I am stuck in porno hell......

[malta blue]

:banghead::banghead::banghead:

Some of you know that my job entails me doing research on adult film stars. Well, lately, we have had a plethora of names come across our desks and I must say, I am so tired of looking at body parts I could just die :puke:

For example, I had to verify that Steve St. Croix actually appeared in 925 films during his 15 year career :puke:

So please, entertain me for the last hour I have to be here.....

[zanne]

1. How many showers do you have to take every day?

As far as your work is concerned, I guess somebody has to do it!

[malta blue]

4. If you must know - at least 2....

but there are some things you just can't "unsee"

:hi:

[Fox Mulder]

2. I'll take your job.

:D

[malta blue]

5. You would hate it....

It would kill your affection for anything porn.

[Fox Mulder]

8. We'll have to see about that.

:evilgrin:

[malta blue]

9. LOL

:rofl:

My husband thinks this is great. He LURVS to tell his friends that his wife surfs porn at work.....

[Jamastiene]

79. You got there first.

I'm waiting in line behind you for when the job becomes available. :evilgrin:

[Jamastiene]

78. Try me.

I can't get enough porn. It's impossible.

[edbermac]

3. 925 films? How many Oscars has he won?

:7

[malta blue]

7. CALL CONGRESS RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!11!!

This is HUGH!!11!!

Not a single Oscar to his credit - he was robbed I tell ya, ROBBED....

:rofl:

[NightWatcher]

6. what is the best porn name you have seen

my fav porn movie title was "When Harry Wet Sally". I used to work at a video store and between that and "Forrest Hump" we used to mock the renters.

[malta blue]

11. There are some really funny ones out there....

The title Forrest Hump made me laugh the first time I saw it too.....

One of the ones I came across today was "Generally Horny Hospital" which I thought was quite amusing.

Most of them are rather graphic and I would rather not post them :blush:

On edit: My favorite performer name is "Crayola Blue" :rofl:

[SCantiGOP]

26. On Golden Blonde

or Rambone

[malta blue]

28. Today's winner so far is:

Innocent Until Proven Filthy....

:rofl:

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

37. Splender in the Ass

I love titles like that. Deep down, I'm really only fifteen years old...

[malta blue]

38. Maid to be Laid.....

I had to chuckle at that one....

I suppose if I did not have a sense of humor, I would be one bitter woman having to deal with so many booties all day long.....

[Cabcere]

44. My freshman hallmates decided to rent a porno for one girl's 18th birthday

just for the heck of it, I guess...anyway, I was out of town so I missed out on the action, so to speak, and I'm kind of glad. Apparently the movie was called "Hung Wankenstein," and they were all pretty much scarred for life...yeah.

[datasuspect]

47. "Much Ado About Fucking"

"Shaving Ryan's Privates"

[ironflange]

49. Shaving Ryan's Privates

I love that one. Not one, but two with that title, though one is a documentary.

[Wetzelbill]

58. Up and Cummers

:rofl:

[Call Me Wesley]

10. Oh, this is you????

:rofl:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylRbo7WidLA

[malta blue]

13. OMG

"penis de milo"

That is too funny.

Oh, and BTW - I have a much better wardrobe than she does.... :rofl:

[Call Me Wesley]

14. Yeah, but can you type so fast

and stamp this well? :P

:hi:

[malta blue]

16. Ronald McFondled......

:rofl:

I have never used a stamp, but I can certainly type fast.

[GreenPartyVoter]

12. Well, that's a kinda weird job to have. I feel for ya! *hugs*

[malta blue]

15. Thankfully it is not all porn all the time....

This summer has been dubbed the "Summer of Porn" though, we have tons of names to sort through in our database......

[GreenPartyVoter]

17. Whate the heck kind of databse needs to know this junk??

[malta blue]

18. A database that provides media information....nt

[GreenPartyVoter]

19. Well, here's hoping the summer of porn turns out to be a 3 minute job. :^P

[malta blue]

21. ...

:spray:

We are two weeks into the "summer of porn" and it does not look like it will end anytime soon.

Who knew there were over 30 women who called themselves "Candy?" :shrug:

[Parche]

20. Come Here

Did I mention 'how long I was' waiting for you to finish that project of yours, of course
this report did 'not come' up at the 'sperm' of the moment, rather it has been quite a while.
You should remain 'erect' at your desk and fully awake, either at your apartment, house
or 'condom'inium, keep your cool and remain sane, and never get 'teste' with other people that
might interupt you. Maybe a few of us here would like to read your report,throw us a 'bone r'eally that might help, as we dont want you to 'blow, jobs' like this dont 'cum' around too often
We are glad you are in a great mood, and never get too 'anal' with us.
You are very nice, and are never a mean 'prick' when you post
We are all here for you at DU, keep us a'breast' of the situation


I hope this post helps you keep your mind off of your work
:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:
:popcorn: :hide:
:hi:

[malta blue]

23. Bwaaaahhhh

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


Thank you. Thank you so very much.

:hi:

[Oeditpus Rex]

22. I once considered a part-time job

writing blurbs for porn DVDs.

