Can you write an episode of House, M.D.?

[CreekDog]

I'm a big fan of the show. Now I think you can write them, the trick is to include the following elements, while writing for House extremely insulting, innapropriate dialogue to say to the wrong person at the exact wrong time. Think of something to say that would be worse than barfing on the wedding cake or climbing into the casket at a funeral.

1) someone is seriously stricken (redundant?) without warning, usually rendered unconcious
2) blah blah blah where the doctors unsuccessfully try to figure out the diagnosis (note: at this point, none of them can get it right)
3) start treating what it might be (but can't possibly be --see #2)
4) blood explodes from orificies
5) heart goes crazy
6) patient crashing
7) heart restarted with the paddles (please note, the patient cannot at this point die, even if they have swallowed whole a detonating nuclear weapon)
8) patient is revived/returned to normal rhythym (but everybody knows this won't last --perhaps discuss why)
9) House pops a vicodin or 7
10) House leaves the area to:
a) give Wilson a hard time about anything, probably related to women (make the average viewer want to award him the Nobel Prize for not decking House, even more so for maintaining a sweet smile throughout the scene.
b) give Cuddy a hard time about her being pregnant or something else that is otherwise serious and not to be mocked
c) both or one of the above
11) have House examine, mock, cure an outpatient with a simple malady with something completely different than originally suspected
12) House interacts with a bunch of people, rummages through almost dead patients house
13) comes up with likely solution, but no time to know for sure because the damn patient is crashing again
if the patient hadn't lied, we'd have cured this by now :banghead:
14) even though we are not sure, have House mock Cuddy when she denies him permission to do something that will surely kill the patient on the basis that the patient will die anyway because of a diagnosis nobody is sure of :shrug:
15) patient lives (unless this is one of those episodes where to keep the viewer from being smug, the patient lives for a little while but dies (or will soon thereafter die).
16) a quinn martin epilogue

[csziggy]

1. If I did, it would look like this

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xBda4wfFlp0

[CreekDog]

19. comedians are generally not as attractive as serious actors

:think:

[CreekDog]

20. i always wondered what Jesse Spencer would look like

fat. :evilgrin:

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. Wrong. You missed a few steps between 13 and 14

There must be at least THREE moments of the patient being cured.

You skipped the second moment. In some episodes, you skipped the third moment.

:rofl:

I love House - I really do think it's a brilliantly written show, and fantastically acted. But, sadly, the formula of it being a hospital show does mean that it's rather locked into a particular formula.

As I posted many moons ago, I'd love to see - just for the "Moment of Orson Welles' genre-busting brilliance" - an episode in which their first cure works, and they spend the last 40 minutes of the show playing guitar, handball, and/or just sitting around saying nothing to each other.

[CreekDog]

3. damn!

i forgot about incorrect/almost lethal cure #2 and #3. :banghead:

[jeff30997]

21. Stop hitting yourself!

[Tektonik]

4. You missed one rule

Is it lupus?







ten minutes later








It's not lupus











IT'S NEVER LUPUS

[CreekDog]

5. why would a doctor there think it's lupus?

lupus doesn't usually kill people three times per episode! :dilemma:

[CreekDog]

6. everybody lies

about lupus. :shrug:

[TimeChaser]

7. Once,

it was lupus. I just can't remember the episode x(

[CreekDog]

14. House writers live to fuck with us

yup that's it. :think:

[jeff30997]

18. Yeah!

Vive le Fuck!

[jeff30997]

25. It wasn't lupus,stupid...

It was Lyncanthropy. :P

PS:Sorry for calling you stupid but it was part of the joke and to prove my

sincerity:

DISCLAIMER:

When Jeff30997 seriously calls someone stupid he's in fact showing that

he's an asshole so if you were ever called stupid by Jeff30997 for a good

reason and are able to prove it then according to US Laws you're entitled

to a good spanking.

Here's a preemptive one for you:

:spank:

[jeff30997]

8. Are you kidding?

I could write an episode of House,M.D with

my eyes closed...But only in brail

[CreekDog]

9. you lie

everybody lies :spank:

[jeff30997]

13. Wow that was a fast response!

You replied between my double posts!

Oh and thanks for the spanking BTW. :P

[jeff30997]

10. Are you kidding?

I could write an episode of House,M.D with

my eyes closed...But only in Braille.

[CreekDog]

12. your reply already killed the patient twice

so it's time to think of a new idea. :think:

[jeff30997]

17. Check post # 13...

If you're not superstitious that is.

[CreekDog]

11. House is a lot like Scientology

you check it out just so you can learn enough to mock it.

the following week you end up joining. :shrug:

[jeff30997]

15. Bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

It's funny because it's true!

-Homer J Simpson

[XemaSab]

16. You forgot the cheesecake/beefcake shots of half the cast

so the fanboys/fangirls can *squee!*

[CreekDog]

22. Thanks for pointing that out!

i'm gonna write the best episode EVER!

the patient will die an unprecented 4 times in my episode!!! :applause:

[Fox Mulder]

23. I just watch it to see Jennifer Morrison.

I don't care about anything else on the show.

[Skittles]

24. what's with her fetish for vests?

and litte-girl shirts? :o

[jeff30997]

26. Hey ! Show some respect !

She's Jim's little sister darngnabit!

[applegrove]

27. I love House. What night is it on? We don't get the TV Times. What channel?