Back from MD Anderson

[Longhorn]

I met with my MD Anderson doctor yesterday morning and later, she consulted by phone with my Austin doctor and we decided on which course of chemotherapy I'll start. I'm supposed to finish radiation this week, if I can squeeze the appointments in, and then on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, I'll do the chemo -- all day on Wednesday and half days the other two days -- plus a shot on Saturday to help my white cell count. I'll do this every three weeks for three sessions and then three weeks after the last session, I'll go back to MD Anderson for a C-T scan to see if the chemo has stopped the growth of the tumors or shrank them.

The course we've chosen -- cisplatin and topotekan -- is supposed to have fewer side effects and I may not lose my hair. However, there is some disagreement among the pathologists on whether I have a mixed tumor (carcinoma and sarcoma) or just a carcinoma. I'll have a chest x-ray every three weeks. If the tumors aren't responding, they'll switch me to taxol (and I will lose my hair.)

A friend is taking over my Tuesday-Thursday class. I'm hopeful that I will still be able to teach the other three classes that meet on Monday and Wednesday, reducing my workload to just two days a week. We just have five weeks left in the semester.

I have to admit, I've been feeling a little down this week -- my husband has been sick and I've just been sitting around at my mother's house all week. It was good to visit with her but there was nothing really to take my mind off of cancer and I'm afraid I'm coming down with whatever my husband had. Anyway, it's good to be home!

I was hoping I'd come away from this week feeling more optimistic but it will be several weeks before we know if the cancer will respond to the chemo so it's hard not to let fear creep in. Thanks for any positive vibes you can send my way! :hi:

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

1. Thanks for updating us

Lots of good vibes are headed your way. :hug: :loveya:

[Longhorn]

7. I can use them!

Thanks! :hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

2. It's that damned cancer that should be scared.

It's about to get the shit stomped out of it.

:hug:

[Longhorn]

8. I wore the boots in Houston.

I need to keep remembering what they're for! Thanks! :hug:

[TZ]

3. Good luck!

Sounds like you have some options with your treatment, which is good.
Best wishes to you.:hug:

[Longhorn]

10. I need to remind myself of that.

I guess I was unrealistically hoping for some new magic treatment but it doesn't really work that way. However, the treatment I'm getting was just in clinical trials about five years ago and is used now because it worked better than the previous standard treatment.

Thanks! :hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

4. ~~~~~~~sending positive vibes and healing energy~~~~~~~

:hug: :hug:

[Longhorn]

11. Thanks!

I feel my spirits lifting already! :) :hug:

[lost-in-nj]

5. Thanks for letting us know

and you know we have lots of positive vibes
and lots of :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:


we are here to vent to and listen......


lost

:hi:

[Longhorn]

13. I really appreciate it!

I know there are many here who understand and always manage to find a way to inject some positive energy. You're definitely one of them! Thanks! :hug:

[SallyMander]

6. Thanks for the update Longhorn

And please, please don't chastise yourself for feeling down -- from your posts, it seems like you have handled this with phenomenal grace and good humor. If you didn't have moments of "down" i would begin to doubt your sanity. ;)

Sending MONSTROUS SCARY VIBES straight at that tumor... and big hugs to you! :hug: :loveya: :hug:

[Longhorn]

14. While all of this feels insane

I do try to revel in normalcy as much as possible -- or I would go crazy! :)

Thanks! :hug:

[seemunkee]

9. Thanks for the update and good luck

Remember that poison they are putting in you is killing those bad cells. Try to stay positive, focus on it going away. Do whatever you need to keep your strength up.

[Longhorn]

15. I need to focus on that while I'm going through it.

My daughter, who lives a thousand miles away in Denver, sent me a CD of "happy songs for Mom" and I plan to bring my laptop so I can listen to them.

Thank you!

[NMDemDist2]

12. oh darling!

:hug:

keep busy and keep laughing, it's the best defense.

I've have several friends who did the chemo/radiation thing and they found that drinking aloe vera juice (available at most health food stores) helped with any nausea and appetite issues

:hug:

Thanks for keeping us posted. :pals:

edit to add, if you lose your hair, just think of the wigs you could get!! here's a major fashion statement you could make

:evilgrin:

[Longhorn]

16. Okay, you definitely got me laughing.

Even in Texas, that's big hair! :)

Thanks, Hon! :hug:

[NMDemDist2]

22. aha! my evil plan worked

:rofl:

[PeaceNikki]

17. Sending healing vibes your way!

I really hope that your course of treatment is effective and with little side-effects. Kick that cancers ass!!

:hug:

[Longhorn]

19. Thanks!

You and your vibes are very much appreciated! :hug:

[Sweet Freedom]

18. Thinking of you

and sending you a :hug:

Try to make yourself laugh everyday. Watch I Love Lucy or read the comics. Stay away from the news. You're in a great facility -- let them worry about the illness -- you take care of the rest of you by keeping yourself happy and optimistic.

(And don't worry about your hair. If you do have to switch treatments and lose your hair, PM me. My mother owns a boutique about a mile away from MDA. The shop caters to those who have had breast cancer, but her service includes a salon, wigs, turbans, a hairdresser, etc. They'll fix you up!)

[Longhorn]

21. That's a great offer!

Thanks! It would be worth a trip to Houston to get some expert advice. :hug:

I think you're right that my job is to stay strong. I just can't take on everything right now. I truly need to focus on today. :hug:

[Sweet Freedom]

Absolutely!

It's your body. Who the hell do those cells think they are invading your space without so much as an invitation! I bet they're republican cells who finally got kicked out of their mother's basement and had no where else to go. Well, you just tell them to pack up their cheap beer and video games and get out. :)

[Sweet Freedom]

24. Delete -- double post

[auntAgonist]

20. Thanks for the update Longhorn, it sounds like

you had a difficult few days if not a difficult week. :hug:
My Mum used to say, "I have cancer, it doesn't have ME"
It's yours to stomp on and curse at any time you feel like. As your friends, we too can curse at it and stomp on it on your behalf.

best vibes,(stompin' vibes) good wishes and healing thoughts zooming towards you!

aA
:loveya:

[Longhorn]

23. It was easier to feel positive in the beginning

and nothing has changed -- I'm just so damn tired of it! I'm sure it will be a little easier when I'm back at school and can take my mind off of it for a few hours at a time.

Thanks, Sweetie! :hug:

[hippywife]

25. Really good to hear from you!

I've been thinking of you through the week and wondering how things have been going.

I really wish there were a magic bullet to take care of this with a minimum of hassle and discomfort. But I know with your attitude you're going to do as well as anyone possibly could.

And don't worry about feeling down a little once in a while. Like SallyMander said upthread, we'd wonder about your sanity if you didn't let it get to you at all. It's normal! But I know none of us has to tell you not to let yourself wallow in it. That just wouldn't be normal for you! Just don't feel like you have to paint a happy face on it all of the time. That could be more of a tax on your energies that you will need to keep fighting this thing for the long haul.

I'm up here in Oklahoma and can't really make it down there to help but if there is anything you feel like you need or would want to cheer you up, even if you just want to email someone to vent, I'm here for you!

Still many positive vibes coming your way, sweetie!

[Longhorn]

27. You're right -- I do refuse to wallow!

I think I'll get on my exercise bike in a little bit and get some oxygen pumping!

I'm so fortunate to be surrounded by caring, positive people, both online and offline. This would be so much harder to handle alone. Thanks so much! :hug:

[hippywife]

26. Here's a song that always

makes me feel stronger when things are getting me down. There wasn't a good performance video on You Tube but this audio put to someone's garden tour is perfect!

I hope you listen to it often and it becomes a wicked effective earworm! LOL

I Will Not Be Broken by Bonnie Raitt:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Hplvz3XdeKw

Lots of love and strength to you! :hug:

[Longhorn]

28. That's a great song!

I think I'll get it on itunes so I can listen to it when I'm not online. There's lots of wisdom in it. Thanks so much! :hug: :hug: :hug:

[SeattleGirl]

29. I was just thinking about you yesterday, Longhorn!

Thanks for the update. Tons of good, healing vibes coming to you, along with a few kicks of the cowboy boots! :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Longhorn]

31. Cool boots!

Thanks for thinking of me! When I remember that folks like you are out there, it has a calming effect. :hug:

[Bullwinkle925]

30. My best thoughts, hopes and prayers are being sent your way . . .

hugs to you and yours . . .