The deal was something like this: You'd get a password for a web site to download and watch three movies per day, three days a week, and write like a 100-word preview of each and get something like $20 per. Good pocket money, but I thought about it and realized that watching that much porn, and not necessarily in a genre I like, because it's my freaking job would get old pretty quick.



Would've been fun to go on "What's My Line," though. :D

[malta blue]

24. The guy here who has to write the blurbs blushes

every time I ask him about a certain performer. He said it's so old hat by now, he doesn't even pay attention anymore.

on edit: we don't watch the films - just do research on them....

[Rhiannon12866]

25. I used to have to do porno, too...

When I did the monthly cable channels and the networks for the satellite guides, but I made my partner take the porno ones. He did "kids" and "porno," while I did religion and sports (he was hopeless on sports, LOL). :D

But when they broke up our little department and I went to the networks, I had to take a few of the cables with me and one of them was American EXXXtasy. *sigh* I've since read that they were forced out of business...:shrug:

But I have to tell you, I really didn't mind it because they never signed on until 10pm, so it was short, and I didn't even have to write the movie descriptions; the movie editor did that. ;)

And they were one of my nicest contacts, them and EWTN, LOL. The guy was a lot of laughs. When I'd call and tell him that we still didn't have a movie for Thursday night, he'd say that they'd just have to run out and film something in somebody's garage...:rofl:

One time, when I was on vacation, somebody else did it for me, probably also somebody you know. ;) But she made a serious error with the movie codes, scheduled a "four-beller," as my Dad used to call them. She put in "Hannah and Her Sisters!" It was supposed to be "Hannah Does Her Sisters!" Oops!:rofl:

And I never did have to look at pictures. My sympathies are with you...x( :pals:

[malta blue]

27. LOL...

I am still in porno hell....

It is an all-day affair with this database cleanup that I am working on.

Today I am weeding through the numerous women who have called themselves "Nicole" or derivations thereof.... Nikki, Niki, Nichole, Nicolett, you get the point :rofl:

I can't believe this thread resurfaced..... :blush:

[DS1]

31. Nici Sterling and Nikki Sterling are the same person

you're welcome

[malta blue]

32. grazie....

:rofl:

She is also known as:

Nici Norman
Nicy Teen
Nicky Teen


:rofl:

[DS1]

33. heh

forgot the Nicky Teen one

I like her hair :blush:

[malta blue]

34. It's so unique

:rofl:

[ghostsofgiants]

51. Dude...

You sig graphic is amazing.

[DS1]

52. ahh, thanks

here

[Rhiannon12866]

41. It's my fault that your thread resurfaced...

Since you're on my buddy list, I saw it, and I could identify with what you have to do, though I didn't have to view the pix, just schedule the movies. When my male partner used to call them, they'd try to sell him "edible underwear," but they were always decent to me...:shrug:

And I do remember some of the names, but more of the movie titles. "Hot and Saucy Pizza Girls" and "Yank My Doodle, It's a Dandy" come to mind...x(

[malta blue]

42. LOL - I am researching "Finding Tushyland"

right now

:rofl:

[Rhiannon12866]

46. Dear God, that was worse than what I had to deal with...

Back in the day, they at least tried to be somewhat clever, then again, maybe not...x(

[YDogg]

55. Hannah and Her Blisters?

:shrug:

[LibraLiz1973]

29. I have an old high school friend who as a porn star

She disappeared off the radar into porn and I haven't seen or heard from her since.
I always wonder how she's doing and if she survived.


It's some fucking crazy career. Sad

[malta blue]

30. It can be a really bizarre world....

I am amazed at how many young women are from Hungary, or Eastern Bloc countries.....

[JanMichael]

39. Welcome to Capitalism - now take your clothes off.

Nice, eh?

[malta blue]

40. really nice....

I wonder if they knew what they were getting into or if they were "mail-order brides"

:shrug:

[Rhiannon12866]

69. They knew what they were getting into,

according to my therapist, but that doesn't make it any better. They came here to "work." x(

[malta blue]

71. pffft...

:hug:

I just wanted to say hi....

You want to meet up this sunday or something? Little MB and I are going to her summer camp open house on Sat and she has a piano lesson at 1 on Sunday afternoon - but we can get together at some point :hi:

[Rhiannon12866]

82. Thanks, my friend. I'll see what I'm up to...

CH's brother and SIL are expected on Thursday and plan to stay through the weekend, probably with their dog, a springer spaniel who I gave his SIL advice about, for taking the dog traveling. She is apparently quite nervous and they have a camper. But the weather is supposed to be crappy. He's spent the last three weekends cleaning his boat, supposedly for their arrival, since his brother is an aficionado of boats, but I was not invited, though I offered to help. It's a crap shoot whether I'll be invited this weekend. I met them at Easter and they seemed to like me, and Jack's always a hit, but who knows? I don't...:shrug:;(

But I definitely still want to get together, no matter what happens. A play date and lots of running around (Jack, not me... LOL.) would definitely help me. I'm hoping think that Egypt might entertain Jack, and vice-versa, since they're both still puppies. *sigh*:D

[Wetzelbill]

56. outsourcing, they are taking jobs from good young horned up American girls

Bush will stop at nothing to destroy this country's economy. :)

[arcadian]

35. Keep an eye out for Miss Jones

[malta blue]

36. will do....

and welcome to DU :hi:

[DarkTirade]

43. If you really want to find something to laugh at...

watch a sex scene on fast forward. :P 4-8 times regular speed is the funniest.

