Spider-Man is not the best driver in the world.

[JTG of the PRB]

So, it's Friday. After stopping by the bank after work, I decided to take the scenic route along the foothills - with it being a beautiful day and all, the sky was blue and the mountains were gorgeous. I thought, "What the heck - enjoy the ride!"

I was driving north through Boulder when I noticed the flashy silver sports car directly in front of me, its roof down so the driver could enjoy the beautiful spring weather in Colorado. Then, I noticed his license plate.

Spider-Man.

The person driving in front of me was Spider-Man. That's what the license plate said, and a license plate has NEVER lied to me. Spider-Man was driving in front of me! Okay, it didn't exactly say "Spider-Man" in writing exactly like that, but I won't reproduce what the license plate ACTUALLY said here. Gotta give Spidey his privacy. I doubt he'd be happy about my blabbing about his secret car all over the Internets.

In any case, once the light turned green, I started to inch forward, waiting for Spider-Man to go. So I waited for a second, then another, then another. Spider-Man finally started driving, though I was surprised how long it took him to get his shiny silver vehicle rolling. I guess he doesn't have much of a lead foot.

So as I was driving behind Spider-Man, I noticed he was holding a black device up to his left ear. It was, unmistakably, a cell phone.

Spider-Man was talking on his cell phone and driving at the same time.

I didn't think too much of it at first - after all, people do that all the time around here. However, Spider-Man was driving about 10 miles under the speed limit. It seemed as though his phone call was distracting him from paying enough attention to the road.

This fact became evident when the road began to narrow to one lane, and Spider-Man failed to engage his turn signal to indicate that he intended to merge. As I had already merged into the new lane, I patiently waited for Spider-Man to join me. He did so at the last moment, swerving in front of me when I has almost given up hope on him ever joining the lane properly. He never used his turn signal.

Spider-Man, slow to start and talking on his cell phone, apparently forgot to have his turn signals hooked up when he bought his shiny sports car.

So I continued driving behind Spider-Man. He continued to drive 10 miles under the speed limit, continued to pay little attention to his surroundings, and he continued to chat away on his cell phone. I have no idea who he was talking to, but it must have been a very important call.

Finally, Spider-Man and I parted ways as he turned onto a residential street and I continued heading north toward Lyons. As he left the main road, he engaged his turn signal - he must have had them installed after all! I tried to get a look at his face, but I didn't see much other than his slightly graying hair.

Did Spider-Man have a midlife crisis and fail to tell people about it?

As a good citizen, I left Spider-Man alone. He was obviously busy with very many things - perhaps he was negotiating a deal on some real estate, or discussing his tax return with his accountant. I suppose he could have been talking to his lawyer, but the last time I heard, the class-action lawsuit against him had been dismissed.

I suppose some questions will never be answered.

Especially the one about who let Spider-Man have a driver's license in the first place.

[JTG of the PRB]

1. Huh... Did I write this in invisible ink or something?

Whodathunk it! :shrug:

[RevolutionaryActs]

2. Leave Spider-Man alone!

After all he's done for you! :P



Besides, he's used to swing around, not driving.... call me when Batman cuts you off. :rofl:

[JTG of the PRB]

3. Batman's never around any more.

He always takes his bike to work now because he says it's "better for the environment" than driving around his rocket-propelled car. That guy has changed.

[RevolutionaryActs]

4. No, he's just taking a page out of Superman's book.

Aquaman is the one who's changed... riding around in that horrid dolphin shaped van. Scary shit.

[JTG of the PRB]

5. He says it's because he's in a new band and they voted for the dolphin shape together.

But there is no band. The man is in denial, and he has been ever since his wife left him. In a way, I almost pity him.

Of course, in another way, he's also kind of a douche.

[RevolutionaryActs]

6. I know what you mean....hey, have you seen the Wonder Twins lately?

BTW this thread is making me :rofl:

[JTG of the PRB]

7. One of them took a job in Alaska surveying the ANWAR site...

And not for a wildlife agency, I can tell you that. The other one kind of disappeared into the woodwork of the 9/11-Was-Planned-By-The-Hulk groups and they haven't been heard from since.

Something about the Hulk and smashing, or something...

:rofl:

[RevolutionaryActs]

9. I never understood why that idea took off so well.

I mean, the Hulk has been going to Anger Management and all, him and the Thing. I think it's had quite the positive effect on them both.

[JTG of the PRB]

11. That's what I've been saying!

Ever since the Green Arrow founded that clinic, his status in the eyes of the average American has just skyrocketed. He's such a progressive thinker. I REALLY hope he runs for President...

[Orrex]

8. Nice post, Norman Osborne

Why don't you go and retcon the last 20 years of the comic's timeline, while you're at it?

[JTG of the PRB]

10. Way to elevate the level of dialogue, HARRY Osborne.

Maybe this takes place on Earth 26-A. You don't know that it doesn't! There are, like, a dozen Earths in the Marvel universe!

:P

[Orrex]

12. Pffft. I jumped overboard right after Age of Apocalypse

Anything that happened after that is just fiction, Ultimate Universe notwithstanding...