I don't get it. Lately it seems like a lot of people I once considered friends have just ditched me.

[Danger Mouse]

I'm not sure why, either.
It's kind of happened all at once, too. Am I poison or something?
I don't get it. I'm just sick of losing people. Honestly.
I'm just sick of it.
I mean, my family doesn't seem to like talking to me, either, so maybe it's me?
I just wish I could understand why.
I literally had someone tell me last night that they left in the middle of our conversation 'just because' and 'couldn't give me a reason' why she brushed me off, and didn't seem to honestly care that I felt it was rude and hurtful of her.
God, I hate feeling like this, or whining like this, since I've lately been the whiny bastard I hate to see in other people.
Guess I hate it cause I see it in myself.
So, what the hell is the matter with me, that suddenly I don't warrant even contempt anymore, just indifference?

[SPKrazy]

1. i dunno elrond

but i still care about ya man

:hug: :hug:

i don't get around here as much and i don't see you

but i think you matter

[Danger Mouse]

2. really? seems the people who feel that way are dwindling.

[SPKrazy]

10. dwindle they may

but I'm not dwindled

:hug:

[Danger Mouse]

11. i appreciate that.

:hug:

[dorktv]

3. That sucks...I am kind of a really boring person so I am used to people

just walking away.

:hug:

[Danger Mouse]

5. Just walking away? Geez...ouch.

[dorktv]

6. Last night I was doing ID checks at a party...As I said, I am VERY boring.

[Danger Mouse]

9. Your life is more exciting than mine, then.

[dorktv]

14. Hahaha, not really.

[swag]

4. dupe

[swag]

7. I have had periods where I've perceived negative reactions to myself

from everyone. It seems, though, that often it has been a jumble of coincidences and miscommunications (unless I'm deluding myself now). At least a few times I could attribute it to the profoundly bad vibes that I was steaming off, but more often than not, my perception that my friends were dumping me en masse has been dispelled within a few days.

Best to you. I bet things look better to you quite quickly.

[Danger Mouse]

8. Sometimes, that's the case with me. I tend to overreact a lot.

Sometimes I'm just not sure what to think.

[Danger Mouse]

12. wow. yeah.

i guess this just kinda...proves my point...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

13. My dear Elrond Hubbard...

I will never walk away from you...

Even though we only know one another electronically, I still consider you my friend...

I hope things improve for you, and soon...

:hug:

[Danger Mouse]

15. i hope so, too.

it's been awhile since i've been this utterly depressed. i hate the feeling. i wish it would go away.
but it doesn't.

[Fox Mulder]

16. I know what you mean.

It was my birthday yesterday and it seemed like only two people cared. :(

I sat alone all night.

[Danger Mouse]

19. holy shit, it was your birthday? i didn't know. i'm sorry...

that must've really sucked. :(

[Fox Mulder]

23. It did.

[Danger Mouse]

25. well...i care. i just didn't know.

[Fox Mulder]

26. Thanks man.

:hug:

[Danger Mouse]

27. anytime. we, as people, need to stick together...

otherwise, this world becomes vast and empty, and the distance between each of us...unimaginable.
:hug:

[Fox Mulder]

28. I totally agree.

[Danger Mouse]

29. how have you been, anyway? seems like you've had it rough.

but then i admit to not knowing much about you or your life.

[Fox Mulder]

30. Yeah, it's been pretty rough.

If I can get some things smoothed out, hopefully it'll get better. I'm trying.

Hopefully things will get better for you too. I've seen it has been kinda rough for you lately as well. :(

[Danger Mouse]

31. i hope you get those things get smoothed out.

i have stuff of my own to take care of...
hopefully soon...

[chknltl]

39. I knew I was late checking into the lounge...

...better late than never: Happy belated birthday to you Fox Mulder :party

[WinkyDink]

48. Belated Happy Birthday. BT, DT. It will get better.

[IronLionZion]

50. Belated Happy Birthday Fox, Don't forget mine tomorrow!

I'm shameless and I love it. I frequently have to tell people "Hey it's my birthday!" to get them to wish me.

My own girlfriend forgot to get me a cake, but she took me out to dinner and a movie on Saturday to celebrate. That was nice.

[KitchenWitch]

17. I had that happen recently too.

It sucks.

But I did find out who I CAN trust because of it.

[Danger Mouse]

18. it's hard to tell. people are frustrating.

[KitchenWitch]

20. I am sorry.

I wish it were different.

