Deciding whether to leave the past in the past...

[Haole Girl]

I found an old photograph. It was taken of my ex when he was about 7 years old... of him and his favorite dog. God, I've been torn about this pic for a long time. I know he barely had any pics of himself from childhood. Should I send it to him? I found him on the web (my ex). Actually, I've written about this before on DU.... I even asked my husband what to do about the old photograph. My husband says to send it back to him. But the only way to get his address is to contact him.

*sigh*

It's too early in the morning to think about this.

I think I'll just leave the past in the past. My life is complicated enough as it is.

Thank you for "listening"!

[Chan790]

1. One option:

Do you have any mutual acquaintances? Not necessarily friends but people you know who you know would get the pic to him who would be less distressing to contact. Perhaps he has a sibling, for example. Aunt, uncle, nephew, cousin?

Edit: speeling

[Haole Girl]

2. No

He was an only child. And only had his mother. I'm not even sure if his mother is still alive. I haven't seen him since we were 29. And now we are 46 yrs. old. A lifetime ago now.

But, thanks... it would have been a great idea if we did have mutual acquaintances.

[Gormy Cuss]

3. Consider having your husband contact him.

No need to tell the ex where you live either -- no return address on the envelope.
You can stay out of it and he gets his picture back.

[Haole Girl]

5. I really should return the pic, shouldn't I?

Is there a way to send something FexEx, or return receipt, without the sender's address though?

I'd hate for that pic to just get lost in the mail, or not reach him at his place of employment, for one reason or the other.

[Gormy Cuss]

7. If you live in a large city, a mailbox store may do that for you.

I've received packages with mailbox store return addresses in the past. You could ask FedEx if they have a way to help you with your predicament -- they may have a solution.

As to why you should return it, remember that at this moment he doesn't even know for certain that the picture exists anymore so you could do nothing but it sounds as if you would feel better being free of it. If you have a scanner at home, scan it, throw the original in the mail first class. If it doesn't arrive and he contacts you/your husband again, print the scan and send it. You are being very kind here by trying to give him back a remnant of his childhood.



:hug:

[Haole Girl]

8. Thank you!

All good ideas! And, thank you for saying I'm kind. I've been mulling over my motives for the past hour. *Definitely* - if I do send it back to him - it has to be anonymously. I just couldn't handle revisiting our relationship at this point in my life.

:hug:

[Inchworm]

4. Set it on fire!

*cough*

Totally kidding. My ex tried returning things to me for quite some time after the divorce. Her intentions weren't as pure as your own. I guess REAL important stuff was returned to me via 3rd party. I refuse to talk to ex even now.

It's a tough call though. Do what you think is the right thing.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

6. My inner voice says to leave it alone...

but the other side of me - possibly the shutter bug side - feels badly keeping it.

[SPKrazy]

9. You could set up a yahoo account

contact him, ask him if he wants the picture and if he does to email the address

then mail it to him, close the yahoo account

then it is the US postal service's problem not yours whether he gets it.

Oh and no return address.

Just a thought.

I guess it would matter why he gave the pic to you and whether he would want it back or not. But asking him through a yahoo account would be an easy and safe way I'd think to do it.

my .02

[RainDog]

10. Just email and ask him

If I were your ex, I'd want to have a pic of my dog when I was a kid if I didn't have it.

Over the last few months I've been sorting out and giving away and putting aside all sorts of things - I really have to get my life organized to move before I actually move. And I came across all these pix from my ex, books that were his, and also books that were mine (new for my bookstore site) that I knew he'd like, and a book that I knew his now wife would like... (please don't take this to mean that I've been all sweetness and light to this woman who started seeing my then-husband when we were separated and in counseling... but that's not her problem, it's mine.)

- the situation is different because we talk or see each other weekly, but there's still that sort of awkwardness... you aren't married anymore, you have all this history... what do you do with it?

so I just gave stuff to him and told him that, if he didn't want it, he could pass it along or return it and I'd give things to goodwill or whatever. (I even found some of his old soccer jerseys and the flag for his favorite team in his euro-birthplace.)

You don't have to go into any "history." Just do it as a kindness.

If you're worried that he'll take it the wrong way if you contact him... three guys that were my b.f.s in the past found and contacted me years later. With one I was happy to hear from him. With the others, it was no big deal to me, even tho one was trying to tell me how he was so successful and I should really regret that I was not still his g.f. (which, right there, tells you why he was a former and why I never wanted to hear from him again.)

--btw, that's the only negative I ever came up with for keeping your maiden name...

[Haole Girl]

11. Thank you for your advice

I've gotten married and changed names since we last saw each other, and have purposely kept away from internet sites where people could track my down by my maiden name. I'm like that about the past. Maybe because I moved around so much as a kid...who knows? I think sending it anonymously would be the best thing. I might make a phone call to the company he works at, just to make sure he is still employed there, and then just mail the pic in a regular first class letter with a brief note attached and no return address. It seems like the right thing to do.

Thanks again.

:hi:

[Lilyhoney]

12. Send it.

Then it will be gone. You will feel better.:hug:

Lilyhoney

[CaliforniaPeggy]

13. My dear KC2...

I agree with Lilyhoney...

Send it...

He should have it, too...

:hug: