad and I just have different points of view, on most things, including what's best for the kids!

So 16 is down the road a bit. Can she immediately get her license then? Would YOU consider making a comparable 'promise?'

I agree that you might gently remind her about 'promises' that haven't been kept, tho I hate sounding like 'me vs. him' but sometimes its just that; if he's unreliable, he is.

Anythings about the new school that might attract her?

[KitchenWitch]

4. If you want her to go to the private school it sounds like you had better be prepared

to foot the entire bill. Is her dad going to pay for maintenance, insurance, and gas for the car?

[Mind_your_head]

5. I'm already footing the entrie bill, so far.....

The kids KNOW what's going on.

[Mind_your_head]

6. Hey dads....especially divorced dads.....

please feel free to "chime in here".

TIA

[Connonym]

8. What's his rationale for not wanting her to go to a better school?

is it a monetary thing for him or what?

[Mind_your_head]

9. That's the thing....he's VERY proud of his oldest daughter who graduated from

this school and is/will be "a light" upon this earth for what she knows/understands.


He's got a $750,000 (to the last of my knowledge) 401K - I'm sure its more by now.

Dads don't worry care about their kids ` especially if they're divorced. Really they don't. They only care about themselves and only 'windowdress' so others think they're a "good dad".

I LOVE the quote of Joe Biden, "Don't tell me how much you care, show me your budget"

[Mind_your_head]

10. Btw, the 'budget' came from ME

because he only pays $500/month for 3 children.

The woman ALWAYS takes up the slack.....b/c we love and work for our children/survival. I would LOVE to engage any dad who is 'lucky enough' to live by these standards to give me your 'poor man' stories.....just TRY IT.

And these men put themselves out on craigslist....."my wife divorced me" :cry:

[LeftyMom]

12. Please don't lump all divorced fathers in with your ex.

My dad raised my sister and I. For a fair share of my childhood, we didn't even know where my mom was, let alone get any financial support from her.

[Mind_your_head]

11. Okay, here's the problem......I just won't confront the guy (and I SHOULD)!!!

I'm just so afraid of confrontation....that I won't 'argue' well....even though me argument is valid

I hope this makes sense, I'm hoping that a public confession of my fear will help me overcome it (although some may want to take advantage of it.....go ahead I'm not that important anyway). I just want my girls to go to that school with all of my heart.