:hug:

[Danger Mouse]

24. me too...

[Lorien]

35. Me too. I left the only two cards from friends up on the mantle

just to remind myself of who my true friends ARE, and also remind myself to never forget anyone else's birthday!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

21. It sucks to be an afterthought...

:hug::hug::hug:
I know the feeling well. :(
:hug::hug::hug:

[Danger Mouse]

22. an afterthought, if even a thought at all.

:hug:

[khashka]

32. But we love you

And we're better than them.

Khash.

[sammythecat]

33. I sure can't say for sure, but what you say reminds me of a time

in my own life. I was thinking the exact same kind of thoughts. Like there just must be something kind of repellent about me that overwhelmed any attractive qualities I had. I wouldn't presume to think this is what's going on, but it did ring a familiar bell in my head.

I was probably at the nadir of a depression that had been building for at least several years. At one point I felt completely friendless and totally alone. I had friends before and now I had none. I think, I know, that for years that depression had been causing me to withdraw. Ever so slowly, and completely subconsciously. Friends weren't discarding me, I was, bit by bit, drawing into my own shell. Invitations ignored, emails and phone calls unanswered. Not all at once of course, just a little at a time. For instance, after not going to the 4th Christmas party in a row, on the 5th Christmas I didn't get an invitation. I'm thinking they don't like me anymore, while, in their minds, I was subtlety letting them know I had better things to do. I would have loved to go and have fun but the depression made me feel embarrassed about myself. Like I had nothing to offer at a party. It seemed better not to expose myself.

Others of course don't know this. My unresponsiveness understandably seemed like a brush-off to them. The "vibe" they were getting from me wasn't built just on the missed Christmas parties. It was hundreds of little things. Phone calls were shorter and after a time they were the only ones making the calls. Maybe a bunch of conversations died too soon because, in my self-absorption and sadness, I wasn't bring things into the conversation and no doubt it was harder to get me to laugh. From their perspective I made them feel boring and not funny. Over time, these many little signals start to build up into something substantial and negative. And of course, my own subconscious took any perceived wariness on their part to reinforce the idea that I was unlikeable.

I think that's what's so bad about depression. It's a classic vicious circle. The very damage it causes also nourishes the condition. A true perpetual motion machine that not only sustains itself, but actually gets bigger and more powerful the longer it runs.

I don't know if this has anything to do with what's going on with you now, but if it does, I think it's a help to try and look at the situation from a different perspective. To try and see just exactly what the situation is. My friends thought they were losing a friend, the "old me", the one that got them to like me in the first place. They didn't like it, but it was bearable, like a dent on your car. For me, however, I was losing ALL of my friends, the whole damn car was falling apart and that is not bearable.

I hope this is just a bad month or so, but, for what it's worth, you certainly seem like a very likable guy to me, and to a whole bunch of others here as well. I think it was a year and a half ago or so that I first started getting familiar with "Elrond Hubbard". I forget exactly what you called it, but I remember the famous "losers club" and all the assholes and pieces of shit around here signed up. You have a good sense of humor, and when you're serious you have something interesting to say. Thanks to the anonymity of the internet, I don't feel uncomfortable saying things like this, and just recently said got to compliment someone else here. Yours is a familiar name I use to see who's here and what's happening.

As for the one that brushed you off last night, I don't know. If she really did honestly not care that her attitude was rude or hurtful, well, that would be upsetting and doesn't sound like something a worthy friend would do. That's pretty bad. Or else one of you, or both of you, was just getting the mistaking impression or vibe from the other.

[SoCalDemGrrl]

34. Sammycat - that was so eloquent!! As someone who has a family member with

depression, I can honestly say I've never had anyone express the cause and effect of depression
so well. It truly is a classic vicious cycle, but to have someone with depression realize it and express it as you did is great.

I'm going to copy and paste your response and give it to my loved one - maybe it will help.

[sammythecat]

41. I'm sorry to hear that. It's difficult to be around someone

who's depressed. If they can't enjoy their own company how can anyone else?

I've never had the experience, but I have no doubt talking to a professional would be best if that's at all possible. I really think that would have saved me a lot of time. The quicker and more aggressive the action taken, the better I think. I am not at all any kind of authority in this, but it just seems like common sense that time is not a good ally. It's best to take some kind of action as soon as possible.

It's good your loved one has someone like yourself. My sincerest good wishes for the both of you, and thanks for the compliment. That was nice.