[redwitch]

45. Couldn't they have given the porn search to someone who likes it?

Yuck.


:hi:


Happy Mother's Day in advance!

[Rhiannon12866]

48. Would they employ someone who likes it? LOL.

Then again, they did, but he's moved on... You don't get a lot of choices when it comes to this stuff, since I did everything I could to avoid it, as well, but the porno folks were very nice to me, LOL. But I agree with the "yuck!" Nice to see you, neighbor... :hi:

[redwitch]

50. Hey there!

Do we have a DU porn forum???? :-)

[malta blue]

53. nooooooooooo

I will not let this be reason for a DU porn forum :P

[redwitch]

54. Sorry! You wanted this thread to die and it refuses!

I was in your neck of the woods the other day looking for flagstone for the yard. Saw that little tea room in Ballston, is it any good? We girls could get together for afternoon tea and talk about anything but porn. :-)

[Rhiannon12866]

61. That would be very cool and I'm kicking this thread. Sorry, LOL.

I think that the place you meant is this one. I've never been there, but I've read about it. I'd have to Google the directions, though, since the only places I've been to in this lovely burg are the auto dealership, the dog groomer and Price Chopper...:shrug:

http://www.thewhistlingkettle.com/our_store

[redwitch]

68. It looks nice.

And it is very easy to find. Let's work out the details for a date in June.
They have cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches, yum!

[Rhiannon12866]

75. I could go for that, though I'm not into tea.

But the sandwiches sound awesome, and I'm not hard to please, given great company... :-)

[malta blue]

64. I have not been to the tea room yet....

:blush:

We could meet there - it might be less crowded :P

Have a great Mother's Day...

[orleans]

59. my best friend has to write reviews for gay porn films

sometimes, when we're on the phone, he'll say he has to go watch __ __ __ (names a porn title) and i'll just laugh (thankful i don't have to watch them)

on edit: i'm not into porn

[Rhiannon12866]

60. Apparently so, but I didn't start it...

How many do we need to start a forum here? ;) :rofl:

[Wetzelbill]

57. He should have been nominated for The Asian Show or Rawhide

what a ripoff. The Academy has no shame at all.

[Kat45]

62. I'm not among the "some of you [who] know"

So I have to ask, what is your job? Where do you work (not the specific place but the kind of place)? Enquiring minds want to know. :-)

[Rhiannon12866]

63. The company provides TV listings for newspapers and periodicals

in the U.S., Canada, and, increasingly, throughout the world... :-)

[Teaser]

65. need some help?

.

[malta blue]

66. LOL...

thankfully I will have had two days of "non-porn" hell before going back into the trenches tomorrow.

:hi:

[old mark]

67. My mom worked in a candy store...

...on her first job, and they told her to eat as much candy as she wanted.
After a few days, she couldn't stand it any more.

How has this affected your sex?

mark

[Rhiannon12866]

70. I worked in a candy store, too...

But the overpowering smell of chocolate totally turned me off candy. It's not quite the same, but I'm not into porn, either, having been forced to work with scheduling the movies, as well... :shrug:

[malta blue]

72. we managed to keep this thread going without

being locked so far....

:hi:

Thankfully I don't have to "watch" the movies, just surf the net for information - some websites give me more images than I care for, particularly at 7am, but c'est la vie...

[Jamastiene]

81. I'm here now.

That'll change soon, because for some odd reason, I am the official biggest Pervert around and don't know when to quit. :evilgrin:

P.S. Is it against the rules to PM links?

[QueenOfCalifornia]

73. I totally understand

I used to do hair and makeup plus make travel arrangements as well as travel with a Penthouse photographer. I have seen stuff up close that no one needs to see unless they are delivering a baby or performing surgery. I have seen enough porno to last 20 lifetimes. I have met adult entertainers of all kinds and have been surprised by some since a few were really smart and funny while most just made me want to drink myself into a stupor while they talked about themselves endlessly.:eyes:

I have managed to block a lot of it out but some images will never go away.

I was trapped in a hotel with Ron Jeremy for a weekend and had to witness him having sex with Nina Hartley live - They just seemed to want to do this until they were close to death... So, you have a friend in me.

[malta blue]

74. YAY - another soul who can sympathize

with me :hi:

Rhiannon12866 used to work for the same company I do, and she dealt with some of it, but not to the extent I do.

Your story about Ron Jeremy and Nina Hartley is too funny - sick but funny.

[Jamastiene]

80. "They just seemed to want to do this until they were close to death"

*sigh* Some people have ALL the luck.

[Schema Thing]

76. Ah hah! That's why "Malta Blue" sounds so familiar!

:dunce:




:hide:

[Jamastiene]

77. How the HELL did you get that job?

I am soooo jealous right about now. Adopt me. I'll help out. Please...........