i am so worried about my friend

[fizzgig]

one of my best friends lost her baby about three weeks ago. it was an extremely difficult pregnancy, she was about 4-ish months along and the baby was stillborn. last week she wound up in the er and it turned out there was still some tissue in her uterus. they removed the tissue and she felt better almost immediately. but now she's back in the hospital because they didn't get all the tissue the first time around.

she went back to work about a week after she lost the baby, her inlaws came into town about a week ago and told her she should 'be over it already'...i sat with her a lot while she was in the hospital and she was so tired and hurt and angry. i just sat with her and held her hand and listened to her, something i don't think she's gotten a lot of lately. i just want her to be ok

i'm going to get around and go see her...any good thoughts you can send her way would be appreciated

[Inchworm]

1. That is a tough thing to go through

Even from a man's perspective. The lack of support and errors don't help much either.

Your friend is in my thoughts.

:hug:

[fizzgig]

8. thanks, inchy

:hug:

[Cabcere]

2. Sending good vibes to your friend

:hug: That must be a horrible thing to go through, especially without the support of her inlaws. :( She is lucky to have a good friend like you. :pals:

[fizzgig]

9. thanks, sweetie

i just wish i could do more for her

:hug:

[VenusRising]

3. I'm so sorry for your friend, kagehime.

What a difficult position to be in. I can't imagine being callously told that I should "be over it already". I wish your friend all the best while getting through her loss. Sending good vibes for a quick recovery.

:hug: for you for being such a great friend.

[fizzgig]

10. thanks, venus

i'm so angry at her inlaws i could scream, but i'm also so proud of how our other friends have pulled together for her

:hug:

[LadyoftheRabbits]

4. I'm sending her all of my best...

Unfortunately, I'm getting an inkling at the moment of what you've been through helping *your* friend as I try to help one of mine. :hug:

[VenusRising]

I'm sorry for your friend, too.

You're a good egg for being there, lelapin.

:hug::loveya:

[fizzgig]

11. i hope your friend is doing better

it's so hard to see someone you love going through something so difficult

:hug:

[Dr. Strange]

5. Be over it already?

Oh man...:mad:

Good for you being there for her.

[fizzgig]

12. my jaw dropped when she told me that

it's just unthinkable to me to say something like that

[stuntcat]

40. right? sheese

Carry your child for months and your own FAMILY expects you to get over it right away? WTF is it about in-laws .. REALLY.
I hope her bad news is all over.

[QMPMom]

6. I am so sorry about your friend and her loss.

Sending out good thoughts and prayers for her.

I'll also send thoughts of a kick to the gut for her in-laws. That was just downright awful. Your friend needs love and comfort now, not busybody people that can't possibly understand what she has gone through.

[fizzgig]

13. i want to smack the crap out of them

it's been difficult to not tell them what's on my mind

[LibertyLover]

7. I am very sorry to hear about your friend's loss

My daughter is adopted and I've never been pregnant, so I can't begin to imagine her feelings, but between everything, the physical aspects, the emotional aspects and the mental aspects, for her in-laws to be so unfeeling is beyond imagination. Their attitude is outside of enough. Is it too much to hope that someone took them aside and beat them with a clue-by-four? I wish all the best to your friend and hope, if it her desire, that a healthy baby is in her future as quickly as is best for her.

[fizzgig]

14. it's been hard for me to keep the clue-by-four out of this

they're staying with her and her husband and they're in town for another two weeks. she told me she wasn't ready for them to come out, but she said she would have felt badly if she told her husband that he couldn't have his family around.

[LibertyLover]

22. Oh my gosh

that's awful. I truly am sorry. Old TR was right - speak softly but carry a big stick.

[khashka]

15. I am so glad you are being her friend

She needs one.

My wife's first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage - and it almost destroyed us, we were hurting so bad. So to a certain point, I know what it's like.

"Be over it already"? Fuck 'em. It hurts to lose a child and while you learn to cope it never stops hurting. But it takes time to even reach that point.



Khash.