[Longhorn]

32. That's a lovely quilt!

I can actually feel that hug. Thanks! :) :hug:

[Bullwinkle925]

33. You are most certainly welcome . . .

I only wish I could do a lot more for you!

[KitchenWitch]

34. I am sure the uncertainty is very trying...

:hug:

I am glad you have lightened your class load a little for the time being.

[Longhorn]

35. Yes, that's true.

For example, chemo is an unknown experience for me. No matter how much I read up on it, I won't know what it's like for me until I do it. But I'm encouraged that many people are able to tolerate it fairly well and there's no reason I can't be one of those people. :)

Thanks, Hon! :hug:

[Sheltiemama]

36. At least now you have a plan.

It's something with concrete dates you can write down on your calendar. Focus on the plan.

I've been checking here every day for an update, as I'm sure many others have been. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[Longhorn]

43. That's so kind of you to think about me!

Yes, you're absolutely right. These are steps in the right direction! Thanks! :hug:

[fight4my3sons]

37. Thank you for the update.

I've been thinking of you. :hug: I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts and send you positive, healing vibes.

[Longhorn]

44. Thank you!

Your support means a lot to me! :hug:

[riderinthestorm]

38. Everyone deals with chemo differently

So don't let any kind of crazy-fear get to you now. This stage of the game is so hard because intellectually you know what's coming but emotionally you don't know what to expect.

Hold tight to the good vibes but make sure you have an excellent support system for the emergencies. Sounds like you've covered some stuff by getting someone to handle some classes but make sure you take everyone else up on their offers to help - any kind of help! From grocery shopping to holding your hand if you need to go wig shopping, everyone feels better at the end of the day, trust me on this!

Best wishes for the weeks ahead. Please know that many, many people are pulling for you here at DU :hug: and we are the go-to place for virtual vibes!

[Longhorn]

45. You've summed it up perfectly!

Since I don't know how it's going to go, why not assume I'll be one of those people who sails through it? And why not assume it's going to work, too? And people are so wonderful -- I've had offers from friends and strangers alike. I'm not in this alone. :)

Your words are so helpful to me! Thanks! :hug: One hug isn't enough! :hug: :hug:

[latebloomer]

39. What's helped me

is to try to stay positive, read healing books, meditate, exercise, talk to friends, visualize health and healing-- BUT ALSO. . .

Let myself cry when I need to, get angry when I feel like it, write in a journal or talk to a trusted friend and let everything out- the anger, the fear, the sadness, the "why me's", as well as the hope, the light, the inspiration, the strength.

I think now, when I'm pretty much out of the woods (knock those woods!)--I sometimes feel depressed because I didn't do enough of letting all the shit out. Everybody was always telling me how "strong" I was- well, maybe it's not good to always be strong.

I feel like the whole thing was a huge trauma and I just had to soldier on and not always let myself feel what I was feeling. And sooner or later that has to come out.

Of course your mileage may vary- you seem to be a very positive person. Just thought I'd share my experience with you.

Light, love and healing to you, Longhorn!

:hug:

[Longhorn]

46. I understand exactly what you're saying.

I can't help but feel sometimes that if I allow myself to be sad or afraid or depressed, that the cancer is winning -- like it senses my weakness and gets a stronger hold on me. I also don't want to burden my husband and children -- and that's probably not a bad thing -- but I do need to vent now and then. I haven't even cried since all this started -- I think I'm afraid if I start crying, I won't stop! :)

The mother of my daughter's boyfriend is a breast cancer survivor and she called me from Iowa the other night. We've never met but we talked a long time. It really helped to talk to someone who has been through it. I'm going to a support group at my cancer center, too, but missed it last week while I was in Houston. I'll be back when it meets again the week after next.

But nothing can top the support and especially the wisdom that I've received here and I am very grateful! Thanks! :hug:

[vard28]

50. I hope you don't mind...

'cause you don't know me, but my best friend is halfway through her chemo treatments and I would like to share something with you. She is a take-charge person, she's very independent, retired from the military, working as teacher assistant with me. She's off work during her treatment. Her husband, still in the military, is assigned out of state during the week, but home on the weekends. We've finally gotten her to just let people help her with meals, carpooling their kids around, stuff like that. It's been a big relief for her, even though they seem like not really big "chores", just not having to worry about them lets her rest when she needs to.

