Ahhh...Family...

[Pierre.Suave]

I am hiding in my new media room.

I think I have had enough.

You would think that putting myself through a top 10 (public and private) school on an academic scholarship...

being accepted to the 13th ranked school (tied with Harvard Med School) for Med School...

being financially secure...

being an adult and not leeching off my parents...

and being an all around awesome person to have as a son...

Would be enough...

but apparently, it isnt.

yes, I am 31 and not done with school...

yes, I went to school for something else, before changing my mind and needing to take 1 year to fulfill the pre-reqs for med school...

yes, I did not even go to school until I was done being a ski instructor out west...

yes, I am living with my Fiance and we are not yet married...

yes, we sleep in the same bed...

yes I know all my siblings are married and have families, went to college (st thomas and St bens :eyes:) right after high school, have careers, etc...

yes I know I went to just a State School :eyes: The Fucking University of Michigan for crying out loud! definitely in the top 5 of state schools nationwide.

I know all that, so why do I need to be put down for it?

So, my house isn't very big, the weather is nice, we can go outside to celebrate...

I always thought that size was a bad determinant for a home anyway, I thought things like love and peace, etc.. were a better measure of a home.

Why did I choose to celebrate Mothers Day here at my house? :eyes:

Sometimes my parents and siblings are not that nice.

I swear to god, if they put down my Fiance just once MORE, I am kicking them out and telling them they cant come back until they decide to be nice.

[eyesroll]

1. I have a hard time getting along with people who think they're better than everyone.

Perhaps your family has that same problem.

[Pierre.Suave]

2. It just seems that no matter what

I will never do anything that is good enough for them. I am about to give up caring and tell them to fuck off.

[PeaceNikki]

15. .

:rofl:

[Pierre.Suave]

19. Edit.

nevermind, I got it...

[Pierre.Suave]

20. Do you have something to say?

Say it.

[eyesroll]

25. I think I did.

:shrug:

[Pierre.Suave]

30. Maybe you should keep it to yourself

[Pierre.Suave]

3. Oh, and dont let me forget...

How in the hell could I have ever joined the Marines... :eyes:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. Nobody can make you feel worse than your own family.

Sorry your folks are being asshats -- on Mother's Day, no less. I hope they weren't being rude to your fiancee to her face.

My ex-mother-in-law was not very nice to me, either, but it was in a sneaky, passive-aggressive way. Like giving me dish towels for Christmas (*cough cough* lousy housekeeper career woman *cough cough*). You never forget shit like that.

[Pierre.Suave]

8. You want to know what my mom said to her and me?

We were sitting at the table, eating lunch. Everyone was outside, some were at the table, others were mingling.

Anyway, she said, to me, with my Fiance sitting right next to me, "What is wrong with girls from St Bens?", then she laughed a bit...

I damn near said, I can't stand the stuck up bitches, but I held my tongue. I could not believe she said that.

My fiance also went to the University of Michigan. On a damned Academic scholarship. She worked hard, her parents were not able to afford to send her there. It is the MOST expensive public school in the country for out-of-state students.

I am very proud of her for what she has accomplished. She does not deserve to be put down for working her ass off like she has.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. The implication being that you really should be dating a St. Ben's girl

instead of some unwashed peasant who went to a (sneer) public university? To say that at all, and especially in front of her, really was rude. Your fiancee will remember it, too, just like I still remember those damn dish towels. I'm sorry your mom is a snob.

[Pierre.Suave]

10. yeah, she is

She went to St Bens and has tried many times unsuccessfully to "hook me up" with girls from St Bens.

I gripped my Fiances hand and gave her a look to keep her quiet. She is a great girl, but I KNEW she was about to reply...:P

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

11. I've known a number of St. Ben's grads,

and frankly, they're not all that. It's a reasonably good school, but it ain't Harvard. Or even the University of Michigan, actually.

[Pierre.Suave]

12. I know.

Thats what I just told my mom...

[Blue Diadem]

26. You should have asked her what she meant by that.

It would throw the ball back at her and maybe make her think about what she's doing.

I'm really sorry you and your fiance had to listen to that. I had a MIL that was always making back handed compliments and insults toward my DH and me. We eventually drifted away..she never understood why.

[Pierre.Suave]

36. That would have been a good thing to say.

Too bad we never think of those things at the right time...

[Flaxbee]

5. it is your home, and your life that you are choosing to spend with your fiance.

Really, if I were you, I'd sit them all down and say "If you can't say something nice and behave yourselves, leave. Just because we're family does not mean we will accept insults, put-downs, and abuse." Then tell them what they've said that has been horrid.

It will be very liberating. I've had to draw the line a few times myself, and it has felt wonderful. You really don't have to take anyone's crap, especially not your family's.

I'm sorry your day has turned out like this, after you opened your home to them.

[Pierre.Suave]

13. Well, I think that is exactly what just happened...

I had enough, and was sick of hearing it all...

We had some words, and they decided to leave. Everyone went with them.

now I spend the rest of my night making my Fiance feel better.

