Does anybody out there besides me have fruitcake crazy siblings?

[Liberal Lassie]

I am in a lot of pain these days because I have a couple off sisters that I used to be close with and they now seem to be off their rockers. I got married 7 years ago and moved to another state and during that time, they felt I didn't pay enough attention to them and other things going on at home state and they are now declaring I am no longer family. As you can imagine, this hurts like hell because they won't let me in their homes and won't let me have any contact with their kids and yell at me constantly on the phone when I try to call. What the hell?

I have been going back and forth in my heart from hurting like a razor blade knife to the heart and being absolutely baffled. Did they think that I could afford to get on a plane and come home and hold their hands every 6 months? Well, anyway I am so HURTING over this and equally puzzled about what to do. I love my family.. I feel so lonely and betrayed for doing absolutely NOTHING to them. Has this kind of nuttiness happened to anyone else out there? Please,friends tell me what to do. What am I missing??

[Fleshdancer]

1. That is completely unfair of them

A quick personal story: My oldest half sister decided that I was no longer family after our dad died. She didn't have the courage to tell me, but my biggest clue was when I wasn't invited to her daughter's wedding...the same daughter I had as one of my bridesmaids. After talking about this with my brother, he finally told me what was going on. He wanted me to promise not to say anything because she didn't want him to tell me. Why should she even care if he tells me if she's rejecting me?

I've had over a year to deal with the horrible pain this has caused and I wish I could tell you I feel better, but I don't. I didn't do anything to deserve this rejection and neither did you. As for what to do now, I just don't know.

I imagine I'll have to confront my sister at some point. I know I need answers and it sounds like you do to. The best thing I can think to tell you at this point is to not blame yourself for their selfish and vindictive behavior. While you are their sibling (whether they like it or not) you are not emotionally responsible for them. It was NEVER your responsibility to fly around the country to deal with their problems.

First deal with how this situation is making you feel about yourself. Sometimes it helps me to think of what I would say to my children if they were doing this to one another. What would you tell the rejected child? What would you say to the child that was doing the rejecting?

Good luck in whatever happens.

[Honu one]

12. I'm sorry

My family is pretty much in shambles since my father died too. My mom, who he was divorced from, is an alcoholic and we have no relationship or contact and my younger sister stopped talking to me after I asked her to please stop asking me for loans. I guess my only value to her was as a bank.

I can't control who they are or what they choose to do. I surround myself with people that love and value me, and they've become my family.

[kineneb]

2. I am the fruitcake sib

on a lighter note...

I am the family oddball, and battle clinical depression (the fruitcake part). I am sure they will never quite figure me out; I am the token artsy one.

Sounds like you have a "toxic" family. Good luck.

[Connonym]

3. Me too

hurts because I used to be close to both my sisters and now they don't know how to deal with my depression so they've pulled away.

[crim son]

6. Funny. I am the fruitcake sib

and my family is normal. They worry about me, and despair. They try and get no response and then they get angry. Because we all love one another intensly, we get through it though years may pass. I am also the "artsy" one, the "thinker" et. al. It seems to scare the crap out of them, but they keep giving me chances. I wish for you that your family will give you more chances. I'm certain they love you.

[Hobarticus]

4. Been there, done that...and you have done nothing wrong.

Ask yourself this:

What is gained by continuing to run yourself through their shredder?

[crim son]

5. Life is long.

I hope you do not write them off forever. People's perceptions change and it sounds to me like your sisters feel betrayed. I have three sisters and have been through something similiar, always attributing it to the fact that we were so close & so dependent on one another at one time. It's easy to feel alone and betrayed by family when one's life is difficult.

Just a thought. I'm sorry you're going through this. Maybe it's easier for me because I'm the oldest and used to taking shit.

[Skittles]

7. outside of writing a letter to both of them pleading your case

I don't see what else you can do; franky, they sound batshit crazy to me

[Liberal Lassie]

8. Batshit crazy is an understatement but it will have to do for now. I also have a brother

and he and I are tight and pretty much best friends. He keeps telling me that the chipmunks (our word for their mentality)are pretty much a non-issue to him and none of this bothers him, even watching me go through the abandonment pain so he isn't much help because he sees this entirely different than I do. I wish there was a rule book written down somewhere of golden rules about how families should behave. Well---actually there is plenty in the Bible but the "judge not lest you be judged" quote just pissed them off, probably because I was right.. Thanks for your thoughts.



:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

[Iggo]

9. I was gonna say yes....

...but then I had to admit that maybe I'm the crazy one.

[malta blue]

10. I have a jerk for a brother who probably would say I am the

fruitcake sibling....

He makes at least 3 times as much as I do PLUS he works for Dad.

He and his posse are like the boys from "Entourage" and way too superficial and shallow (and racist, etc.) for me to be around, so I rarely see him.

He gets mad if I have not called him on his birthday before 10am - yet he has never even sent my kid a gift for her birthday, etc. (Me, I could care less about)

His wedding was completely over the top and I had to spend about $1000 for the priviledge of attending - he didn't even thank me for coming.

Anyhow - your sisters seem to be treating you unfairly from what you have posted. Perhaps writing them and telling them that you are hurting as a result of their behavior might clue them in.

:hug:
~mb

[Liberal Lassie]

11. I don't know if they love me or not but whenever I have them on the

phone I tell them "I love you" before I hang up. Life is so short and eternity is forever. We are all Christians but this doesn't feel too Christian to me. It just feels like an immature whining contest. The brother I am close to has crippling arthritis and from time to time he has needed family to be there for him. It was always me who stepped up to the plate because the chipmunks would rather die than do anything for him. I think they should be ashamed of themselves but they are certainly NOT. I would be there for them, even now, if needed but it would have to do my duty anonymously. Really stupid situation, isn't it?:

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