I also talked her into asking three people to be her telephone/email "contact" people. One for family, one for work, and one for church/neighbors. Each of us keeps our respective groups updated, that way she doesn't have to call dozens of people after procedures, doctor visits, etc. She knows that we are all concerned, but just doesn't have the energy to try to talk to everyone individually, plus that way she's not constantly talkin' about cancer, repeating the same thing over and over. She has especially enjoyed cards and emails, which she can read when she feels like it. Quite a few people send goofy and humorous stuff, which she said usually come at just the right time. Cry when you need to, and laugh when you can!

She is keeping a journal, which helps her remember questions she wants to ask the doctors, and also is good for expressing her thoughts and feelings. She has also found some message boards for others currently with breast cancer, and survivors, that are invaluable and there she can get first hand discussions, which is something most of her friends can't do for her.

I love her dearly, and wish I could do more to help her feel better sooner. She keeps thanking me for the little things I do, but my heart hurts for her on the days that she feels just plain crappy, and I wish there was more I could do. I feel helpless, but she assures me that all of us handling what we're doing really does take a lot off her mind.

Obviously everyone is different, but I hope knowing that you have caring, supportive family and friends will be what carries you through your recovery. Take care and be well! :)

[latebloomer]

53. I know how you feel about the crying

but I think it's the opposite-- the crying DOES come to an end and it's a magnificent purge. You gotta get the shit out! and then you feel better.

I've been so lucky-- I have an amazing friend whose husband has been battling lymphoma for 14 years-- he had a transplant in the same hospital as I did, nearly 2 years ago. She jumped in the instant I called her with the news-- stayed overnight in the hospital most nights I did, advocated for me with the staff-- was someone to laugh with, cry with, was smart about the medical stuff, and was an altogether angel. My husband had to work and take care of the kids, but my friend was absolutely available.

So take advantage of every friend you have.

BTW, MD Anderson is spoken of worshipfully round here-- my medical center in NJ has several doctors who have been recruited from there and from Hutchinson in Seattle-- the fact that we have hired them is looked upon as a coup and as something that puts us in the top echelon.

[lavenderdiva]

40. hey, sweetie!

I'm so glad that you finally had the meeting with your doctor here, and then she spoke with your Austin doctor, and they sorted out a plan of attack for you. It sounds like you are in good hands here and in Austin. And it also sounds like your friends there in Austin and helping lighten your load with teaching.

It sounds like you are feeling a bit down, in addition to maybe under the weather. I'm glad you're staying at your mom's house, so she can take care of you and spoil you a bit, which it sounds like you need right now!

I'm sending lots of hugs and positive vibes your way-- kick that cancer in the ass!! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Longhorn]

47. Hi, Hon!

I'm back in Austin but my mother did take good care of me. I'm feeling better this evening. We just got back from seeing Leatherheads at Alamo Drafthouse -- a dinner-movie theater. We had a nice time and for once, we didn't focus on cancer! :)

You're very special to me -- thanks so much! I see your hugs and raise you! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[mwdem]

41. Sweetie, you have my best vibes..

I wish you good luck with the chemo. It's not the worst thing in the world, and it will help you get better. And, hey, if you lose your hair, you lose your hair. It grows back, and usually better (mine did...I love wavy hair). You will get by all of this. Just stay positive and keep informed. And keep us posted on what's happening. You are not alone. Don't forget this!!!

COWGIRL UPPPPP!!!!!!!

[Longhorn]

48. Yes, Ma'am!

I WILL COWGILL UP and get back on the saddle! Thanks, Padner! :) :hug:

[JohnnyLib2]

42. Every best wish to you.

And your students will learn more than just the subject matter, I bet.....
:hug:

[Longhorn]

49. They've been wonderful, that's for sure!

I'll be sad to say goodbye to the one class but it happens at the end of every semester anyway. Thanks! :hug:

[enigmatic]

51. I'm always sending you good vibes, Longhorn

I won't be around here but please pm me if you need to vent or just talk. Strength, my friend :hug:

[madrchsod]

52. here`s a big.......

:hug:......!

[TheCentepedeShoes]

54. Lots of space up here in

the Panhandle. Room for a very big :hug:
All good vibes coming your way.