...

[TZ]

6. I am not on speaking terms with the majority

of my family in this area.
Sometimes you just have to distance yourself from relatives. If they think that little of you, why should you put up with it?
Seriously, the stress of dealing with my relatives made me ill. My health has improved somewhat by distancing myself.

[Pierre.Suave]

23. I wish you more good health...

and :hug:s for you as well!

[lunatica]

7. That's why I don't do Mother's Day...

Or Christmas, Thanksgiving or Easter. And I also don't do birthdays. First, it's a torture that our society seems to want to turn into some pleasure ridden fairytale in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. Second it's a corporate induced guilt trip. If you don't give presents or tell your mother and other family members that you love them on this ONE DAY OF THE YEAR WHEN CORPORATE FASCISM CAN RAKE IN MONEY HAND OVER FISTS by making you feel that no matter how much you do for them or love them all the rest of the year, you will actually show how much of a shit you are to your family.

By the way, I stopped doing all this when I was a mother. I found out that sainthood and motherhood are NOT SYNONYMOUS OR INTERCHANGEABLE. That making your family responsible for your feelings on Mother's day or your stupid birthday is cruel and unusual punishment. I announced that I expected no presents, flowers or anything else. I would much rather be treated well and thanked for what I do throughout the year. It's all artificial and commercial. I simply said no to the fakery of all of it.

Love and gratitude and warm feelings aren't a commercial enterprise nor a mandate to spend money or even to get together and more often than not fight. Mothers should basically tell the corporations where to stick it and start a revolution of commercial liberation!

x(

And if you have a dysfunctional family that fights at the drop of a hat all the more reason to do away with these 'family' holidays.

edited to add the last sentence. Dysfunctional families deserve consideration too.

[khashka]

14. Family can suck

My mom called me up one day and before even saying hello she said "Your problem is you hate women."
Uh, no. I'm a feminist. I'm just gay.
Then she did the same thing only this time it was "Why are you a Satanist". I'm Wiccan.

Arrrgh!

Khash.

[Pierre.Suave]

17. Thats terrible

:hug: for you.

[Hobarticus]

16. Family is what you make of it...

And if it needs to come down to just you and your fiancee, then so be it.

No one has a right to treat you that way in your home.

And no one has a right to treat your fiancee that way in HER home, either.

Take a deep breath, and good luck to you today.

[Pierre.Suave]

18. You are right...

NO one has a right to treat her that way in HER home.

I should call them up and let them know that!

[TZ]

21. No don't do that...!

Trust me that doesn't work! I bet they will not want to hear the truth about them being rude and snobby..It will just make things worse.....

[Pierre.Suave]

22. it is too late...

we already had that talk, it is what made them decide to leave.

But they need to know that this is HER home as well. I was so pissed, I forgot to mention that.

[Hobarticus]

28. Remember "my house, my rules"? Now, it's YOUR house, YOUR rules....

And now your family needs to know that one of your rules are, they mind their goddamned manners, or just don't bother coming over.

Seriously, it's one thing to be creepy to you, but to be so boorish to your fiancee is obnoxious and rude, and she shouldn't have to put up with that. It's not her place to tell your family off, so you've done the right thing, on so many levels, by standing up for her.

My take is, the reason they do what they do is they simply don't respect you, your fiancee, or your home. And now that you've laid down the law and let them know exactly where your boundaries are, I'd wager their attitudes may change.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

:evilgrin:

[Pierre.Suave]

35. I dont know how many opportunities

they will have to show me their attitudes have changed. I am in no mood to see them any time soon.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

24. Do it.

Do not allow your fiance to be put down by these people. Better yet, do not let yourself be put down by these people. You are a wonderful son. Hell, you don't measure success by how fast you get there, but rather where you end up. As long as you end up in a place that makes you happy, what the fuck does it matter? Family is the bane of my existence right now. My family that is. When I landed my husband, they said, "How in the world did Melissa find a husband so attractive?" They were so surprised. It was a little hurtful, actually, and I really don't like most of them anymore. And my mother bitched and moaned and acted like I was the fucking plague until I got a job and moved over an hour away. Now if I don't go over there once a month, she bitches and moans. Believe me, I feel for you, and I know exactly what you're going through. Family sucks, stand up to them, and I promise your life will be much more peaceful.
Duckie

[TK421]

27. First time they put down your fiance, they need to go IMHO

taking from that, they don't respect your choice, but that is just my opinion

[Zuiderelle]

29. I had a girlfriend once who let her folks put me down. She wasn't my girlfriend long.

I don't know why you'd let them put her down more than once.

[Pierre.Suave]

31. because its family...

I told them what I needed to. It is done.

[Zuiderelle]

32. I hope they listened and won't do it again.

Good luck.

[Pierre.Suave]

33. I wont let them do it again

[Zuiderelle]

34. Well good.

That's as it should be.

[Pierre.Suave]

37. Here is a link, just for them...

if they happen to be reading this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlS3twJWYSc&feature=related