Are you married to, or in a relationship with, your first love?

[BeachBaby]

I got into a conversation with another DUer about this.

My parents forced me to break up with my first love in 1985, when I was 16 years old. More on that later.

First love showed up at my parent's house in 2003, looking for me. My brother called me to tell me, and long story short, first love and I met up at one of our special places from the past, and caught up on everything.

In a nutshell, after almost 3 years of reconnection, I found out that he was not who I remembered. I suppose that experiences and world views can really shape a person after all.

Up until last year, I belonged to two message boards that dealt with this subject. A whole bunch of us eventually left, and I am now an administrator for our new board. It's not solely a board that deals with first loves, but the topic still does come up from time to time.

Would love to get some feedback from you:
How long have you been together?
Did you get married?
Are you happy in your marriage?
Do you have any regrets in not "expanding your horizons" before taking the plunge with first love?
Have any of you reconnected with that first love, after being apart for several years/decades? If so, how was the reunion?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear JerseyGirlDem...

My husband and I have known each other for 43 years, and have been married for 42 of them...

I am reasonably happy in my marriage...nothing's perfect all the time!

I do have some regrets about expanding my horizons before marriage...

I married very young, at 21, and was still a virgin...

But you can't go back, so I don't dwell on them...

I ran into one of my early loves when he was married, and I was engaged...

We had a lovely conversation! We both had grown, and were happy where we were in our lives at the time...

If I had my life to do over, I would certainly do some things differently...

*sigh*

[BeachBaby]

14. Awww, my dear CaliforniaPeggy....

What a sweet story!

You actually remind me of my gram and granddad. They were married 47 years when my gram suddenly died of a brain aneurism.

My granddad was devastated, and although he lived another 18 years after she died, I don't think he fully recovered.

She told me that "my Freddy" was the love of her life. And it showed, Peggy - that woman loved him with all of her being.

As for him, he did end up meeting another woman about 18 months after gram passed away. They didn't get married, and I can't even say that it was a romance, but more of a companionship thing.

He was married once before - before he married my gram. He never spoke fondly of her, that's for sure. And I recall one conversation with him, back in 1992-1993, where he told me that he never knew love until he met my gram.

Sounds like you're on that same wavelength, more or less; and you're right - nothing is perfect. But what is?

I guess the most you can ask for is a mutual, deep, passionate fulfillment found within each other - and the rest will work itself out.

Thanks for sharing your story with me! :hug:

[IdaBriggs]

2. Married my 'third' love; best decision ever.

Still on friendly terms with #1 and #2, but grateful we went our separate ways when we did (altho didn't feel that way at the time!). Nice guys, but value systems weren't in sync; I'm lucky that my 'loyalty' issues didn't trap me with them!!! Good memories of then, but much happiness for all of us NOW.

:)

[BeachBaby]

16. Sounds like you made the right decision.

I know many people (from the message board I mentioned) who are going through a major "regret stage". Because of whatever circumstances, they had broken up with this special someone and then moved on and married someone else.

Fast forward 10, 20, 30, even 40 years for some of these people. The lost love shows up out of nowhere, or in some cases, the other way around. It seems innocent enough - they simply wanted to touch base and see how they're doing. Before they knew it - BAM! Old feelings come back, and turns many lives upside-down.

Glad to hear you don't share the same set of regrets! Thanks for sharing your story. :)

[grace0418]

3. Married to him for 10 years. We dated for 9 years before that.

We're very happy. We have our problems like any couple, but I think we've grown together in a great way. I think both of us wish we had met a few years later because we both had issues at different times with wanting to "expand our horizons." But life doesn't work that way. The perfect person may not come at the perfect time, but at some point you just decide to take the plunge and see where life takes you. So far, it's been a great life.

[BeachBaby]

17. Sounds wonderful!

Glad to hear you're happy! So many people can't say the same, you know?

Thanks! :)

[Pendrench]

4. Yes - I've been married to my first (and only) love for almost 13 years.

The funny thing is, when we met, she was dating my best friend...and because of this, we saw each other often and we also became friends.

Eventually, she and my best friend broke up and she and I remained "just friends" for another 4 or 5 years. Then I finally got the courage to ask her out - she said "Yes" (we went to a Elton John/Billy Joel concert)and a few months later we were engaged (we were both 29 at the time).

And its been great! I can't even imagine being with anyone else. We have two wonderful kids (ages 11 and 9) - and every day I love her more. :)

Tim

[BeachBaby]

18. Wow! What a story!!!

I do have one question though: how does the best friend feel about it? Or are you no longer in contact with him?

Great story - thanks! :)

[Pendrench]

35. Sorry I didn't respond sooner...

Actually, my best friend was in our wedding, and I was the best-man at his wedding a few years later. So, as you can see, we all remained good friends.

Unfortunately, he was transfered out of state a few months ago, so we won't being seeing him on a regular basis any more, but I'm sure that we'll still stay in touch.

Thanks for asking!

Tim

[mainegreen]

5. Thankfully, HELL NO! n/t

[BeachBaby]

20. LOL!

Hey - as long as you know you made the right decision, right? ;)

Thanks! :hi:

[Bennyboy]

6. We hook up at least once

every decade since the 70's. Sometimes for a long time and others for a one time only.....Funny.

[BeachBaby]

21. Sounds like you never lost track of each other.

Was that intentional, or is it one of those "fate" deals - where somehow, some way, you just manage to run into each other?

Cool story - did you ever see the movie "Same Time, Next Year" with Alan Alda and (I think) Ellen Burstyn? You, of ALL people, should see that. ;)
Thanks for your post. :)

[Bennyboy]

42. One of my favorite movies...

And we just seem to bump into each otehr from time to time.... Funny, but it is almost always when I am going through a split up and weirder even still, we stop seeing each other right before I enter into a long term relationship, with someone else.

[krispos42]

7. Used to be

10 years together, five of them married.


Then she had an affair and wanted a divorce.

I was quite happy, up until the day she told me about it.


I guess my parents were right... :-(




We have a kid together, so I see her twice a week. We're on pretty good terms.

[BeachBaby]

23. Oh, I'm so sorry.

:hug:

Well that absolutely SUCKS. I hope that you've come to some sort of peace with it.

Your parents were right? About what?

[krispos42]

30. Well, I've learned to deal with it

Probably why I'm on here so much :-)

My parents were right about her maybe not being the most stable person in the world.

Oh, well, got lots of experience and a cute boy out of it. :-)

[BarenakedLady]

8. No

[Boudica the Lyoness]

9. My first love found me after 35 years

We were each others first loves and we dated from 1970 to 1972. After talking to him again after 35 years of no contact, I knew I was talking to my other half. Too sad for words. I wanted to expand my horizons and I was too young to realize I could have stayed and expanded my horizons with him.

[BeachBaby]

10. Oh my!

Bittersweet.

But wait! What happened? Why did he contact you? And are you in contact now?

[Boudica the Lyoness]

39. He couldn't let go

I was 6000 miles away and he had no idea were I was and he'd been looking for me for years.
I guess he was just wanting to know if I was ok and what happened to me but once he found out he kept emailing and calling. All the old feelings came back for both of us in one big rush the first time we talked on the phone and I was his 16 year old girlfriend again.
It would have been really great if we were both single but we're married.
I met my soul mate at 16 and he was my very first boyfriend. I thought I had to search the world for the perfect man but it turns out I found him first time out of the shoot! And I didn't know any better. BUGGER!
We will always be in contact now.
To be continued (I hope).

[Tikki]

11. We are partners....

Have been for a long time. I love him dearly...

When we were kids he'd say.."Come here I want to show you how this works."

One time when he asked me for help I balked and asked him.
"Why?"

He told me it was because he loved me and if anything ever
happen to him he wanted me to know how to do this...


We have been married for 41 years...We were 19 and 18 when we got married.

Tikki

[BeachBaby]

24. That's so cool!

And you sound very content and happy with your life. Congratulations!

And thanks. :)

[zanne]

12. Married to my fourth love for 28 years. nt

[BeachBaby]

25. Congratulations!

So the 4th was the charm? Any regrets?

[zanne]

36. If all the dreams from my first three loves had come true...

I'd be the most miserable woman on the planet. It's amazing what hormones and infatuation can lead you into! Sometimes I think about the really "big" love before I met my husband; the musician who was a horrible person and treated me like mud. If my dreams had come true and he had loved me the way I loved him, I probably would have committed suicide by now!

In other words, no regrets.

[MorningGlow]

13. No, thank goodness

If by first love you mean first serious relationship (I had a boyfriend in high school and crushes and oddball relationships in college but I don't consider them great loves of my life). So I'll refer to the first boyfriend I wanted to marry. Although I was crazier about him than he was about me, I broke up with him after two years, and I am SO glad. He wasn't a bad person or anything, but there were warning signs in our relationship that we weren't meant for one another--I'm just glad that I picked up on them even when I was young and naive--I could have missed them or ignored them, married him, and gotten divorced several years later.

I haven't seen him in many years, and I don't really have any interest in looking him up, either. The time we were together feels like it was an episode from somebody else's life.

[BeachBaby]

26. Then you made the right decision.

Beware though.....with things like Classmates.com and Reunion.com, people have been hunting down lost loves like there's no tomorrow.

Thanks for your post. :)

[MorningGlow]

38. Oh lordy I know all about that!

Several years ago I was inundated with e-mails from all sorts of guys from my past--exes, near-misses, never-was-es, you name it. It was like they had all seen the movie High Fidelity and decided to act it out or something. The icky thing was they were all married (some with kids!) or engaged, and they were experiencing some sort of pre-midlife crisis (this was when we were all in our late 30s), like it was some kind of "last hurrah" before we got old. Interestingly, after we all hit 40, it stopped. I sure hope it doesn't start up again when we reach our 50s and folks start having actual midlife crises. :eyes:

[kernelfarmer]

15. Yes...and today is our 14th Anniversary

Couldn't imagine spending my life without her. Every morning I wake up and thank my lucky stars that she stays with me.

[Ellen Forradalom]

19. I am in love with my first love right now

We can't be together at the moment. But he is a very special man.

[BeachBaby]

27. Oh! You sound like many of the people on my message board.

And I've been there, too. It just didn't work out - too much time passed (20+ years) and we're very different people now.

I wish you love. :hug:

[swag]

22. I have no idea.

[BeachBaby]

28. Um.....okay? LOL :) n/t.

[LadyoftheRabbits]

29. Thank goodness no

I was devastated when we broke up, but looking back, it was a very unhealthy relationship. I'm much happier now. :D

[Digit]

31. No, never reconnected

We met when I was 15 and he was 16, and he was my first love.
I have carried a torch for him up to today, and as a matter of fact, Friday is his birthday.
There is alot of stuff in between when I almost reconnected in 1995, but found he was engaged and backed away.
I just hope he is happy. That is all that I ever wished for him, to be happy.

[Kitty Herder]

32. Fortunately, no. Interesting story, that.

Two years ago, I reunited with my first love after ten years. We went so far as to get engaged. I couldn't go through with it. Looking back, I'm soooo glad I didn't marry that loser. I don't know how I could have been blind to what a lying sack of crap he is for so long.

[DFW]

33. No, but it turned out fine

We broke up when she went to a different college, far from mine, and she
was beset with guys 24/7. I had no chance. But apparently neither did they.
She ended up marrying a very rich banker from Europe, and I haven't seen or
heard from her since. I assume she is happy, although I don't really have
any concrete knowledge one way or the other. I could find her due to her
husband's prominence, but at this point have no reason or desire to.

Two years after she brushed me off, I ran into the woman who was to become
my wife. She was from the flat farm country of northwestern Germany. Her
family was of very modest means, but she was of boundless wealth when it
came to looks, honesty, and lack of affectation. I was blown away with just
one look, and after getting to know her, could not for the life of me figure
out how I had the good luck to have her interested in me. Maybe it was because
she was nearsighted. But whatever the reason, my devastation at getting brushed
off by my first love was replaced by the joy of finding THE right woman two
years later (patience is a virtue?). Now, 34 years later, you could never
convince me I would have been happier with my first love. Maybe AS happy--MAYBE,
but maybe not. I wasn't good enough for her then, and may not have been later
on, either. I KNOW I'm not good enough for the wonderful woman I am married to
now, but she hasn't figured that out yet, and I'm not about to tell her.

[u4ic]

34. No, thank goodness

He was from a strict Italian Catholic family, and they would have wanted him to marry a nice Italian Catholic girl who would want nothing more than to stay at home and spit out babies - which doesn't fit my description.


I don't think anyone would have been playing "happy families". ;)

[Mad_Dem_X]

37. I married my first love in 1997

We'd been together 4 years before we married. I was almost 31 at the time. After 10 1/2 years of marriage, we are still incredibly happy. It's not perfect, but then what is? We have no children, just pets, we have our own home, etc. I would marry him again in a heartbeat.

[av8rdave]

40. Wow...don't even know where my first love is or how

she's doing.


We were together almost 3 years. We didn't get married, as there were some basic differences in desires and lifestyles that would have caused a lot of difficulties, but we didn't part on bad terms.

Did a little horizon expansion between my marriages, but have no regrets one way or the other. It was what it was.

[El Fuego]

41. Yes, but....

Only because I realize now that when I thought I was in love in my past relationships, I wasn't really.

[Red State Rebel]

43. After 34 years - yes

Just friends, but we've always kept in touch and hang out together now.

[Forkboy]

44. I'm not even in a relationship with my last love.

And as for my first love, knowing her now all I can say is thank Christ we're not still in one.

[lost-in-nj]

45. I would say

I was married to my first true love.
I had 2 boyfriends in High school but my husband and I always seemed to
connect in some way (not boyfriend/girlfriend) but as friends
I finally broke up with the one guy and started dating my husband.
Our first official date was June 3, 1976
We went to a Pink Floyd concert.
I got pregnant, we were already engaged, we got married in 1977,in March it was 31 years. we are now going through a divorce because he needs to see if there is more "out there"...
what ever the hell that means

I do love him
and I always will

I don't think I would look up the other 2.
one was physically abusive and the other a loser....


lost

:hi:

[tekisui]

46. I am married to my first love.

We went to the prom together, and all that. We dated and lived together for about 8 years, and are married now--nearly 2 years.

She's the only person I've ever been in love with, is my best friend and can't imagine my life without her.

We did take about 9 months apart, it brought us closer and stronger. I realized that I had already found someone who made me very happy.