[fizzgig]

16. thanks, khashka

i can't imagine the pain she's feeling and it just breaks my heart because i know everything with her inlaws is just compounding it

[MissMillie]

17. You're a good friend

you're doing exactly what she needs.

[fizzgig]

19. thank you

[LynzM]

18. It's good of you to be there for her.

I'm gonna come kick her IL's in the pants, though, ok? :banghead:

From friends I know who have lost babies, the best thing to do is to be there, to listen. To allow them to grieve and to talk about it, and not try to change the subject or smoothe over it or ignore your way around it. Basically, exactly what you're doing. And don't assume it will ever be "gotten over" - again, you're doing the right thing. Good thoughts headed her way from me, of course. :hug:

[fizzgig]

20. thanks, lynz

i'm trying to be as available to her as i can be, but it's been kind of difficult to really get a chance to talk because she really hasn't had any privacy over the past week. i bought her a journal last week and i hope that will help her, too.

and yes, please come out here...i'm starting to worry about how much longer i can hold my tongue :banghead:

[Shakespeare]

21. Her in-laws are complete asshats.

What a hideous thing to say to her. :-(

I'm glad you're there for her. Good thoughts going out to her.

[fizzgig]

23. thank you

and asshat is a good name for them right now

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. That poor woman...

It's hard enough to lose the baby without these constant reminders of it. I wonder why they didn't get all the tissue the first time...sounds like someone was in a hurry to get the job done and move on to the next patient.

I'd love to have a word with those insensitive in-laws. Maybe her husband should.

Sending hugs...
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[fizzgig]

25. i'm more appalled that her ob didn't catch the problem right away

and i would be raising hell with the hospital over the screw up...on top of everything else, she's also very worried about money. she was put on bed rest and her short term disability, after taxes, is only about 40 percent of her salary and they've got a growing stack of medical bills :(

thanks for the hugs

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

26. What a sad story

It will probably take her quite some time to heal emotionally - how cold of her in-laws to say that to her. Sending lots of good vibes her way.

[fizzgig]

27. thank you

[applegrove]

28. You are a good friend. Keep holding her hand.

[fizzgig]

30. thank you and i will

[Bullwinkle925]

29. absolutely - good thoughts i am a-thinkin' for her! . . .

and - how rude of anyone to tell her when she should *be over it*! we all have our own personal timetables when it comes to grieving!!!!!!

give her a :hug: from me!!

[fizzgig]

31. thank you

[Danger Mouse]

32. ....

:hug: for both of you

[fizzgig]

33. thank you

:hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

34. I'm so sorry kagehime

:hug:

[fizzgig]

35. thanks, philboy

she looked so tired and drawn when i saw her earlier today, it's just breaking my heart

:hug:

[noel711]

36. She is going thru a grief process....

This is normal... sort of.

She needs to work thru this... and it's hard, I know, I've been there...

She might see her doctor, because she might need meds to take the edge
off the emotional lows.. having a miscarriage is kinda like losing a baby.
Especially if she was trying to have a child, and this was a serious loss.

Pay no attention to meddling in-laws.. there's no way to rush thru grief.

Or, if she has a pastor, she might benefit from some conversation.

don't try to rush her thru this.. living with the pain can be part
of the healing... she needs your friendship and your support.

You are a wonderful friend.

[shaniqua6392]

37. She must be allowed to grieve.

It is terrible to lose a baby that you have felt growing inside of you. I know that pain. It sounds like you are doing all of the right things. She is lucky to have you. Tell her not to worry about what others say she should or should not do. We all grieve in our own ways. It is a death and it will take time to feel better. But, for some reason, people think you should get over it quick and try to have another baby right away. Tell her to take all the time she needs. My thoughts and prayers go out to her.

[Skittles]

38. her in-laws need a serious ass-kicking

yes

[SallyMander]

39. You sound like an amazing friend

and she's lucky to have you around :hug:

[Generic Brad]

41. My relatives told my wife the same thing under similar circumstances

Fact is, some people will never ever get over it nor should they be expected to. We all grieve in our own way.

You sound like a good friend who is sensitive to your friends feelings. She is fortunate to have someone around her who understands what she is going through.