[WildEyedLiberal]

36. Actually I've always really enjoyed your posts and missed you around

I mostly lurk but I always enjoyed reading both your Lounge posts and your serious GD posts. You've got a great sense of humor and a solid grasp of reality, and that fact that both are present in the same person makes you pretty rare, haha.

I'm sorry you're feeling down, but I think you seem like a cool guy, so hang in there.

[shanine]

37. Seems to be alot of this going around lately

I think for me what I have been noticing, rather what I have been FORCED to notice is that I have reached a point of depression whereby it's time to do SOMETHING. I can usually hide it from patients at work, every so often I get someone that can look right through me and make me be honest,(at least with myself) lol. I have retreated otherwise and am just too damned serious. I made a conscious effort starting last week to try to "change". I have lots of little and some not so little unresolved issues, some of which I dealt with last week and some I have to keep plugging at. Today I shall try to "act as if" I am happy, not too serious, etc., etc.

Hang in there Elrond, you are not alone and we all care.
:hug:

[Benfea]

38. You might be crazy.

...or they just drifted apart. It happens.

[Forkboy]

40. Most friends are friends of convenience.

You'll have a small circle of good friends that will stay by you no matter what, but outside that circle they're friends when it's easy or when it suits them to be. You're finding out who those true friends are. Shedding the ones who aren't is a positive, even if it hurts finding that out.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. what makes you feel this way? personally i think that you are in gdp

a lot longer than you should be

gdp is a good way to lose friends.

thats why i stopped going.

if it makes you feel any better i still like you :hug:

[ThomCat]

43. I have gone through that.

When I first came out, a lot of friends ditched me. Some rather viciously. When I first got hurt and briefly ended up homeless, a lot more friends ditched me.

It's a world-shattering experience to feel like you're all alone with noplace to turn. :(

I hope that is not what is really happening. I hope people are just temporarily very busy or something.

:hug:

[CrownPrinceBandar]

44. It may be just you, BUT...............

I have been going through some similar circumstances. And like you, I have been really beating myself up for it. So I know the pain you are going through. Growing distance between friends hurts. And while I admit I have done some withdrawing from them cos of my own messed up paradigm, its not the whole story.

When I sat back and took stock of the situation, I came to realize that it wasn't just me. The familiar brush-off's and the prematurely dying conversations, which I thought were the result of my own fucked up shit, turns out that it is also the result of my friend's fucked up shit. One friend is chasing an involved woman, another is getting ready to be a new father and can't admit how scared he is so he drinks, and yet another is dating a woman that has alienated him from many friends. These behaviors have changed the way they react to me as well. They've become preoccupied and not as attentive to me as they once were.

So if you feel you need help, get some. Help is always a good thing. But don't be too hard on yourself, because its most likely not just you.

[BarenakedLady]

45. I hope you aren't including me.

Check your pm.

:hug:

[Deep13]

46. ask them

[Midlodemocrat]

47. I think you're a wonderful guy. Those other people are asshats.

:hug:

[RadiationTherapy]

49. I am an intense person who has burned out more than my share of friends.

What you describe is what I have experienced when people just "couldn't take me" anymore; they'd seen all my tricks. Time to move to a new town!!

[riderinthestorm]

51. You are one of the good guys.

Don't ever forget that.

Can I add that perhaps people in general are just stressed out right now? I think the stressors are looming so large in people lives (money, food, jobs etc.) that nobody is paying a whole lot of attention to anyone else - we're all wrapped up in our own problems.

It's hard work to maintain a relationship/friendship and when you are tired/worried/depressed or whatever, it just feels like too much effort. Whatever's going on with your friends may not have anything to do with you. Reach out if you can - cause like you said, we need those connections during the hard times especially even if we don't consciously understand that.

[MissMillie]

52. How do you know it's "you"?

Sometimes people are just cold and mean, even when we don't deserve it.

:hug:

[Name removed]

54. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[lost-in-nj]

55. wow thats pretty harsh

I have seen worse postings....

lost

[Clintonista2]

56. So have I, but he shouldn't complain about people ditching him

While acting like that.

[lost-in-nj]

53. Well you know

that I know how you are feeling...

I keep hearing it will get better :hug:

maybe it will....

:hi: :hug:


lost

[LeftyFingerPop]

57. moved to proper spot. n/t

[LeftyFingerPop]

58. Elrond, if you get through this life with one or two friends who....

stick by you no matter what, then you are doing well. There are true friends, and then there are "friends".

"Friends" seem to come and go in cycles.

:hi: